What’s even the point anymore? I’d let myself die if I could. Perhaps it should give me comfort, the fact that neither of us appear capable of killing the other. I mean, if I’m not able to do it, what would give him the ability. No, I’m just stuck here.
And where is here? I haven’t been able to recreate my previous abode. It’s been the same black void with the dregs of our life filtering slowly in and out of view. He disappeared when it was time for him to take control back at the river. I’m not surprised that he hasn’t come back since. I believe that I tried to leave this prison early on. I’m not quite sure how long I’ve been here, but I’ve come to realize that this is where I will remain.
I get flashes from time to time. I wasn’t surprised to see that he had brought us back home. It doesn’t bother me. I knew that he would retreat at the first opportunity. He might have come back feeling like he had changed, but deep down, I know he isn’t capable of that. Why would he be? He got everything he wanted out of that trip, albeit through some embarrassing moments.
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It’s that fact alone that begins to revive some of my anger, it pulls me out of the frozen depths of my sadness. If I stop now, then what was my purpose? There is something comforting about going back to my guerilla tactics. He may have beefed up the security around his conscious mind, but I was pleased to see that his subconscious was as vulnerable as ever while he slept. Even if he wants to distance himself from what happened, I can make sure that he at least needs to return to those moments each night.
Even if this is all that I’m able to do for the rest of my existence, I will force him to never forget what happened. I know that I’m pushing my luck. He made it clear what would happen if I didn’t stay in this void. But as I said, if I wasn’t able to kill myself, why would he be able to kill me? Then again… I am starting to feel something different. It’s hard to explain, but I don’t like it.