Bert watched the reactions with no small amount of amusement. Carter Miller, the most friendly of the group so far and the least fake was desperately trying not to laugh, but even turning away wouldn’t hide his shaking shoulders. Abby merely looked stunned, while old man Mason looked as if he was having a stroke.

Curiously, Evelyn was not even attempting to hide the glee on her hawk-like face.

In the end, it was the Master Crafter Bailey who broke the silence. He drew his sizable frame up in an almost frantic pose of gallantry.

“I must ask you to explain that comment, young woman!” He intoned. Attempting to intimidate Bell.

“A madam is the woman who runs a whorehouse,” Bell said flatly. “They are often the most expensive prostitute in town.” She smiled with way too many teeth.

“A simple misunderstanding, I’m sure,” Abby said, stepping forward quickly. She was the only one in the room who had any idea what Bert and Bell were, which may have explained the anxiety. “I’m sure no offense was meant.”

“None at all,” Bell laughed. “I quite like whores.”

“Will you stop using that damnable language!” Mason thundered. “I will not stand for it!”

Bert and Bell exchanged a look.

“We apologize,” Bert said, ignoring Bell, who was rolling her eyes hard enough to dislocate them, “This is the first time we have encountered people of such delicate natures in a long time.”

“Delicate?” Mason chided, “You consider manners and basic decency a sign of delicacy?” He humphed again. “When you are among your betters, it would be wise to keep such ignorance to yourself.”

Abby blanched.

“Maybe I should do a more formal introduction,” She tried, but Bert had hit his limit with the ‘your betters’ comment.

“Our betters?” Bert said. “How do you judge yourself better?”

“I lead a Guild House, boy!” Mason laughed. “What do you lead?”

“A Court of the Fae,” Bell said with malicious glee.

“We suck at meeting people,” Bert said as they walked away from the Guild House, having finally managed to shrug off the ensuing argument.

“Oh, come on.” Bell said, “We were never going to play nice with them, and you know it.”

“Still,” Bert admitted. “We have to have a working relationship with the guilds at least.”

“Hey,” Bell jostled him. “Cheer up. We left without setting the building on fire. That’s progress!”

Bert laughed.

“Did you see her face when I called her a whore?” Bell giggled. “I think her mind literally broke.”

“I thought Mason was going to keel over right there!” Bert could still see the old man's stricken look.

“Not bad for an evening’s entertainment,” Bell agreed. “Come on, let’s find a restaurant and have dinner together!”

Bert happily accepted. It would be nice to do something so normal. Despite the uproar in the meeting, this was their first time in civilization without a major issue. Based on previous experience, that would typically have required the entire population to either be dead or undead.

They were approaching the entrance to a very smart-looking little Tavern, the smells from which convinced them it was a great place to eat when it happened.

“Guards! Guards!” A woman called. Her voice sounded angry rather than panicked… but still.

“Fuck!” Bell snapped. “So close…” She held out a hand toward the tavern. “Alas, we are denied at the last moment!” She pretended to swoon.

“You’ve been spending too much time around the Shadow and his crew,” Bert sighed. “We better go see which one of ours is causing trouble.” He thought for a moment. “I mean, it is possible it isn’t…”

“It’s always our people,” Bell said. “They take after us!”

“The shameless hussy’s are at it again!” The old woman had her hair in a tight bun as she informed the two well-armed guards of her complaint. She was gesturing at a pair of women on the other side of the garden fence, both of which seemed completely normal to Bert.

They didn’t even appear to be doing anything, just sitting in their back garden with drinks and a small meal. It actually looked really peaceful.

Bert and Bell joined the small crowd while the over-armed guards frowned.

“You are quite sure?” He asked the woman again.

“I am!” The old woman clutched her neckline as if in fear. “See for yourselves!”

“And it was in public?” The guard asked.

“Yes!” The woman wailed. “Right out in the open!”

“If you don’t like it, don’t look, you nosy old bat!” One of the women shouted.

“Silence, accused!” The guard shouted back, placing a hand on his sword.

“Accused?” The old woman scowled, “They are guilty! Look at them!”

Bert did. They seemed perfectly normal to him. Just two women relaxing in their own back garden with mugs of something warm.

“She’s got a point, Sarge,” The other guard said. “They are being unseemly.”

“How?” Bert blurted out before he could stop himself.

“Silence!” The Guard bellowed.

“He asked you a question, Guardsman,” One of the ‘accused’ called over the fence, still sipping her drink. “Answer it.”

“I will have silence!” The guard drew his sword. “I am the guardsman here! Obey or be punished!”

“I just asked a question,” Bert said, frowning. “One you should be able to answer.”

The Guardsman turned, glaring at Bert.

“Silence, citizen! I won’t tell you again.” He glowered at Bert.

Bert smiled back; the guard was a bully… they almost all were, but he was just about pissed off enough to-.

“What is going on here?” A familiar voice called.

Abby Hoffstetter strode into the situation as if she owned it.

“Miss Hoffstetter!” The old woman looked relieved. “They have done it again!”

“So I see,” Abby frowned sadly at the pair over the fence.

“And this citizen needs to learn his place!” The sergeant sneered at Bert.

“He is a guest of the Guilds, not a citizen,” Abby said. “Apologize to him immediately.”

The Guardsman looked shocked.

“Why didn’t you say?” The Guardsman hissed. “I would have answered you immediately.”

“You didn’t give me a chance,” Bert said.

“I apologize,” The guard bowed, glowering at Bert the whole time. The look promised retribution at a later date.

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

Bert hoped so… preferably in a dark alley, with no witnesses.

The two guards withdrew, and Abby turned to them with an embarrassed smile.

“I’m so sorry you had to see such unpleasantness.” She gave an awkward little chuckle. “It seems we still have more work to do with this little village, after all.”

She turned back to the old woman and the two ‘accused’ with a serious look on her face.

“Audrey Johnson, Daisy Moore,” Abby called imperiously over the fence. “You are both hereby banished from Avonburgh permanently. You have ten minutes to leave or face summary judgment and a period of enforced guild service.”

“No!” The women both cried.

“It is done!” Abby snapped before turning back to Bert and Bell with a soft smile. “Again, I apologize for the unpleasantness.”

“What did they do?” Bert asked.

“They have repeatedly broken the very reasonable ordinances we set in place for this village,” Abby said, sounding disappointed. “This evening, the offense was to go out in public in unseemly attire.”

“Public?” Bert asked. “They were in their own garden, fully clothed.”

“Others can see them, and every space outside of the personal domicile is classed as a public space,” Abby explained. “And they were shamelessly showing their hair down and wearing trousers to boot.” She shook her head. “We were so clear in the town ordinances.”

Bert and Bell just stared at her.

“You’re shitting me, right?” Bell giggled. “They got punished for wearing trousers and their hair down?”

“We like things neat,” Abby sniffed. “It is simple if they follow the rules.”

The two women came out of the house, desperately pulling bags of goods behind them.

“So they just have to walk out into the snow now?” Bert asked.

“Oh, no!” Abby said. “We are not monsters.” She chuckled. “There is no way they can make it out of the village in time. They will serve a few years as indentured guild members, then released in some other area.”

“They are now our guests,” Bell said quickly. “Attempting to detain them would be a bad idea.”

“No matter,” Abby said, “If they fail the time limit, they will automatically be locked into the servitude contract. We can wait until you tire of them.”

Bert and Bell looked at each other, nodded, and moved. Each of them grabbed one of the women and sprinted for the Waystation.

“What are you doing?” The woman screamed at him as he ran.

“Getting you out of the village!” Bert yelled back. “Tell me when we get outside the limits!”

The screams turned to laughter and cheers as he ran on, Bell drawing level with him without any apparent effort.

“We should have just run this place down!” She called back with a happy smile. “Tell me we are going to do something about this!”

“Of course,” Bert laughed.

“What about the leads on the ruins?” Bell asked.

“We’ll take them out of the wreckage!” Bert yelled as he poured on more speed.

The women claimed they were free and clear before long, but they ran onward for a while, just in case.

============

The others trickled back into the Waystation, loaded with supplies, over the next few hours. Only the orc brothers, Mic and Ric, were unaccounted for.

Everyone had a story.

“There was this one woman we met who had been working for the Guild for ten years without pay or anything,” Lily said. “I had to stop Gavin from headbutting the shopkeeper!”

“I saw it,” Scruff had said. “This place is a sham. There are all these people in back rooms or whatever, and they do all the work!”

“We offered to help one man,” Bud added with a heavy sigh. “He begged us not to. He has a wife and children that he managed to smuggle out.”

“Smuggle?” Bert asked.

“People here are so scared they hide in trader’s carts to escape the town,” Bud said.

“What the fuck did we wander into?” Wendy asked. “This is like something out of a horror story.”

“I don’t know about that,” Scruff said. “It was what the guild in my town was doing. These people have just done it better.”

“Any reason not to just flatten this place?” Bell asked eagerly.

“The servitude contracts would just transfer to the next nearest Guild house,” Bud said. “I asked.”

“Can I just say how proud I am?” Bell said, a hand on her chest, “You are the fourth member of our group to think about flattening this town… It’s like a dream come true!”

“Moving swiftly on,” Bert said. “We are going to have to take a different tack with this one.”

“Like what?” Bell asked. “I want to flatten something!”

“Lily,” Bert called.

“Yes?” She answered, looking surprised to be called on.

“How would you go about encouraging a little chaos in this town?” Bert asked.

The next morning started early, mostly thanks to the return of Mic and Ric. They tried to sneak in, which was pointless when it came to the Waystation, which promptly woke everyone up.

“We didn’t do anything!” Mic complained as Bert and Bell glared down at them.

“Yes, we did!” Ric said defiantly. He stood up to his full height, causing several underused muscles to strain. “And I’m glad we did!”

“What did you two do this time?” Tru’nal had a face of pure thunder.

“Well, there was this girl…” Ric started.

“She was in trouble!” Mic carried on. “We had to help!”

“And this guardsman,” Ric continued. “So we thought we might be able to sort it out.”

“And then it burned down,” Mic added.

“What burned down?” Bert asked, feeling there was a lot left out in their explanation.

“The guardhouse,” Ric said, ducking instinctually as Tru’nal swiped at him.

“Did they see you?” Bell asked thoughtfully.

“No,” Mic said with a smile. “They were busy.”

“What with?” Bert asked.

“The other fire,” Mic said slowly as if it was obvious.

“What other fire?” Bell said with a smile.

“The one behind the Guild House,” Ric said. “That one we did on purpose!”

He grinned.

“Is there any point to this?” Bell asked as they walked towards the guild house later that morning.

“None at all,” Bert admitted, “But we should at least give them the chance.”

“They won’t take it,” Bell said with a grin.

“No, they won’t.” Bert agreed.

There was still a faint smell of smoke around the little hamlet; those fires must have had a bit of fun before they were put out. Not a person moved on the streets despite it approaching midday.

“Spooky,” Bell giggled as she bounced up the steps.

“Not yet,” Bert said and knocked.

There was furious whispering on the other side of the door and even a few distant arguments before it finally opened with a hesitant groan.

“Sorry for the wait,” Abby said. She was dressed as perfectly as before, but dark circles under her eyes spoke of a sleepless night. “We had a few problems last night.”

“No problem,” Bert said, smiling warmly. “I was hoping we could speak to the council.”

“Oh, we don’t have a council,” Abby said smoothly. “We just kind of muddle through.”

“Let’s not play games, eh, Abby?” Bell said brightly. “We met them last night.”

“That is not an actual council,” Abby said, “We just work together for the betterment of all.”

“The betterment of all,” Bert said, “Right.”

“So, how soon can we see them?” Bell asked. “It is kind of urgent.”

“Come in, I’ll try and get everyone together,” She said, “I do hope nothing is wrong?”

“We’re fine,” Bert said, evading the question without outright lying.

They were led into a small waiting room where they twiddled their thumbs for almost an hour. Bell spent the time carefully carving marks into the tables, chairs, walls, and floor. Eventually, he had to ask.

“What are you doing?” He asked as she carefully scoured a long line down the side of the bookshelf. “Are those runes or something?”

“No,” Bell shrugged, “I’m just ruining their stuff.”

Bert found he had nothing to say to that, so left her to it.

============

“I hope this doesn’t take too long,” Mason said, sitting imperiously at the head of the large table, the other members of the informal council around him. “We have much to do and little time to do it!”

“Now, now,” Carter said pleasantly, “They are visiting dignitaries after all.”

“Very undignified dignitaries,” Rachel scowled down the table as Bert and Bell took their seats at the far end of the table.

“Hi, Miss Hooker!” Bell waved happily at the blond woman.

“We’ll try not to take up too much of your time,” Bert said, jumping into the silence before Mason could explode. “Fortunately, this is a simple matter to solve.”

“Delighted to be of help, I’m sure,” Abby said, standing next to Mason and placing a soothing hand on his shoulder.

Bert noted the death glare that Rachael gave Abby, filing the information away for later.

“It’s about the indentured service contracts,” Bert said calmly.

“I’m sorry, they are only given to members of the Guilds,” Mason snapped. “Are we done?”

“You misunderstand me,” Bert said with a smile. “I don’t want to BUY a person or RENT one.”

“Yeah,” Bell added, “We are here to tell you nicely to release them all.”

Silence reigned in the hall for a long moment.

Then, surprisingly, Mason started to laugh.

“Why in the name of the Gods would we do that?” He asked, wiping his eyes clear of the laughter-induced tears. “Free labor is a great boon to the village.”

“Not to mention it is a great deterrent to rule-breaking,” Evelyn added. “And our rules do work!”

“Surely, you must see the perfection we have built?” Abby asked.

“How many people did you have to turn into slaves for this perfection?” Bert asked coldly. “How many did you run off or kill?”

“We do not kill!” Mason slammed his hand down on the table. “Who are you to come here and demand we change our ways?”

“Us?” Bell grinned. “We’re the Fae, you old cockroach. Now do as we ask, and everything will be fine.”

“You are threatening us?” Abby looked appalled. “With what?”

“One, we will not trade with you, aid you, or any of the Guilds in this building now or in the future,” Bert counted off on his fingers, “Two, we will make it known that anyone who does trade or work with this town will be a formal enemy of the Waystation, and the Fae.”

“And third, you’ll piss us off!” Bell spat. “More than you already have!”

“What if we simply do not let you leave this room?” Rachael growled.

“Well, to start with,” Bell beamed. “Our Waystation will drive straight through it!” She looked hopeful. “Please try that! I so want to see it go smoosh!”

“The answer is no,” Mason snarled. “Get out!”

Abby looked hopelessly between the two groups as Bert and Bell strolled out of the room.