Sonny’s twin blades clanged against Bert's shield as an arrow bounced off his shoulder plate. He ducked behind his shield, releasing a blast of mana through it to send Sonny flying. The man was determined, however, and kicked off a tree in mid-air to strike at a different angle.
Bert slammed him away with his shield, firing his prosthetic arm’s crossbow form at the backline fighters as he did so. The bolt sank into the shoulder of their ranger, eliciting a scream of pain as the chill rune froze the wound.
Gavin charged to Bert’s left; the new axe extended into a dwarf-sized halberd as he slashed at the quickly retreating rogue that had tried to flank them. While Bert blocked a fireball with his shield, he saw the two mages nod to each other, separating to attack from opposite sides.
Bert’s next bolt found the ranger again, slicing open his leg and taking him out of the fight just in time for Bert to trade blows with Sonny again. He rolled under an ice bolt and blasted Sonny back, but the man was learning fast, dodging and rolling to try and tie up Bert’s attention.
The mage behind him screamed, and Bert turned to see a black-tipped spear had sprouted from their chest. The moment of distraction cost him, and Sonny’s left blade darted past his shield, stabbing dead center into his chest.
CLANG!
Sonny stared at his blade, lodged barely a millimeter into the new chest piece. Bert grinned, activating Shield Charge at point-blank range. He heard the sound of breaking bones, and Sonny was flung limply across the clearing.
He groaned as the rogue jumped over Gavin, landing behind him, blades flashing in a rapid series of strikes. Gavin collapsed, vanishing as he hit the floor.
A spear drove down into the Rogue from directly above, growing as it fell.
Gavin appeared, the spell broken, behind the mage with a roar and buried his axe in the woman’s back.
Blood flew from her mouth, and she fell forward.
“Where did the healer go?” Bert asked, unable to see the man anywhere.
“Over here!” Lily called in a sing-song voice.
Bert and Gavin hurried around the trunk of a large tree to find the healer. The man was waving his arms wildly, mana flowing out of him and into the trees around him.
“What the fuck?” Bert asked.
“He’s bravely healing his dastardly allies as they fight the unremitting Fae,” Lily said seriously before breaking into giggles. “Shall we kill him now, or wait till he runs out of mana?”
“None of the above,” Bert said, trying not to laugh as the healer let out a grunt of effort and cast a powerful heal on a small shrub. He grabbed the man by the back of his robe and yanked him backward, dragging him toward the groaning forms of his surviving colleagues.
“What in the-?” The man sputtered as he saw their bleeding and battered forms.
“Shut up and get healing,” Bert said, throwing the man down in the center of the clearing.
Sonny looked quite amusing, trussed up like a turkey, glaring around his gag. The others were allowed to walk, minus the three corpses, which Bert was dragging along with the protesting Sonny.
“You know,” Bert said causally, “You really are a strange man, Sonny.” He glanced back, seeing murder in the Delver’s eyes. “I mean, what was the point of all that, really?”
“Murdlerlf!” Sonny screamed through his gag.
“Really?” Bert shook his head, “No, sorry. Can’t follow. I guess we’ll just ask the others.”
It only took a half hour or so to get back to the thorn and vine walls of the camp. Bert dumped his cargo in the gate and waited.
It didn’t take long.
“What happened?” Mandy came over with hands behind her back, no doubt resting on the handles of her daggers.
“This lot attacked me and my party while we were in the woods,” Bert said flatly, not bothering to hide his irritation. “Something about our gear.”
“Bullshit!” Mandy hissed. “Not even Sonny is that stupid!”
“They said there were seven of them and only two of us, ye ken?” Gavin said, resting his arms on his bloody axe. “They must ‘ave forgot about our Lily,” He grinned. “Dunnae think that’ll happen again, aye lads?” He kicked one of the surviving attackers in the back of the knee, sending them sprawling.
Mandy sighed, fingers pinching her nose as she winced.
“No chance we can just forget this, right?” She asked.
“All Delver’s Guild members are banned from the Waystation from now on,” Bert said blandly. “Other than that… fuck ‘em.”
“Wait, wait!” Mandy said, “We can work this out,” She thought quickly, “We can give you this bunch of idiots share of the loot! How about that?” She smiled hopefully.
“Forget it,” Bert chuckled. “They paid us in garbage and then got pissed when I turned it into something good.”
Sonny’s eyes bugged out at that, and he seemed to be trying to chew his way through the gag.
“May I?” Mandy asked carefully.
“Sure,” Bert waved her over, and she removed the gag.
“You made that stuff out of what we paid you with?” Sonny asked, “I don’t believe it!”
“Don’t care if you believe it, asshole,” Bert chuckled. “Come on, people, time we hit the road.”
“Wait one second!” A man stepped out from behind the wall.
“What, McRae?” Bert asked tiredly.
“Just… well,” McRae held out a token bearing a hammer against a stone wall. “You’re entitled to this.”
“Builder’s Guild seal, huh?” Bert fed it some mana and watched it flash. “Cheers.”
“I’ll not pretend to like you, boy,” McRae grunted, “But you sure can build.”
“Thanks, I guess.” Bert shrugged. “See you around, old timer.”
McRae just waved and walked off.
===========
“What the hell now?” Bert grumbled as he saw the line of people waiting outside the Bear’s Fall. They were all carrying packs; a couple even had a small wagon with them.
“Hello!” Abby said as he pulled alongside of her spot at the head of the line.
“What’s this?” Bert asked.
“We wish to book passage to the next town,” Abby said with a hint of formality. Her eyes wandered to the splashes of blood on their gear. “Is this a bad time?”
“Why didn’t you ask Bell?” Bert frowned at her.
“She said, and I quote, ‘Only if Bert says yes,’ and I decided not to push the issue,” Abby said with a touch of hurt pride.
“Okay, but you have to pay your way,” Bert said. “We need information; you need travel.”
“Agreed,” Abby said with a small bow. “What do you wish to know?”
“Let’s start with the location of more Ruins like this and go from there,” Bert said, leading her up the gangplank.
“Delighted,” Abby said, turning once to look back at the snow slowly starting to fall. “I will be overjoyed to leave this desolate place behind us.”
Abby was true to her word, and the first leads on the next few ruins arrived before he had even finished getting cleaned and changed. His new armor was great, but he still liked to relax in the simple shirts and pants that the Waystation provided.
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Way Way was starting to make changes to the things they provided now that they could see. He was still not sure how much had changed with how they saw within their own land. One thing that was certain was that they wanted more color about the place.
That was why he found himself wearing a pair of plain cotton and leather trousers in a dark grey matched with a violently pink shirt.
“Can we tone the color down a bit?” Bert asked.
“No, I like it!”
Bert ignored the sniggers as he strolled up the train and tried not to laugh himself as he entered the bridge. It seemed the Waystation’s new fondness for color had found its way into the wardrobes of every member of the team. He pointedly ignored the scowling farmer dressed in a neon green outfit so bright it seemed to glow every time they went into shadow and the equally grumpy Wendy in a polka dot coverall and admired Bell, who had won the color lottery.
She was sitting happily in her chair, a beautiful mustard yellow dress clinging in all the right places.
“Can we talk about the color thing?” Scruff asked with a hint of desperation in her voice.
The room suddenly went black as the crystal windows disappeared.
“I think that’s a no,” Bert said.
Light returned to the bridge.
“We ready to go?” Bell asked, idly flicking a knife in the air with one hand. “Getting bored here.”
“Yup,” Bert said with a smile. “Everyone is on board, and we are heading back the way the wagon train came. Should be a decently easy trip.”
“I’ll drive!”
The train started to crawl forward, swinging wide around the astonished wagon train, who all turned to gawk as they passed. The Waystation picked up speed as they cleared the wagons and followed the flattened earth road that the Wagon Train earth mages had created.
It took less than five minutes after they had passed out of the valley before it happened.
“Are we there yet?” Bell moaned.
Bert joined the Orcs for some training while Way Way followed the road. He wasn’t actually hiding from their guests; he just preferred not to have to deal with them directly. It was nice to burn off some extra energy against the orcs, especially with Lily joining in.
It was much more of a challenge than it used to be, but once Lily started playing with illusions, it skyrocketed fast. The fight sped up as the brothers flanked him while Tru’nal pressed him.
A sudden charge from Mic vanished into smoke as a wooden spear bonked him on the head.
Lily giggled.
“No one ever looks up!” She laughed, rolling back and forth in the air.
Bud grinned from the corner while Bert rubbed the small bump forming on the top of his head.
“Why aren’t you wearing a helmet?” Trun’nal asked with a scowl. “We need to train with full gear.”
Bert had been really hoping no one would ask.
He summoned his helmet and tried to ignore the stares.
“You forgot to upgrade the helm?” Bud asked carefully.
“It won’t upgrade,” Bert whispered.
“Pardon?” Bud asked, with a wide smile stretching his skull.
“It won’t upgrade!” Bert said, flushing slightly as the copper pot remained steadfastly stuck on his head.
He stalked out of the practice rooms as they roared with laughter.
============
“Well, that’s certainly a choice,” Bell giggled as Bert slumped into his chair on the bridge. He had emerged from having a wash to find his clothes had once more changed color. His entire outfit was now a dark grey with bright copper pots emblazoned with delicate stitchwork all over both the shirt and the pants.
“I didn’t choose it,” Bert sighed. “But I have to admit, I kind of like the shirt.” He grinned.
Bell narrowed her eyes and considered it, “Yeah, me too.” She flopped back in her chair. “Did Abby give you the details of the city yet?”
“I, uh, have kind of been avoiding them,” Bert admitted.
“Me too,” Bell shrugged. “I’m tired of talking to people; it’s more fun when they are running screaming for the hills.”
“Do you think we are getting anti-social?” Bert asked.
“More anti-asshole,” Bell grinned. “Speaking of which…”
Bert looked round to see a woman in a long green dress standing in the middle of the road and waving her arms.
“We could run her down,” Bell said. “She’d probably get out of the way in time.”
“Naah,” Bert sighed. “We better see what this is all about.”
“Fine, but if anyone needs killing, I get to do it,” She grinned and summoned her armor. “You got to kill the last ones.”
“Hey!” Bert protested, “I didn’t kill them; Lily and Gavin did.”
“Still counts!” Bell called back as she headed for the side door of the bridge as the Waystation rumbled to a stop.
Bell trotted down the steps and leaped the last few feet to the hard-packed dirt with effortless grace. Bert just tried not to slip. He was still in his regular outfit and had just remembered that did not include shoes.
“Who are you, and what do you want?” Bell said brightly, spinning her Ringer in one hand as she stalked towards the woman.
“Thank the Gods!” The woman brushed her messy black hair out of her eyes with trembling fingers as she tried to look past Bell to see Bert. “I need help!”
“Same questions, but this time I hit you if you don’t answer,” Bell grinned.
“Can you call off your attack dog, please?” The woman asked Bert.
“THE FUCK SHE JUST CALL ME?” Bell said, mouth a perfect ‘o’ of shock.
“You probably have about three seconds to live, so talk fast,” Bert advised.
“My group was with the wagon train, but we broke down and got separated,” The woman said with a nervous smile. “We are desperately in need of help, and shelter, good sir.”
“So it’s an ambush?” Bert asked.
“What?” She asked, starting to look nervous.
“It’s an ambush,” Bert said to Bell.
“It better fucking be,” Bell said.
“I promise, good Sir, there is no-” The words cut off as the woman collapsed.
“Wasn’t me!” Bell said quickly. “Is she dead?”
“No,” Bert sighed, “She’s faking… look, her chest is moving, and she keeps peaking whenever she thinks we aren’t looking.”
“This… is kind of pathetic,” Bell said. “I feel embarrassed for her.”
“Me too,” Bert sighed. “Oi! Piss off out of the road, will you?”
“Mom?” A boy came out of the scrubs on the side of the road and gave a theatrical yelp. “Mom!” He rushed over to her, crouching down and pulling at her dress. “Please! You must help my dear mother!” He wept and then looked confused for a moment. He stopped and took a small scrap of paper out of his pocket, then muttered for a minute before finding his place. Once he had, he tucked it away and began to beg with huge gasping sobs.
“Woe is me! Woe! Woe, I say!” He turned with a trembling lip and gazed beseechingly at Bell. “Kind lady, won’t you take pity on a poor boy in need?”
Bell just stared.
“Is this a joke?” Bert asked. “Do you have prank shows in this world?” He looked around. “I feel like someone is going to jump out and say they fooled us at any second.”
“How is that funny?” Bell asked as they turned and walked away.
“Hey!” The ‘dead’ woman called. “Aren’t you going to help us?”
“You never actually said what you wanted help with,” Bert called over his shoulder. “Other than maybe some acting lessons.”
“Wait!” She called desperately. “I’ll tell you.”
“And then, we were lost in dark woods for a year!” She exclaimed. “Now it is just my dear son and me; so desperate for help are we.” She looked at their impassive faces. “And the boy is sick!” She nudged the boy.
“Cough,” The boy said.
He didn’t cough, just said the word.
“Okay,” Bert clapped his hands together. “Well, that was fifteen minutes of my life that I’ll never get back.”
“She still didn’t actually tell us what she wants!” Bell rocked back and forward, laughing.
“A lobotomy?” Bert guessed. “Come on, let’s go.”
“Awww, but they’re fun!” Bell protested. “We should help them for amusement value alone!”
“How?!” Bert yelled in exasperation. “They won’t tell us what they want!”
Bell was now laughing so hard she was having trouble breathing.
At this point, they had also attracted a crowd. A good few of the crew and guests were gathered around the pair, all wearing the same expression of horrified awe.
“How do they talk so much without saying anything at all?” Wendy asked. “Is it some kind of spell?”
“Please, do help us, dear people!” The woman held her hand out in a vague approximation of an imploring gesture.
“How?” Bert demanded. “HOW. CAN. WE. HELP. YOU?” He spoke loudly and clearly.
“Tis a long and terrible tale!” The woman declaimed in a shaking voice.
“Of Woe!” The boy pointed out.
“Of Woe!” She agreed. “For our people are trapped in the deep dark woods!” She pointed.
“That?” Bert asked, looking at the small and picturesque clump of about four trees. “That is not a wood… that is not even a cluster!” He pointed his shaking finger at the pair, “That is four trees! You can see through them!”
“Small dark wood?” The woman tried.
“Fuck it!” Bert threw his hands in the air. “Let’s just run them over!”
There was a yelp behind them, and a ragged-looking man in dusty clothes ran out from the Bear’s Fall, his pants on fire, while Tim chased him.
The group caught him, and Bud pulled a wriggling Tim away before he could light the man on fire again.
“Hah!” The woman yelled exuberantly. “You have fallen for our ploy!”
“And now we vanish into the night, all your riches in our hands!” The boy added.
Eyes flicked back and forth between the woman and child and the obviously captured thief.
“It’s noon!” Bell said, collapsing into giggles again. “He said they would vanish into the night… and it’s noon!”
“He didn’t even take anything,” Lily said, appearing in the air above the man. “He literally just walked around, and then Tim saw him!”
“None can see the shadow!” The man proclaimed loudly.
“Do we… do we need to take care of them?” Bert asked, completely at a loss. “It seems like they need professional help.”
“We can’t just leave them here,” Wendy laughed. “It’d be like leaving a puppy on the side of the road.”
Bert felt his first migraine coming on since arriving in this world.
“Come on then,” Bert sighed, giving up.
“Caught! Alas! Flee!” The boy called as Tru’nal gently took his hand. “Woe is me!” The boy intoned as he followed the orc with no apparent attempt at resistance.
“None can hold us!” The man yelled as Bud threw him over one bony shoulder.
“None can hold the shadow and his aids!” The woman called back as she followed them happily into the Bear’s Fall.
“This fucking world just gets weirder,” Bert shook his head and walked back to the Bridge. He stopped, went back, and picked up Bell, who was still laughing too hard to walk.