Gizzy made her way to the workshop, the hum of machines running and the old man toiling away. She stepped in, plopping down a very large very gold pistol of her design, which lacked her personal touch.
“What the hell?” she stated.
“Good morning to you too sunshine. I was starting to think you forgot me.”
“What is this?”
“Customization, morale boosting, the cure for my own boredom, take yer pick.” He said. Gizzy held up a giant oversized rifle decked out in burnt bronze and a matte black finish, heavily adorned in gold, including engraving and a logo over the magazine.
“You’re pimping my guns now?”
“I’m making them look nicer. And I believe they stopped being your guns when you gave them to the crew, so I guess I’m pimping THEIR guns.” He grinned.
“You just made the guns more visible. There is a reason we use grey and black camouflage. Because it’s camouflaged.”
“You got 2 backup guns for every gun they carry, and everyone’s guns look the same. Ya can’t tell them apart, they all look black and grey. I’m making one of them a little nicer looking for the 90 percent of missions where stealth is irrelevant and intimidation matters. Pretty guns shoot better.”
“No they don’t.” she scoffed.
“Pretty guns make you feel confident, they make you value the gun more, take better care of it, makes you wanna shoot it, breaks in the triggers, gives you more practice, and the one who practices and cares for their guns more, shoots better. Letting them stand out and treasure their weapons more makes a more confident shooter.”
“So because you Gucci-Glocked Vinn’s rifle and made it highly visible in combat, he’s gonna add plus 5 accuracy to his shooting, huh? Does gold inlaying “Bad Motherfluffer” on the side add a spell of protection too?”
“Look lady, I got dick to do here, I’m bored. We all are. I make boutique and unique guns, and you just print out identical plastic combat rifles. I offered a service for something to do, and everyone accepted. Don’t like it, print everyone a new identical gun, tell them these are for wall hangers only because you’re the gun police and style is illegal. Plus, what the fuckin hell, does camo matter? Half the planets are bright blue and gold, or too dark to see, or populated worlds you can’t carry guns on. Technically according to some research I did, across the universe randomly, the most likely pattern for blending in is industrial bluing, metallic fleck black, and burnt gloss purple in distinct breaking lined sections. So actually, Nicole’s girly gun is now slightly more camouflaged than your gun when averaged out. So… you want anything done?” he asked, puffing his cigar.
“Fine, industrial bluing, metallic fleck black, and burnt gloss purple, but I want the weight and tactical gear of everyone’s guns identical across all 3 so they don’t throw off their familiarity when they go back to the standard color for missions that fit standard color. Everyone has their guns finely tuned and tailored to their shooting style already, and the tactical gear they work best with, I don’t want some weird shaped sights, heavier magazines, protruding cocking levers, flashing LED gamer lighting, or weak points in the frame from cool looking holes and grooves. Everything is the way it is for a reason.”
“You want Bad Motherfluffer in industrial blue, or just the bolt heads?”
“Don’t you dare.” Gizzy squinted.
“I’m only reminding you that the Reaper Mikro with collapsible stock, that both Nicole and Dee prefer, only exists because I made Nicole a gun that fits her, and you just stole my design and made it modular and grey.”
“So you stole my modular design and made it purple.”
“More or less. Hey, not everyone is a super soldier that can carry 60 pounds of shit while running or handle the kick of a damn cannon. You’re the only one who uses the 20mm upper as default, everyone else uses the barrel sleeves to drop to something smaller, so why have a heavier gun designed to shoot something nobody will shoot? Hell, you made Vinn’s guns bigger, I just made Nicole’s gun smaller… slightly more camouflaged.”
“I am running a mandatory shooting drill in a week, and if performance is down by any percent below margin of error, we shelf the fucking… gold guns, engraved logos, and what is this shit… shark attack themed?” she said while picking up Vicki’s gun, which was covered in jagged slashes of rusty orange and blood red over a dark copper basecoat.
“She’s a vampire.”
“No shit dickhole, so am I… half at least. What possible scenario would this blend into? A satanic ritual festival of Olympic paintball players?”
“So no flashy bright red on your gun, and no fun. Got it. Thanks for clarifying your order, should take me about a day to get it done, I’ll start after filling in the BMF initials on Vinn’s giant handgun.” He smiled with a jolly lack of given shits.
“You’re lucky I have important work to do or I’d chew your ass more. But I have serious medical research to tend to.” She said before storming out.
...
Dee stared awkwardly at the ceiling lights as Gizzy lifted her head up, tools in hand and gloves covered in god knows what substance.
“Sorry this is weird.” Dee grumbled in the stirrups.
“No, I promised a complete body modification, things got delayed. I’m doing the job now.” Gizzy sighed.
“I just… doesn’t feel complete without the…” she stammered.
“Vaginal installation.”
“Yeah. Plastic one was overdue to go. I’ve been waiting a while.” Dee nodded, looking uncomfortable.
“Promise is a promise. Nobody installs biomech body parts like I do.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way but… am I the only one weirded out by Vicki?”
"Why do you ask?” Gizzy pondered, looking concerned.
“I’ve always found her oddly creepy but I assumed it was the vampire thing. Now you’re a vampire and you’re not more creepy. She just has that predatory vibe, maybe I’m biased because of the feeding situation. What does Jack think about that? Is it their thing or does he tolerate it?”
“Well, he loves her. The long term lasting kinda pre-destined love. If he’s happy then I’ll tolerate her. I think she’s just weaker minded than I am, the thirst became an addiction and spread. Speaking of… keep your legs open.”
“Sorry, not used to the position… though you’d think it would be programmed in. I dunno, I don’t trust her. I know I wasn’t sentient so it’s just memory of an inanimate object transferred to me from this body, but she used me like a vampire chew toy and didn’t even make it sexy. At least make it sexy, right?”
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
“I would.” Gizzy shrugged.
“Like what am I? Just a piece of meat? I was mostly metal back then and very little meat. Gonna bite my neck and attack me, would it kill ya to tell me I’m pretty and slap my ass first or something? I get it, I wasn’t even alive back then but… she’s just cold blooded. Are we the only ones who get that? Is it a biomech thing?”
“No. She used to feed off Vinn and now Vinn carries sedative darts in his gun all the time now. Except when it’s being gilded out like a codpiece. He conceals, but you can see the bulge.”
“That’s what she said… Sorry.”
“She’s not dangerous anymore, we got the implant, so she only goes into feeding kill mode when she chooses to.”
“Comforting.” Dee sighed.
...
“Okay. She’s installed. One biomech, human cell grown fun zone, courtesy of the Original Dee’s Dee.N.A. and synthetic human scaffolding grow tanks.”
“I’m all… functional, now?” she asked, peeking down.
“In the reproductive sense, no. In the messy and problematic organic cycles, also no. But it’s human tissue, it’s indistinguishable from the host’s... uh, design. Now it’s a little bit different in details and how it connects to your computer brain, and there are some more irrelevant medical modifications a surgeon might notice.”
“But it feels and does all the necessary stuff?”
“It does that and more. I don’t half-ass anything, especially that close to the ass. Test it out for a week or so and let me know if it needs anything changed.”
“Test it out on who? We’ve been in the middle of nowhere for weeks while the ship does nothing.”
“You unfamiliar with self care? Here… try this.”
“What’s that?” she asked, as Gizzy placed down a box next to her.
“This remote controls the various implant settings, it’s basically a way for you to digitally stimulate things that without numerous other human organ complexity, would be impossible to stimulate. You don’t need a partner but you can definitely still benefit from it with one.” Gizzy assured.
“How do I know if it’s working, would I know?” Gizzy checked the wire for continuity before sparking the connector.
“HUUuugh, fuck!” Dee said while jumping and freezing in the chair, then staring awkwardly.
“I can’t tell from that reaction if it’s working properly or doing something completely wrong.” Gizzy squinted.
“Ah, no… it’s working, it’s working properly, no need to change that or test that again.” She said aggressively and rapidly.
“I’m getting mixed messages here, the difference between the pain center and the pleasure center of the mind are not always clear, especially with alien biomech. Did that or did that not do something you would call enjoyable?” she said raising an eyebrow.
“…I enjoyed that.” She said, staring at the wall, feet perched in the chair like a bird ready to fly, gripping the handles. “I am uncomfortable, but the connection… is correct.”
“Well that’s great. We accomplished something here today. You gonna be okay up there in your chair?” Gizzy smiled.
“Yep.”
“I’m gonna leave you now to set your own impulses.
“Yep.” She nodded as Gizzy got up and de-gloved. “Actually…” Dee said.
“Something wrong?” Gizzy asked.
“Uh, maybe you could just…walk me through some of the settings. For safety, of course.” She nervously bluffed. Gizzy slowly approached and tilted her head.
“Purely for safety?” she smirked. “Dee, are you trying to flirt with me?”
“Hey I’m built to please others not to BE pleased, this is new territory, I’m only designed to FAKE enjoyment. I’m in uncharted waters here. What if I can’t swim?” she said biting her lip.
“Terrible analogy given how both of us have a metal chassis and would sink like a rock.”
“You aren’t even curious… as a scientist? Spend all that work perfecting something and you don’t wanna test it out and make sure it works…thoroughly?”
“Dee, are we really having this conversation? You’re lonely after one boyfriend you cared for who broke your heart, and you’re stuck on a ship with very limited options.”
“And you’re not? Gizzy, what more setup do we need here? We’re the only ancient biomechs for a lightyear, let alone on the crew, you built my damn body, so you know it better then I do. You’re lonely as hell, miserable… the vampire thing ramps up your sex drive. Does it weird you because I look like Dee, or because another vampire’s been on this neck? I promise she hasn’t been very many other places.”
“Technically you have brand new skin and the other parts so medically speaking they’re unused anyway, and I know you’re not the other Dee. I’m over that by now.”
“Then what’s the problem… the wife that doesn’t know you exist, or are you worried what the crew might think? Because aside from those reasons what possible reason could there be?” she asked boldly. Gizzy sighed and picked up her phone.
“Jack, I’m too damn tired to fix the fork lift today, let’s move that to tomorrow.” She said, closing the com app and picking up the remote. “You wanna free up your schedule, this isn’t going to be quick and you won’t be fit for work for a while.” She said confidently.
“I got nothing to do, and nowhere to go.” Smiled Dee. “Oh look, my pants are already off, how did that conveniently happen?” she gasped fakely.
...
The old man shuffled back and forth, loading his tools up as Jack stood with his arms crossed.
“So you’re leaving us? You’re just abandoning your family again?” Jack huffed.
“Boy, I don’t belong here. I’m a retired killer, I’m too old to help much, I don’t understand your loyalty to these people. Gizzy is a huge bitch and she’s as stubborn as I am, except she’s wrong and I’m right. I don’t trust her around my damn soul bullets, she can make her own now, she done stole my secrets, and she won’t even throw me a little ass for the trouble.”
“I can’t begin to explain how much I never needed to hear that sentence.”
“Jack, you’re a grown man married to a scary woman, taking orders from an even scarier woman who despises me, you don’t need me. I tried the team dynamic, it’s not my style. I got scores to settle and I don’t need more enemies. I’m sorry Jacky boy, I’m just not the family type. I’m not the following orders type, being told to sit and wait on a ship by some robo bitch who has you under her rank. I’ll leave you some goodies, merry Christmas. Next stop at any space station or habitable world with modern population, I’m leaving with my things, my robot in storage, and some starting money y’all won’t miss.”
“Lone wolf, too cool to play with the pack, huh? Fine. Go then. I went my whole life not knowing you existed, I can probably forget you pretty fast and go back to that.” Jack said leaving the room.
...
Jack stared out the window in his suite, sipping his old fashioned and watching the stars pass by. A pair of red glowing eyes approached and two thin pale arms wrapped around him.
“Can’t sleep?” Vicki asked.
“It’s just weird… the ship is supposed to find places we need to go and it’s just been drifting for 2 weeks. It’s like something changed and it can’t decide where to go yet. My only blood relative is abandoning me again, and I honestly almost don’t care. It’s just one more weight on my mind. Had that weird dream again. The one where we’re on the rainy planet again, fighting that angel crow thing. I get ready to take the shot, load in a silver bullet of some kind and I get the crosshairs on it’s head, and it turns around, and it’s you. I know it’s you, you look right back at me and my hand just takes over and I can’t stop, and I pull the trigger anyway. Wake up burning hot and sweating, heart rate elevated.”
“Jack it’s just a weird dream. We’ve faced a lot of monsters and that one nearly killed me. But you took the shot, and you didn’t miss your mark. You got it. You saved me. I’m still here because you always save me. I’ve saved you a few times. You never do sleep very well.” She said nuzzling his neck and play biting.
“Not really. Grow up on a prison planet full of killers, you learn to sleep light and carry a gun when you do. Took a long time to stop sleeping without a 9mm under the pillow.”
“Well, mister bond, you’ve grown up since then.”
“You seem different lately… is it because you’re not the only vampire on the ship? Jealous because Gizzy stole your one thing and added mechanical upgrades to it?”
“Of course not. I’m grateful she did. Apparently it saved her life, and thanks to her new perspective, I now have control of my own thing. No more holding back, trying not to hurt you, no more feeding on Vinn or Dee. Scares me to think that eventually I could have killed someone and not been in control.” She said sighing. “But also yeah, I’m slightly annoyed. I was just getting used to the vampire thing and now I’m the second best vampire on the team. Did she have to really lean into the look?”
Well, Gizzy doesn’t half-ass anything. She whole asses or double asses, or no ass at all. Which concerns me, because she’s been away from Izleena for a long time and just getting over that loneliness spell, and now her sex drive is going to be higher and she’s all alone. Gods have mercy on the poor unprepared soul that she latched onto when we next land somewhere with a population.”
“Yeah right, some unfamiliar rando with a pretty face? Gizzy never lets her guard down, she barely lets it down around the crew and not even around your grandpa. She sure as hell isn’t touching that. Such a waste, really. All that power and experience, brand new biomech vampire body, enhanced sex drive and nowhere to aim it. maybe I’ll get lucky and she’ll go back to being human.” She joked. “Let me have my thing back.”
“Who knows. One thing is for sure. She never stops thinking about Izleena, and she’s probably sadly thinking about her right now.