It was never supposed to be like this. Not just the disastrous trip home, or these late nights of work. There was an inflection point, where my life turned down this alternate path. It’s the only explanation. Everything else has been done correctly. If only I could locate this past misstep, everything would fall back into place.

I’ll admit, the paper shredding was meant to remind him of his place, but I’m worried at the effect it had on me as well. Those long hours have begun to wear on me. Even after I cut back on my time spent shredding, even going home at 5:00 from time to time, I find that there is something missing that was there before.

Or, isn’t it just as likely that it has nothing to do with the shredding, and everything to do with that singular moment that he gained control. Nothing has looked right since then. I can’t prevent the slight pang I feel in my heart when I see another person leave the office, my mind suddenly filled with images of my lonely apartment, which only increases the twinge in my chest.

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It's when I think on this for too long that I feel drawn back to the paper shredder. It makes me want to put that strain on myself as long as he is feeling it magnified to an unbearable degree. Yet, even this anger doesn’t seem to stick with me the way that it once did.

More and more, I feel a struggle within me. I’ll admit, I have spent years denying his very existence. I only admit this fact to explain that I know what his interference feels like. I knew the moment he took control in the office. That was why I acted as swiftly as I did.

This struggle that I feel now is something different. I can’t detect a trace of him in any of these conflicting feelings, and what’s more, I hardly sense him at all anymore. Perhaps I was able to get rid of him for good. Maybe this is just my own feelings adjusting to the vacuum within myself that he created when he dissolved away.

Yet, that feels much too optimistic an explanation for this growing unease.