Do you ever try recalling your earliest memory? It’s something fractured, both in the sharpness of the moment, and the shortness of it. Usually, it’s best to stop the exercise there. That being said, do you ever wonder why this is the first moment you remember? Perhaps there was something beyond explanation or memory that brought you here. What was the extra push that jump started the churning of a system as integral and flawed as our own memory?

That’s the best way I can describe myself. I exist in a moment of pure clarity, but everything around it, the how and why, is nothing more than a wisp of mystery. There isn’t much I can recall before where I am now. I can still see the scars left from the past struggle, but trying to recall details of that past is tricky. It’s all there in our collective memory, but I lack the punch of having a stake in it.

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All that to say that yes, I do have some trepidations of how all this will shake out. Frankly, it’s why I’ve waited as long as I can. He has always been so impatient, though he has improved over the last couple of years.

But these things don’t work on fixed schedules. No part of the universe naturally operates that smoothly. That’s why I’ve tried to delay as much as I can, trying to give him a little more time. It’s not that I fear I’m not ready, If anything, I feel like I’m necessary because at some point we all must eventually move on.

I guess it does sound ominous to say that his days are numbered, so please know that I merely wish to be informative, not malicious. Nothing was ever divided evenly, and that was before he gave up so many of the years he had. The universe likely doesn’t care, and it certainly doesn’t care about time squandered. It brings me no joy to say that his days, in fact, are numbered.