Rulaheim 182

Lowen surrendered without further protest, and Caerwyn and I got to sleep in a proper bed in the inn that night while King Torr slept in the castle and made preparations for setting out as soon as possible to conquer another kingdom. Caerwyn told me Torr would leave much of the now merged armies of Ironwall and Lowen to guard the city and the castle and elect someone to rule Lowen while he continued his march.

It clearly didn’t matter to the lustful god whether or not Caerwyn and I stayed with the army or left because he considered us so little of a threat. Otherwise he was have come up with some way to prevent the two of us from leaving or he would have simply killed us.

Thoughts entered my head that night as I tried to sleep. Thoughts of running away with Caerwyn and escaping any further horrors of war. The thought was overpowering as my thoughts were in a loop of the horrors I had experienced and it seemed like there was no way out of the loop. I could be his wife and spend the rest of my days taking care of him.

I held my hand high in the air and looked at the ruby ring Paris had given me. I hated myself for daring to think of abandoning that poor man even though we were so far apart.

Furthermore, I couldn’t run away because of Terry. We had to find some way to rescue him. Caerwyn had tried his golden door several more times to no avail in an attempt to warp us to Terry’s heavily guarded quarters in Castle Lowen. He had also tried many more times to open a door to Nui at my request—but one would not form. It was incredibly upsetting to him and he blamed the fact that he had turned his back on God that he seemed to no longer be able to use the door at all.

If something happened to Terry, I wasn’t sure I could face life anymore. Perhaps if Terry could free himself—if he knew how to use his magic to attack rather than only defend or heal—he could escape. But there was simply no sign of that. I wouldn’t be surprised if the lustful god was purposefully keeping the boy from learning how to attack.

I couldn’t even talk to Terry and it was killing me. I missed him and worried about him so much that it hurt. I missed Paris and Paul and Meridi and all of my friends at Nui as well.

I rolled over in bed and felt empty. There was nothing to be done anywhere.

And just then, Caerwyn cracked my door open and said, “I can’t shake these evil thoughts tonight. I must run away with you.”

I sat up and looked at him emptily. I wanted anything other than to feel as if I was simply waiting for my death. I wanted pleasure. I wanted happiness.

I held out my arms to him and said without much urgency or any faith that we could do so, “we must rescue Terry.”

Caerwyn sat on the bed and returned my embrace. He just held me, and I hoped I would feel that old fire I used to feel when a man held me, but it was gone. Peter had made it into something ugly and loathsome.

He tried to kiss me but I leaned away from him as my mind couldn’t shake old, painful memories. I looked away. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “I never want to hear you apologize again.”

He respected my wishes and he merely crawled into bed with me and wrapped his arms around me for comfort while I stared listlessly ahead and wondered how and why I was still alive and why I was still trying.

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Mother would not be happy if I were to abandon my duties, and so I must keep trying. For her and for Terry.

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Iranheim 182

Two more months passed, my diary, and we were now fighting the kingdom of Alutui. The army of Alutui did not negotiate to have the battle away from the castle and instead took a defensive position inside of it. Alutui had no moth prophets or prophetesses to aid them and no grand army, and so they took up a defensive position inside the castle.

And as we attempted to breach the castle walls, arrows flew down upon the merged armies of Lowen and Ironwall from the archers atop the battlements of Castle Alutui. I took refuge under Caerwyn’s shield as the shower of arrows thunked into the shields. I cringed and screwed my eyes shut in fear.

Terry’s powers were growing and I could only assume that the lustful god had been teaching him how to tap into them.

As the enemy army nocked more arrows to their bows, the boy held his palms up toward the sky and a shield made of light was cast over all our heads as arrows rained down upon us again. Terry kept the massive shield up as the army stood safely away from the castle wall and under it.

Terry was still being tortured, and I couldn’t stand looking at him with the many scars and bruises he had on his face and arms.

I felt so apathetic and empty of late, but I loved that boy to death and he brought what little caring I had left out of me.

The boy had a vacant expression on his face and was made into a docile beast to follow orders and nothing else. I knew what that felt like.

I couldn’t stand it any longer.

I had to try something. I said to Caerwyn as the archers launched another shower of arrows upon us, “I’m going to try and wake Terry up.”

Before Caerwyn could protest, I was running through the crowd as Terry was concentrating on keeping the golden, ethereal shield up.

Caerwyn chased after me, calling my name worriedly.

An Ironwall ballistician was ready to launch a gigantic boulder at the castle wall to crumble it, and the lustful god in the body of Torr gave the ballistician the go ahead to do so.

It crashed into the wall with such force that it fell into the castle with men behind the castle wall being crushed. The wall was now short enough for our army to climb over.

As the lustful god and the rest of the army stormed the castle, I ran through the crowd—with many soldiers unintentionally pushing me and shoving me as they made their way inside the castle. I suffered a bruise or two, but I eventually made it to Terry’s side.

I tapped Terry on the shoulder as he held his golden shield of light steady to protect us from more arrows that were being loosed upon the men who were still outside the castle walls.

“Terry, let’s just run! Now’s our chance!” I said hurriedly to him.

Terry looked at me with a blank face like he hadn’t heard me.

I shook his shoulders. “Damn you, wake up! Please wake up! I refuse to believe you’re gone! If you’re gone…”

I looked down and sniffled. “If you’re gone, what’s the point? I’d be dead right now if not for you.”

But his expression did not change.

I put a hand on his cheek. “Don’t tell me you’re gone. If you are, I will simply give up.”

Light flickered in his eyes as I ran a hand down the side of his face. He said as he flung his shield to the side along with all the arrows on it, “let’s go!”

He grabbed my wrist and placed a protective shield around me. I could tell his powers were running low and he was exhausted. His magic, like moth magic, must have taken a toll on him and he could only use so much of it.

Caerwyn was still chasing after us, and I said to Terry, “let’s wait for Caerwyn before we leave!”

None of the army noticed the three of us dashing away as they stormed the castle.

None but the lustful god himself. He called for many soldiers to chase after us, but in the din of battle, he was either ignored or nobody heard him.

In King Torr’s body, he melted into his own shadow and sped across the battlefield—chasing us.

Caerwyn’s blade was ready as the shadow fast approached.

We were going to make it! Just a few more yards and we would be away from the clashing armies! I grinned and felt happy for the first time in two months.

Terry’s feet left behind golden shoeprints behind as he ran—it seemed as if he was using his powers to propel us all forward. Terry smiled a little. “I don’t know how I’m triggering this power… But God am I grateful for it.”

We were soon free from the two armies clashing and were far away from the loud din of battle. I thought we would be safe for good as I saw no sign of the lustful god’s shadow pursuing us when I looked backward. I turned my face forward again with a jovial smile adorning it.

Moments passed with nothing but the sound of our feet plodding through the grass as I thought for sure that we were safe from the lustful god.