I’m dead. That’s right. Completely dead. Absolutely dead. No trace of life here, nuh-uh, nope. Just a corpse.

“Are you sure she’s dead?” a tired voice said. Moments later, there was a clanging sound followed by a creak. Then, a footstep approached me. That’s my cue!

“Super-Secret Ambush Technique!” I pounced on the surprised guard and smacked him over the head with the flat part of mini-DalDal. And, just like that, the guard fainted. That was easier than expected! I thought he’d struggle just a tiny bit, but he wasn’t even an immortal. Now, I take his keys and … strip him of his stuff! This is a very important step. If I don’t find those magical gloves, I won’t be able to free everyone else here.

“Did you really have to shout before attacking him?” the gray squirrel asked.

“Yes. Shouting makes my attacks hit harder.” That’s right. When I shout out a technique, not only am I attacking with my attack, but I’m also attacking my opponent’s ears and brain! It works even better if I can shout out a different technique than the one I’m using, but that’s hard because I might confuse myself. Ah! Here it is. “Are these the gloves?”

The bloody squirrel nodded at me. “Yeah,” she said. “Put them on, and it won’t be a problem for you to untie the ropes on us.”

Perfect! With these gloves, I can free all these innocent squirrels! I’ll slide them over my fingers, and … huh. They don’t really fit that well. They’re made for squirrel paws, but it shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll untie this gray squirrel first. It’s a little like wearing sausages on my fingers; I can’t really get a good grip on the rope. Luckily, I only need to untie these ropes! “Here you go.” I’ll just give these gloves to the gray squirrel. “You can untie everyone else. I’ll unlock the rest of the cells.”

These cells are really easy to open because they work like normal cells. The ruler must’ve plagiarized some designs from the humans. Maybe the humans plagiarized the squirrels’ designs? Hmm. I’ll never know. Anyway, the key goes in the hole, and with a twist—click—the door’s unlocked! Too bad there was only one pair of gloves. “You guys are going to have to wait for that guy to untie you.” Now that I think about it, I don’t even know the gray squirrel’s name. In fact, I don’t know anyone’s name! Well, that’s fine. It’s not like names are important anyway; according to Slayer Junior, most squirrels don’t even have names.

Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.

Anyway, it’s time to move on to the next cell. There sure are a lot of prisoners here, so many falsely accused squirrels. It’s a good thing I’m here to do good deeds! One cell door unlocked; one good deed done. Two cell doors unlocked; two good deeds done. Three cell doors unlocked; three good deeds done. Hmm. Actually, wouldn’t there be more good deeds done since there’s more than one trapped squirrel behind each door? Ah? What if I’m releasing a non-falsely accused squirrel? That doesn’t matter! After all, there’s that famous saying … err…. Well, it has something to do with letting a hundred criminals go free rather than unjustly punishing one innocent squirrel. Or maybe it was the other way around…. Hmm…. I guess the air in the immortal realm hasn’t improved my memory by that much. Besides, there’s an easy way to figure out if I’m doing a good deed or not! “Were you guys falsely accused too?”

“Yes! I found some lost money lying around someone’s home, and when they unexpectedly came back from their trip, I tried to return it to them, but they accused me of burglary.”

“I was falsely accused too. Someone said I pooped in the no-pooping zone, but it’s not my fault my fur is coarse down there. Sometimes pieces get stuck and fall off later when I’m walking around.”

“I’m a victim too. Someone had the audacity to attack my foot with his face, and I was the one brought in for assault!”

See? Innocent squirrels. Another cell door unlocked; three more good deeds done! Mm, maybe I shouldn’t’ve unlocked this door. What if I step in a piece of poop later? Well, no point crying over spilt milk! A cell door that’s been opened can’t be closed! Technically it can, but I don’t have the time for that! This prison is ginormous. It’ll take me forever to unlock all the doors, and I don’t have any spare time to close them. What if the supervisor drops by to check things out? Now that I think about it, I should really hurry things up! Wait a second. Why do I have to do this myself? I’ll just give the key to a squirrel that’s already been unbound, and they can do it for me! The bloody squirrel seemed reliable. I’ll give it to her. “Here. You can free everyone else.”

“Ah?” the squirrel tilted her head at me. “In that case, what are you going to do?”

…What am I going to do? All I planned was my escape, but I didn’t really think about what comes next. Do I have to leave this promised land of the squirrels just like that? How am I going to get home without access to their teleportation gate? Am I going to have to live amongst humans? For some reason, it makes me a little sad thinking about leaving here; I thought I’d fit in better amongst squirrels than I would with humans…. Is it my fault though? No! It’s the ruler’s fault. How can she limit something so essential like eating meat to only certain squirrels? It’s not fair! Once I’m strong enough, I’m going to overthrow her! Squirrels deserve better than a life full of forced studying and immortal rice eating and falsely accused of crime being!