Bud saw the Express idling at the drawbridge of the Waystation as he arrived back. He waved to a very grumpy-looking Wendy as he waved the Orcs over to help with the unloading.

He could see Slothy’s pet dwarf and one of the Half-pixie girls helping to hand a veritable stream of metal to the vines that dragged them inside. Scruff was ignoring all of this as she tried to get Wendy to talk.

With a heavy sigh, Bud sped up his pace. That look on Wendy’s face was very much like her father’s.

And it was not a happy look.

“What’s wrong?” Bud asked, looking her over and seeing no injuries or damage to her bone suit that stood next to her.

Wendy just hugged him, crying.

“Okay, I know you’re upset, but why?” Bud asked, pulling Wendy off him and looking her in the eye.

“I’m not upset!” Wendy laughed. “I’m happy!”

“Are you sure?” Bud asked. “This is a lot of tears for happy.”

Wendy laughed between sobs. “I’m pretty pissed as well,” She admitted.

“What did I miss?” Bud asked Scruff.

“I’m not sure,” Scruff shrugged. “She said something about her Dad getting divorced and then…” She waved helplessly at the mess that was Wendy.

“Bert got divorced?” Bud asked. “Gwen’s here?”

“I don’t know!” Wendy sniffed. “Mom flew by laughing and told me Dad got divorced; then he chased her into the Waystation.”

Bud scratched the top of his bony head in confusion.

“I better go check-” He started.

“No!” They both yelled at him.

“What?” Bud asked, “Are they fighting again?”

“Not fighting,” Wendy gagged. “I went to find out what was going on and….”

“And?” Bud prompted.

“They were fucking,” Scruff said simply. “She saw her parents having sex.”

“I take it this is upsetting?” Bud asked.

“Yes!” Wendy shuddered.

“Ach, common, Lass!” Gavin called round the back of the Express, “It couldnae be that bad, aye?”

“There were Multi-Bells involved!” Wendy hissed at him.

Everyone was quiet for a moment after that.

“Let’s, let’s just unload the Express,” Scruff said hesitantly.

“Yeah,” Bud nodded and put an arrow past the orc brothers Mic and Ric as they tried to sneak up the Drawbridge. “You two stay!”

“Just curious!” Mic grinned as Ric chortled.

It took them over an hour to unload the Express, only for none of them to want to brave the drawbridge just yet.

Wendy opened up the sides of the Express, and everyone got comfortable around the fold-out camp.

“You seemed to find a large amount of metal,” Bud broke the silence as he watched Tim try and copy the practice thrusts and strikes that Tru’nal was doing off to one side.

“Yeah,” Lily said shyly. “We did pretty well.”

“We did amazing,” Wendy grinned at Lily. “Our Lily is amazing at finding stuff!”

“How was the tower?” Scruff asked as she leaned back against Wendy’s legs.

“Strange,” Bud admitted. “I thought it was a bust at first, just a bunch of maps of areas we had already been….” He trailed off.

“What?” Wendy asked, her eyes darting from the fire to pin Bud in place. “You found something good?”

“I think so,” Bud grinned. Well, he felt happy. A grin was kind of guaranteed for him, as a skeleton. He pulled out a large, oiled leather map and a book bound in heavy leather.

Unrolling the map on the wooden deck of the fold-out, Bud leaned back so the others could get a good look.

Gavin whistled as he leaned over.

“Is this what I think it is?” Wendy asked.

“I think so,” Bud nodded.

“I don’t get it,” Scruff said. “It’s just a map?”

“No, lass.” Gavin shook his head, “That is a WORLD map. It shows all the different land masses, ye ken?”

“And?” Scruff asked. “I mean, nice, but who cares?”

Bud put his hand on some faint lines that connected the various continents.

“What are those?” Scruff asked.

“Gods Below!” Gavin scrambled over for a closer look, “Tha’s the Gateways, aye?”

“I’m not sure what they are,” Bud admitted, “But there is this,” He flipped open the book, placing it on top of the map. Pages of strange script were broken up by intricate diagrams showing a large structure, and in the center of that structure was a huge opening.

Gavin reached out a hand, stroking the picture reverentially.

“So,” Bud asked. “Which one of you wants to go get Bert and Bell?”

Silence.

“Well, this is unusual,” a voice said from behind Bud.

He spun, summoning his bow, and then lowered it.

“I did say we should announce ourselves,” Lowes said as he emerged from a shadow on the far side of the fire.

“I always prefer to arrive with style,” Reed countered. “Besides, I have absolute faith in Captain Bud.”

“It has been a while,” Bud said. “A pleasant trip?”

“Very,” Reed said smugly. “I do hope our room is still available?”

“Of course,” Bud nodded.

“Excellent,” Lowes said, reaching back into the shadow he had slipped from, “I’m afraid we will need another if that is no trouble.” He leaned back, his hand now being held by the pudgy hand of the most cherubic-looking little toddler girl. The little blond curls bounced on her head as she stared around the fire before seeing Bud and giggling.

“You adopted a kid?” Scruff asked.

“In a manner of speaking,” Lowes said carefully.

“Incidentally,” Reed said, “Are you aware a very powerful vampire is in the tree above us?”

“Hi, Dee!” Wendy waved up. “This is Reed and Lowes, friends of Dads.”

A faint breeze left Dee sitting next to Wendy, her eyes fixed on the toddler.

“You telling them, or should I?” Dee asked.

“Introductions!” Lowes laughed, “Of course.” He smiled, “Everyone, this is our charge, Betty.” He gestured to the girl. “Betty, these are our friends.”

“Hi!” Betty waved energetically.

“You left a bit out,” Dee said, smiling kindly at the girl.

“He worries she will be judged harshly,” Reed rolled his eyes, “Everyone, this is Betty, Death’s daughter.”

“Because, of course, she is,” Wendy laughed. “Hey, Betty, want something to eat?”

Betty gave a delighted noise and tottered over to Wendy, only to stop and stare at the suit of bone and muscle still standing next to the Express.

“Teddy?” She asked.

“No honey,” Reed pulled a horrific assemblage of bone and flesh from his spatial storage. “Teddy is right here!”

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

“Teddy!” She laughed and reached for it. There was a wet, squelching noise when she hugged it.

“Well,” Scruff sighed. “She’ll fit right in.”

“So what did we miss?” Reed asked, pulling the toddler onto his lap.

“And why are we all out here instead of in the Waystation?” Lowes asked, slipping in next to his husband.

“A lot,” Wendy said. “And we are out here because my Mom and Dad are having loud, disgusting sex in there.” She jerked a finger at the Waystation.

“They got together?” Lowes asked, smiling.

“Just today,” Scruff confirmed. “Apparently.”

“How about that?” Lowes beamed at Reed, who sighed and handed him a small pile of coins. “Who could have seen that coming.”

“No one likes a poor winner,” Reed said. “So, what happened?”

Everyone looked at Bud, so he started recounting their adventures to the two assassins while ignoring the adoring looks he was getting from the toddler bouncing on their lap.

================

“Daddy!” A high-pitched voice woke Bert from a well-earned slumber. He opened his bleary eyes a fraction and paused. A fat baby with pixie wings was perched on his chest.

“Daddy!” He looked over to the side, seeing another one.

“Daddy!” Another one pulled at his arm.

“Oh, good you’re up,” Bell said, looking exhausted. There are another five in the other room.

“What the hell?” Bert groaned. “Where did they come from?”

“From what we did last night, of course,” Bell huffed. “Now hurry up before I go into labor again.”

Bert sat bolt upright,” Wait! What?” He caught the one off his chest as it started to tumble off. His hand passed right through it. “Fuck sake, Bell!” He groaned as the little babies turned into smoke and drifted away.

“Your face!” Bell giggled, flashing back into pixie form and rolling around in the air, laughing at him. “When I said the other five were next door, I swear you almost swallowed your tongue!”

“Ha!” Bert monotoned, “Funny pixie!”

“You weren’t complaining last night,” Bell stuck out her tongue and winked.

“No, I was not,” Bert grinned at her. “Want to see if I complain this time?”

“Well….”

“NO!” Wendy yelled from outside the door, making them both jump. “I do NOT need to hear my PARENTS having SEX again!”

“We’ll be right out!” Bert called sheepishly.

“Can’t you just talk to a Multi-Bell?” Bell whined.

“I can’t even LOOK at a Multi-Bell!” Wendy said darkly.

“Ha ha, oops,” Bell flushed.

Bert pulled open the door to his room in the Barn, heading into the common area to find it full. The group clustered around the table even included Reed and Lowes, who they hadn’t seen for a while.

“Morning!” He called cheerfully while trying to ignore Bell, who was sitting on his shoulder whispering truly depraved things in his ear.

Wendy caught his eye and stabbed a length of bacon hard enough to crack the plate.

“Sorry, we must have slept in a bit.” He grinned sheepishly, “It was kind of a long day yesterday.”

“I hear you are recently divorced?” Lowes asked.

“You seem to be taking it well,” Reed grinned at Bell, who giggled.

“It was kind of a whole thing,” Bert admitted. “But yes, me and Gwen are divorced now.

“But enough about that!” Bell said archly, “Too bad, so sad, moving on!”

“How did everyone do yesterday?” He asked, pulling out a chair and grabbing a plate as Bell went pixie and simply started filling her plate by stealing off other people.

He listened raptly to Wendy’s enthusiastic report about her own adventures with Lily, Gavin, and Tim. Once she was done, Bert was grinning broadly.

“That is a lot of sky metal,” Bert said happily, “I was thinking it was time to upgrade Way Way a little.”

“What happened with you two?” Wendy asked.

“Maybe we should-” Bud started, but Wendy simply raised a finger.

“Well, it all started when your Dad decided to choose the middle of a wasteland to profess his love for me,” Bell rolled her eyes.

“I chose?” Bert asked.

“Hush, don’t interrupt,” Bell said.

Bell’s version of events was creative and certainly a lot more dramatic. But she got all the major points across and was having a blast, so he didn’t interrupt. In her version of events, they were star-crossed lovers, fighting their love for each other until they were unable to resist a moment longer. The entire Fae Court was apparently against their union until witnessing their love firsthand melted their hearts, and they blessed the match.

“And that all really happened?” Scruff asked, looking dubious.

“It did,” Bert nodded. It certainly made a more dramatic story than how he would have put it. Two people met and fell in love. All the rest? That was just insignificant detail.

Bell beamed at him.

“Anyway, long story short,” Sha patted him on the head, “He’s mine.”

“Can I ask something?” Wendy added.

“What?” Bert asked.

“Can you two move upstairs, or at least try and keep it down.” She made gagging noises. “And PLEASE close the damn door!”

“Sorry,” Bert said. “I guess we were a bit excited.”

“Now that everyone is caught up?” Bud cleared his nonexistent throat, “I think I should explain what I found.”

“I see what you mean,” Bert said as they examined the book a few minutes later. “It certainly looks like a gate of some form.”

“From what Gavin said, these gates used to link the continents, at least in legend,” Bud told him.

“Used to?” Bert asked.

“They were lost, at least here in this continent,” Bud shrugged. “The people who built them just weren’t around anymore.”

“I think I can guess why,” Bert pointed to a few forms visible on the diagram of the gateway.

“Are they?” Bud peered closer.

“Gnork runes,” Bert said. “I recognize the forms, even if they aren’t the ones I have.”

“Do you think we can find the gate?” Bud asked.

“No idea,” Bert sighed, “But it can’t hurt to look, right?”

“We can go and search the tower again as well,” Bud said. “They had this much; maybe they also have a location.”

“Worth a try,” Bert agreed. “I asked Wendy to take the Express and head over to the site of the old Waystation and grab the materials they left us; when they get back, we’ll take Way Way over to the tower.”

“In the meantime,” Bud nudged the book over to Bert. “Worth a try, eh?”

“Yeah,” Bert grinned, “Worth a try.”

Bert placed his hand on the book as Bud cleared away the map. With a deep breath, Bert reached for a skill he hadn’t used in a very long time.

“Wait!” Bell called, ushering in Lily and Rose. “I want them to see this.”

Bert waited till she had them all in place, then started again.

“Reclaim Knowledge,” Bert said, his eyes closed.

A prickling sensation started at his hand and reached up his arm. He frowned, pushing more mana into the spell.

The sensation increased to a burning, his hand blackening where it touched the book.

Bert took a deep breath, feeling the manatides flowing into him. The burning reduced to a prickle again. Bert poured more mana into the spell and felt a sensation like pushing against a great weight.

“What the hell?” Bert panted, “It’s fighting back.”

“So go all Fae Lord on it!” Bell called. “It was obviously warded.”

Bert laughed and cycled his tides faster, feeling the weight shift just a little. This thing was powerful. Even with his full surge tide hitting it every few seconds, it refused to give way.

He had wanted to try this since he figured out how to do it, so…

Bert held one hand out to his side, fingers splayed. He used that side of his body to pull a massive, constant Ebb tide. His other hand pressed firmly against the book, was pushed into a constant Surge tide. The mana flowed in one side of his body and was funneled through his knotwork, pressed into tighter and tighter knotwork until it rushed out of his hand like a firehose.

The book trembled slightly but held.

“Bloody hell!” Bell said, “That is a lot of mana!”

“Maybe this isn’t a great idea?” Bud offered.

Bert ignored them all, his entire focus on the book. He could drown the damn thing in mana if he connected to Way Way, but it felt too dangerous.

Bert focused on the pull of mana, getting every extra drop he could out of the Ebb tide pouring into him. Once he was sure he could not pull so much as a drop more, he focused on the mana flowing through his knotwork. It compressed the mana, but maybe he could do better?

Focusing on his knotwork, he willed it to squeeze the mana tighter, purify it more.

Nothing.

A crazy idea came to him, and without another thought, he focused on the point the mana was streaming out of him. A Turn rune blazed like a miniature sun the size of a single hair right at the exit point for his mana.

In seconds, the mana coming from his hand was a spinning torrent, a whirlwind of power drilling into the book.

A creak sounded, and then… the world exploded.

Bert woke up to the sound of a slow clapping noise.

“Bravo, idiot!” Bell said, keeping her slow clap going. “You blew it up!”

Bert opened his mouth to respond, onto to pause as a line of black ink swirled across his vision.

“Umm,” Was all he got out before his vision blacked completely, and he was lost in a sea of ink.

Who are you?

The words floated against a constantly shifting background of tiny writing.

“I’m Bert, Caretaker of the Waystation and Lord of the Court of Travelling Lands,” Bert introduced himself.

You are not the Keeper of the Knowledge.

How did you open me?

“Brute force, honestly,” Bert shrugged. “We found this book in some ruins, and I used a spell called Reclaim Knowledge.” The writing swirled again. “It took a bloody huge amount to open you, by the way.”

Where is the Keeper?

“Not sure,” Bert admitted. “The knowledge has been lost for a long time, apparently.”

Why do you seek to cross the Gateway?

“Because I want to see it all,” Bert smiled. “I want to explore everywhere in this world.”

You seek knowledge?

“Yes, well, sort of.” Bert shrugged. “Mostly, I just want to see it all, ya know?”

You seek this forbidden knowledge, this great secret, just to look at things?

“And meet people,” Bert admitted, “Maybe sell some meals or maybe a beer if our new dwarf can brew it.”

You spent all that mana just to cross the gateway and maybe sell some beer?

“I didn’t know you could make writing look so sarcastic,” Bert said flatly. “How are you doing that?”

There really is no Keeper?

“I’m sorry,” Bert admitted. “Maybe they left through the Gateway?”

This is puzzling.

“I suppose it must be,” Bert admitted.

You are clearly an idiot, and yet you meet the criteria.

“Rude,” Bert laughed. “But probably fair. What criteria?”

You wanted the knowledge, and so I give it to you, Keeper of the Knowledge.

“Thanks,” Bart said carefully. “Why do I feel like I am missing-”

Bert gasped as his mind was flooded with images, ideas, and memories of a civilization he had never seen. They passed faster and faster through his mind until he was no longer even sure which was which.

“Ow.” Bert gasped as they finally stopped. “That was a lot.”

Book of Secrets

Soulbound

Indestructible

Upgradable

Contains designs, concepts, skills, and classes of a lost civilization.

As Keeper of this book, you may use it, as well as allow others access.

“Well,” Bert laughed. “It’s never dull around here, is it?”