No, no, no!

Training was going well.

I know of babes in arms still draining their mother's dug every morning and night that could achieve this.

Merlin was really pleased with the progress I was making.

How can you not follow the most basic of instructions? Have you received a recent blow to the head?

To be honest, everything was proceeding so smoothly that we'd talked about taking a few days off from travelling towards Tintagel and just chilling out on the beach.

If you cannot better control the passage of your Qi through your channels, how can you possibly think that you can command it when it leaves?

I was looking forward to kicking off the armour, throwing caution to the wind and going skinny-dipping. My new body lent itself well to such displays of wanton abandon, and - having never had the gall to try it in my previous life - I feared I was missing out on the full 'hot girl' experience.

Are you listening to a word I am saying?

"To be honest, Big M, I tuned you out a few miles back. I'm all for cranking up the training regime since we realised the Saxons are going all Quantum Leap, but nowhere in my contract did I sign up for Qi boot camp delivered by Gunnery Sergeant Hartman."

You need to ...

"Let me stop you there. I don't 'need' to do anything at all, and if you can't chill your jets, you're taking another trip to Camp Naughty-Step."

I waited and was pleasantly surprised by the silence that followed.

For the last day or so, we'd followed the rather unsubtle tracks left behind by the giant, town-destroying army sweeping inland.

Merlin has ummed and ahhed about us blasting ahead and trying to slip past them, but, in the end, we agreed it seemed sensible to shadow them for as long as we safely could. The chances of being spotted and brought down by a bunch of cultivators who knew far more about what they were doing than I did were too high.

As I'd walked, we'd been trying to double up with some serious 1:1 cultivator training. However, and who would have thought it, it turned out I might not be a natural student.

"Okay. Now we've remembered that I'm a human being with hopes, dreams and feelings, shall we try that again?"

I'm sorry, my dear, but I cannot understand why you find these basic techniques challenging. Some feats you have achieved suggest you are a prodigious talent, but sometimes, it feels as if you're barely sentient.

"Hopes, dreams and feelings, Big M. Hopes, dreams and feelings."

It shouldn't be possible for a disembodied voice to take a deep breath, but Merlin gave it a good old-fashioned try. Okay. Let's try this again.

"Can I sit? I feel like I should sit?"

If it will help you concentrate, please feel free to stand on your head.

I spotted a suitably inviting-looking tree stump and perched myself upon it.

And the reason for the crossed legs and the humming?

"Just centring myself, mate. I am one with the Qi, and the Qi is with me."

Quite. Now, as I have explained, linking your Qi to an element, in this case, water, will be a crucial part of mastering your abilities as a cultivator. You have gained a significant amount of control through treating Qi as a medium with which you are intimately familiar - and that was very sensible.

"You see, you can be nice to me when you try."

Indeed. However, your Qi is the very essence of your being. It is your life force. Whilst there are advantages to how you have organised your ... ah, your artist's studio, seeking to link it to an element will give you far more control, power, and insight.

"You mean it will help me stop shooting my full load whenever I cast anything?"

If that is how you would like to phrase it, then yes.

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

"So, linking my Qi to an element is the spiritual equivalent of a cold shower?"

There was a pause, and when he next spoke, the scholarly tone to Merlin's voice, which he always adopted when seeking to 'teach' me something, was gone. In its place was, I don't know, something rawer. More intimate.

I know what you are doing, my dear. And I appreciate it; I truly do. This irrerevant mask you wear is wonderfully diverting. We have seen an appalling sight and fear for further horrors in the future. The weight that we - well, you - need to carry to avert disaster feels crippling. Would you like to talk about Zizzie and your fears for her before we carry on?

I thought for a moment. "If it's all the same to you, Big M, I think I'll just keep up the steady stream of verbal bollocks. It's been pretty much my coping mechanism forever. Go with what you know, you get me?"

Of course. I just thought it was worth saying.

There was a beat whilst we both rearranged our mental armours. We had been shaken by what we had seen at Isca and in considering the potential consequences. In order to continue to function, I’d locked my worries down as tight as I could. Fortunately, I had decades of experience on which to rely here.

Now, where was I? Water, my dear. Water is the essence of life itself. It's the ebb and flow of existence, the very thing that sustains us all. I linked my Qi to water at the very beginning of my journey of cultivation. Through it, I gained a deep understanding of balance, adaptability, and resilience. When your Qi is linked with water, you learn to go with the flow, adapt to challenges, and become as flexible as the reeds by the riverbank. For example, imagine harnessing the tranquil strength of a calm river or the unstoppable force of a raging torrent. Picture yourself as fluid as the water, adapting to any situation that comes your way. That's what linking your Qi to water can do for you.

I thought about what the wizard was telling me. It seemed sensible but simply didn't resonate. "I don't know, mate. I get that water is your thing, but it's never been mine. I just don't look at it in the same way that you do."

There was a pause whilst Merlin restrained another burst of frustration. Alright. I disagree, and it would make things much easier if we had a shared elemental sense, but let's give this another go. This time, we're setting our sights on the air element. I've got a feeling, with all the hot air you speak, that this might be more appropriate.

I felt the atmosphere around me ... I think 'harden' would be the word? It was as if Merlin had pooled all the available nearby oxygen into a bubble and cut me off from the wider world.

Now, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Let's go through this step by step and see if we have more luck linking your Qi to the air. Clear your mind. You're sat in a serene, open field. The small space around you is still, and the only thing that exists is the air you breathe.

I followed his instructions, and rather than the damp and uncomfortable sense I had when trying the same thing with water, I actually found myself relaxing.

Inhale slowly. Fill your lungs as much as you can. As you do so, think of your breath as more than just air; it's the essence of the element with which we are aiming to connect. Imagine you're drawing the very spirit of the wind into your body.

Strange to say, but that actually made sense to me. It was how I had brought the wolf and dragon Qi into my body, after all.

Now, with your eyes closed, start to feel the air around you. Picture it like a cloak, flowing gently around your body, resting against and caressing your skin. That soft contact fills your senses with its presence. Concentrate on your intent, my dear. Think about what you aim to achieve through this—this connection with the air element. Focus on the qualities of air—its freedom, adaptability, and its ever-changing nature. Let that intention become a burning beacon in your mind.

The word 'freedom' resonated with me. If water represented calm acceptance and stillness - a state of being that absolutely did not suit me - then the unrestrained nature of air certainly called to me. With a start, I realised I could feel bubbles begin to form within my Qi as if the paint was fizzing in some way.

As you breathe deeply and slowly, envision your Qi merging with the air, like a drop of paint being added to a portrait. Feel the boundaries between yourself and the surrounding air blur and fade away. And with each breath, let the connection grow stronger. Imagine yourself becoming as free and limitless as the wind itself.

The bubbles in my Qi multiplied exponentially and became smaller. Soon, it was like the paint itself was composed of millions upon millions of tiny pockets of air.

Remember, my dear, this isn't a race, and it's not about getting there in a hurry. I can feel you stepping closer in your understanding. But it's a process, much like a blacksmith crafting a fine sword, requiring patience and dedication. You won't see a dramatic change right away, and that's perfectly normal. Keep practising, keep focusing, and you'll see your connection to the air element strengthening.

Even just from this short period of meditation, I could tell that my Qi was ... lighter? It wasn't a massive change, but the flow around my channels felt noticeably more directable.

I sat in a contemplative silence for a good few minutes, just enjoying the experience of breathing in and out. Then, a thought occurred to me.

"Merlin, your element is water, right?"

That is correct, my dear.

"And mine is on its way to being air?"

More than on the way. I can feel the strength of your developing connection already.

I pulled Drynwyn from my inventory. "And the sword's element is fire, I presume?"

If you were interested, its reply suggests you undertake some creative and anatomically impossible sexual practices.

"Okay. Let's leave the mute on for a bit longer." The hilt of the sword glowed white-hot in response. "The mana stones from the Knockers ..."

Yes?

"Do they have any sort of elemental affinity?" I touched the earrings Beocca had fashioned for me.

"Of course. Mana stones are the embodiment of ..." There was a pause. "That is absolutely fascinating, my dear. Do you understand what this might mean?"

"Well, I'm hoping it means that I'm a hero that's gonna take pollution down to zero. With elemental powers magnified, I'm going to fight on the planet's side. And, as a side note, I'm gonna put asunder bad guys who like to loot and plunder. Is that what you're thinking too?"

No.