The moment that I came off my Qi cooldown, we made a start.

Merlin had talked me through our outline plan: skin first, bones, and finally, the brain.

But I cannot stress enough how challenging this will be, my dear. At the very least, the amount of essence this will take will pitch you right back into full-blown Qi exhaustion. There's a reason why cultivators try to avoid this state and twice in a few days? There could be consequences for that. And that is before we consider the immense strain this will put on Arthur’s sanity. Should your command of the mental shields you have placed around him slip, even for a moment, that could well be that.

I wondered if I should have been more transparent with the Big M that I had absolutely no idea how I was maintaining said ‘mental shields’ around Arthur. But hey, it’s not like we had any other plans.

I had an ancient wizard to guide me, a stack of fully charged mana stones, and a can-do attitude. I doubt I had ever been more prepared for an endeavour in my life.

I took a deep breath, and with the calm precision of a teenage boy removing his first bra, I reached out for all the Earth Qi I could lay my hands on.

“Point of order, Big M. If you are going to wince, tut or gasp throughout this, you might be better off putting yourself on mute.”

My apologies, my dear. It’s just when there is a task requiring such profound delicacy before us it is rather disconcerting, right at the start, to watch you flail about like a newborn octopus. We are going to be reshaping the most fragile thing you will ever have touched. So, more china doll and less bull in the shop, I feel. But, yes, I will attempt to keep my counsel. Regardless of the provication.

The plan's first stage was to try to supercharge Arthur’s own healing process. Melehan had, essentially, coated the prince’s body with a thin layer of Earth Qi, which I was maintaining via the connection I had to that mana stone clutched in Arthur’s hand. From what I could understand, the healing properties the Saxon had imbued there kept Arthur's burns in constant flux. They were not getting worse, but neither were they getting any better.

Before we could look to achieve anything else at all, those burns needed to start improving.

Burns are much more difficult to heal than any other type of wound. The body’s inclination is to toughen up the injured skin. Typically, with a minor burn, that would not be too problematic. We could heal it and encourage some minor scar tissue to develop. However, the extent of the damage to Arthur is so profound that the level of scar tissue which would result from any standard approach to healing would be devastating. He would be, effectively, encased in a suit of boiled leather that would be agony every time he moved.

“I’m going to vote for us trying to avoid that.”

Arthur gurgled a somewhat emphatic agreement.

Indeed. So, we will need to ensure a more gentle process of regeneration. This, of course, is much trickier.

Fortunately, we had plenty of time before my channels were in a good enough state to try anything for the ancient wizard to talk me through the theory. When we’d exhausted all possible options – okay, let’s be honest, we’d exhausted Merlin’s patience for talking me through all the possible options – we made a start.

Stolen story; please report.

As he wasn’t a cultivator, Arthur did not have channels as such, so when I shoehorned a fuckton of Earth Qi into him, he immediately began to shimmer with a golden light. Honestly, it was all a touch Rachel Summers channelling the Phoenix Force for me.

With a deftness of touch that would make a watchmaker weep with envy – that’s a very nasty cough you seem to have developed there, Merlin – I tried to hold the Qi inside Arthur whilst coaxing his skin to remember what it was like before an insane sword turned him into charcoal.

Bit by bit, layer by layer, Arthur’s skin started to mend itself, the twisted red slowly giving way to a healthier pink, as if he’d spent a day sunbathing on the beach rather than being the unwitting main course in a barbecue.

Hours passed, and just when the moon was high enough to give the whole scene a dramatic touch, Arthur had something approaching a normal body. As the skin healed, though, Merlin urged me to delve deeper into our Qi arsenal.

A skin makeover is just the first start, my dear. We will need to oversee a complete rebirth of sorts, minus the inconvenience of being born all over again.

As per Merlin's instructions, I closed my eyes, directing my Qi to Arthur’s bones, urging them to remember their original blueprints. I poured purple paint into the marrow, telling them stories of strength and resilience.

This feels like a good moment to mention I was known as the 'Bone Whisperer' by some of the mean girls in the office. I think they had a different meaning in mind.

At the same time, I was stretching out his muscles, willing them to reknit themselves into a network of power and agility.

My Qi flowed through Arthur’s body like a river in full spate – I told you seeing it all as water would make the process much easier - carrying with it the essence of renewal and growth. His bones, once brittle and fractured, now began to knit together with an audible pop. If you need a 4D experience, imagine a creche of baby elephants rolling on the world’s supply of bubble wrap. His muscles, previously a sorry tangle of sinew and pain, regained their form and strength, rippling with newfound vitality as if they had never known Drynwyn’s judgment.

So far, so good, my dear. I am noticing spikes of pain from Arthur, but nothing thus far to suggest a shattering of his mind. Now, mending skin and bones is one thing, but tinkering with the human brain is akin to trying to unravel the mysteries of quantum sock folding—it requires finesse, patience, and a healthy dose of sheer audacity.

“If you could see me now, Dad. Magical brain surgery on mythological heroes. Who would have thought it?”

Sending my Qi into Arthur’s mind was a bit like threading a needle in the dark, with the fate of the entire tapestry hanging in the balance. I could feel Merlin hovering at my shoulder like an especially nervous safety net, ready to catch any stray sparks or misfired synapses that might threaten Arthur’s fragile consciousness.

My Qi responded to my call, weaving its way through his brain like a gentle breeze through a labyrinth of ancient trees. My little-purple-paint-that-could sought out the damaged pathways, the frayed connections, and the scarred memories, nudging them softly, coaxing them back into their rightful places. It was a dance of restoration, a delicate ballet where every move had to be precise, every gesture deliberate. It would have helped if I didn’t keep getting snippets of what he was visualising at the moment. It took a lot to make me blush, but I felt that should the kinging thing not work out, Arthur probably had a career adding some extra chapters in the Karma Sutra ahead of him.

Careful, now. You need to pull out gently.

I think it is a testament to how exhausted the experience was leaving me that I attempted to make none of the obvious jokes here.

I collapsed to the ground with the worst headache in the world, and I could feel that I had emptied out the last of the stored energy in the mana stones. “Did it work?”

Good news and bad news.

"Give me the good news first."

You are not going to have to worry about people inundating you with requests for makeovers.

I groaned and tried to sit up, but it was like my body was wholly out of my control. “And the bad news?”

“I’m going to need you to grow me some hair back, Celt.”

I vomited over what looked like the largest naked molerat in existence and blacked out.