Schadenfreude; that guilty twinge of pleasure at viewing another’s misfortune. It’s funny how some people squirm when considering the moral implications of such a phenomenon. To me, it’s just another part of our collective humanity, as imprinted into our DNA as the ability to walk on two legs and use opposable thumbs. Of course, it is distasteful, but there is no running from it.

Though, I suppose that the pleasure I felt at viewing the sorry state of A might not be schadenfreude at all. Maybe it’s closer to self-loathing, a much more widely accepted practice. Regardless, I was quite pleased at pounding headaches, shifting waves of nausea, and running a low-grade fever.

You shouldn’t feel sorry for him either. I may have encouraged him, but he made the decisions that led to this position. That’s why today feels like any other day for me. My best guess is that whoever is at the helm when a decision is made feels the effects from it. So, while he pilots our standing corpse through all the pitfalls of Thanksgiving, I’m free to sit and watch, freed from his pain.

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What was keeping him going was something that we both felt. That hope that was uncovered last night, I know he feels it almost as much as I do. Reexamining each moment from last night’s long walk gets us through conversations with distant relatives ranging from dull to dangerously stupid.

I’m able to take a breath today. The moves had been made early enough in the game that now I just needed to let my opponent fall further into my trap. We stayed far away from any type of alcohol, and when we awoke on Friday, I could feel the relief in A when he felt he had finally taken a step closer to homeostasis. He was still tired, but that was not enough to diminish the significant improvements.

I don’t even need to pump his subconscious with memories of Clara. Those are blooming wildly through his mind without any of my influence. Instead, I give him space. The more distance between the two of us, the more he will begin to believe that his choices are all his own.

He thinks that there is strength in denying my existence, but in reality, he has put his racket down in the middle of the point. By night’s end, I won’t have this advantage anymore. The strategic loss is large, and unavoidable, but it will also be incredibly satisfying.