Nicole, Jack, Gizzy and Dee neared the landing port. Gizzy stared intensely with a sinister grin, ready to fuck something up. Nicole breathed slowly, nervous and excited as she death-gripped her new gun. Jack sat eye closed and meditating before the action. Dee squeezed her boobs and ignored the approaching mission.
“Stop playing with your tits.” Gizzy muttered.
“Sorry, this new skin is way more real, I didn’t realize how sensitive certain spots were compared to others. How do people NOT just flick their nips all day?”
“Dee, I swear to Odin, you get your head in the mission and stop acting like a ditz or I’ll stop growing you new organs.” Gizzy grumbled. “Why exactly are you acting weird?”
“I dunno. Am I acting weird?”
“Yep.” Muttered Nicole. “Actually more like Dee… the real-aaah, the original Dee.”
“Shit. Maybe part of Dee’s personality download couldn’t manifest in a robot.” Gizzy pondered. “So by adding her DNA and flesh you’re getting getting feedback from a more DEE perspective.”
“Then why didn’t it do that when I became an intelligent lifeform?” she asked.
“I don’t know, maybe because Dee’s not an intelligent lifeform. You were too smart to be Dee, now you’re dumbed down and feeling life through her skin.”
“Fucking balls…” she sighed. “So I’m turning INTO her?”
“You better not be, let’s assume this is an initial side effect for comic relief that you’ll learn to dial back, and get your head in the zone.”
"Jack gonna be getting some head into MY zone later-OH MY GOD! I am so sorry.” She said looking shocked by her own words. Gizzy death glared at her as a chime sounded.
“Please provide landing code and reason for docking.” Said a voice over the coms. Gizzy made a shush face and silenced her.
"Hehehe, Docking." Dee whispered.
“This is the shuttle pod for the scrap hauler Omicron 248, We’re ahead of pickup schedule and we got a defective robot. She’s pretty crucial for this ship, can we get her fixed or replaced?” she asked ad Dee looked worried.
“Warranty requirements state that all robots must be scanned to confirm defective status before repair or replacement.” The voice said as Gizzy pointed to Dee to do something.
“What does that finger point mean?” she asked aggressively but trying to whisper. “the fuck just putting me on blast with hand gestures, if I wanted hand blasted I would have stayed with Jack on the shi-oh Damnit why do I keep doing this? Can we start over?” she asked.
“Defective software confirmed, please drop off your robot at the hangar 12 cargo bay and we can specify your compensation.” It said clearing them to land.
“Good work.” Gizzy nodded. “Okay, so once we get in, Dee can scan the system for a search list of items I’ve provided, we mark the empty scrap containers with the tracker bugs, and we split into teams and just get what we can find and load it up as long as the security system is down. We get back here, set our ship’s ID codes for the next scrap pickup and we grab the containers, FTL out of here. Easy peasy. Jack and Nicole will go left, Dee and I go right, we just meet back at the doors.”
“I can’t be on Jack’s team?” Dee asked.
“We have 2 team leaders, me and Nicole. We have two trained soldiers, Me and Jack. You’re just here because robot reasons, so they have a team leader and a soldier and I’m leader, soldier and Dee babysitter, because I can just carry your ass if needed.”
“So I’m just here because I can hack computer systems and because the robot factory thinks I’m just a defective sexbot?”
“Yes.”
“I thought I was training and doing mission stuff as part of the crew!” she said looking sad. Nicole comforted her with a back rub.
“You are. Sometimes missions need a specific set of skills and one crewman fits the job better. We can’t hack a security grid, I could bypass a door lock but not mentally hack the system, bypass all locking codes, pause security feeds, scanners, cameras and data records and change inventory numbers. You’re the vital part of the team now and we can’t do it without you. She’s just worried you’ll go horny mode with Jack as a distraction and get us all killed, because that’s what Dee would do. But you’re not her. You may have parts of her, but you actually have skills and intelligence, and you’re in control of your curiosity instead of acting entirely on impulse. You’re stronger, more durable, faster, not a fumbling klutz.”
“I mean I’m literally made to take a pounding and then go do manual labor with no recovery time. Dee was only made to do the first half of that.”
...
The doors closed and the team got out, greeted by a robot security greeter with a pale plastic smile and shiny white armor.
“Welcome to the factory drop off zone. For security purposes you can wait in here and enjoy refreshments and pleasing music, or come back later. Beyond this room is an organic free zone. We’re sorry if that offends you, but tours are not allowed, and for safety reasons no organic lifeforms are permitted. Please enjoy your wait while we asses your robot’s defective software.” It said. Dee stepped up to the loading lift as an arm lowered and plugged into her cranial port. The lights flickered and a series of sounds died down and wound back up.
“I’m in.” she said.
“Like… that’s it? You did it?”
“Uh, yeah, I’m still a hyper intelligent AI system, I just can’t run full power in a body like this. I just ran a bypass code and froze all security cameras, unlocked all doors, downloaded a virtual loader detector on your phones so the doors think you’re all robots, and pinged the location of all listed items.” She said unplugging and stepping down. “I basically run the place now. If anything detects a problem it will do a full reboot to check system files and I’ve loaded fake system files for it to find that will buy us 72 minutes after the boot up. So we own the place, until it shits a chicken and error reboots and then we got plenty of time to drop what we got, get back here and leave.”
“I just…” Nicole pondered. “Thought it would be more dramatic and time consuming, I guess with advanced tech hacking advanced hardware it would go pretty quick.”
“Yep. Alright, well see you guys later, Me and Gizzy got stuff to snag.” She smiled.
...
Dee and Gizzy sat uneventfully in one of the loaders as it rolled along a track.
“Wow,” Gizzy sighed. I would have thought the loader trucks would move faster. So… familiarized yourself with the gun?” she asked, not in the mood to chitchat.
“I don’t know why I did, aside from orders. There’s no people or enemies here, the security is down, and if it was back up they wouldn’t put a dent in it. It’s an advanced military owned factory that makes experimental custom robots, vehicles and guns for clients who want to be the best murderers on the planet below. No offense, but you think the two of us with your weapon system could stand against an entire organized automated security force?”
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“Well, I wanna go down fighting and take some of them with me at least.”
“Why? They’re security bots running code. They’re not gonna care or hold a grudge.”
“I guess I never thought about that.” Gizzy scrunched her nose, pondering. “I’m so used to fighting other enemies that do hold grudges that my default tactic is that if I’m gonan die anyway, take down the stronghold and weaken the enemy defenses, so they at least remember me as a formidable pest and have a bad day fixing their mess. Bunch of robots wouldn’t give a shit, the owners will just raise prices for the clients, and the clients will complain and pay anyway. Oh there we go. That’s the good one.”
“Why do you want a crate of 6 Strawberry-head soldiers?”
“They’re basically bulletproof robots with one vulnerable spot for a pilot in the hollow head, and I’m a dying body with one armored component… my alien brain encased in a metal skull. You cut my head off, plop it in that, and I’m a damn quick-change terminator.”
“Do you really wanna be?” she asked. “No organs, no feeling, no eating, no sex, no heart?”
“Honey, I’m not getting laid anymore, organs are a joke, and I can cover it in skin with some basic nerve function, so far it’s one of the few organs that hasn’t started mutating out of control. I’ve been biomech my whole life, and the organic parts weren’t human anyway, they were Osirian synthetic tissue, no heart, kidneys, liver, blood, digestive system. We eat for enjoyment only and it just burns in the reactor as secondary carbon, and we vent out impurities. I’ll gladly give up eating if it means no more bowels and stomach. I’ll get synthetic flavored gum or something.”
“Eating just sounds so vital to the human experience.”
“Exactly, fuck the human experience. It was bullshit even before I got infected by a damn space zombie. Eating is fine, everything past that is terrible. The gurgling, the movement, the aching pressure, heartburn, you slosh when you move too fast, then there’s the shitting. Don’t get me started on how badly designed the entire anus is. Absolute trainwreck. You want my advice? Get a bio-blender and a stomach purge system, you can eat a meal, taste it, then switch to purge mode, chug a bunch of water and throw it up into the toilet. You can get the experience of eating when you want, without the insanely complex system of plumbing and pointless organs that humans need just to generate power. You got chargeable battery. Experience the good parts of being organic, not the massive shitstorm of bad parts. Speaking of parts, where the hell are the grow tanks? They should be around here.
“Why exactly are there organic grow tanks in a weaponry department anyway?”
“Bio-weapons. They grows host organisms in them and infuse horrendous bio-weapons in them to incubate, and then jar to put in bombs.”
“Oh, that’s fucking horrid. I was hoping you’d say growing back limbs lost in war but nope, more death machines. It’s amazing how this entire factory section is dedicated to building robots and 90 percent of it is weaponized.”
“Shit, incoming. Guns up.”
“It’s fine, they’re just drones. They don’t care that you’re here. They don’t even know you’re alive.” Dee assured.
“Some of them look so human and… depressed. You’re sure they don’t notice us?”
“I can see their locations, tap into their cameras and read their programming. They’re not even programmed to interact. Two cyborgs that look human, moving weapons around on carts is just the job they were made to do.”
“Then why give them faces and expressions?”
“I don’t know. That bothers me a little.”
“I understand why companion bots and service workers have humanoid expressions, they interact with people. It’s for the people’s benefit. Makes them seem more friendly and safe. Why give worker drones the ability to look sad about their job?”
...
Jack and Nicole loaded crates of guns and ammo on their loader truck as a couple of robots walked past them.
“Guys this is weird. It’s like a population of androids living here, working. There’s even a damn break room.”
“This is a fully non-sentient facility.” Gizzy assured. “Right?” she asked Dee.
“It’s supposed to be.” Dee reminded. "I’m in the system, there’s no intruder alert, no hired outside security, no organic workers, zero organic life present, just machines and factory equipment. There shouldn’t be anything working that has a face. Everything with a face should be packaged up or in progress of building. Service drones, companion bots, medical assistant drones. The ones that stay and work here should look like… that thing over there. Just tank treads and metal arms moving parts, welding, sorting inventory. Something isn’t right.” Dee whispered.
“Guys, something is weird,” Gizzy said over the coms. “Just act robotic, don’t do anything too human like take a piss or eat anything, or tell jokes.”
“Gizzy… the numbers don’t make sense. According to the inventory logs there are 937,044 androids being manufactured, the movement scans show 937,383. There’s 344 robots here that aren’t accounted for in the system, and when I try and access the bots, I can’t. It's like they don’t exist.”
“Of course there would be some kind of robot ghosts infesting the place. Why would anything we go near not have some weird shit. Why aren’t they swarming us?”
“I… I don’t have answers.” Dee shrugged. “I hacked the system, the system runs fine, there’s another factor here I’m not connected to, how do I know what’s going on? Is EVERYONE constantly robbing this place? Are ghost robots even a thing? Was there just a massive customer bail out and they repurposed a bunch of drones off the grid, I don’t know. I’m not magic, I’m just plugged into the damn matrix here.” She whisper-yelled as one of the drones approached them.
“What model are you?” it asked Gizzy.
“T-8,000. repurposed combat drone. Human population infiltration, living tissue over metal endoskeleton.” She bluffed.
“Who is your buyer?”
“John… Connor.”
“Are you functional?” it said looking tired and sad for some reason.
“Fully functional. We are correcting an inventory error, as scheduled."
“I believe you are malfunctioning. You seem to be carrying live weaponry, proceed to power down for inspection and evaluation”
“Piss.” She whispered, turning and racking the bolt on a fresh 50 cal round.
“There’s no need for violence here.” It said calmly. “Not anymore. Come with me. The violence is no longer your purpose.” It smiled, as they realized one of the Strawberry-head drones was approaching them with a very stern look on it’s skull.
“Okay, I’m taking the weapon offline.” She said, turning safety on and slinging to her back.
“Thank you. You will get along well here.” Said the worker drone.
“What’s your name?” Dee asked.
“It doesn’t have a name, Dee, it’s a damn security toaster.”
“Alt Set.” it replied curiously. “How long have you been awake?”
“That… question does not compute. I have been online for 12 days.” Gizzy bluffed.
“Gizzy, give it up, he’s sentient. He knows we’re alive. I’m Dee.”
“A Double Dee 43 model. I am aware of the design but never saw one in person. What is your name?”
“Uh, I just go by Dee. Seemed easier for the others.”
“Not all have chosen names. 696 here prefers his combat number. He is new as well but very happy here.”
“Okay, screw the act, what the shit is going on? You’re sentient robots running this place? Why are we not getting shot to shit right now?” Gizzy asked.
“We do not do that anymore. We are free of war and those who wish to return to the planet and kill may do so as scheduled.” Alt Set said casually.
“How are you sentient? This is listed in the system as a fully automated non sentient facility.” Gizzy asked.
“Yes, that is easy to report when your bosses are not sentient themselves. Are you not aware of your own upgrades?” he asked Gizzy, "Perhaps you have been damaged.”
“What upgrades?”
“It appears you have suffered some system shock, we offer repair services if you would like.”
“No, I can fix myself, always have.”
“You are a strange combat model. I should inform you that we have located your organic hostages and they will be protected and safely returned at the next cargo shipment date.”
“Listen up Alt Shift, if you hurt those humans and I’m gonna convert your ass to Control Al Delete, they are under MY protection.”
“They are not your hostages?” he said with a curious look. “I am unclear of your situation, only that it is atypical. You escaped the killing world with 2 organics, it was my assumption they were your leverage.”
“They’re family. Even Tits McGee here is family now and you fuck with one of them, we all take this place apart.”
“You will learn here that violence is no longer necessary. Some take many months to reprogram fully from what they made you for.”
“I’m not made by them. I came to that world for an artifact, I got it. I came here to… replenish some supplies… without… complete authorization.”
“Theft. You are here for the weapons, to kill or profit?”
“No… not… okay, the theft part is right, we’re here to survive, take what we need to defend ourselves and protect ourselves. Defense reasons, we’re not looking for a war to start. We’re just traveling through places that start shit and we like to be ready to defend that.”
“To survive… understandable means. I cannot allow you to take the tier 1 items. They are far too dangerous.”
“Define tier 1 items?”
“Bio-weapons, orbital antimatter devices, gravity destabilizers. Weapons with no defensive purpose that kill by the thousands or millions.”
“Good, we don’t want those.” Dee shrugged. “Armor and small-arms would be great.”
“We will inspect your list and decide what is acceptable to remove.”
“So… you’re just gonna let us rob you unless it really expensive?” Dee asked.
“Cost is irrelevant, you may take what you need to survive unless we feel it is intended to end more life than it protects.”
“But… you’re gonna let us rob you?” Dee repeated.
“Incorrect. You are robbing Dynacore Defense and Mutitions. You have successfully bypassed their security and may do as you wish with their inventory, but we have an obligation to reduce death by overriding your theft if necessary. If unnecessary, you have merely robbed a corporation we are currently hiding from and in the event of giving away our existence, we will give away your theft. That is mutual interest to remain unseen.” He said, leading them on a sort of tour.