“There’s another one of those horrible monsters on this ship?” Vicki yelled.
“Well, technically there are 36 of them, but they’re all very tiny and in a terrarium in Nicole’s room…except the one big one that is apparently named Ricardo now.” Gizzy shrugged.
“This is a nightmare. We’re breeding these horrible things in a confined space with me in it, and now I have to fake murder fake Dee to eat?” She barked.
“Hey it could be worse, you could be the one getting fed on.” Dee huffed.
“Fake Dee has a point.” Nicole shrugged.
“Fake Dee doesn’t have points, she’s not alive or self aware…right? She’s not like a living thing now?” She asked, looking horrified.
“Oh, absolutely not.” Gizzy chuckled. “No, her processor core is WAY too limited to reach sentience, they safeguarded that years ago on these sex robots and cleaning androids. It was a huge problem about 30 years back. Now they only allow smaller memory drives that aren’t capable of sentience…You did check that, right?” Gizzy asked Nicole.
“We had to check that?” Nicole gasped.
“Lemme just scan the head…nope standard core. No chance of gaining sentience. She’s even more airheaded and simple minded that the actual Dee, who despite being significantly lower mental power then most humans, is actually shockingly, still hundreds of times more intelligent than this toaster with tits."
“Aren’t you just a toaster with tits and someone else’s memory downloaded too?” Dee asked Gizzy.
“…Shut up. You’re not part of this discussion. In fact, realism mode off. Dee, how do you feel about me putting you in a biological skinsuit and giving you a blood pack of Vinn’s food-juice so Vicky here can suck you till you either pretend to die or pretend to…also be satisfied?” She said as awkwardly as possible.
“I have no opinion. My response is irrelevant.”
“You’re not scared or turned on by this? She may rip your limbs off, or suddenly take things to a more…delicate level.”
“HEY!” Vicki barked.
“My response is irrelevant.” She said coldly.
“Set realism to 35 percent. Deebot. Same question, how do you feel about Vicki using you as a humanish juicebox?”
“I could go either way. What do you want me to like?” she said almost slyly.
“Full realism mode. Same question”
“What the fuck? Guys I’m not food, I’m your virtual girlfriend. This is messed up even for us.” Dee winced.
“See? Nothing upstairs. Just programmed responses and bullshit. Try that on me, Nicole. Go ahead.”
“As Captain of this ship I order you to stand on one leg.”
“No…eat a sack of tits.” Gizzy replied. “See? I may not technically be Gizzy, but I’m technically alive as much as you guys. Artificial and replicated, but capable of emotions and decision making. Fully sentient artificial life. That is a vacuum cleaner with clappable cheeks and a sophisticated set of responses with no feelings of emotions. You think it would be legal to have printable slaves that could feel and hurt and suffer? That’s why laws exist and monitor the factories that make these fuckroombas.”
“Then how is that cloning machine legal if it prints us?” Vicki asked.
“Oh it’s not. That shit is super illegal. We would all be executed and the technology confiscated if the federation knew about that shit. We’re breaking, like, 37 cloning laws, because the only way to prove we consented would be to incriminate our real selves, and then they would be breaking the law, so we’re set to self destruct before that, in order to protect ourselves from ourselves. So it’s fine.” Gizzy yawned.
“You know…” Vicki nodded. “I keep remembering why Jack said to not ask you any questions about the mission that aren’t absolutely necessary. Is that cone thing handy?”
“Swear to Odin, I’m just gonna put one in the cargo bay and if you ever have this sort of breakdown, just go cone yourself.” Gizzy said as Ricardo let out a shriek of horrifying banshee pitch.
“Vicki, come with me.” Nicole said, holding out her hand adorably.
“NO! No?... no.” She stammered.
“They’re not mean or harmful, and the males don’t have the goop so you won’t even get gooped.”
“Is it still a huge gross snail with creepy worm arms and suckers?”
“Oh yeah, but he’s way smaller than Candice.” Gizzy assured. “You could stand up in the tank and hold him. He can’t even accidentally drown you or slime you into a blissful state where you forget to swim and drown. He’s like 45 pounds right now, and it will take a week to double that to full size. He’s a lil guy.”
...
“Ooooh, I hate it.” Vicki said, trembling in front of the tank as Ricardo swam in circles with the lid up and unlocked.
“He’s a baby, just feed him one of these carb-lumps and he’ll be your friend.”
“I hate him so much, he’s just looking at me.”
“They don’t have eyes, he’s not looking at you, he’s smelling your location and listening to you.”
“Oh that’s so much better.” Vicki said sarcastically.
“Just put your hand out, like this.”
“Nicole you’re my best friend, but right now, I hate you almost as much as Ricardo.” She said as it inquisitively sniffed their hands. A dull greenish blue tentacle about the diameter and texture of a hot dog reached out and booped Vicki’s hand.
“Ooooh it’s gross. I flinched because I thought it would be cold and slippery and it’s warm and slippery and that’s somehow so much worse.”
“He probably thinks you feel weird and dry and gross.”
“Oh good, so we never have to interact again and we can be long distance strangers.”
“He wants pets. Look. Just pet his head like you would a cat.”
“Fucking hairless cat with antennae and the texture of a shaved and oiled ballsack. Why do you like these creatures?”
“I like most animals. Most of them are just critters with feelings trying to do their little thing and live. They have emotions too, they’re just not as complicated. Just because their emotions are few and simple, doesn’t mean they don’t feel them just as strongly as we do. You can’t live in fear of these things on the ship. They’re just part of the crew.”
“That’s fascinating and I’m very happy for you guys, can I stop touching the big blue loogie now?” Vicki said, marching in place with discomfort.
“Just swing by every now and then, say hi to him. Show him you’re not scary. You’re actually more of a predatory threat than he is. He’s a vegetarian… You’re a cannibal. Your friends will be eating his offspring and you feed off US, so you’re one of the two apex predators on the ship, Vicki. It’s the circle of life and the food chain of the ship. He has more reason to be scared of you.”
Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
“Ugh that’s almost worse.”
…
Gizzy sat staring at the cube, admiring the glass box, its ornate brass corners, and the tiny dot of light in the center. She gazed at it, in all its unique glory and rarity.
“Test number 7…4 inch diamond mining drill.” She said, hitting the button. As the drill fired up and lowered into the cube, the sound of drill teeth squalling and chipping as the press bared down and the bit ground to a stop. “No visible damage. Text number 8, plasma torch heating to 4,000 degrees and rapid liquid nitrogen quench.” She said as Jack entered the room. He was immediately handed safety goggles as he did.
“Can’t break the box?”
“Can’t break, dent, scratch or wear a mark into it. I’ve tried impact grinder, cutting laser, shot it, subjected to vacuum and rapid pressurizing, tensile puller, right clicked on it, water jet, and mining drill.” She said as the goggles darkened and a blue flame engulfed it as she casually watched.
“Antimatter explosives?”
“Saving that for later, I can’t do that on the ship.”
…
Vicki sat and shook her head.
“I just thought this would be different, you know? I really thought this would be more action and quick thrills with my husband. Getting shot at, stealing, spy shit, space battles, but it’s just snails and trippy nonsense. Like, part of the reason I left our moon was to get away from the bugs and snails, and then Gizzy brings snails in the ship so now they’re INSIDE my home and we’re feeding them.”
“Fascinating.” Said Dee, legs crossed and notebook out, thick rimmed glasses and calming expression as Vicki sat on the therapy couch they put in the bridge. “It sounds like you wanted the thrill of espionage with your husband rather then what space has to offer. It also seems that you were setting your expectations and assumptions, rather then researching the mission.”
“It’s a covert mission, Gizzy wont even tell Nicole half the details and she’s the damn Captain. And I fucking hate snails and octopuses and they’re now combined.”
“You watch a lot of anime?” Dee nodded.
“We both do.”
“Vicki I’m not your friend Dee, I’m not even a therapist, I’m a virtual girlfriend you dressed in this outfit and told to act like a therapist. I don’t know your entire history with Dee, and I have no college degrees.”
“Well neither does Dee but she listens well.”
“And that’s why we’re here, to talk about your feelings. You’re struggling with a lot of unknown and it sounds like you and Vinn had a nice thing going.”
“We’re married…to other people. The thing we had was medical necessity. I need blood to survive, and he’s the biggest guy with the most nutrient rich blood who can handle my venom.”
“I see…and you two never had any feelings during these sessions where you were touching and pressed close and you had your mouth on-”
“I get it, there’s an intimate vibe to vampiric feeding. I get why Nicole put the stop to it. But this just feels wrong.”
“Does this feel wrong, or did Vinn just feel right?” She asked lifting an eyebrow.
“You are way too much like Dee to not make me suspicious.”
“That’s the point, honey. You set the realism to 80 percent. It’s gonna seem that way. That’s why nerds spend a lot of money on one of me. That, and the realistic other things.”
“Yeah, I don’t need those parts. It just seems unfair that I can’t have that with Jack. Why couldn’t Jack have a tolerance to my venom, and super nutrient blood?”
“Well, he’s human. There’s the whole size difference. Liter of blood does a lot more harm when you weigh 200 pounds rather then 700 pounds. Vinn’s selectively bred for combat, so his genetics are great, and Delmarians are heartier. Wasn’t really bad luck of the draw here, you picked a human and sure as shit, he’s human. Nicole married a giant beast and yep, that’s also what she got. You both did pick your partners.”
“I know. You’re not a very good therapist.
“Look, I gotta clean the ship in an hour, probably starting with this room would be my guess. Are we gonna do this or not, and if so, how do you wanna do this?”
“I wanna hunt something, but I wanna hunt something that deserves to be hunted. I don’t wanna hunt my friend. I want to get out there and get some action. This isn’t the same.”
“I am programmable with roleplay scenarios. I can be the worst person on earth who deserves it, or I can beg you for it. That’s up to you. You gotta pick something, otherwise you’re gonna get hungry and less picky. And nobody wants you attacking the crew and ending up locked away till the next mission.” She sighed calmly. As if she wasn’t likely to be jumped violently at any moment.
“Maybe I’m just not that hungry.” She said, getting up and leaving.
“See you next time. Maybe you’ll bite me.” She hollered calmly almost as if she was disappointed.
…
Vicki stopped in the hallway, looking back at the cloning tank and cryo area. Near the lockers was Gizzy’s memory cone, as mentioned, pre-set and mounted to a kiosk. She swiped the screen and clicked 30 minutes. She sighed, walking back to the brig as Dee swept the floors.
“Realism 100 percent.”
“Vicki, what are you doing?” Dee asked, looking concerned as she lunged at her, knocking her to the ground and sinking her fangs into her neck as she kicked and struggled.
…
Vicki marched quickly down the hall, wiping her bloody mouth and stopping at the kiosk, hitting the button and staring blankly.
“Thank you for choosing Erase Base.” It said robotically in an 80’s stewardess style voice.
“I used what?” She asked, retrieving the card it spit out. It read “35 minute memory wipe successful.” As she licked her lips and felt somewhat less guilty.
…
“Finally.” Nicole said, hopping on Vinn.
“I get you all to myself again.”
“It’s been a while, just like old times.” He said, hearing a thump on the glass, behind the curtain. “Well, with a few differences, obviously.”
“I wanna try something a little different. Can you just go with it?”
“Mystery scenario…you really have been deprived. That’s my fault. I’m sorry I didn’t-”
“Just play along. I’ll be back in 15 minutes. You better get your roleplay game ready because it’s gonna be wild. I left you your instructions on the bar.”
“Shit yeah. Can’t wait.” He smiled. She grabbed a duffle bag and headed out.
…
Nicole staggered a bit, confused and unsure where she was. She looked down and there was a note in her hand, with directions in her own handwriting. She followed them down the corridor and stood in front of a mysterious door. Too intrigued to not try, she opened the small bottle of goop and chugged it, opening the door to the dark room and walking inside, shutting it behind her.
…
Gizzy woke up in the mess hall, sitting upright and looking hungover, papers stuck to her face and a mess of tablet windows opened next to the cube on the table.
“How did you get there?” She asked the cube. Nicole strutted into the mess hall glowing with a big smile and messy hair.
“Morning,” She yawned, doing a little princess twirl as she went to make coffee. Gizzy looked skeptical and borderline alarmed. Moments later Vinn and Jack entered the Mess hall, Vinn turning to get coffee and Jack just plopping down across from Gizzy, smile on his face and a stiff shoulder.
“Looks like everyone had a good night.”
“Great night. Any luck with the cube?”
“Not a damn bit. I keep finding it next to me like it’s just teleporting to give me the middle finger. Did I miss something? Was it national sex day or some shit?”
“Were you spying on me?”
“No but I just confirmed my suspicions. I have to go. I need to see a maid about a box.” She said, abruptly leaving with the cube. Vinn smiled and waved at Jack, who replied with a wave and a nod.
…
Gizzy sat in the bridge across from Dee, inspecting the bite marks.
“Well that solves one problem, I’m truly a brilliant problem solver. So why the hell can’t I break this damn cube?”
“I don’t know what that is, is this rhetorical ranting?”
“Of course it’s rhetorical ranting, you glorified hoebot, I think better when I have an audience. But they would all think I’m insane. So the writer’s block follows me, and I can’t break through it. I thought it was a literal breaking that was necessary, but I see that it’s a riddle rather than a physical destruction test. It’s indestructible, which breaks the laws of physics, unless it’s a metaphor that exists outside of those laws. How do you break through a writer’s block? Blood sacrifice? Black hole is out because that worked last time and there’s no way repeating the same ending is gonna work again. That’s just lazy. Do I just keep hammering at it? Literally, figuratively? Does it twist or open like puzzle or does that just summon something? Do I wanna summon something? Do I just ignore the block?”
“I dunno. Lotta possible things to try.”
“Suggest something stupid, Dee would suggest something really stupid.”
“Have you tried just saying please?”
“Please, writer’s block, open.” She muttered. “Yeah, that was completely stupid, don’t you dare tell anyone I actually tried that, but I’d feel even stupider if it worked and it took me weeks to try that because it was just too stupid.”
“I can’t tell anyone, except the Captain if she gives a direct order to tell her specifically.”
“We should have replaced Dee with a robot years ago, you’re so much better at security protocol. So Vicki actually bit you. Did she seem satisfied, did she go with struggle or into it?” She smirked.
“I can’t tell anyone, except the Captain if she gives a direct order to tell her specifically.” She repeated dryly, as if annoyed.
“That is so much better for security. Syth-Dee, you are truly the Superior Dee. Now, clean my office, I need some sleep.”
“You don’t have an office, you mean clean your cryo-tube?”
“And smarter than fleshy Dee as well. I’m starting to really like you. I’ll track you later to refill your blood. Vinn had a good night, I don’t wanna bother him till after breakfast for a donation. See you later Dee.” She smiled, waving as she left.