As soon as I'd reached Bors, I'd passed him 'Melehan's Rock of Continous Curing'. Within minutes, the worst of the obvious damage was starting to fade away. Watching facial bones shift and reconnect together is quite a trip - kind of like a week-old helium balloon suddenly reinflating.

"Should I be worried about internal damage?" I asked Merlin. "That artefact seems pretty nifty in repairing bones and skin, but I don't know if it addresses brain trauma."

I looked over to where Bors was re-enacting the whole fight for Arthur with two dead squirrels.

"I mean, the riddle was about my dick. How did he not expect to get fucked?"

I feel great affection for Sir Bors, so it pains me to note I am unsure how we would be able to tell if he was cognitively impaired.

"Meow, Big M."

There was a flash, and then the glowing trial circle on the ground reappeared. However, this time, there was not an opponent within it, but three stones of granite about the size of Bors and what looked like another one in a deep pool of water.

Interesting.

"There's a lot of different interpretations of that word, mate. Is that 'interesting' like you're going to really enjoy this Trial. It's a fascinating way to spend a few hours. Or 'interesting' as in fuck me, I didn't see this particular nightmare coming. We're screwed."

Little from Column A. Little from B, to be honest.

Before I could process that bit of deep and meaningful advice, Arthur stood and strode into the circle.

"Dude! Aren't we even going to talk about which of us does this one?"

He looked my way, and I was struck by how dark his eyes had become. "Do you think it matters? The force that challenges us has proven itself to be capricious in the extreme. Should we decide I should do the Trial of Honour, and you should do the one of Strength, I am sure a way will be found to frustrate that choice. Sir Bors has set us on the path to victory, and I will look to continue that tradition." At that, he turned his back on me and faced the centre of the ring.

In case you missed it, the unsubtle undertone there was that if he let you go next, he thinks you'd fuck it up.

Cheers, Drynwyn.

No worries. Happy to help.

I was saved from further 'help' by the disembodied voice swanning back into town. "I see the Lord has chosen to undertake The Trial of Strength. A brave decision. In my long experience, whilst a Lord is used to achieving their desires, they rarely do so through the power of their own arm. Let us see if you are any different, little mortal. To complete this Trial, you simply must move each of the stones outside of the challenge circle."

Arthur showed no response to the goading. He simply stood and looked at each of the objects before him.

The first stone was embedded in the ground. On it was carved a triple spiral pattern that I was pretty sure I had on a bunch of jewellery.

It's a triskelion, my dear. It can be thought to symbolise many things, but in the context of this challenge, I imagine it means Earth.

A second stone floated about ten feet above the others, and in its centre, it had a stick with a snake wrapped around it - a Cadeceus. The symbol of Hermes. This probably is intended to suggest Air.

The rock hovering in the sky has a symbol meaning 'Air' carved on it? Fuck me, it's a good job you're here, Merlin. Not sure any of the rest of us could manage that level of advanced cryptology.

I'd always liked Drynwyn.

The third rock was lying on the ground but was surrounded by a ring of white-hot magical flames. On it was a triangular symbol, which, and I know I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm going to hazard that might mean 'Fire'.

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.

Are you really siding with the sword against me, my dear?

There was no sign of the final rock, presumably because it was at the bottom of the pool of water. "Can I just check, Big M. Do all your years of cultivation experience give you any clue what the symbol on the final rock may be?"

You jest, my dear. But it is clear that this Trial would have been wholly facile for you, with your growing connection to the elements. Who - or what - is running these challenges deliberately seeks to ensure you fail.

"Awesome. And Arthur's chances?"

There was a pause. It is unlikely that anyone who is not a cultivator will be able to move even one, let alone all four of those stones.

"So we're fucked?"

Perhaps. However, Prince Arthur is not just 'anyone'.

*

"Do you understand the challenge?" The disembodied voice boomed out.

"Pick up a rock and move it outside the circle. Is there a particular order I need to do them in?"

"No."

"Is there a time limit?"

"Not really. However, should I become bored, I may review that. You must give it your best endeavours. Be entertaining, and I will allow it to play out."

"Generous of you. Any other rules?"

The voice did not answer for a moment. "I can sense that one of your companions has significant power at their disposal. Should I sense any external magical interference in your Trial, I will treat that as a failure with all the attendant consequences for you and your party. You can, however, use any non-magical equipment you may possess."

Arthur nodded. "Fair enough. Your arrival scared away my horse earlier. Can you bring her back? There are some things in her saddlebags I think I will need."

Arthur had barely finished speaking when Llameri appeared beside him in the circle.

"You have everything you requested. The Trial begins . . . now."

*

I watched as Arthur rested a hand on his horse's neck and whispered softly to her. She quickly calmed and allowed Arthur to retrieve a thick coil of rope from a pack on her back. Still speaking quietly to the horse, he crossed to the Earth stone and tied one end of the rope around it. He gave it a few experimental tugs, but there was no discernable movement.

The voice laughed its creepy laugh. "If you think it will be that easy, little mortal, you are sadly mistaken."

"Big M, I can't help but think whatever is running this Trial is a bit of a twat."

Indeed.

Arthur had moved over to the Air stone and was stood looking up at it.

"Can I leave the circle for a moment?"

"You can. If you look to escape, though, I will immediately kill you and the rest of your party."

"Understood."

Still carrying the rope, Arthur stepped outside the circle and made directly for a giant tree at the edge of the clearing that was halfway between the two stones. He scaled it with some hitherto unremarked ninja skills and looped the rope around an especially thick branch. Then, sitting on that branch, he looped the end of the roop into a lasso and tossed it over the Air stone.

I say he 'tossed it over the Air stone.'

To be clear, he missed the first forty-nine times. After each failure, Arthur needed to climb down from the tree, retrieve the rope, climb back up, loop it over the branch and throw it again.

Ultimately, I'm not convinced the disembodied voice didn't cheat a little just to move the whole thing along.

"My patience is growing thin, little mortal."

"Okay. I think I'm set."

Having achieved his aim, Arthur had returned to the circle, braced himself next to the Earth stone, and began to try to pull the Air stone out of the sky.

He obviously got nowhere.

Even using the rudimentary pulley system he had set up, with the Earth stone as an anchor, he simply didn't have the raw strength.

"A good try, little mortal. However . . ."

Then Llameri grabbed the rope between her teeth, and things got a bit more interesting.

*

Fundamentally, no matter how pretty is the symbol carved upon them, giant rocks do not especially enjoy being suspended in the air.

While the full might of the Prince of the Britons leveraging every rule of mechanical physics available in the sixth century was not enough to get things moving, two and half thousand pounds of prime, motivated warhorse was a different matter.

The Air stone fell from the sky.

As it swooped downwards, its newly freed weight pulled on its end of the rope, ripping the Earth stone from the ground, finishing its swing by crashing into the Fire stone, knocking it out of its flaming circle.

All three rocks were thus in motion.

In a moment of barely believable coincidence, each crashed into the pool containing the Water stone, and then the world's biggest game of marbles began. The combined weight of all three stones and the momentum of the swing were enough to cause a significant splash, emptying the pool, and dousing the flames that had been around the Fire stone. Each of the stones ended up rolling towards the edge of its pool.

There was a chilly silence, broken only by Arthur whistling a jaunty little number as he lassoed the rope around each stone (again, I'm skirting over the hours this took. Arthur did not have a future as a cowboy ahead of him). He eventually had Llameri drag them outside the circle.

The light on the challenge circle faded.

"You know, Big M, it'd be cool if Arthur made some sort of Roger Mooresque 007 quip right about now."

Something like "Well, that’s not the first time I have done four at once and ended up utterly soaked. Though never before with a horse."

"Fucking hell, mate. Where did that come from? No. Nothing like that at all."