Welcome back.

You'll be pleased to know you managed to miss the first three hours of Merlin's lecture on the theory of the five elements.

I mean, it's been a true joy. We've laughed. We've cried. We've explored the limits of human endurance.

To catch you up, the CliffsNotes version is that everything Mr. Barnes taught me about the elements in Year 7 Chemistry was wrong.

Apparently, it isn't all about Earth, Fire, Air and Water (and Heart. This is a hill I will die on). What I should be thinking about is Earth, Fire, Water, Wood and Metal.

Who knew?

Anyway, I am glad you've made it back for the home-strait. Strap yourself in, drink your body weight in coffee and prepare to get your learning on ...

You know, a less secure person would be hurt by your lengthy expositions into the empty space. But no, not me. No. I shall press onwards regardless. As explained, my dear, the five elements each represent a unique aspect of nature. When we consider them, in turn, we can see that they are in a constant cycle of generation and control. In their relationship and in their interactions, they form a harmonious and dynamic system.

"So, what I'm hearing is that, due to our world being in peril. Gaia, the spirit of the Earth, could no longer stand the terrible destruction plaguing our planet and sent five ..."

If you make any further references to that particular 90s cartoon, I am going to go on strike.

I took the hint. There's the joy of solid callback humour, and then there's pushing an all-powerful wizard slightly too far. I sensed I was creeping pretty close to that particular line.

To take an example. Wood represents growth, expansion, and vitality. It is particularly associated with the liver - which, with all the damage you had done to that organ, is why I do not think you have any particular affinity for it - and the Spring. Should you develop the capacity to cultivate it, Wood Qi will teach you the importance of flexibility and adaptability.

"Those are not traits I think anyone who knows me would suggest I possess in abundance."

No. Nevertheless, just as a tree bends with the wind but remains rooted, it would be good for you to learn to adapt to life's challenges whilst also staying true to your own ... quirky personality.

The Big M had a point. When I was alive, I was very much a shatter-into-a-thousand-spikey-shards person rather than a bend-and-go-with-the-flow type. Saying that, I did feel I was rolling with the isekei thing reasonably well, so maybe I wasn't so distanced from the power of Wood as Merlin was making out.

I thought back to my first experience of cycling my Qi and remembered the repairs that were undertaken to my liver. Was it a coincidence that my ability to "adapt to life's challenges" had improved once the damage of years of vodka-based assaults was reversed? It was something to consider once Merlin wasn't droning on ...

And, of course, on the other hand, Fire symbolises passion, transformation, and warmth. It most closely links to your heart and to the Summer. Fire Qi, as embodied by your possession of Drynwyn, reminds us all to cultivate our inner passions and desires, using their energy to fuel our spiritual journey.

"Kind of like our id?"

There was a pause whilst I sensed a gathering of what remained of internal resources. My dear, no one takes psychology seriously. Id, ego and Superego? It's bunkum. Freud made it all up.

"But flaming swords, Qi and dragons are a big, realistic thumbs up?"

I don't understand your point.

I let it go.

Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

As I was saying, the cultivation of Fire Qi also reminds us of the importance of balance in all things, as an uncontrolled fire can lead to destruction. Drynwyn is an excellent focus for you to consider there when you seek to cultivate Fire Qi. There is a need to restrain aggression lest it leave your control. Together, the two of you could achieve amazing things. You could also literally cause the world to burn.

"So, what you are saying is that with great power comes great responsibility."

That is indeed what I am saying. I will note right now, though, that if you try to call me Uncle Ben even just once, I repeat my threat to undertake significant industrial action. Shall I move on?

"Absolutely."

Moving right along. On the other hand, Earth represents stability, nourishment, and the importance of being grounded. It is connected to the spleen ...

"That what?"

The spleen.

"Five hundred quid on the table and a gun to my head, I could not tell you where to find my ... what did you call it?"

Your spleen.

"You're making it up."

A spot to the left of my stomach suddenly glowed red-hot and then quickly healed.

Sorry, that was beneath me.

"Did you, in a fit of pique, just throw a tiny fireball at my spleen to show me where it was?"

I have apologised.

"You're approach to teaching is," I thought back to the vision Vortigern's Dragon gave me of him eating each of Merlin's previous apprentices, "entirely consistent. The spleen. I now know I have one. Thanks for the clarification."

Indeed. Now, Earth Qi is not linked to a season as such but is instead connected to the transitional periods between them. Fundamentally, and this is why I wish to stress it to you, it emphasises the importance of a strong foundation, both in our physical and spiritual lives.

"And I don't have one of those, do I?"

No. I have sought to support you in making a connection to the air element - as you can tell, an entirely minor player in Qi cultivation - to help fill the considerable foundational weakness you have. Whilst the mana stones you wear at your ears and that you keep in your inventory are going some way in supporting you to establish a strong foundation, we will need you to establish a much closer relationship with the Earth.

"Well, I didn't know I had a spleen five minutes ago, so the only way is up, right?"

Quite. Just as the Earth supports all living things, you must cultivate stability and balance within yourself.

I did feel the Wood Qi and the Earth Qi were being a touch judgy of me. They both seemed to embody aspects of my personality that were ... less developed. I knew one of the central premises of cultivation was personal growth, but I couldn't help but feel I'd be getting less shade thrown my way by a more classic System apocalypse.

Next, Metal embodies clarity, purity, and refinement. It is associated with the lungs and, in particular, the Autumn. Connecting to Metal Qi teaches us the value of letting go of impurities, whether physical or emotional, to reveal our true essence.

So, I felt a bit of a musical mash-up singalong was appropriate at this stage. Although, it is safe to say that, whilst the storm raged on, in the light of day, Merlin did not care that the cold never bothered me anyway.

He was also highly anti-building a snowman.

Are you quite finished?

"Sorry, mate. I will be the good girl I always have been."

Please stop it. Crucially, and it is important to stress your clear affinity for this element, like Metal being forged and refined, Metal Qi shows us that we too can become stronger through adversity.

It did feel like Metal and Fire were much more my vibe than Earth and Wood. "Is it normal for cultivators to have an affinity with one element more than the others?"

It is, but to combat what is to come, we need you to have the ability to draw on all potential sources of power. It would be helpful if you could think of the elements as aspects of you rather than things you can do and things you cannot.

I wasn't sure that explanation quite worked for me, but I needed to think about this myself some more. If there was one thing I was learning about cultivating, it was a horse-to-water process. Merlin was giving me the info, but I needed to do something with it myself for it to be of any use.

Finally, we come to Water, the element with which I have the most connection. It symbolises wisdom, adaptability, and the power of flow. It corresponds to the kidneys and the Winter.

"Bit on the nose, isn't it mate? Water Qi is wisdom and Winter? So it's basically a metaphor for a clever old man. You're sure you're not projecting a little in the descriptions?"

Merlin appeared to have decided to ignore me. When we cycle Water Qi it teaches us the importance of introspection and the ability to adapt to changing circumstances. Lord knows I've needed that. Water is the source of life, and in our cultivation, it represents the depth of our potential.

I sensed Merlin was reaching a crescendo of explanation. His voice became animated.

Now, why are these elements so crucial to Qi cultivators, you may wonder? The answer lies in their interconnectedness and the way they mirror the energies within ourselves and the universe. By understanding and harmonising with these elements, Qi cultivators can achieve balance, health, and spiritual enlightenment.

"Kind of like Planeteers?"

Silence was my only reply.