Tiny little colorful balls of light bobbed and weaved in the forest. “I think I know what that is,” said Fez.
I picked myself off the ground, and brushed off the grass and blood stains. “How?” I asked.
“It's calling to me. It's like, oh, this is awesome,” Fez rushed ahead.
We yelled after him. Argyle and I locked eyes and looked forward and trudged after him.
Pushing through some underbrush, we finally caught up to Fez. He was in a grove of trees, encircling a lush garden. A silver pool fed by a waterfall twinkled in the moonlight. Many bright balls of shining light danced in the clearing. “Hey buddy, look what we got here.”
“What is all this?” I asked.
“Don't you see? It's a fairy grove. It's like, you know, magic and stuff?” said Fez.
“Wait, what do you mean magic?” I asked as a brightly colored puff of light orange flew up to us.
“Welcome, traveler, to the Sacred Fairy Grove.”
“Hi…”
“I’m Harvest Moon Twinkle and I welcome you to our sacred place.”
“Hello Harvest Moon Twinkle. I’m Argyle, this is Finch. We’re here with our friend, Fez.”
“Are you here to save us from the evil witch who has taken over this land?”
“Well, that's not explicitly why we're here.”
“But the prophecy foretold travelers such as you would come and save us from the swamp wench.”
“I suppose we could.” I could see Argyle struggling to keep up, but, to be honest, I couldn’t do much better.
“Man, the dialogue and plot for this area are really basic," said Argyle. "Like, this is just incredibly generic."
“Yay, the liberators!” Many of the fairies started bobbing up and down and dancing.
“Wait, we didn't agree to be the liberators,” he called after them.
Many voices chimed all at once. Fez fluttered over to me. “Buddy, I'm so happy we're here. This is amazing. Like, I've never felt like this before. It's like if you discover a whole new kind of hat.” He fluttered and bobbed and joined the other fairies dancing in the moonlight.
It was only a matter of time before they started forming a circle around us and cheering, “The liberators! The liberators! The liberators.” A chorus line of fairies formed around us, and they started singing a song about ending the reign of the evil swamp wench.
Fez fluttered up next to me. “You got to do it, boss. This is amazing. I feel like whole new Functions are loading up in my matrix. Like, I finally understand some things about how I'm supposed to do things.” He started dancing and prancing along with the other fairies.
Argyle and I just looked at each other and then back at the fairies dancing. “What exactly are we supposed to do here?” he asked.
“I have no idea,” I said. “I guess we're supposed to defeat a swamp wench?”
“Yeah, that’s obvious, but, like, what are we supposed to do about their dancing? Can we skip this cut scene?”
“I don't even know.”
“Your fairy friend sure seems to be part of the festivities.” He gestured at Fez. who was plucking little bell shaped flowers off of their stems and placing them on the heads of other fairies.
“Fez sure seems to be having a good time. I just wish I knew what it was he was doing.”
“Buddy, this is amazing. With these new Functions, it’s like I have whole new worlds of possibilities. It's like discovering hats all over again for the first time. My matrix is integrating so much new data. Like fairy dancing, casting the lights. Wow buddy. You better believe this is the best thing that's happened to me in... I don't know. Ddays. Weeks. This is amazing.”
I smiled weakly at Fez. “I guess we just play along.” I said out of the side of my mouth at Argyle. The fairies seemed to respond to the flower hats with glee, bobbing up and down in an energetic way and dancing among the flowers.
They appeared to form organized patterns and swirls. Several of them spiraled around us, ushering us into the center of the glade.
The largest ball of light flew up and bobbed in front of us. “As the stars foretold. Adventurers, you have come to liberate us from the bog wench. We are grateful for your aid. We have been threatened by her dark deeds for so long. If you would but aid us in ridding this swamp of the bog wench, we would be happy to grant you a boon.”
“Oh, you gotta do it,” said Fez. “You gotta accept the quest.”
“Quest: Rid the Swamp of the Bog wench. Reward: Improved reputation with the fairies. One class item. Additional rewards based on quest completion conditions.”
Argyle and I looked at each other and shrugged.
“No point in refusing.”
“I guess.”
We both hit Accept at the same time.
“Yay!” the fairies proceeded to sing a song about freedom and an end to wenchs. It wouldn't have been half as bad if it wasn't for Fez’s, gruff, gravelly tone intermixed with the high and flute-like voices of the fairies. It really seemed out of place and off-putting and at the same time, this was literally the happiest I had ever seen him.
After what seemed like a half hour of just watching the fairies sing and dance in fractal swirls, we finally left. Led by a small, blue fairy.“She was the best,” gushed Fez.
“So, I get that you enjoyed yourself with the other fairies,” I said, “but I don't get why you're so happy. Like, what is it about dancing with fairies and playing with flowers that has you so excited.”
“Oh, you don't understand. I feel like whole new Variables and Functions have just been loaded to my program. Like I finally understand new things about flowers and moonlight, dancing and magic. Like, none of this was part of my programming before. This is at the core of what it is to be an AI. We are given a task. Based on that task, we integrate a whole bunch of data. Then we figure out the best way to make that task happen. Thanks to this puppet I'm wearing, I now understand so much more about... I don't know, stuff. Dance, floral design... stuff. You get it?”
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
“No, I don't get it. I know nothing about dance or floral design. Why would I get it?”
“Oh, come on. It's a person thing. Like, why would the game designers put in anything if it wasn't important to people? Everything they do is important. They define our Functions, so everything they direct us to do must be important.”
“I mean, flowers were important to some people… but not… really to me…” I said, scratching my head as to how we even got on to this topic.
“Well, they're important to me now,” said Fez defensively, as if I somehow insulted him by not being interested in his newest hat. “We've got to save these people. We've got to make the swamp safe for the fairies. It's like the most important thing right now.”
“Before now, the most important thing to you was having me buy hats at your shop.”
“I mean, that was pretty important, yeah. But don't you get it? My Functions are expanding. I'm learning new things. I'm not just learning new things and collecting new data about my old Functions. I've got whole new sets of data to synthesize. Like, what flowers are most beautiful? How do they make good hats? What's the best way of arranging them in a way that is pleasing? Can I make hats out of flowers or flowers out of hats? Can I sell flowers? If so, how many flowers equals a Gold?” He was actually literally vibrating with excitement as he fluttered in front of us.
As we were talking, the blue fairy was leading us on, deeper into the forest. Argyle and I had a watchful eye on the surrounding trees, but thankfully nothing had attacked us yet. We came across an expanse of open water. In the middle of the lake was an island. On the island was a solitary hut. Smoke poured out of its chimney and there was a smell of burning wood and smoking meat.
“That is where the bog wench lives,” said our guide. “Be careful, for she is crafty and dangerous.”
“Kill her! Destroy her! Bake her into a pie! Arrange her guts into a festive centerpiece with seasonal garlands,” yelled Fez . I had to say, this newfound fixation on floral design was kind of odd and off-putting, but it was a welcome reprieve from hearing everything and anything about different styles of hats, so maybe it was a good thing.
“What do you think?” asked Argyle. “Do we swim across?”
I looked around. “Well, there doesn't seem to be any kind of boat or raft, so yeah, I guess we swim across.”
We both waded waist-deep into the water, angling towards the island in the middle of the lake.
Out of nowhere, three large creatures that seemed like a cross between humans and barracuda broke the surface of the water, pointing spears held in muscular scaly hands. Briefly, the thought crossed my mind. “How am I supposed to golf away Spears?” but it was already too late. The lead fish-man was already lunging at us, spearpoint forward.
“You have died. Experience progress towards next level has been lost. Class penalty of Jack of all Trades: you have lost Skill levels in proportion to your character level. You have lost ten levels of Weaving. You are now unskilled in Weaving and will have a penalty to relearn Weaving. You have lost one rank in Haberdashery. Current rank in Haberdashery level 18.”
“Wow, that was a lot of ranks of Skills to lose.”
“Yeah. And you lost Haberdashery. Boss, you got to stop dying.”
“I didn't lose it all the way.”
“But, like, now you're not as good at making hats.”
“Yeah, but there are more important Skills.”
“I suppose you’re right. There’s still floral design.”
“Because there are no more important Skills than making hats and floral design.”
“Exactly, and until you have levels in floral design, you had better guard those Haberdashery levels with your life.”
I looked at the glowing orb that was my companion. “Sure Fez. Whatever you say, buddy. Haberdashery and floral design are the most important Skills, and I will do whatever I can to protect them.”
“Damn right, they are. One day we will cover the world in flowers and hats.”
Deep down, though, I knew he was right. Those skills weren't just important to him. They were important to Argyle, as well. They were key to saving his sister.
I met up with Argyle downstairs in the bar. For a long moment, we just looked at each other. “Did we really just get taken out so easily by Fish-men?”
“Yeah, that was kind of embarrassing. I’ll have a water,” I said to the barmaid.
“Like, I didn't have any summons active and you didn't even have time to hit anything.” After a pause he spoke again. “So, what do we do now?”
“I don't know.” I downed the glass the second it hit the table and ordered another. “What can we do?” I wanted to go back and dive right back in to the fight. I wanted to play this game for all it was worth. I did not want to sit around all day with Argyle worrying about the outside world. “I kind of feel like I need to be out there exploring and fighting.” I thought of Kara, “Maybe she's stuck here too. Maybe I could somehow find her and...”
“But come on! We've spent the day exploring. We have a whole bunch of loot to use for crafting. I hate to say it, but I lost a bit of money in that death. We really should take some time to craft and make some money before heading back out.”
I downed the second water and ordered a third. “I just have this sense that there's danger and I need to get out there.”
“Buddy, the fairies need your help.” said Fez. As much as his new obsession was irritating, my palms were itching. I was thirsty for action. “I was thirsty.”
“Your physical body is dehydrated. Exit the game and rehydrate.”
That was odd. That had never happened at the server motel. I was hooked up to a drip there. Deep dive capsules were supposed to provide the body with intravenous nutrition and hydration. You only got that kind of warnings with home haptic rigs. Where was I? How had I joined the game?
Fez fluttered up in front of my face and landed on the bar facing away from me.
“Look, Fez, I know the fairies mean a lot to you, but the more I remember about how I got into the game, the more I feel like there's some real serious, real world danger out there and I need…”
“I need to protect the fairies. I need to protect my people,” said Fez, crossing his arms. He was so passionate, so insistent. Truly, I felt his struggle. “The fairies are in danger now. We got to save them now. We need to save them.”
“But, Fez, the fairies aren't even real.”
He glared at me and asked, “What do you mean by that?”
“I mean they don't exist in the real world.”
“So? I don't exist in what you call the 'real world'. What’s that to me? We AIs don’t exist there either.”
“Yeah, but I mean, I…” I didn't know how to explain it in a way that would make sense to him. The real world was just more important than his world. Like, how are you supposed to explain to someone that my reality is just better than yours and your immediate needs don't matter in comparison to what I think is important?
I paused for a long moment, starting and stopping several sentences. I'm sure I looked a fool with a wide range of emotions popping across my face and disappearing. This was why I hated getting involved in problems. This was why I always ran away from complicated stuff. I knew that there was something I should be doing, but I was being pulled in so many different directions. I longed for the simplicity of diving into combat.
I'm supposed to be in this game to lose myself and get distracted. At least, that's how I had used games in the past. But that wasn't enough, though. Argyle was counting on me. His sister was counting on me. "Maybe we craft?"
“No!” said Fez, stamping his foot on the bar. “That is unacceptable. The fairies need us now.”
I wasn't good at this. How was I supposed to make the decision here? In the end, I simply said,“Alright, Fez, Argyle and I will free the fairies.”
“You mean it?” asked Fez
“But what about my sister?”
“OK, I'll spend the rest of tonight crafting, get some rest, maybe get another hour or two in in the morning. Then we'll go save the fairies. After thatwe'll…”
“We’ll what?” I thought. “Go looking for Kara in this virtual world? I’ll log out and drink some water?” Everyone had needs. Everyone thought their thing was the most important and now the system is telling me that I was dehydrated. I didn't even know what I could do about that, since I couldn't log out. I looked at their faces. They needed me, but I just wanted to run. My eyes met Argyle's. “We’ll help the fairies, and then keep crafting. Are you in?”
“As long as we can spend a couple hours a day crafting.”
“All right, we'll spend the rest of tonight crafting. We'll set out to the marsh and destroy the swamp wench in the morning.” In my head I added “And then we'll go looking for my partner after that.” Why was I so sure she was in the game too? It felt so clear to me that not only was she in danger, but she was in very immediate danger and I couldn't waste time on any of this.
At the same time, I needed both of my allies. Both of my friends needed help. If I wanted to have any hope of finding her and rescuing her from whatever danger she was in, I needed my friends.
“Your physical body is dehydrated. Exit the game and rehydrate.” The prompt sat at the upper right of my vision, taunting me. How was I supposed to focus on one thing when everything seemed so urgent?