Josh
November 29th, 2007. 9:37 p.m. Beach.
I wiggle my little bag full of green goodness for all to see. I’m getting hungry just looking at it. Ya boy’s gonna be sleeping well tonight. Unfortunately, not everyone seems enthusiastic. Yuko and Angela are gazing at it like dogs sizing up a steak. Vivian looks like she’s considering. Janelle and Will turn their noses up like the little puritans they are. Sejong peers at it with keen interest.
A.D. simply stretches back and smiles. “Cop’s coming.”
“What?”
“Cop’s coming.” A.D. suppresses his laughter.
I pull my pants open and stuff that bag nice and snug under my balls. The perfect hiding spot. There’s no way that pig’s gonna look there. If he did, that’d be gay.
“Howdy, kids.” The officer greets us. All of us turn to face the officer. Kind of a chubby dude. Thick mustache. Wearing his sunglasses even though it’s nine at night. Hairy-ass arms. Looks like Ned Flanders if he did gay porn. “Is everyone here having safe and legal fun?”
“Yes sir.” Yuko, Angela, and Vivian all respond instantly.
“I… see.” He adjusts his hat. “Well I’m just here to inform you that the beach is closing up soon. Do you kids all have a place to stay?”
“Yes sir.” Will nods.
“Good to hear.” The officer smiles. “Just make sure you all pick up your trash and we won’t have any problems. Capiche?”
“Capiche.” Sejong smiles and puts her bag of chips in a nearby trash bag.
“Attagirl.” The officer shoots us a thumbs up. “Say, um. This might be a weird question, but can any of you make any flowers? I had to work late tonight and it’s our anniversary.”
All of us reply with some variation of ‘nope’.
“Blast it…” the man sighs. “Thanks anyway, children. Get home safe, you hear?”
“Hold it.” Will stops the officer, reaches into the ice chest,
The officer points his arm towards Will and lightning starts to arc out of it. “Consider your next move wisely.”
“I know. I know.” Will smiles at the officer and pulls his hand out of the ice chest slowly. “Please relax, sir.” he pulls a frozen steak out of the ice chest and slowly presents it to the officer.
“What is this?” The officer lowers his arm, but I can still see little sparks fly off his fingertips. I wanna gut this pig so bad.
“That’s a steak from my father’s ranch.” Will slaps the steak and rubs some ice off it. “100% premium texas beef. Already seasoned too. Just slap that baby on the grill, get some mashed potatoes and gravy, and you’ll have a wonderful dinner for your wife in no time flat.”
The pig looks down at the chunk of frozen beef. I can see a little tear fall from under his sunglasses. “Mamma mia… This is amazing. Thank you, young man.” he looks down at Will and shakes his hand. “I won’t forget your kindness.” He starts running away. “You kids behave alright? Get home safe!” The pig returns from whence he came and we’re back alone.
I free the baggie out from my ballsack and hold it firmly in my hand. “Good idea bribing the cops. That went way smoother than any time I try to do it.”
“Bribing?” Will looks like I just called his mother a whore. “I didn’t bribe him. I helped him out.”
“Why?”
A.D. interrupts him. “Because that’s what heroes do, right?”
“Something like that.” Will smiles.
“Yeeeeah buddy.” A.D. presents his fist to Will.
“Uhhh… like this?” Will fist bumps A.D.
“Yeah!” A.D. does a pose out of a kid’s cartoon show. “Justice brothers!”
“You guys are narcs…” Angela laughs like a deflating balloon.
“You three ain’t gonna snitch us out are you?” Yuko glares at the goodie goodies.
“I’m… in no position to snitch.” Will shakes his head.
“Snitching on recreational drug use is not justice!” A.D. continues flexing and smiling like an idiot.
“Best thing I can do is be an angel of life.” Janelle sighs. “If any of you OD, I’m killing you.”
“That’s what I like to hear.” I stuff the baggie in my pocket and stand up. “Aight. We ready to pack up?”
Everyone agrees and starts packing up.
“Ey, Vivian.” I tuck the umbrellas away and heft them over my shoulder. “You still got the key right?”
“Yeup.” Vivian pulls the key out of her swimsuit top. “Su- Headmaster’s cabin is over there.” She points out to the row of expensive-looking beach houses.
“Wanna be a little more specific?”
“It’s the one with the stacked blue mermaid mural on the side. You’ll know it when you see it.”
Yuko
November 29th, 2007. 9:56 p.m. Beach. Walking down the houses. Everyone’s heading in for the night. People drunk off their asses are trying to shower the sand off of them, people fill the beachside pubs and cheer way too loudly for the sports being played on tv. I haven’t been to this beach in ten years. It looks the same. Same sand. Same houses. Same people. Yet it feels so… different. I’m actually having fun. I don’t have to sit around and wait for my mom’s photoshoots to end. I don’t have to play nice with my mom’s friends’ kids. I don’t have to wear that stupid expensive sundress that stains if you even get a single spec of sand on it- why the hell would anyone buy that, mom!?
Regardless. The beach was fun for once. Finally. I’m not sure if it’s the buzz or the kebabs or my friends, but I’m happy. If this just kept going like this, that’d be cool. Don’t cry now. You’d look like a huge jackass. Save it for later. Save it for Vivian. You won’t look like a jackass then.
We’ve passed about forty houses and Viv halts us. She points to the left to this blue house with some stark white furniture out in front of it with some cactus plants around the wall. The paint’s a dark blue, but even in the darkness, I can see a mermaid with her tits out. Geez… they’re bigger than mine. She looks like she’s having a hell of a good time though.
“Here we are. Casa de la Headmaster.” Vivian shoves the key into the fence’s keyhole, turns, and lets us in.
“Please don’t ever try to speak Spanish again.” Will groans and coughs. “That was painful.”
“Oh like you’re any authority on that, gringo.” Josh cackles.
“Cállate de una puta vez.” Will replies.
All of us stop dead in our tracks. Did some ghost just possess Will or something?
“Alright.” Josh shrugs his shoulders and laughs. “Sorry man. I didn’t know.”
“My last name is Cruz!” Will laughs.
Vivian pulls the backdoor open and lets us in. “If anyone else wants to be stupid, be stupid inside.”
“You’re up first, buddy.” Angela pushes Josh in.
The rest of us follow in and are hit with some sick air conditioning. This place is swanky. Hella swanky. The walls have painted beach murals with adorable little dolphins breaching out of the water. There’s seashells taped to the ceiling fan in the center of the room. There’s this big-ass blue sofa in the middle of the room that looks like some weird threeway between a pillow pit, a bed, and a sofa. Looks big enough for the entire group to sleep in with some room to spare. Not that I would like that. It’d get all hot and smelly. People could snore. And hug you… and warm you up. Moving on. There’s a small kitchen off to the left. Standard stove, pantries, and fridge… but there’s a second fridge next to the big fridge. It’s a small fridge dedicated to storing wine. I’m not exaggerating. I pop that bad boy open and see wine bottles dating back to the 1700s. Damn… I bet Vivian could spout some cool facts about these years. I’d pop a bottle open right now if there wasn’t a note taped to the countertop saying, “I have cameras. I’ll know if you steal anything.” I decide to close the wine fridge and keep looking around. Good booze ain’t worth pissing that bitch off.
Back to the tour. Huge TV on the left wall. Big bookcase stretching from wall to wall behind the sofabed. Looks freshly cleaned. Looks like a lot of political treatises, psychology manuals, history books, and military tactics. Kinda reminds me of my sister’s bookshelf. Wonder how she’s doing right now… No you don’t. Shut up. If she won’t message you back, there’s no reason to care about her. Wait a sec… I kneel down to the bottom right corner of the bookshelf and see three black books stashed away into the corner. I manage to pry them out. One of them says ‘Twilight’. One says ‘New Moon’. One says ‘Eclipse’. Oh. My. God. I take back everything I ever said. Headmaster’s not a bitch. She’s the bitch. Oooooh my god I wanna talk to her about these… Later. Later. I stuff the books back where I found them, turn around, and look right into a little hallway. In front of me’s the front door. To the right is a petite, but absurdly clean bathroom, and to the left is the staircase to the second floor.
Up the stairs I go. Damn… these are the fuzziest stairs I’ve ever climbed. It’s like if grass wasn’t disgusting. All that’s up there is a master bedroom. Big red bed that stretches from wall to wall, seahorse lamp by the bedside, a little balcony that stares out at the beach, and a big bathroom adjacent to it. Huge bathtub, fancy-ass shower, and a sink with a small collection of dolphin figurines and plushies on the side. The entire place is fancy. Well, fancy’s kinda subjective. I’m sure it's fancy to Vivian and Angela, but I feel right at home here. Hell if anything, this is the low end of what my family would consider inhabitable. Sucks for them. They’re missing out. Even when all the doors and windows are closed and my crew’s being noisy downstairs, I can still hear the ocean whispering to me. I close my eyes and just let the sound wash over me. I feel like I’m being dragged in just by listening… but it’s not scary in the slightest. It sounds like a hug. I know that sounds sappy, but… it sounds sappy.
“Yuko!” Josh calls me. “Get down here! Sejong’s making kimchi!”
Wait. Kimchi?
“Yeah!” Viv follows up. “Get your big butt down here!”
“Coming!” I leave the master bedroom and head downstairs.
I can’t believe I called them my crew… I’m so sappy…
Janelle
November 29th, 2007. 10:34 p.m. Beach house.
Everyone looks happy for once. Yuko and Vivian are just chilling next to me and Will on the bed pit. Angela’s giving a little Twilight lecture to Josh and A.D. by the bookshelf. Will’s watching some baseball game. I’m just cuddling up in his arms. Everything’s fine.
“Hey, Josh?” Sejong wipes her forehead and has some green onion shavings in her hair. “Can you call Headmaster to see if we could use her ginger?”
“Wait… Ginger?” I look at Sejong. “I thought you were making drug brownies.”
Sejong and Josh look at me like I just insulted their ancestors.
“Why… Why would I make drug brownies?” Sejong puts a big bowl of kimchi on the stove. “I just wanted to make some kimchi for you all.”
“Then why was Josh being all cheeky about the stuff?”
“Because I smuggled the spice in.” Josh cackles.
I just rub my temples and sigh.
“What’s wrong?” Josh smiles. “Disappointed?”
“No.” I glare at them.
Sejong sighs and turns to Vivian. “Vivian, if you do not mind, could you call Headmaster and ask? She seems to tolerate you more.”
“On it.” Vivian takes her phone out of her pocket and calls Headmaster while her head is resting on Yuko’s stomach. “Hey, um. Headmaster. It’s Vivian. Mind if I ask you something?”
Utter carnage fills the room from the other line. Metal screeching, yells and cries of children, and some gunfire violate my ears. I pray the phone’s on speaker…
“Heeey, Vivian.” Headmaster responds in a cheerful tone. “How’s the- GODDAMNIT!-” Headmaster’s voice is cut out by a very loud drill for about three seconds. “Whoo. That was easy. How’s the beach house treating you? I said stay DOWN!” It sounded as if a car was going to come crashing through the phone. Tons of metal screeching against concrete. Sparks flying. Some kind of eldritch screech. Lots of goopy sounds. Lots of goopy sounds. It sounds like spaghetti and slabs of steak being shot out of a giant mustard bottle. “Yeah doesn’t feel so good now, DOES IT!?” Headmaster laughs once more.
“It’s… treating us fine. I really can’t thank you enough.” Vivian’s eyes are as wide as her mouth right now. She looks like she’s unsure if she should laugh, scream, or hang up. “Is it okay if we use some of the ginger in your pantry? We want to make some kimchi.”
A.D. whispers, “Aren’t you going to ask her about th-”
Vivian mouths, “I’m getting to that.”
“Oh, yeah. Totally. Just make sure you clean up after yourselves.” An explosion crackles through the phone.
Sejong goes over to the pantry and adds some ginger to the bowl.
This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
“Thank you. Uh… do you need us to come back? You sound like you’re occupied.”
“Aaaw you’re sweet. There’s no need. I have the situation perfectly under control. Die you bastards, die!” I hear bone and sinew snap on the other end of the line.
“Are you sure?” Vivian asks. “Will and A.D. are looking a little antsy.”
I look up at Will and see him exchange glances with me for a little bit before looking up at the ceiling. I know that look… My arms tighten around him. He’s not going anywhere. He’s done enough. There’s other heroes. I can see his cheeks contort ever so slightly. It’s the same look my little sister used to give my mom when she got caught eating shredded cheese out of the fridge at 2 A.M.
“100%.” Headmaster responds in a tone that is just a tad too cheerful for whatever chaos is occurring on the other end. It’s devoid of any fear or urgency. It’s not human. “Having any of you here would just be a liability. Besides, I got some alumni to help me out here. WOO! Great shot, Meteorman! That’s what I’m TALKING about!”
“The Meteorman!?” A.D. looks like he just saw Santa.
“The one and only.” Headmaster cackles.
“Well I gotta go now!” A.D. starts heading to the door.
“If I see you here, I will expel your ass so fast!”
“B-but Meteorman!” A.D. whines.
“I’ll get you an autograph! Yeah come get some!” I… cannot comprehend the sound the phone just made. There aren't enough words in English or Tagalog to convey that sound. I’m fairly certain it cannot be replicated by humans. I will do my best. It sounded like ‘ptptptptpt shwiiiiing ftftftfphjakalg~” I will have nightmares just imagining what could have produced such a horrific tone.
“Please? I won’t be a burden!” A.D. runs over and snatches the phone from Vivian. “I’ll be a true hero! Trust me!”
“A.D., listen. I’m not even technically allowed to send any of you on missions after that Chicago fiasco. State law says I have to wait thirty days before deploying any student involved in a Class A mission.”
“Aw come on. That wasn’t even a Class A.” A.D. pumps his fist.
“It was retroactively deemed a Class A.” Headmaster spits. “This isn’t open for negotiation. I order all of you to relax and be college students for a weekend.”
“Yeah, A.D.” Yuko smirks. “Listen to Headmaster. She’s got the right idea.”
A.D. sighs deeply and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Can you at least tell us what’s going on?”
“Nope. Have a good weekend.” Some gunshots crackle through the phone line. “Ciao.”
A.D. shakes his head and chucks the phone back to Vivian. “Here.” He rubs his temples. “Sorry for stealing your phone.”
“Don’t worry about it man. We cool.” The phone bonks Vivian on the noggin, but she takes it like a champ, and stores it safely in her pocket.
“You look like you could use some kimchi.” Sejong smiles and finishes adding the final touches.
“I’ll have to decline.” A.D. heads over to the door. “Sorry. I need to take a run.”
Will reaches over and grabs A.D.’s arm. “A.D. Where are you going?”
“I’m just going for a midnight run on the beach. I promise.”
“Don’t BS me, boy.”
“Relax, relax. I’m an awful liar.” A.D. smiles at Will and waves his hand. “Would I lie to you?”
Before Will can retort, Sejong sneaks behind A.D. and pats his shoulder. “I’ll go running with him. I’ll call you guys if he does anything rash.”
“Thank you, Sejong.” I exhale. I didn’t realize just how long I had been holding my breath.
“Sweet.” A.D. shoots Sejong a thumbs up. “Try to keep up.” A.D. bolts out of the door before any of us can say goodbye. Even leaves the door open. Rude.
“Wait! A.D.!” Sejong turns the stove off, puts a fat ladle into the kimchi bowl, and runs out the door.
The beach house is silent for a little while.
“So…” Will points the remote to the T.V. “Mind if I turn on the news?”
“Yes.” I snatch the remote out of his hands, turn the tv off, and chuck the remote across the room. “No news. No TV. We are talking to each other and maybe playing some board games.”
“And getting some good ass kimchi.” Josh cackles and plays with the knife. “Alright, who’s first?”
“Me!” Yuko bolts off the bedpit and books it to the kitchen counter. Vivian somehow manages to stay attached to Yuko like a koala.
“Alright alright.” Josh cracks his knuckles and dumps a fat sack of kimchi onto a plate for Yuko. “Bon appetitty.”
Yuko glares down at the plate. “What kind of pussy do you take me for? Double me up.”
“Have you done this before?”
Yuko glares at Josh. “It’s kimchi. Why are you asking me that?”
“Sejong’s kimchi is different.” Josh points his knife at me. “I don’t want you overdosing.”
“Overdosing?” I get off of Will, head over to the counter, and look at the piece. “Did you put something sus in this kimchi or not!?”
“I didn’t, I swear. Just, Sejong’s kimchi is… different.”
“I don’t care. Give me more.” Yuko narrows her gaze at Josh.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.” Josh shrugs, plops more kimchi onto Yuko’s plate, and hands her a fork.
Yuko looks at the kimchi, then at Josh as if he started speaking in tongues. “Why are you being so weird?” She sticks her fork into the kimchi and pops some into her mouth. Almost immediately, her eyes widen, her jaw tightens and her entire head starts to shake.
“Uh… Yuko? You alright there?” Vivian pokes Yuko’s cheek.
Yuko’s eyes begin to water as her face turns bright red. “AAAAAAAAH!!!” She spits the kimchi out onto her plate, throws the plate onto the counter, and runs out the door with Vivian still wrapped around her. “ATSUI ATSUI ATSUI!!!”
Josh cackles like a madman. “Well? Anyone else hungry?”
“Hell yeah.” Angela steps up to the counter. “Love me some spicy food.” She picks up some kimchi from Yuko’s plate with her bare hand and pops it into her mouth like a piece of popcorn. She chews it for two seconds with a content smile before lurching over and coughing it up onto the floor. “AAAAAAH!!! GGGACCJJJKL!!” She continues yelling and making inhuman noises and begins to cry. “AAAAAAH… HOOOOOOGH…” Angela falls to her knees and reaches for the floor kimchi.
“Angie, stop!” Josh dashes towards her.
“NO!” Angela puts the floor kimchi back in her mouth. “IT’S SO TASTY!!!” She’s wailing like a banshee and her body’s shaking like crazy, but she’s smiling.
“Hmm…” Will smiles and moves to stand up. “I reckon I’d like to try some of this kimchee.”
“Will! Don’t!” I hang onto his arm. “It’s too dangerous!”
“Now now, don’t stress yourself.” Will flashes a brilliant smile at me. “What’s life without a little spice?”
That smile’s enough to make me let go. “Okay… but please, be careful.”
“I shall.” Will struts up to the plate of accursed kimchi, brings a fresh fork from the adjacent drawer, and plunges it into the fiery fermented cabbage from hell. It glows bright orange as if it's been roasted on the surface of the sun… I’m getting acid reflux just looking at it. “Dastardly kimchi… I challenge you.” Will pops it into his mouth and begins chewing.
Josh looks at him with a devilish grin just waiting for Will to freak out.
I just cover my eyes. I can’t bear to see him embarrass himself like this…
Seconds pass, but nothing happens.
“Goodness.” Will hums. “That’s mighty fine.”
I open my eyes and see Will casually eating more and more kimchi. His face hasn’t changed color at all and he’s not crying in the slightest. “Are… are you okay?”
“I’m doing dandy.” Will swallows some and goes for more. “This is delicious.” He smiles and looks at Josh. “Would you like some?”
Josh looks at Will with his mouth open as if Will started eating a live animal. “Nah…” He shakes his head. “I’m good…”
Sejong
November 29th, 2007. 10:42 p.m. I run out and see A.D. running down the street. His form is impeccable. His arms and legs are moving in perfect sync; he almost looks robotic. I stretch out my legs to try and catch up to him, but I can just barely close the distance between us. Why is he trying to be a hero? He could make a comfy living being an athlete or something. A.D. makes a hard left behind a sand dune and runs out to the shore. He just stands there and lets the waves crash over his knees. It looks like he belongs there. The way the moonlight bounces off his silhouette is rather striking… if I had my charcoals, I’d draw this right now.
I catch my breath and eventually catch up to A.D. I stand about six feet behind him because I don’t know how much energy he has. If I spook him, I fear he may hit me with a special move. “Hey… A.D.? What are you doing out here?”
A.D. sniffs, and wipes his face with his forearm. “Hey, Sejong.” He coughs and clears his throat. “I just don’t want to be around drug use.”
“Drug use?” I ask. “What do you mean? Josh just got me some spices.”
A.D. lowers his head and sighs. “... Are you serious?”
“Yes. Would you like to come back?”
“No…” A.D. shakes his head. “I just need to be alone for a bit.”
“That’s understandable.” I sit down on the shore and bury my feet in the sand. “Any particular reason? Do you need to talk about something?”
“Wha? No, no. There’s no tragic backstory behind that or anything.” He chuckles and clears his throat again. “Why are you here? Did my team ask you to keep tabs on me?” A.D. asks while keeping his back to me.
“No.” I shake my head and look up at the moon. “I just wanted to make sure you were safe. Wanted to make sure you weren’t going to go all vigilante mode again.”
A.D. bows his head and presses his palm to his forehead. “Aaw why’d you have to remind me about that?”
“I’m sorry. Is that concern irrational though?”
“Suppose not.” A.D. looks up at the moon and puts his hands on his hips. “That was only like two months ago and all…”
We stay silent for about a minute. A.D.’s still not moving. No matter how many waves crash against him, no matter how many seagulls perch on his head, he stays still. I wasn’t being poetic. While we were saying nothing, a chubby seagull just took a seat right on A.D.’s head. It even tried to pick at his hair a few times.
“Want me to get the seagull off?”
“Please…” A.D. whines.
I stretch my arm and give the seagull a quick slap on the rear. “Shoo! Get out of here!”
“Caw caw!” The seagull caws and flocks off.
A.D.’s back relaxes and he shoots me a thumbs up while keeping his eyes on the ocean. “Thank you…” His voice cracks.
“Are you crying?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” A.D. wipes his forearm against his face again. “Heroes never cry.”
“You really take this hero business seriously, huh?” I sit down and rest my chin on my knees.
“It’s the one thing in this world that should be taken seriously.” A.D. hands curl into fists. “There’s just too much evil in this world to sit back and do nothing… I feel disgusting just standing here... I could be feeding someone right now. I could be prying someone out of a traffic accident. I could be leading an investigation into a corruption scandal… and yet I’m told to just sit back and do nothing? Heroes can’t sit back and watch as people suffer. They take action, and make the world better… no matter what. That’s why they’re heroes.”
“Heroes are people too.” I take a deep breath and let the ocean breeze fill my sinuses. “You can’t be a hero all the time.” I stand up and approach A.D.
“If I’m not improving myself or helping others, what good am I?”
I no longer care if he is going to hit me with a special move. I refuse to hear any more of this. I wrap my arms around his waist and hug him. “A.D. Buddy. You need to stop thinking like this. You aren’t a villain. You aren’t selfish. It’s okay to take it easy. Headmaster has… whatever’s going on over there under control.”
“How do you know that?”
“I don’t.” I dig my chin into his back. “I just believe her and the Alumni will do a good job. There’s other heroes out there, A.D.”
“But there could always be one more…”
“Ngggh! I’ve had enough!” I let go of A.D. and push him forward.
He stumbles forward a little, but catches himself, and looks at me. He’s smiling, but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “Hey, now. What was that for?”
“If you want some hero work so badly…” My hands form into fists and rise in front of my face. They’re trembling, but I can’t look away from A.D. Not now. It’s too late to be a coward. I take whatever battle stance I can muster. “Then help me become a better hero. Th-that is your mission!”
A.D. nods. His cheeks soften as his smile finally reaches his eyes. He gets into what I think is a professional fighting stance and does some cool thing with his hands. “Now you’re speaking my language.” He looks ready to pounce with all the strength of a tiger, but looks as fluid as the ocean around his ankles. Yet I feel no hostility from him… just passion. “Lesson number one… starto!” He throws a punch at my face faster than I can see.
I close my eyes and feel my entire body tense up… but the punch never comes.
“That’s no good.” A.D. chuckles. “You need to keep your eyes open. Even if it hurts others, even if it hurts you, you can’t look away. Got it?”
“Got it. I’ll try harder next time.” I open my eyes and see A.D. pointing right at my forehead.
“Good.” A.D. pokes my forehead before spreading his arms out. “Go on. HIT ME! Show me what I’m working with!” He smiles.
I wind up a punch and hit him with all my might. My fist pulses with pain, but A.D. doesn’t flinch in the slightest.
“Aw c’mon! I know you got more than that! Don’t worry about hurting me! Give it all you got!”
“O-okay!” I keep punching and punching A.D. until my arms get tired. Eventually I just collapse onto the sand and look up at the stars. “How… are you… so sturdy…?”
“Practice.” A.D. looks down at me and offers me his hand. “Now come. Let us jog.”
“Can it wait…?” I beg.
“Nope. The A.D. School of Martial Arts has no brakes!” A.D. picks me up by my arms, hoists me onto his back piggyback style, then proceeds to run down the boardwalk way faster than anyone carrying me should be able to. “LET’S GO!!!”
“Slow down! Please!” I hang on for dear life and start to get nauseous.
“The bumpy ride will build your character and your glutes!!!” A.D. manages to run even faster.
Will
November 29th, 2007. 10:51 p.m. Casa de la Headmaster. I want to say it’s been about ten minutes since everyone’s calmed down since trying Sejong’s kimchi. I’m sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter watching the scene. Vivian’s just lying there still. Super still. Looks like she’s just sinking into the bedpit. She’s not saying anything or doing anything. She’s just looking up at the ceiling with a familiar dumb grin. If I didn’t see her try any of the kimchi when Yuko came back in, I would just assume she was just being herself. Everyone else has pink cheeks and watery eyes.
I wave to Vivian. “Vivian, are you okay? Can you hear us? Are you seeing anything funny?”
“I hear ya.” Vivian raises her thumb to us for a second before her arm collapses and winds up punching herself in the face. “Haha. That should hurt but it doesn’t.”
“Does your heart feel fast or strange at all?” Janelle asks.
“Nah… nah…” Vivian continues to smile. “I feel great… thank you, guys… You guys are- you guys are…” Vivian yawns. “The best.”
“Good to hear.” I nod before turning back to Janelle. “If there really was nothing illegal in that kimchi… why’s Yuko looking like she’s going to piss herself inside out?” Janelle and I look over just to the right of Vivian and see Yuko curled up in a ball. She’s glaring at us and constantly twitching and muttering some nonsense under her breath. I don’t believe she’s blinked for the past five minutes.
“Well…” Janelle sighs. “Maybe she has a kimchi allergy?”
“Screw off.” Yuko barks. “I’m not allergic to nothin’. Quit looking at me like that.”
“You’re the one who's been giving us the stink eye for the past five minutes.”
“I have to… you’ll sacrifice me to the Kimchi Demon when I blink.” Yuko’s pupils tremble.
“Ssshshsshhhh…” Vivian rolls over onto Yuko and lies on top of her like sauce on a rare steak. “Yuko… baby. Honey. My bunbun. My pancake. My-”
Yuko finally blinks and uncurls herself just long enough to latch onto Vivian. Looks like she has her in a heck of a vice grip, but Vivian doesn’t seem to mind. Vivian practically looks boneless at this point. “Don’t… Don’t you join them… Please…”
“I dunno what ya mean… but aight… This… this arrangement’s cool.” Vivian looks up at the ceiling with an agape mouth and glossed over goo goo eyes. I’m just surprised Vivian can still manage to say ‘arrangement’.
Uh… huh...“So…” I look over to Josh and Angela and see them just giggling in the corner wearing copies of Twilight on their heads and constantly poking each other’s chests. Josh is constantly switching between slurred spanish and english. Angela’s speaking in ebonics. I feel like I’m going to get hit with an HR complaint and get sent to the Campus Cultural Sensitivity Office if I try and replicate her speech, so I won’t.
“Are you certain you didn’t sneak anything weird into that kimchi?” I ask.
“100%.” Josh nods at me. “I wouldn’t dare sneak anything into your guys’ stuff.”
“Well, this is going well.” Janelle rests her cheek on my shoulder. “Want to play some Scrabble?”
“I. Love. Scrabble.”