Wenberheim 182

Paris informed me that an entire four months had past while Caerwyn and I were in the realm of desire, and I had never felt guiltier in my life. To think I had become so selfish to abandon my friends for so long. Terry and Mother would have been so disappointed. The last thing I wanted to do was fail that sweet boy.

Paris took me inside Castle Nui, away from the cheering and admiring crowd—some of which were quite literally throwing themselves at my feet—and into our old and comfortable quarters where I sat down on the bed with tears of relief and comfort in my eyes.

Paris looked down at his feet. “I… Of course heard what happened to Terry. That girl he was courting—the sweet peasant girl—is absolutely devastated. I’ll miss him too. He was such a sunny and kind young man from what I saw of him.”

I could tell he was sincere. He had light tears lining his eyes. I feared I would never be unable to weep whenever somebody mentioned Terry.

His death hurt more than my own family’s death. My eyes flooded with painful tears as Paris comfortingly hugged me and kissed my face.

A guilt in my heart reemerged as I knew Caerwyn must be sitting somewhere by himself and longing for my embrace as he had lost his loyal and loving squire who probably meant just as much to him as he did to me. And here I was not only betraying his affections, but Paris’ as well.

Paris kissed the ruby ring on my hand and said to me with a wobbly voice, “Mimi, I’m sorry I’m such a worthless coward. You were right to call me that before when I wouldn’t rally the knights for you. I have heard of the pain you suffered and I wanted nothing more than to… Than to make myself pay in some sort of way for not fighting for your safety.”

I shook my head and pulled him closer. “I was wrong to call you that. There was nothing you could have done. I was cruel and hasty with my words and I should be the one who is sorry.”

Paris wiped his tears away and managed a smile. “But you know what? With what you called me and everything that happened… I thought I would have—I would have…”

He looked down at his wrists and I put my hands on them and kissed them.

He went on bravely. “I thought I would have harmed myself again--but I have found something inside myself that I did not know was there. I just thought of what you said about holding my head high and standing up straight… And I remembered everything you had been through and how strong you are despite all of it. You have always clung to life, despite suffering worse than I ever had. You brought humans and moths together and you opened my heart and saved my life. God, it would be such a waste to ever consider throwing such a precious thing away again after that. You made me strong.”

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I smiled and I felt like I could finally do it, then. I coaxed the bird out of his head with soothing words and soothing hands and I knew his eyes would be forever blue from then on.

I took a moment to just hold him and weep happily as I understood him completely at long last.

At the core of his being was simply a man who suffered—a man who brought such suffering upon himself for no good reason—and he had found the strength to allay that man’s eternal suffering so he could live normally like the rest of us.

“What happened Paris?” I asked him after I freed the bird from his head. “How did you escape and rally all these people?”

“Meridi brought the army of Gracet and broke me out with her powers gifted to her by the moth god and told me everything you had done behind my back.” Paris said with a grin. “Honestly Mimi… You are so conniving. Arranging a ball so you could have a word with your people.”

I giggled at that and replied in surprise, “Gracet is now allied with Nui?”

Paris nodded and gave me a kiss on the forehead. “There is talk around all the kingdoms—I don’t know how it was spread—of a lady so good and kind that she brought moths and humans together in a single year and made the kingdom of Nui the happiest and most prosperous place of all for all its citizens. Many kingdoms were inspired by your story and—I guess I got to share in your success because they all thought I must be a good and kind man as well because as soon as Gracet came here to rescue me from the occupation with the intention of wanting to meet you, more kingdoms came and joined the alliance and had nothing but praise for both me and you. They wanted me to lead them, and I found the charisma and confidence to ask more and more kingdoms for help while you were away. Most of them came due to the carefully worded and heartfelt letters I wrote them about you.”

Paris placed a hand on my cheek and looked at me intently. “I never thought a woman could have such power.”

I kissed his nose and replied, “I’m so proud of you, Paris. I don’t think they would have come if you hadn’t inspired them to. How did you know I would appear in Nui?”

Paris looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. “Nobody knew where you or the templar were… Many thought you were dead—myself included… And I wasn’t sure I could make it without you, but a woman appeared to me in my dreams. A woman made of water who told me you would appear in Nui on this day at this time having overcome much trauma and suffering and finding the love in your heart again. Did you… Did you find it?”

I nodded silently and thought of my strength—Terry and Mother—and looked upward toward the heavens. “I found it.”

Paris looked down. “Mimi, I’m not sure you’re ready to read it just yet, but… The peasant girl —Lina—who Terry was courting said he kept a journal and she said she wanted you to have it.”

Paris stood up, opened a drawer in the desk, and retrieved a thick and torn journal with a brown cover and placed it in my hands. My eyes immediately flooded with tears as I held the journal close. I asked Paris, “would you mind giving me some time alone to read a little of it?”

Paris shook his head and left me for a time.