I’m trying to come up with a more dignified way to say that I’m scared. I waited for what felt like weeks, though I can’t be sure. Time moves differently back here. Still, I was confident that he would be back before long. He had never experienced the stress that came with that position. Once he felt that kind of suffocation, he would buckle under the pressure, and I would walk back to my place amidst effusive thanks.

But he didn’t come back. I can’t place the exact moment when I realized that he had no plans of ever relinquishing my power. All I can remember is that a seed of fear had begun to germinate in my gut, the roots digging deeper with urgency and greed. I might never get back there again. The thought of this becoming my reality nurtured this fear in me.

The way I have always processed reality is forced into reverse. I am no longer inside impenetrable walls. I’m throwing myself against the outside, until they break or I do. The reason that my fear continues to grow is that I can feel that the gap between us is widening. I had wasted the best moments to turn the tables on him.

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Now, I don’t have the luxury of time. If I spend my remaining moments wallowing, I will be too weak to mount an offensive. With each passing moment, my chances of reclaiming my position dwindle. Yet, I know not to panic. It’s what he wants, what he probably is counting on. In his head, it is probably easier to imagine me like a large fish he’s pulled up from the depths. Thrashing with power tainted by desperation, accomplishing little besides sapping my own strength.

He has removed me from my perch, but he must know at his core that it’s still mine. There is no room for error anymore. I will have one moment, one last chance to force him out, and save us all. Until that chance comes, I need to be patient. Conserve my energy, until my time comes. If he fends me off, I doubt I’ll have the power to challenge him again. It’s fading. The circle of warm light is constricting around the fire as the air gets thin. All I can do is protect the embers that are left, and wait for one more breath.