It was awkward with just the three of us when we arrived at the private dining hall. Terry was silent and picked at his food nervously as I made pleasant conversation with his father in his stead for a time. Eventually, however, his father addressed him.

“Well, Terry. I think it’s time you took your final vows and became a full templar. You have displayed a marked improvement in behavior and I hear good things about you even in Ironwall. I hear he even saved your life, My Lady, and I hear he has become a fine gentleman.” His father said amiably.

Terry cleared his throat. He looked at me first, and I nodded at him encouragingly, and then he looked at his father and said reluctantly, “yes, father…”

I was stunned. I knew this wasn’t what he wanted. I cleared my own throat and said, “Terry really has become such a gentleman! He is kind, patient, and the best company anyone could have! Why, I think he could be a Templar or a knight if he wanted to be!”

“Well, of course he behaves around you. You are a moth and moths are not the prettiest creatures in the world—Terry told me himself he finds them to be repulsive. It is human men he cannot be trusted around, let alone women. It is best he remain with the priesthood and become a templar. He was always kissing girls without their permission and picking fights with other boys. It is true he is a gentleman right now, but inside lies a demon that can only be kept at bay with help from the priesthood.” His father said finitely.

Terry sank into his chair, embarrassed and chastised.

I didn’t take kindly to the way he was treating my friend. I said angrily, “maybe if he had a proper father and mother to guide him, he wouldn’t have such issues!”

“Mimi, please…” Terry said quietly.

Terry’s father glared at me. “You may have the title of queen, but you are still a dirty moth. You will never be my queen and you cannot tell me what to do with my own son.”

“It’s his life, not yours!” I countered furiously.

“You’re a whore just like his mother was—sleeping with your enemies. No wonder he likes your company.” Terry’s father replied without respect for the fact that I was queen.

Terry suddenly slammed his fists on the table and said, “shut the hell up! You can speak to me that way but I won’t let you speak to Mimi that way! She’s not a dirty moth or a whore! She’s my friend and it is the greatest honor to pledge my loyalty to her! She showed me kindness and compassion where you have shown me only hatred! I don’t want to be a templar--I want to be a knight!”

“You will do no such thing.” His father threatened.

“I can do what I like with my own life! I.. I’ve had enough of you always treating me like a monster just because you hate my mother! You always used any small excuse to hit me or call me names! You sent me to be a page because taking care of me was just an obligation to you!” Terry shouted with tears in his eyes.

“If you become a knight, you won’t see me again.” His father challenged him with cold eyes.

“You are cruel! This is your son and you would choose to abandon him forever!” I interjected.

Terry was silent for a moment as tears streamed down his cheeks and then he said, “I guess I won’t see you again then.”

His father stared him down silently, and then finished his plate of food. “Goodbye.”

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Terry was embarrassed by his tears and we went our separate ways for the day after that with him leaving before I could have a word with him.

I had another sidesaddle lesson later on and I got some more knitting done as I thought about what to give Paris to prove my love and loyalty to him. He loved the blanket I knitted for him and always used it at night.; the blanket was a wonderful success and I wanted to give him another thing along those lines.

I remembered a story Mother used to tell me as a child about a handsome prince whose princess’ soul was stolen from a wicked moth mage. The only way to save his princess was to give her his soul by transferring it to a special flower and hanging it around her neck in the form of a necklace. The prince died, but he lived on in the flower that gave the princess life.

The flower in the story was real, but incredibly rare. Some grew just inside the Purjun woods but would only grow if one sprinkled a tiny bit of moth blood on them.

I thought it was the most romantic idea I could think of… But did I really want to give this man my soul? Even figuratively?

I wondered about how I would feel if he wasn’t in my life—how it would feel if he never kissed me or took me in his arms again, and I realized that was not a life I wanted to live. More than that, I thought of how he could possibly drink himself to death if I ever left him and I realized just how much I loved to be needed by him.

I looked at the ruby ring he had given me with lovesick eyes and realized I had fallen deep in love with this incredibly flawed man to the point where I couldn’t be cured of it, for better or worse.

__

I found Terry later in the day, sitting on the ground in the courtyard and looking up at the setting sun thoughtfully.

I sat next to him and said to him, “I’m sorry about your father.”

He shrugged with unshed tears. “I hated him. I hated mom, too. I’m better off without them. I just wonder why I can’t stop crying over people I hate and I only cried for one day over someone I did.”

He was referring to Julia, and I said to him comfortingly, “family is the most important and wonderful thing a person can have. I know if my parents didn’t love me I would never stop striving for their approval. Terry, you’re so strong. You’re turning out to be an amazing knight despite such wicked parents. You should be proud.”

Terry smiled at me appreciatively and then returned his gaze to the sky before saying, “I have something for you.”

“Oh?” I replied.

He pulled out a sword from his sheath with a topaz jewel in the hilt and handed it to me. “I’m not sure you’d appreciate it since you don’t like swords, but… It’s the most expensive thing I own. My father gave it to me and said I couldn’t use it until I became a full templar. Now that that’s not going to happen, I want you to have it. You’re my family, not him; I know how much you like yellow. You’re always wearing it.”

I cried tears of joy at his sweetness and took the sword and examined it. The topaz jewel was gorgeous and I thought the workmanship on the sword was superb—although I didn’t know anything about swordcraft. I set it aside for a moment and threw my arms around Terry. “I love it!”

At that moment, Paris walked into the courtyard and saw our embrace. He looked so angry and jealous I thought he might kill us both, but his expression softened after a moment and he just looked miserable.

“Paris, wait!” I said to him before he turned and left.

Terry was confused. “What’s wrong with him?”

“It’s ridiculous, but he thinks we’re in love.” I replied.

Terry chuckled. “Seriously?”

I elbowed him playfully. “We both know that’s not true since you apparently find moths hideous.”

Terry cleared his throat awkwardly. “I wish father hadn’t told you that… But I can’t help it.”

“I know,” I replied without offense. “Terry, I have an odd favor to ask of you. I don’t think Paris will let me leave the castle without some sort of guard stopping me, so I need you to take this tiny glass of my blood to the Purjun woods tomorrow and dump it on the grass under one of the red leafed trees. A special, furry, ivory flower should grow when you do. If you could take it back to me that would be wonderful.”

I held out the tiny glass of blood and he took it with a queasy face. “Sounds weird, but okay.”

“By the way Terry…” I said slowly. “I need to tell you about the bird in your head. I wasn’t sure you would believe me about the moth goddess we ran into, but now that I know you do, it is best that you also know of the god of lust.”

I told him and it scared him to no end. He was worried he might end up hurting me with that bird in his head, but I assured him I trusted him implicitly.

For now, I must practice exactly what I will say to convince Paris that I love him once I have the flower in hand.

I will write again later.