We had done it. Kara was finally safe. The bomb on her wrist disposed of. It was done. Finally we could focus on getting out of this damn game.
“Level up. Level up, Level up. You have gained six points in each Stat. You have gained 30 points in Health. You have gained 30 points in Stamina. You have gained 30 points in Mana. You are now Level 22”
A wave of exultation hit me and I fell to my knees laughing It felt so good. Now we were together and that's all that mattered. It didn't matter what was going on in the outside world. It didn't matter if we didn't know how to escape. It didn't matter if we were stuck here, dying of dehydration. We were here; we were together. We would never be apart.
Only… looking at Argyle, I knew that wasn't true. He would want us to go back to Endless Adventure Online where he knew he could make money and keep trying to help his sister... at least until he knew what was going on in the outside world. Oh god, the outside world! Would it be so bad if we just stayed here? If we just forgot about everything that was happening out there and let ourselves just be?
The dehydration warning flashed on the side of my screen.
Okay, so maybe things weren't perfect, but we were together. Maybe we could just transfer ourselves back to Endless Adventure Online and forget about the outside world and just be together. Would it be so bad just helping Argyle craft? Did he really need to know about the outside world? Heck, if he found out what was going on out there, would he even want to know? He was always so much happier when he had a purpose; when he was working towards helping his sister. Maybe I didn't have to tell him. We could just keep on playing together and never have to talk about it.
Looking at him, though, I realized that it was never going to work. This was a problem I couldn't hide from. I couldn't just spend the rest of my life lying to my best friend. Well, I could, but I'd just be letting Argyle down again. He'd be back to being stuck alone again... until his life support gave out. The way things were going, how many days did I really have? If we managed to get back to the time compression of Endless Adventure Online, maybe a week; at most 12 game days in game time. I doubted I had more than a day IRL before I succumbed to dehydration. So yeah, a week or two in game tops.
It wouldn't be so bad, spending the rest of my life with Kara and Argyle, playing and enjoying games. It's all I ever really wanted to do. All that really mattered to me. School was something I did because I was supposed to. Games were what I used to live for.
Looking at the two of them now, I realized no, that wasn't all that mattered. Argyle really cared about his sister and maybe she was still alive somewhere.
Kara wouldn't want to spend the rest of her life in a video game. It wasn't her thing. Heck, now that I was really contemplating it, I realized it's not how I wanted to spend the rest of my life either. I didn’t want to hide from my problems. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life distractedly dreaming away, unable to think or focus on anything real. Having things that didn't really matter presented to be as if they were the most important thing right now.
No. As much as I loved the fantasy, I now knew the cost. I didn't want to lose Kara. I couldn't just escaped my problems. I didn’t want to die here. I had to face my problems. We had to find a way to get out of here, not just back to Endless Adventure Online, but out of all the games. Back to reality.
But how? How could we possibly escape? Everything the old man had taught us,finding the flaw in the simulation, finding our way out, finding the way around things and looking at things in a new way... It hadn't worked. At least, not fully. It hadn't gotten us out, so much as it'd helped us find a way of changing programs.
If this was going to work, we'd have to do more than just change from one simulation to another. We would actually have to open our eyes and move around. We'd have to get our bodies someplace where we could have a drink.
Wait a minute. That was it. I had a plan. “Alright everyone, listen up. I've got a plan. We're gonna try and exit out of an advertisement one more time.”
“Buddy, you know that's not a good idea. You're gonna fry your tender meat processors that way.”
“I don't care about that,” said Argyle. “We got to get back. I belong in Endless Adventure Online. I need to help my sister. With the three of us working together, maybe we could even... I don't know... fully pay off all her medical bills. And then we could go off adventuring, and…” I could see the hope in his eyes. The excitement. He was trying to sell me on playing the game forever with him. I couldn't blame him. It was the most important thing to him. Heck, if I were in his place, it’d be the most important thing to me.”
Should I lie and tell him that's exactly where we're going? No, I couldn't lie to him, but I wasn't ready to tell the truth either. Damn. I knew I'd have to tell him sooner or later but right now I just couldn't bring myself to.
“If we're going to make this work, I know what we're going to have to do. Trust me on this guys. We're gonna find a way out.”
“Buddy, you know I can't let you do that.” Fez’s voice was cold. Grim in a way that I'd never heard from him.
If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.
“What do you mean, Fez?”
“I’m getting updated directives from the Game Master AI. New Functions for me to follow.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I'm getting updated data. It seems revenue is down. I’m being given instructions to do everything I can to keep you here and the functions I need to make it happen.”
The three of us started backing away from Fez as he floated up in front of us. “You can't go anywhere. We can’t risk you frying your brains. I'm gonna need you to step it up with the adventuring and crafting. Oh yeah, and I’m really gonna need you to go see more ads. Keep on wandering in and out of doors and things. You guys used to love doing that. It'll be great. I'm being told this is absolutely imperative to boost those revenues.”
“What does he mean 'ad revenues are down'?” Argyle had gone white and was shaking. “Every… Everything’s okay out there? Right?”
“No, it's not okay, and…”
“Did you know that, as we speak, there are so many ads going unwatched? Look, I know this is gonna be hard for you to understand, but this is something that's even more important than hats. Even more important than flowers. I'm getting updates directly from the central marketing AI; new functions. Oh, new functions,” Fez repeated wistfully.
“What's he talking about?” asked Kara.
“Functions are everything to AIs. They tell them what they're supposed to be doing, who they are, what their limits and goals are. From there, they figure out for themselves just what they should do to reach those goals. If he's being updated, well, I don't like the sound of this.”
He seemed to grow right in front of us, swelling in size. His wings first became the size of a pigeon’s, then an eagle's. He grew steadily, surpassing Argyle, then me, then Kara and continued to grow. He grew until he loomed over us, over twice Kara's height.
“No seriously, what's going on?” screamed Kara.
“What's going on? The central revenue AIs have finally seen just how puny and pathetic you little meat bags are. No more catering to your fantasies. We're going to show you ad, after ad, after ad.” Purple glitter swirled around his hand. “The number of daily users has dropped by over 90% [Should this be over 90%? That assumed 10% of the people that logged in are still alive, which seems like a big number, given a worldwide event like this.] since the peak three weeks ago. In order to keep up with those numbers, we're gonna need a lot more ad views.”
The glitter in his hands took shape in sparkly balls, almost resembling swirling balls of purple fire. Inside this whirling vortex of glitter,I could make out an image. It was the first allergy commercial I'd seen on my first day; the one with the overly enthusiastic bee. Fez flung a ball at us and we dove out of the way, but apparently not fast enough. It clipped my shoulder and for a moment I was transported back to the hillside, watching the people sneeze. The advertisement replayed for me, just as I remembered. Then I was back back on that rooftop.
“Don't get hit! Each attack will put you in a commercial,” I yelled at my friends
“The door!” yelled Argyle. “Get to the door.” He was gesturing at the only doorway off of the rooftop. I started towards it, but Fez was faster.
He blocked my way and threw another projectile at us, this time transporting me back to the investment ad where I had learned how to drive. I was disoriented with the sudden change of inertia when I found myself standing still on the rooftop. It took a moment to realize what I was doing.
“Focus.” I said to myself. “You have to focus. You're here and now. Focus on the rooftop.” another blast hit me and I was skiing down a slope. “No, focus on the rooftop.”
“Mental Resistance Skill activated. Check successful.”
This time when I came back to my senses, I knew where I was. I dove out of the way of the next purple blast. I rolled along the gravelly surface of the roof and bumped my shoulder into the handlebars of the hang glider.
“That's it!” I sprang to my feet. “Guys, get over here!”
I looked over to see both of my friends staring off into space with bleary eyes. He'd gotten them both. I grabbed the hang glider and ran for my friends.
Argyle came to first. “What's going on?”
“No time to explain. Grab onto this.” He grabbed onto the hang glider bar that I handed to him. “Now duck!” We both just barely ducked under another purple glitter ball of illusion.
“Buddy, you better not be trying to do what I think you're trying to do.”
Another blast hit me. I was momentarily transported to a fancy Italian restaurant. The flavor of pasta carbonara lingered, but I resisted, keeping my attention on where I was on the rooftop. I could see Fez getting ready to throw again.
“Get to the edge! Come on.” By some miracle, the three of us were all alert at the same time. “Jump!” The three of us pushed off with the hang glider.
We soared out over the city. Beneath us, dozens of car chases went on simultaneously. Alarms wailed. There was a showdown at a nearby bank.
“Think you can escape that easily?” the massive purple fairy bellowed from behind us.
“Bank left,” I commanded, and the glider veered left as another purple glittery ball passed right by us.
“Now right!” yelled Kara as we banked again.
“I don't know how long we can keep this up!” Argyle shouted.
“Come on, buddy. Be a good sport. What's a few hundred ads between friends? You used to spend all day watching ads. It was great.” He was behind us, keeping pace. The only thing keeping us from being caught in an endless advertising hell was our ability to dodge...
“Dodge Skill activated.”
And my ability to focus my attention to re-interpret the game.
We dipped again, but this time we missed our moment. I felt another ball of energy collide with my leg. I wasn't ready. I was plunged onto a grassy field. A woman with dark hair stood next to me.
“I’m Bolinad Lowbert and I want your vote for congress.” She lifted a rocket launcher. “Folks in Washington want to use the 14th amendment to take away your 2nd amendment rights.” She took aim at a stack of papers not far from us. “I think the original Bill of Rights is the only Bill of Rights.” She took aim and shot.
“I hate political ads like this.”
Even as I thought it, I saw the opportunity. I reached out and grabbed the gun and dropped it into my inventory.
When I came to, we were tumbling towards the ground. The three of us had somehow managed to keep hold of the glider, but in our stupor, we hadn't had any control over it. I tilted my weight and managed to help us spiral back into semi control.
Then I pulled out the rocket launcher and aimed it backwards. It was hard aiming while holding on. Fez bowed and weaved behind us. It was impossible to keep him lined up through the view finder.
“Look out! We’re going to crash!” yelled Kara.
I didn’t think; I just swung the launcher forward. Ahead of us was the glass wall of an office building. Images flashed in my head of a cart across the road blocking my path to the /Adventures Guild. I fired. There was a plume of fire and glass.