I’m sure you’re wondering how meeting an ex-girlfriend is going to help me steal control from A. Maybe I need to be a bit more transparent about what we’re walking into.
The way that I have destabilized him so far, with doubts, and with substances, are merely hammers and knives chipping away at a massive façade. No, if I really want to take A down, I know that I need more power. This wasn’t the only plan I had, but what better person to topple A than Clara.
Where to begin with Clara? She was like the wave of warmth that washes over you after the first sip of whiskey. One of my biggest regrets is that for over half of our time together, I was little more than an intrusive thought, adrift in the vast ocean.
It’s not that I can’t remember those times. After all, they’re my memories too. But it feels like looking at old photographs from a very young age. I can trick myself into believing I remember it, but that belief is based in hope more than reality.
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From what I remember, those were better times. It makes my hatred toward A grow every time I think about it. How he was there, living through all of those glorious moments, basking in the blessing that was Clara, and yet he still would go on to do everything he did to her.
This won’t be an easy reunion for him. Time might have healed some wounds, but if I haven’t forgiven him, I doubt that she will have. But I know that A won’t run away. He might if he had advanced warning that she would be there, which is partly why this plan has always been a longshot. Isn’t it fascinating how love can be like holding your hands in a fire, but you keep doing it again and again?
I have several pathways forward depending on what happens after this reunion. At the very least, I need them to see each other again. The past is much more powerful than he realizes. Even for a person as “well adjusted” as A. Tangled in the past are the regrets that continue to tug on strings in the present. After this, he will have wandered further into the web.