The Vespidian
Arc 4 Gonna Need a Hero
Chapter 3
The very next day I learned about what the Junior team usually did, which was to patrol Down Town. We reported things to the Over Seer. It was more or less the command center, basically 911 for Supers. It dispatched more people depending on situations. We relayed the location and what was going on. If we needed medical care then we asked and ambulances would be sent out, same for if we needed the police. We were firefighters and rescue workers after all, so we technically did not have the authority to arrest criminals. In other words it was not our job. However if required we could drag them in and hand them over to the proper authorities.
At the moment me, Glide and Sunshine were in a group, while Disk and Squeeze were in another, on the opposite side of Down Town. Disk and Squeeze were over by the arcade center and I bet they were just dicking off. My group was currently near the border of the Market District. To be honest it was boring. We were literally camped out on top of a Colonel Chicken joint, waiting for something to happen. I was devouring a bucket of chicken with reckless abandon. The barbecue wings were to die for, so spicy and tangy. Now if only this scorching sun would take a hike. The others were sweating, but I was nice and comfy in my air conditioned suit. Honestly it was kinda unfair, but then again if it did not have the air circulation it would be unwearable.
“What do your elf eyes see up there?” I yawned.
“Would you stop that? I am not an elf,” said Glide a little flustered, not that you could see his face, but you could tell by his voice. He was hovering about ten feet above us.
“It was a compliment, geez. You did not answer my question.”
“For the twentieth time, nothing to report. I will tell you if I see anything. Besides you should be looking too.”
“Right, right Captain.” I lazed there licking the left over sauce out of the bucket. It really was yummy.
“Nee-san you should take this seriously,” absently said Sunshine, looking to the east.
I peered over the side and tossed the empty container down into a dumpster, before sitting up in a lawn chair. I was the only smart one and after hearing that we would be here for a long time, I got a chair from the hardware store across the street. So there I was cross legged and blankly staring out over the edge of the city. It was comfortable that being said though, I was restless. The only thing on my mind was that I should have grabbed a beach parasol, while I was over there.
“I am always serious. I can see and hear everything for at the least a few blocks. It is just boring. I should have brought some weights, hey you think that guy will mind if I bench press his car?”
“I would assume that he does not want people messing with his stuff.”
“What about that dump truck?” I asked hopeful, I mean it was just sitting there.
“Stop thinking about it and look around will you?”
“We have been here for three hours and nothing has happened. Is it normally like this? Should we change locations?” I asked.
“More or less. That is good though it means nothing bad is happening. The rotation is in another hour.”
I nodded in agreement, that was certainly true. “I was wondering. Why did we choose a Colonel Chicken place anyway? Not that I am complaining about the grub, but it is kinda weird.”
“It is one of the taller buildings in the area, makes it easier to look over the place.”
“It would be cooler if we staked out a tall building with statues and stuff. Then I could be all like I am the night! Wringing my hands with thoughts of devious villains and how to crush them. It just seems so romantic.”
“Watching too many hero cartoons?” he laughed.
“A little bit. Hey, if I see some sketchy guy riding a unicycle and holding a purse, while fleeing from an angry woman, what should I do?” I asked, glancing up at Glide.
“That is awfully specific, why do you ask?”
“Well... cause I see that very thing,” I replied, looking back down at the drama unfolding in a back alley. “I am assuming I should stop that guy right?”
“Yeah at the least see what is going on.”
“On it Cap.” I took a step before lunging into the air, darting towards them.
The unicycle screeched to a halt, when I descended cutting off the escape route. It was a clown... of course it was. I hate clowns granted I think just about everybody does. On my list of things that I despised they were number three, number two was snakes, number one would be communists and or libtards they are basically the same thing after all. Oh god, commie clown snakes. Now that is nightmare fuel. The bastard honked one of those little horns, giving me that I am in a hurry look. Does it look like I care? Clearly I care not for your clowning around.
He had a striped purple and yellow suit. Green scraggly hair and a bright red nose. Huge flipper like shoes. It was hideous, an affront to all that was holy and the thoughts that he should be purged with fire came to mind. I am not one for genocide, but if there was some crusade to wipe the Earth clean of clowns well... I would sign up in a heart beat. Burn the witch- I mean clown. Suffer not the clown to live! Abhor the clown, destroy the clown! Kill it before it can breed! Alright, I think I got it all out of my system.
“Move it bitch you blocking the way,” he said, as the fuming woman was closing in. She looked like one of those spicy Latinas. Tight jeans and a white tank top. Long dark pony tail and drawn on eye brows, you know the kind that make you look surprised all the time. I never really understood why people did that. It seems to me that it would be better to just not have the eyebrows.
This ought to be interesting. I folded my arms glaring at him while he circled to stay on that thing. “You realize I am a hero right?”
“Well obviously,” he rolled his eyes and my fists tightened, I want to punch him so bad.
“Devuélveme mi bolso!” She screamed, looking like she was about to shank a bitch, not exaggerating here, she had a knife.
“Hey you just going to stand there? This bitch is crazy,” said the clown.
“What the hell do you want me to do? That is her purse isn't it?” I asked, pointing at it.
“Clearly this is mine.”
“You got some serious problems if that is really your purse.”
“It is a cosmetic bag. I just came from a kid's birthday party.”
“Man who the hell do you think you are fooling? Give it here and maybe I won't let her have a go at you.”
The woman closed in with the knife trying to get at him and I held her at arm's length by the face, so that she could not stab anybody. She certainly tried though, swinging the knife at me. This was just getting out of hand. If you wanna wild cat don't do that shit here. He did not look happy at all, but I snatched it away and rifled around for evidence. It was pretty damning, her id was in here. I handed it over and the clown was trying to escape. He had already started cycling away the moment I got the bag. Where do you think you are going?
Righty grabbed a trashcan and bowled it at him. Strike! Nice shot Sub. The unicycle spun away as garbage fell all over the downed clown. Sunshine's knights materialized blocking off that end of the alleyway. They formed ranks advancing as a wall of glowing metal. He was trapped like a rat. Even he realized there was no out and quickly surrendered. Glide cuffed him and just when I thought it was over the lady started snapping her fingers, this won't end well.
“Perra puta que cortar!” she screamed fighting my grasp.
It was not exactly hard to hold her, it was difficult to not tear her to pieces. “English please! I don't want to hurt you. Just calm down.” oh shit... when has telling a woman to calm down ever not had the opposite effect?!
She snapped her fingers and glared straight at me. “Don't talk like you know me coño!”
Somehow I get the distinct feeling I should be offended by that, not sure why though. One would expect her to at the least be thankful that we helped her. This is America right? Or did Bronson California turn into northern Mexico when I was not looking? Shouldn't she be speaking English or something? This is that lack of assimilation thing, well at any rate she is not doing anything wrong besides trying to cut somebody. What, does she hate clowns almost as much as me? Does that even really matter right now? I rubbed my helmet exasperated, what the hell is wrong with people? “Cap what should I do with her?”
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“You wanna press charges?” he asked her, making sure to keep the guy away.
“Si,” she nodded, calming down a little.
“I thought switch blades were illegal?” I asked, looking over the knife as she put it away in her purse.
“They are, but I don't particularly want to get involved any more in this.”
“Good point we will just let the cops figure this out.”
Glide had already called it in and so we waited for the police to arrive. It took a good ten minutes, which was rather concerning. If this was something important, I get the feeling that something really bad could have happened. It seemed a little slow in terms of response time. Not bagging on them, just wondering if there was some faster way to deploy them. They pulled up in a cruiser, not one of the new armored units that helped with Super or extreme violence cases. The boys in blue gave a nod and dragged away the woman and the clown. The unicycle ended up in the trunk. I suppose that was an eventful start for the day. Makes you wonder what Disk and Squeeze are up to.
Those shenanigans sorted out we returned to our roof top vigil. Although I am trying to make this sound cool, it really is not. I pulled my chair beside Sunshine, kicked my legs up and leaned back. She smiled a little and I got out my gameboy ready to embarked upon a magical Swolomon adventure that would teach me the meaning of life and true friendship... alright maybe not life that is stretching it a little too far. The way I saw it was that I had at the least two hours before something else happened. I was feeling frisky so I started up a Nuzlocke challenge. Basically if a Swolomon faints it dies and I can't use it anymore. I also have to catch the first one, when I enter a new area and can't catch any others. You also had to give them nick names. These were self imposed rules to make it harder. It made things rather interesting. Since I like turtles, I started with Swolosquirt. I named him Mister Soaks. Cause he going to get all the panties soaked.
“Mecha Fairy would you stop playing games and pay attention,” said Glide, looking down at me. The battle theme glaring while I pummeled some wild critters.
“Yes, yes. What do you want?” I asked not stopping. Why should I? I can see everything for three blocks. It is called multitasking.
“Put that damned thing away and pay attention!” he yelled.
Slowly I tilted my head back to the point that a normal person would snap their spine. I stared straight up at him. “Dude what!? Nothing is happening. What the hell you got crawling up your ass? Just yesterday you were bitching at me about being too serious. Now I am not serious enough? Make up your fucking mind man.”
“Now, now guys lets not fight. Nee-san must be paying attention, she did see the clown,” said Sunshine. I nodded with her. See she understands.
“Don't take her side, she is just goofing off. What happened to that serious air you had just yesterday?”
I flopped back on the hard roof. “Look you want me to get burnt out on this shit or what? I have the attention span of a flea so unless I get entertainment, I am liable to sleep.”
“Sleeping is fine. Just don't play games.”
“Hold on, I gotta consult the Helix Fossil.” I replied and he said. “What the hell are you-”
I put up a finger to silence him, “My Lord and Master Lord Helix demands that I cast down the false god Dome Fossil. For he shall lead me astray like a lost lamb from the flock of the righteous. This should take about twenty minutes to revive Lord Helix and cleanse this sinful woman of her miss deeds. My soul is at stake here.”
He stared at me not knowing what to say. Glide scratched the side of his helmet, “What the hell is wrong with you?”
My head twisted as I looked up at him and he winced. “Can you spare a minute to hear about our Lord and Savior the Almighty Helix Fossil?!”
“Just play your damned game and keep it to yourself.” he looked away.
“Your sins are heavy young elf. Come consult the Helix and let his eternal forgiveness flow through you. Only through his sacrifice might you be saved from eternal damnation!”
“Please Mecha Fairy take this seriously. You are starting to scare me.”
“Sorry, sorry. I was feeling the holy spirit there. So should we be going or something?” I asked folding my chair up and tucking it under my arm.
My jet roared to life and I shot away from them. Glide cut me off. He was faster after all and shoved a palm onto my chest to make me stop. “Where do you think you are going?”
“On patrol obviously. Sitting here ain't going to do shit.” I snapped back, knocking his arm off of me. Why am I so angry? Sure it is irritating, but this seems irrational. Don't tell me it is that time of the month or something. Wait that can't be right since I got no eggs. Still trying to figure out how this body works. No, I know why. It is because he won't let me play my games. That is like taking the gym from a jock, a computer from a nerd, or sports tv from a football fan.
“Then say that. Communicate with us so we are on the same page. Moving locations is not a bad idea, I was getting restless myself.” he replied.
Sunshine rose up beside us on her giant pink butterfly. If you looked closely the patterns appeared to be eyes. A little weird, but it was so fluffy and soft it was easy to forgive. I plopped down behind her to ride this thing. The wings flapped slowly, majestically, generating more lift than they should. Honestly I was jealous as hell. If only my wings could be so fancy and actually work this good. Why did I have to be a wasp and not a butterfly? I hope Chief makes those wings soon. After all I wanna be a real fairy. Well, I guess I can settle for a mechanical one at least.
Now that I think about it, I really don't know too much about the rest of the team, I was avoiding it. I have a little bit of a better feeling for them now so it would not be bad to... bond? That is what a team does right? Although it has only been a couple of days since we met, I might be rushing things. However, if it will make the team work together better, then it will be worth it. If I can just figure out what pisses people off then I can avoid it. I suppose first on the capture list would be Sunshine. I mean there are event flags everywhere, I should just get it out of the way. Her bunny ears danced on her head while she bobbed it back and forth to some song. It was oddly catchy, honestly it fit her bright and shiny personality. It was bubbly.
“What are you listening to?”
She blissfully pointed her fingers through the air and waved them. “Nee-san has not heard Doo bee doo bee doo? You never heard of Schnuffel Bunny?!”
“Nope.”
Pink mist formed and two speakers floated to our side. The resonance stabilized and some poppy islandy music gushed forth. Rainbows started looping everywhere around us and riding them were bunnies. Oh God, am I dreaming? Where will you be when the Sunshine kicks in? I slapped myself across the helmet. Yup definitely awake. Sunshine sung while going pyon, pyon with her hands. Stop it Sunshine, stop being so adorable. I can't handle it. I might try to snuggle you to death. Oh that is an idea. I should make her some cute fucking outfits. Why did I not think of this sooner!
“Doo bee doo bee doo, you are my sunshine.
Doo bee doo bee doo, you make me feel fine.
Doo bee doo bee do, you feel the same way that I feel? Oh, yeah.
Doo bee doo bee doo, you're like the moonlight.
Doo bee doo bee doo, you light the dark night.
Doo bee doo bee do you know you're the one I really like?”
She continued her merry humming after the song had ended. It was childish yet fitting for her. I spoke up, “I have been wondering. Why are you so happy all the time?”
“Oh that,” she smiled, raining kittens in our wake. “My antidepressant medication. Three pills a day keeps the doctor away.”
“Whoa, whoa!” I yelled. “Hold on, pills are not apples! You take meds?”
She nodded. “It is not that bad. It used to be so much worse before Sunshine started sessions with Dreamer. She makes all the bad things go away.”
I cringed, “You actually let her in your head? She is fucking scary.”
She had a beaming grin that blinded me. “She is such a wonderful person. Sunshine meets her once a week. Let's see we started three months ago? Sunshine suffers from chronic depression and suicidal tendencies after all. Before Sunshine became a hero and met all these wonderful people things were so dark and colorless. Sunshine just wanted to make it all stop you know?”
“Holy shit.” I stared at her flabbergasted. It was hard to even think what else to talk about. “If I ask something that you don't like just tell me. Life is worth living alright even if it does not seem like it. Look you got me ok.”
“Oh? Nee-san concerned about Sunshine desu?”
“Who would not be? Is there anything I can do to help?”
She seemed lost in thought for a moment. “Sunshine is fine. Sunshine has been a lot better lately! Every day is bright and colorful desu~ The cotton candy clouds let me know everything is going to be ok! See that one looks like a bunny.”
Vaguely she pointed up at the sky and I followed where she was pointing. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Is she insane? Well she is on drugs, maybe she should get off of them? I mean that can't be healthy and she let Dreamer in her head. There is no telling what she did in there. I am worried, really worried. “Hey umm how bad is it if you don't have your meds?”
“Sunshine does not want to talk about that. Dark and scary. Dreamer taught Sunshine a secret spell to make pain, pain go away.”
She wore a pained smile and looked away. I felt tears running down my face. The only thing that came to mind was to hug. It felt like I needed to glomp her so hard that her little heart will be put back together! I held her and she looked around not sure why I was doing that. How could I not after hearing something like that? She was like some sort of small furry animal, completely adorable and it made me want to protect her. I guess those who smile the most are the ones in the most pain. I stroked her glowing rabbit ears, they were soft and it seemed like she felt it. She quivered a little.
“Hey if there is ever anything you want, just let me know alright?”
“Nee-san is so nice. Well there are a few things Sunshine has always wanted to do but since Sunshine had no friends she could not.”
“Don't worry.” I laughed, rubbing her head. “I will hear you out so ask away.”
“Can we... can we do our nails? Sunshine has always wanted to go clothes shopping, get our hair done and maybe a trip to the spa?” she started out so strong, but then wavered remembering what I look like under the suit. What the hell kind of life have you lived Sunshine!? When she continued she sounded depressed. “Oh... well sorry, forgot you can't really do those things. Forget Sunshine ever said anything. Very impolite even though Nee-san was being so nice.”
“Don't sweat it. I will go with you even if I can't do those things. Kinda feels like a date huh? Guess that makes me the boyfriend. Don't worry I will treat you and hold the bags.” I laughed.
She went beat red and got all fidgety. “If Sunshine is good enough, desu.”
Wait a minute... Not you too Sunshine! What are you getting embarrassed about?! It is not like I am hitting on you or anything. Calm down will you. Oh geez what did I just do? I was only trying to be friendly and it turned into something else. Damn you pheromones! Get me the men damn it the men! What the hell even is this? Can I not have friends? I want some girl time! For once God, clam jam me, twat swat me or something, please I am begging you here. I seem to be lost, where is the friend zone? It should be around here somewhere, right next to self loathing and broken dreams. People are always bitching about it and yet where the hell is it? I just want something normal you know, is that so much to ask for?
“You like men right?” I warily asked. She nodded and I said, “We are like normal friends right? Nothing weird?”
“What do you mean weird, desu?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.
“Don't worry about it!” I waved my hand defensively. If she does not know, then she does not know and let's keep it that way. “We are friends. You are like my bro and we fighting off skankubus, can't let the space bimbos win right?”
She wore a pleased look and laughed, “Certainly not. The powers of love and peace will conquer their vile plans! Lust and Villainy never win of Love and Virtue!”
“Alright well when you wanna do that girl's night thing just tell me.”
She nodded vigorously. Good it looks like we got that sorted out. I still can't believe that she is on meds though, well I guess I can, but it is still surprising. I wonder what made her so depressed? How did she get her power anyway? Something tells me the two are related. Well for now I will keep my antenna out of it, don't want to open any cans of worms by accident. I was naturally very curious about it, but caution seemed to be the best course of action here. She will open up about it when she feels comfortable.