Tujuheim, 180

I am well enough after resting and eating to continue writing now, diary.

The templar gave me a plate of food, but I turned my face away from it. “I do not deserve food, good knight. I am still content to die in this castle where I belong. Surely I am as evil and as driven by base instincts as these hideous giants if I was not worthy of rescue…”

The templar assured me. “I rescued you, sweet girl. Clearly you are worthy of rescue or God would not have let it happen!”

“Then why was I forced to watch princess after princess get rescued as I was left to rot for eight years!” I cried.

“I… I did not know it had been so long for you…” The templar consoled me sympathetically. “But there must have been a reason for your suffering. You will find out what it is soon, princess. I am sure of it.”

I did not understand what he meant. “The reason for my suffering is plain; the moth gods have deemed me a passionless and ugly woman and sentenced me to death.”

The templar gazed at me silently for a moment, and then he shoved the plate of food at me. “Your gods may say that you are unworthy, but mine is telling me something else entirely about you.”

His god meant nothing to me, but I asked sarcastically, “oh? What’s that?”

“That you have a grand purpose worth the price of your suffering…” He grinned at me reassuringly.

I looked down. What a nice idea that was… Even if I ultimately thought it silly.

I gingerly took a piece of cheese from the plate offered to me for the templar’s sake. While I ate I asked, “what is your name, Sir Knight?”

“Caerwyn. What is yours, princess?” Caerwyn inquired.

“Mimi.” I replied. “You are…”

I looked down shyly while I ate. “You are very—pretty.”

He backed against a wall and sunk to the floor, stretching out his legs in front of him with a little smile. “You think so? I prefer handsome, but I’ll take pretty. That’s usually what everyone calls me.”

I was glad he was receptive of the compliment. I didn’t know how to compliment humans.

I looked around at our surroundings. This was the type of crack in-the-wall in which rats would lurk in human and moth castles, and I hoped the castle did not have giant rats running about!

There were certainly cobwebs, but they were moth and human-sized, thankfully. Otherwise, it was just a dirty and dark hole. I was so tired of filth and darkness.

Tears came unbidden to my eyes when I thought about it. I buried my head in my hands and sobbed for all my lost time.

“Oh, come now, no tears…” The templar scooted over to me and reached out a hand to try and comfort me, but withdrew it when he remembered he was not allowed to touch me. “Have courage, princess. Have passion for the fact that you are here. You have been tested and you will be stronger for it.”

I took a moment to dry my eyes and let myself mourn my lost time before I continued eating and asked him, “why did you come here, Caerwyn? Surely it wasn’t for me…”

“You are wrong; it was for you. A princess came to our temple and begged us to come rescue you. She told me she had already begged her beloved to rally their army to come get you, but he would not. Not even any of the good templar knights were willing to come but me.”

I sniffled. “I am glad she was kind enough to come get you, but I am heartbroken to hear that no one wanted to come but you…”

Caerwyn sat cross-legged and was thinking of something to say to me to make me happy. Instead, he avoided my gaze and told me what he was really thinking.

“Princess, you must understand, many of our pilgrims come to moth territory on religious journeys and have been killed because of it by your people. I know you are guiltless of any crime, but humans have genuine reason to fear you.”

I wasn’t sympathetic to any pilgrims; I couldn’t be when I had lost so much time at the fault of humans. Any of them could have rescued me, but none did. I had been starved and deprived of any loving contact for eight years. At least those pilgrims died quickly.

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But there was a more pressing question I had.

“Caerwyn… Why did no moths come to rescue me?” I asked him

At my question, Caerwyn looked at me with his pink skin going white. He looked away. “I do not know, Princess.”

“You lie to me?” I asked him. “You are not good at lying, Sir Knight.”

“Ah Princess…” Caerwyn said with a heavy sigh. “Please do not press me on this...”

I narrowed my oval eyes angrily. “Sir Knight, these are my people. If you know why they did not come, please tell me.”

“I shall tell you when we make it out of here. I promise, and a knight is bound by his word.” He assured me.

I blinked nervously. I didn’t press him; my heart was telling me that I did not want to know the fate of my people. “V-very well…”

I ate the whole plate of food and then scooted a little closer to him. He looked visibly uncomfortable and scooted away from me.

“Why do giants capture princesses anyway…?” I wondered aloud.

“I do not know… There is a theory that most humans are uncomfortable with which states that humans were once giants, but slowly changed into intelligent and civilized creatures. They still have a desire to gaze upon pretty women, however.” Caerwyn said and winked at me mischievously.

Oh my! And why shouldn’t he! I am the prettiest and most sought after princess around! I am a sweet and innocent thing that needs rescuing and…

I must stop with my childish and inflated ego... I knew he was just trying to cheer me up and boost my confidence after being rejected by so many men for eight years. I knew now that my girlish dreams were stupid and silly. I had to grow up now. No more daydreaming and unrealistic pursuits.

“Eat up and rest, Princess, and we will get moving again when you are ready.” Caerwyn told me kindly.

“I am tired of sleeping, Caerwyn.” I said to him, finding some amount of courage in my meek and passionless heart. “If we are going to go, we may as well go now. Lead on, Sir Knight.”

I climbed to my feet and fell back down.

Caerwyn chuckled. “Princess, you must stretch your legs a little more. They haven’t seen much use of late, after all.”

I turned to him and made an accusing face and wanted to order him to help me up, but...

He could not help me up. He could only encourage me to get up. I had to do this myself. I climbed to my feet again with my vision swimming and walked around. I slowly gained strength as I walked.

My heart just wasn’t in it, however.

I thought, once again, of the eight years I missed that I could have spent with my family. I wondered what my little brother was up to—the precious adorable brown moth!—and father who spoiled me endlessly and told me no mothman was good enough for me, and mother…

Mother was so quiet and so poised. So good at mediating father’s rare fights with kingdoms we were allied with.

She was a woman filled with quiet passion.

I lost my courage and strength and fell down again. I hugged my stomach and cried pathetically at my powerlessness. “I am so frightened. I cannot find the strength to stand. I wish to see my family again, but…”

The templar knelt by my side. “If you really wanted to see them, you would quit whining and stand. Your family must mean nothing to you if you cannot even find the strength to make it back to them.”

I glared at him and climbed to my feet to prove him wrong.

I used my hands as leverage and pushed myself to my feet. And suddenly…

I found strength in my legs that I had never found before—even when I was well and happy—I had a goal. A noble goal I wanted to accomplish that instilled me with power.

I walked around for a long time in that dusty, gross little hole in the wall, and Caerwyn gave me water when I was finished. I turned to him with a smile and asked, “proof enough for you that I want to see my family?”

Caerwyn returned the smile. “Proof enough, Princess. How about your wings?”

I was curious about them, myself. I jumped into the air and tried to flutter them, but my wings would not budge.

I had worry buried in the depths of my heart about my wings. They weren’t working at all.

Caerwyn saw the look of devastation on my face. “Let’s not worry about your wings, Princess. I am sure they are fine. Are you well enough to try to escape?”

I wasn’t listening; something told me my wings were dead and they would never work again.

“Princess…?” Caerwyn prompted me.

I took a deep breath and pushed my worry aside before turning to him determinedly. “I am ready.”

Caerwyn peeped out of the hole we were hiding in and my heart froze as a giant stomped by. I screwed my eyes shut with fear.

“Be brave, Princess. I need you at your best and finest.” Caerwyn encouraged me.

He gave me no time for doubts; he dashed out of the hole and down the hall when the giant had past by. I was falling behind quickly as I tried to run after him.

Caerwyn was naturally more in shape than I was.

We heard another giant approaching around the corner of the hall.

My heart thudded in my ears and I was a mass of panicked emotions and terror.

Caerwyn stopped in his tracks and came back to me. “Princess, to the shadows!”

I followed him to the shadows of an open door—we tucked ourselves between the frame and the wall of the room it was touching.

From behind the door, I heard the giant stomping down the hall and I hear him stop and sniff in front of the door.

Caerwyn, who was peeking around the door frame next to me, told me to stand back.

All I could see was his back, and I closed my eyes in fear. Suddenly, the giant pressed his cheek to the ground and looked under the door. I nearly shrieked as I was met with its ugly, one-eyed face.

Suddenly, a gigantic hand reached toward Caerwyn and I clapped a hand over my mouth to keep myself from screaming.

“Pretty girl!” The giant yelled in Common and cupped him with both hands.

I cowered further into the corner of the crevasse between the door and the wall as the giant lifted Caerwyn out and continued fawning over his beauty.

“Prettier than moth girl!” The giant exclaimed.

“Unhand me or I will be forced to act!” I heard Caerwyn yell at the top of his lungs.

I heard the giant’s footsteps thudding recede down the red-carpeted hallway. In a moment, I found courage enough to peek around the door to see the giant heading back toward the dungeon.

My heart dropped.

I could do nothing. I was a worthless and silly girl and I was going to let this poor man be caged. I hugged my knees and wept bitterly. I knew I couldn’t escape without him.

I have no more courage to write right now, diary.