The Lady of the Lake looked at the saturnine face of the new bearer of Caeldfwch. He certainly had more the bearing of the One Who Was Promised. And the sword had just slid out of the stone for him, whereas the fat man had been huffing and puffing like a giant hog at a trough.

I am content. You may leave, the sword said imperiously.

Yeah, sure. Because a crucial aspect of this ceremony is whether you are happy about the whole thing. The Lady of the Lake was not going to miss her latest burden. Instead, she addressed her attention to the swordsman. "I now transfer ownership of Caeldfwch to you, my lord. Is there anything you would like to ask before I bid you farewell?"

Arthur turned his intense eyes on the beautiful, naked woman before him. She felt herself, well not exactly blush - this wasn't her first rodeo - but she certainly was not used to quite such an appraising glance. "How strong is the blade's Qi-disruption field?"

"It is total. Caeldfwch was forged to directly counter Cultivators. When drawn, all of the Qi within its range will be annulled." From thin air, the neriad produced a scabbard and handed it to Arthur. "When sheathed in this, the effect is deadened. It is only when it is drawn that you will be protected."

I am right here. It is the height of rudeness to speak about a lady and not to her.

"My apologies, my lady. I did not want to waste your time with trivialities." Arthur winked at the Lady of the Lake. "I will finish with your guardian and then be with you shortly."

That is fine, the sword giggled, I appreciate your consideration.

The Lady of the Lake decided she needed to be somewhere else. It was one thing to be stuck on an island with this bloody thing; it was quite another to have to watch it play the coquette.

"When worn, my lord, the scabbard will provide you with significant healing properties, with none of the after-effects which I sense you are currently labouring under. I would suggest wearing it as soon as possible."

Arthur strapped the scabbard around his waist and, after a moment, sheathed the sword. "One final question, if I may. How wide a shadow does she cast?"

The Lady of the Lake was already beginning to go transparent. "It is something you will learn to control. Initially, it will simply provide you with a small personal shield, but as your mastery of Caeldfwch increases, you will find that aura grows. It has been rumoured that the sword has an unlimited reach. Of course, no one has ever survived its curse long enough to discover its true range.

The smile on Arthur's face vanished as his brain caught up with his ears. "Its what now?!"

The Lady of the Lake was entirely see-through now. "Ensure you return her to me when you fall. She will be your ticket to Avalon."

And with that, the neriad vanished, leaving Arthur standing on top of the cairn with more questions than he would like.

Where to now, big boy?

Where to, indeed . . .

*

"What the fuck was that, Big M?"

I think you've just experienced your first Qi-disruption field, my dear. Caeldfwch completely blocks all capacity for cultivators to reach their techniques. When Arthur has her drawn, until he learns to direct the sword's annulment field, you will - effectively - be entirely normal.

"Well, I'm not too wild about that, to be honest."

No, I can understand that. But imagine how much less Aurelius is going to enjoy the experience.

That put a smile on my face. "Okay. So that would be pretty sweet."

Tresaith sauntered onto the shore, dragging a very sorry for himself Mark behind him. I tossed out a quick as it kind of seemed that four kings going into the woods and only one returning might cause questions.

"There is a larger Kraken circling this position," Tresaith said in his lovely musical voice. "I'd rather not kill another one of these beautiful creatures if I can avoid it."

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

"Beautfiul creatures? Mate!"

Tresaith shrugged. "They are exactly as they were created to be. It is not their fault they have been set to guard this artefact. In the normal run of things, they would not be within a thousand leagues of humans."

I tried. I really did. I gave all my considerable empathy over to the task of giving two fucks about the poor monster from the deep that had been shanghaied to swim around a massive lake, eating anything that came across. Sad to say, I just didn't have it in me. Fuck em.

Mark stirred and sat up. "I need to get to the sword!"

"Dude, that ship has sailed. Arthur's claimed it, and Owain . . . " We all looked at the battered corpse lying near us. "Well, Owain no longer has a vote on the next Pendragon." I squatted down next to him. "You may want to consider your own position on that. I'm not against leaving you here to find your own way back."

I wasn't sure whether I really had that in me. It felt a little different to abandon someone to starvation and worse on a desert island than to just blast them out of existence - but the fat twat didn't know that. He noticeably quailed. I could get used to that reaction.

Arthur was coming down the last few steps of the cairn to join us on the beach. He had a very snazzy red scabbard around his waist from which emerged a long, jewelled-encrusted handle.

"Why don't you have some pretty decoration like that?"

Why don't you go fuck yourself with that piece of driftwood? I sensed I may have touched a bit of a nerve there.

"What's up, D? Bit of hilt envy?" It didn't reply. I switched my attention to the scabbard itself. A gentle push towards it with my Qi was slapped back pretty hard. I'd utilised that particular slap when waitressing around the handsy.

"Big M?"

Hardly surprising, my dear. The scabbard covers a blade whose sole purpose is the negation of Qi. I would not expect you to be able to determine its makeup. From my reading, it is theorised it possesses significant healing properties.

I kept a nervous eye on the sword as Arthur drew near me. I hadn't enjoyed the experience of being 'normal' again. "All okay, mate?"

Arthur ignored me, kicking Owain's body as if to reassure himself the man was dead and then turned his attention to Mark, his face even grimmer than usual. "King Mark, are you hale?"

The King of Gwynedd struggled his way to his feet - I quite enjoyed that - and squared up to Arthur. "No thanks to you. You abandoned me to die, just as you did with Beric. Now you have killed Owain. What is it? You wish to gather all of our kingdoms under your thumb?"

Arthur simply stared back. This did little to calm Mark who took another step forward, finger pointing. "The men of Gwynedd will never follow you. Neither will anyone else. Sure, you have your pretty sword, but that won't wash. You won't even have a castle by the time we get back. Let's see if anyone supports a homeless Pendragon."

Then, he made the mistake of prodding Arthur in the chest.

Lancelot moved faster than could have been perceived outside of a slow-motion reply. His fist closed around Mark's stubby finger and dragged it downwards with an audible snap. Mark was on his knees, face white, Lancelot holding the finger aloft. I heard Tresaith give a soft murmur of approval at the speed of the takedown.

"King Mark, I offer you a choice. I began this quest with four British kings and in the spirit of mutual agreement. We all swore oaths to recover Caeldfwch and to do so under the banner of brotherhood. At every turn, I have been undermined and betrayed by those who once swore fealty to my father. And I am sick of it."

He whipped out the sword and held it to Mark's neck. I was once again changed back into an entirely normal person, standing on a beach with a bunch of superhuman beings. I hadn't felt that vulnerable since my first night at a young offender's institute. The raised voices, sense of imminent violence and, oddly, giant threatening octopus (probably another story) completed my deja vu.

"I will give you one chance and one chance alone. You swear fealty and recognise me as the Pendragon, or you lose your head, and I renew negotiations with one of your sons. I am sure, eventually, I will find one willing to make that deal."

Oh, isn't he masterful?

We all ignored the breathy voice coming from the sword.

"You would not dare. You are not your father; we all know that."

Arthur's eyes darkened. I have heard people say that before, but never seen it happen before. It was like a different Arthur suddenly peaked out from behind a mask. I was reminded what Bors had said had taken place in the weeks following the destruction of Iscoa: Arthur going all Heart of Darkness. Suddenly, I could believe it.

"King Mark. I think you should consider your next words very carefully. I am currently in possession of not only the only cultivator of real quality amongst our allies but also the only tool capable of mitigating her power. I am perfectly capable of - as I am sure you will agree - causing any amount of chaos and destruction to your lands simply by invading using conventional forces. Along with Morgan, well, it hardly bears thinking about, does it? Particularly if she actually does what I ask her to. You can choose to pledge your fealty, or I will make it my life's work, once I have removed your head, to put Tristian on your throne."

Mark went to stand, and in a flash, Lancelot broke another of his fingers. "No more words other than 'Hail the Pendragon.'"

For a moment, I didn't think he would fold, which was interesting. I was idly wondering how many hacks it would actually take to get through his walrus-like neck, but then he muttered something under his breath, and Arthur hauled him back to his feet.

"Serve me as honourably as you did my father and I will have no complaints. And now, wizard," he resheathed Caeldfwch and my powers pinged back on. I was absolutely not wild about this change in our dynamic, "you need to fast-travel us home. Owain revealed that great danger was approaching Tintagel."

Dude didn't need to ask me twice.

With what I hoped was a 'see you soon, big boy' smile to Tresaith, I grabbed Arthur, Lancelot, Mark - and Owain's body - and triggered for the return journey.

We popped back into existence into quite a shit show.