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3.14 - Hatter's Call

[Hatter stumbles down a street, looking clearly agitated and mumbling to himself. The road by him is surprisingly quiet, the surroundings being mostly houses and corner shops. However at the end of the street is a pub called the West Face. It’s a very cube-shaped building with a flat roof, along with a large sign outside with a protruding wooden face that has a frown.]

Hatter: [tired, crazed] Finally…

[The inside of the pub is rather small, with minimal windows and two large doors to enter. The way to the kitchen is behind the bar, which has a colourful rack of alcohol behind it. There is a large chandelier on the roof and about a quarter of a dozen different tables across the pub. There are only three people inside. One is dressed in all black behind the bar looking late teens, the other two are a couple in their mid forties in formal wear. Hatter enters, stomping over to the bar and laying the hat face down on the bar. The teen gives him a weird look.]

Hatter: [crazed] Strongest thing here please.

Teen: [worried] I’m afraid that it’s in the back.

Hatter: [crazed, forceful] Just… get it.

Teen: [worried] Um… right away.

[The teen turns and heads into the kitchen. The hat starts to very slowly move away from Hatter along the bar, before he quickly snatches it and places it back on his head.]

Husband: Excuse me?

Wife: [quietly] No, honey.

[Hatter quickly spins on his seat and faces the couple, both looking at him. The husband is unconcerned while the wife seems legitimately afraid of Hatter.]

Hatter: [crazed] Is there an issue sir? I’ve only come in for a drink.

Husband: What’s in your hat?

Wife: [quietly] Just leave it.

Hatter: [crazed] Let the man ask his question, Sandra?

Wife: [confused] Sandra?

Hatter: [crazed] My hat, you ask? Why it was moving?

Husband: [concerned] Um, yeah. Just seemed a bit… weird, y’know?

Hatter: [crazed] Oh yes. Oh yes yes yes yes yes. Very yes.

[Hatter quickly moves over to the other two’s table, large smile on his face.]

Hatter: [crazed] Very weird. I’m good with weird, you two like weird?

Husband: [chuckling, nervous] Well been married ten years.

[The wife slaps the husbands arm. Hatter enters a manic laugh, to which the husband enters a significantly more worried one. Hatter very abruptly stops.]

Hatter: There’s a cat in the hat.

Wife: [worried] Pardon?

[Hatter quickly flicks down the hat onto the table, face up.]

Hatter: Would you like me to show you?

[The couple inch away slowly.]

Husband: [nervous] Well there’s no need for that, let’s just leave it.

Hatter: [forceful] I insist.

[Hatter reaches his hand into the hat. The couple watch in surprise as his hand sinks deeper into the hat. Meanwhile inside the kitchen, the teen is rummaging around through a crate of bottles. He pulls out a blue bottle.]

Teen: [tired] Finally…

[The teen heads out of the kitchen with the bottle, back into the front of the pub. He pushes open the door.]

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Teen: [loud] Sorry for the wait, sir, but I’ve found your-

[The teen goes silent as he walks out, seeing Hatter sat back at the bar covered in blood while the couple are both now dead and face down on the table with a variety of knives and swords stuck in their back while the hat is in front of them. Hatter quickly leaps over the counter, the teen backing away quickly, before Hatter essentially pins them to the wall by the neck. He smiles and takes the bottle off of him.]

Hatter: Thank you sir.

[Hatter reaches into the teens pocket and pulls out a small phone.]

Hatter: I will also be taking this.

[Hatter pockets the phone.]

Teen: [strained] Please just go…

Hatter: [offended] Now… that’s no way to treat your customers.

[Hatter quickly turns around and grabs the bottle. The teen screams as the bottle collides with his head. The scream stops following the collision and the boy falls limp to the floor, but Hatter follows the boy down and starts to smash the remains of the bottle against his head. After a few seconds of smashing, he stands back up in more blood. He sighs, looking at the hat. He hops back over the edge, pulling out the phone and starting to dial a number. He sticks it onto speaker and drops it on the bar. He takes a few deep breaths, closing his eyes. After a few seconds, the phone picks up.]

Marshall: [over phone] Hello?

Hatter: [yelling] Hey again, ya pasty prick!

[There’s a long sigh over the phone.]

Marshall: [over phone] Good afternoon Hatter. How long has it-

Hatter: [yelling] Five years! Five years you’ve been trying to fuck me over, ya furry asshole!

Marshall: [over phone] Harold, I’m in the middle of something, do you mind if yelling at me at a different time?

Hatter: [yelling] I took your cat.

Marshall: [over phone] I don’t own a cat.

Hatter: [yelling] Don’t lie to me, ya bellend! The cat!

Marshall: [over phone, annoyed] What cat?

[Hatter moves closer to the phone.]

Hatter: [crazed] The cat you sent with the kids. Ya sent kids to kill me, like you been trying for five fucking years!

Marshall: [over phone, confused] I’m sorry, go back, kids?

Hatter: [crazed] I thought you were low wanting to kill Ben and Evan, but using kids as weapons now? That’s new for you. Don’t worry, I’m gonna deal with them.

Marshall: [over phone, worried] Harold, I’m serious, I want you to tell me what kids have been after you?

Hatter: [crazed] Oh, you know… you know, but don’t worry. I’ll make sure to take them off your hands.

Marshall: [over phone, worried] For fuck sake, Harry, who are they? Harry!

[Hatter hangs up the phone. He picks it up and quickly snaps it in half. He stumbles over to the hat as Cheshire’s paw can be seen trying to pull itself out of the hat. Hatter goes over and picks Cheshire up out of the hat.]

Hatter: [quietly] Sorry that you had to see that, little kitty. Don’t worry, we’ll sort this all out soon enough. Back you go.

[Hatter smiles and drops Cheshire, who falls back into the hat and vanishes with a squeal.]