Vespidian Arc 3, Chapter 3

I could hear Sub in my head, she still had that accent... it was her Molotov impersonation. 'Captain's log, supplemental. USS Ma Dick has averted disaster by skin of balls. We managed to jettison robo snake uprising into cold space. Phase missiles broke the Probeulon line and we were able to successfully escape. It was a hard fought battle that will be remembered in the glorious annals of the Kitten Kingdom. Many lives were claimed but the Kitten Kingdom shall not fall! Only I and my number one have survived. Low oxygen levels forced us to huddle together naked for warmth. However now we face our most dreaded of foes, The Rapist! It will be our final battle, to my wife and children I say goodbye. Fleet Admiral Sub signing off.'

Just stop it will you? For the last time it is a Therapist. I never should have watched Next Generation. You make me wonder sometimes Sub. I sat at my little table. It felt like I was in preschool or something waiting for attendance. I wonder what they are going to do? It is just talking right? How many of them are there going to be anyway? My fingers tapped idly while Neon Nurse poked her head in. As usual her metal uniform was pristine and white. The pink shroud of light illuminated her from the glowing tubes carved into her fake flesh. She smiled vaguely sitting across from me.

“Are you excited?” She asked.

“Should I be?” I sneered. “What exactly am I up against here?”

“Don't think of the caseworker as an enemy. They are just going to ask a few questions. Think of it as somebody you can vent to.”

“What is to say they won't just ship me off to the loony bin?”

“Just keep the dark stuff to yourself. Remember what I said about the neutral line? Work with them, but keep the crazy stuff to yourself.”

“I can do that I guess.”

It took only a minute or so for a man in a gray business suit to show up. The undershirt was a red button up and his tie blue. He looked to be in his thirties, well groomed, almost immaculate in his appearance. He must be a clean freak or something. There was not a single wrinkle in his suit. He wore sunglasses even though we were inside. The more that I looked the shadier this guy started feeling. His brown, short hair was slicked back. He set his briefcase on the table.

“Neon Nurse.” Said the man. “Staying out of trouble?”

She grinned. “Of course I am, Mark. I don't have that much free time for shenanigans any more.”

“You two know each other?” I asked looking between them.

“She had a little run in with the law a while back. How long has it been? Five, six years now?”

“Neon Nurse got in trouble?”

“Mistake of youth I suppose. You know how I get when I discover new things. Back then everything was new and I had no boundaries.” She smiled shyly.

“What exactly did you do?”

“Well it is a bit embarrassing to say.” She replied looking away.

Mark laughed a little. “She was caught for abducting animals off of the streets and experimenting on them. At the time she was in a gang. She stepped over the line when she started taking pets.”

“So you were doing stuff like Mittens?”

“No, he is the culmination of my animal research from that time. None of the early ones survived. When they had caught me I had already moved on to human testing. Success is brought to fruition through the many failures along the way.”

“Did you kill anybody?”

“Luckily no and using what I had learned I was able to start creating my own body. I was sort of desperate at the time. We will finish this conversation some other time I have some rather pressing business and you are in good hands. I will leave you to it.” She gave me a hug before leaving me with this man named Mark.

“Hello Vespidian.” He said with a rather cheery tone and he reached out to shake. I took the hand giving it a firm shake. “Strong grip you have there. Mark Dirkstein at your service, you can call me Mr. Dirkstein or Mark if you prefer. I am your lawyer.”

“My lawyer?” I asked scratching my head. “I thought I was getting a therapist.”

“Oh you will be in a few minutes. I was hired by Dr. Arbor to make sure things stay on the straight and narrow. I am a defense attorney for Villains and luckily for you I am one of the best.”

“Hold up. Why the fuck do I need a defense attorney?” I put my hands on the table looking him over.

“You might not need me.” He said pulling out a cigarette, lighting it. “However you might really need me. Dr. Arbor seems to think somebody is out to get you. I am mostly here as a precaution. Essentially I am going to be sitting in on your sessions and making sure that the shrink is on the up and up.”

“Is this going to cost me anything? I know you lawyers are blood sucking money grubbers.” I stared at him with my squinted eyes.

A smile cracked on his face and he chuckled. “I think we are going to get along just fine. Dr. Arbor is paying for my services, so no, you are in the free and clear. You should know it is good to have your own blood sucking lawyer to fight off other people's. Costs a lot less in the long run and protects you from the worst of the consequences.”

“So I see. Well then Mark. I suppose we are going to be the best of friends for a while.” I smirked and a shiver run down his spine.

He glanced over his Rolex. “Looks like we still have a few minutes before the therapist shows up. We are going to establish some ground rules, basic stuff. Read over these documents when you have time.”

He handed me some papers. They looked important and official with stamps and stuff. I have never been one for legal documents so this was some uncharted territory for me. I tried to read it, but it might as well be moon speak with how much legal jargon was in there. No wonder you need a lawyer to deal with this shit. I could not make heads or tails of it so I just set it back down. I was not going to sign anything unless I knew exactly what it did.

“I don't need to sign this stuff right away do I?”

“No.” He sighed. “You do not need to sign that at all. You need my help more than you think if you can't even read my business itinerary.”

I lay my head down on the table. This was going to be harder than I thought. The door opened after a few minutes and in walked this chubby woman with overly curled black hair. She had green eyes and a small nose filling in the center of her pudgy face. Her clothes were professional although a bit more unkempt. They were not made to fit exactly, some were a little tight and others were a little loose. Where Mark had been perfect she was something of the opposite and looked a little out of her element here. Something about her seemed disarming.

“Oh shit.” She said staring at me. I could smell her fear as she looked me over. “Of course I get stuck with the freak. I did not sign up for this.”

“You know that is offensive.” Said Mark with his arms crossed.

“Well excuse me. I got the case file like two hours ago and told to go see if this...” She said looking over the papers in her clipboard. “Vespidian? What the hell kind of name is that? What even are you?”

“I am Vespidian. It is who and what I am. Since I am being forced to do this I am rather open to your questions, if you have them. Let's get this over with, I get the feeling that I scare you.”

“You are not going to eat me are you?”

“No?” I replied with a huge yawn that unhinged my face and my tongue scratched underneath my eye. “Why would I eat you? You don't even look or smell tasty.”

“That is a relief.” She said though I knew full well she did not feel that way. “I did not have much time to prepare so for the moment we are going to do some basic things. First I would like to start off with learning more about you.”

“Just calm down.” I smiled vaguely. “I don't plan on hurting anybody unless they hurt me. If you have already read my record you will know all acts of violence I have committed so far have been in self defense or under provocation. Though I might look like this I am still very much human on the inside.”

Mark was off to the side with his phone out. Not that he really mattered at this point. I was not exactly feeling any sort of apprehension about talking to this woman. If anything she was scared of me. Sub however started getting paranoid and thinking that she was acting and this was all a clever ruse to fuck me over. Perhaps caution would be best. It is not like I want to tell this stranger my darkest secrets or anything. Then again it is very hard to fake fear and this little piggy was soaked in it. The vague idea that maybe she would taste good if left to marinate for a while and slowly be smoked came to mind. Sub we talked about this, no eating people!

She stuttered a little. “So... so how about we start with who you were before this happened to you?”

“You should mention that you are recording this conversation.” Said Mark glancing up from his phone.

“You are recording?” I stared at her. I did not even see her start up a device or anything. She might be far more formidable than I thought.

She placed her clipboard down and made sure that the cylinder shaped device was in full view and turned it on. “It seemed to have slipped my mind. Sorry about that. Well then shall we get this started?”

I squinted at her. “Before that I have a question. What is your name?”

Her face turned red as she wiped away some sweat with a little handkerchief. “Oh dear me. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Marilyn Mickenson. Since I have been assigned to you I will be your counselor, psychiatrist and if need be therapist.”

It was hard to get a good read on her she seemed so harmless yet Sub was worried. She could generally get a better sense of the subtle things and relay them to me. Granted she is paranoid as fuck so I should take it with a grain of salt. First of all, aren't those all separate professions? This was not sitting right with her so I was going to proceed with the weariness of the hunted. “I am Vespidian that is all.”

“Well sure that is who you are now, but I want to know where you came from. It will help me understand you better.”

I glanced over at Mark and he nodded. Guess that means it is ok to talk about. “Not too much to say. I was born and raised here in Bronson, California. I went to the Chaplain Escalator School for elementary through high school and I played baseball.” The only reason I even knew that was because Dad told me on a few of the visits. It was awkward to say the least, probing for information while pretending that I sort of remembered things. I felt so guilty about it when he looked so happy talking about my birthday parties and old friends that I had no recollection of. I could only lie and smile to not hurt him. It left a bad taste in my mouth, but it would be worse if he knew.

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“This is your life story. Surely there is more to it than that. What was your name back before all of this happened to you?”

“I am a Super. Why should I tell you my civi name? That stuff is secret you know.”

“You could just answer me and make this easy or of course this turns into a non compliance issue and I still end up finding out after a bit of leg work.” Marilyn patted down her sweating neck. She smelled like soured milk, covered in cheap perfume. My antenna squirmed a little, to her distress, which made the smell even worse.

I see your game. Want to look me up on your free time? I will throw a little curve ball. “My name was Walda, but to me that life is long gone. It is nice to look back at but I know that it will never be mine again.”

“So you have come to terms with your predicament?”

I looked at my hand for a long moment. “More of been forced to cope with reality, but yes I suppose I have.”

“What do you plan to do once you are released?”

“I want to be a hero. Do something productive with this... curse? Gift? Not too sure yet. Make up for the life that I had squandered.”

“What do you mean squandered?” She asked scribbling things down.

I hesitated to answer. How deeply did I want to even go with this? Not like she can get too much out of this if I am vague about it. My hands tapped the table. “I was a deadbeat with no job, no real friends, I leached off of my parents and I wasted all of my time playing games.”

“What is wrong with playing games?”

“I did it far too much. Would spend days in front of my computer playing non stop. It was not healthy and I know it. Now however I want to help people. If I can save lives, bring down bad guys or just be of use, well, I will do it.”

“Why would you want to be a hero? What really drives you?” She asked giving me a deep look.

I thought on it. What the hell does drive me? Why do I want to be a hero? This was a fair question and I was grasping at straws to rationalize it. Slowly my thoughts came together and I finally answered. “What perk would I get for being a villain? I would be hunted like an animal, forced to fight for my survival in some shady organization, at some point I would probably even do something stupid like robbing a bank, people would get hurt and there would be a line of no return that I would not want to cross. Being a villain just sounds awful and pointless.”

Marilyn wrote away and after a few minutes the scribbling stopped. She looked me in the eyes. “Have you never thought about the money? The power? The freedom? That comes with throwing the laws aside and doing whatever you want.”

“Are you trying to convince me to be evil?” I asked looking between her and Mark.

He pushed his sunglasses up with a stern look. “That is a very valid point. Care to answer miss Mickenson?”

“Usually when someone turns to crime it is for those reasons.” She puffed up like a toad that was threatened. “I found it odd that she did not mention them.”

“I see your point, I guess. Money is nice, power is good too, at the moment though I yearn for freedom above all else. Sure I could take things, but what use would they be if I got caught and thrown in jail, or worse. Power in those circles is only good so long as people fear you. You lose just once and your rep takes a nosedive. I look at villainy and even with all this power at my disposal I see only pain and suffering. It is just not worth it. I can obtain all of the above and much more by being a hero. So why would I throw it away to be the scum of the earth?”

She wrote for a while longer the only sound in the room was her pen scratching at the paper. Honestly I wonder why she does not have a laptop and type everything. She would stop here and there to gather her thoughts before continuing. My hand propped my drooping head. I was growing bored of this whole thing. Was this it? This was literally what kept me caged for two months? My fists clenched with anger and I took a deep breath letting it go.

Marilyn pulled out a picture and held it up for me to see. It looked like some blobs or something. “We have made a fair amount of progress, but let us move on to a little test. Ever done an Ink Blot test?”

I shook my head and looked over at Mark. He nodded dismissively. She continued talking. “It is very simple just look at the picture and tell me what you see. Remember there are no wrong answers and you might see more than one thing in the picture. Tell me everything that you see.”

Mark interjected. “These tests are not very reliable so don't worry too much.”

I nodded. “Alright I guess.”

I took a better look at that first picture. The lines moved about and a clear, distinct image formed. Sub and I discussed it for a moment and came to the same conclusion. I said. “Two bears high fiving with a mushroom cloud in the background?”

She wrote it down nodding vaguely. Then the next appeared. This one was rather simple as well. “Two bears holding an egg, while dancing around a butterfly and flipping everyone off.”

This was kinda fun. I smiled, looking over the next picture. This one was a bit harder. Sub was seeing shit that I was not and I was seeing things she was not. She started to get the idea that we should come up with the most fucked up answers just to mess with this person. I on the other hand wanted to take this seriously. After I had heard what she saw, it polluted my mind and ended up being a case of what has been seen cannot be unseen. We ended up combining our answer.

“This one looks like a few things. The middle is either a gaping vagina after a porno where she had a train run on her or it is a bird. Then there are two starving guys holding a cup between them or they are playing paddy cake. Inside of the guys are alien parasites, eating them from the inside out.”

Both Mark and Marilyn stared at me then at the picture. I started to feel awkward as hell. See Sub this is why we can't have nice things! I muttered. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No.” Said Mark looking the picture over very carefully. “You have quite the knowledge of adult films.”

“Internet. I seen some crazy stuff. Honestly that is rather tame compared to a lot of the stuff I get off to.” I replied. He gave a worried nod. What I am being honest here!

She however did not say a word just writing more things down. After a couple minutes she pulled out the next picture. I thought on it for a few moments, tuning out Sub. “It is either two women fighting over a handbag or two ballerinas with chicken feet dancing. In between them is a feminine torso, just the torso.”

Neither of them said anything to that one. See Sub that is normal so keep your shenanigans to yourself. You might not be taking this seriously, but I am. The black and white picture was taken and replaced by yet another. This one looked pretty damned cool. “It is a giant female robot with huge arms and shoulders pads. The bottom looks like a bit like rocket flames.”

Mark raised an eyebrow to that one and Marilyn was silent as ever. After she finished another card was set before me. What the hell even is this? “It looks kinda like a man bat flying through the air. No wait I think it is fluffy bunny.”

She started scribbling away like mad after that one. Did I say something wrong? It is what it looked like. She put another and I looked it over. There were a few things in there. “The sides are armless tyrannosauruses with humpbacks sitting on top of one another in a bathtub. In the middle is an angel.”

She pulled out another and I stared, trying to form things. Then I saw what horrors were on that page. I did not even need Sub's sabotaging to realize I might be fucked in the head. My mouth opened then snapped shut before I could utter a word. My mandibles clicked with irritation. If I told them what I saw here they would write me off as crazy and then I would never get out of here. After a little bit I censored it down. My tongue wet my lips. “Ok this one there are two lizards? Maybe lions? Not sure some kind of animals crawling up the side of the mountain. The bottom is a pelvis. The middle there are two snapdragons or vaginas, they have wings.”

Mark was rubbing his face a little, but he was not questioning what I saw. Marilyn scribbled up a storm and I started to regret mentioning the lady bits. I guess that is what I get for being somewhat honest. Hey this is a hell of a lot better than what I really saw. It reminded me too much of the deep dark place in my head. Sub does not even go there. I rested my head for a moment on the table scrubbing my mind clean of that image.

She pulled out another inkblot and I gave it a good looking over. It was rather interesting looking. Nothing too crazy. “Looks like two man birds with beaks perched on ledges looking out over a city. They might also have huge dicks... never mind just their knees, false alarm.”

When the hell was this going to be over? I am not sure if I am having fun anymore. She kept jotting things down and then pulled out another and said. “This is the last. Be thorough, I want to hear everything.”

My eyes gaped. What the fuck! Is this the spawn of Satan or something? I mean shit. I started to panic she was looking at me like a hawk and writing stuff down already. There was not much time to think. “I see a man near the bottom with elephants at his side and up above him is some sort of evil fantasy villain. There are a couple of butterflies to the sides. Dicks! There are dicks everywhere!”

She was giving me a very critical look. Did she know I was lying? Does she know what I really saw!? Damn you piggy you won't drag me to the depths of hell! I straightened my face out and made it hard as stone. The only way through is to bluff and put up a strong poker face. I gave her the blue steel or at the least my rendition of it. I could see the sweat pouring down her face as she gawked at me. It was a staring contest at this point, a battle of wills and I was not going to lose to some fat pork chop! She relented and I sighed inwardly. I yawned as though I was bored and not sweating bullets inside of my carapace.

“So how did I do?” I asked lazily although my voice was a little shaky.

“No idea.” She replied packing up her stuff. “I will get back to you next week on your results.”

“Am I stuck in here for another week?!”

“No you are free to go.”

I sat at the table drained as she walked out. Mark stepped over. He pat me on the shoulder. “Seems to be in the free and clear. I will see you next week.”

I nodded. “Glad to have you.”

He left and I sat alone in my room. My bed was inviting and there was no resisting it so I flopped down curling up with the Nick Mouse doll that Molotov gave me. It was so soft and fluffy. Sleep came fitfully, but once it did I was in deep.

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Thank you for reading everyone ^^