When Mommy visits me at school, she always distracts the teacher. The first, second, and third time she came to my class, she beat the teachers up, and I never saw them again. The third teacher was very nice to me; she gave me lots of candy. After Mommy came, I never got candy at school anymore, so I told her to stop coming to see me. Today, Mommy broke that promise!

“Hey, Sophia, you’re not really mad at me, right? Right?”

I’m mad! I’m not going to talk to her!

“I wasn’t visiting you at school!” Mommy was crouched in front of me, trying to stare at me, but I’m not going to look at her. “I was just doing sect leader things in the sect leader territory. I’m a very important person, you see. Mhm, mhm. I had business at your school and just happened to meet you there.”

I’m not talking to her!

“Look, I baked you a pie.” Mommy took out a pie from her interspacial ring. It smelled like lion! “I made it out of a green-maned lion! Do you know where green-maned lion’s live? Neither do I, but Ilya said they’re rare!”

I’m still not talking to her! …The pie smells really tasty. No! I’m mad. I’m, I’m going to take the pie, but I’m still going to be mad at Mommy.

“Great! You’re not mad at me anymore, right?” Mommy took a sweet drink out of her interspacial ring. It’s made from the plants in Big Sis Mirta’s garden. “Here. If you tell me you’re not mad, you can have this. Are you still mad?”

“No.” It’s not my fault! Mommy’s cooking is too tasty! I can’t stay mad at her if she feeds me like this. These are all snacks I can only eat on special days! “I’m not mad at you anymore.”

“That’s my girl.”

This drink is too tasty. Auntie Ilya says I shouldn’t drink too much or I’ll get addicted. I don’t know what addicted mean, so it’s okay. That’s what Mommy told me.

Mommy smiled at me, and her tail swished back and forth. “Do you like your class? How is it? Do you feel any qi inside of you? It can’t be fun to stand like that while eating, right?”

Mommy always asks so many questions at once. Then, when I answer, she can’t remember which question I was answering. “Mm.” That’s why I grunt instead. I’m training the foundation technique right now. The name is too long; no one likes saying it, but it has the sect name in it, so no one can say the name is bad. Ri doesn’t like it either. Today, Ri felt the qi inside of her! She’s really amazing. There were only two other students who felt it. I wonder when I’ll feel mine. All I feel is hot and bubbly and tingly. “Mommy, what does qi feel like to you?”

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Qi?” Mommy’s face scrunched up, and she looked up at the ceiling. That’s her thinking face. When she puts on her thinking face, I have to ask my question again or she’ll say something to answer a question in her head instead.

“Mommy, what does qi feel like to you?”

“Ah? Right! Qi!” Mommy nodded, and her face relaxed. “Qi feels fire for me, but that’s because I practiced the Secret Phoenix Rebirth Technique. Look!” She raised a ringer, and fire burst out of the tip like a candle made of meat.

It doesn’t feel like there’s a fire inside me. I think that would hurt. “Does it hurt?”

“No, it’s just really, really warm.” Mommy sighed. “How did Durandal teach me to circulate qi…?”

Mommy says Durandal a lot, but I never met him. He’s supposed to be a ghost that lives inside Mommy’s sword like how Puppers is a ghost who lives in Mommy’s socks. “How long did it take for you to feel your qi, Mommy?”

Mommy sighed again. I like it when Mommy sighs. She sighs when she’s thinking of sad things—that’s what she told me. I don’t like it when Mommy is sad, but when Mommy is sad, she cooks a lot and gives me snacks to eat, and I like eating snacks. Mommy grabbed her tail and rubbed it against her chin. “I think it took me a day or so. I didn’t do your graceful training that looks more like dancing; instead, Durandal forced me to wear a million-pound sword and had me walk a billion miles or two. Then, when I was super tired, he said I had energy inside of me that would make me less tired, and before I knew it, I found the energy and made myself less tired! These are totally accurate facts, by the way.”

When Mommy says the word totally, then she isn’t telling the whole truth. That’s what Auntie Ilya said to me, and I think she’s right. “How heavy is a million pounds?”

“Very heavy.”

“As heavy as a mountain?” Big Sis Mirta told me my mommy could pick up mountains. I’ve never seen her do it, but I want to. How cool would that be?

“Hey.” Mommy’s eyes narrowed. Did I make her mad? “What did I say about asking me math questions?”

“If the numbers are bigger than three, I shouldn’t ask.”

“Exactly.” Mommy nodded, and her eyes turned round again. “And what is a million?”

“It’s more than three, Mommy.”

“I knew it; my daughter’s a genius!”

That’s Mommy’s I’m-going-to-squish-you-with-a-hug face. “Mommy, wait! I have to stand like this to feel my qi. Don’t hug me.”

“Nonsense!” Mommy hugged me anyway. “Who says you have to feel your qi right away? I was an adult before I felt qi for the first time; you’ll grow up just fine.”

“I don’t want to fall behind Ri! If she gets too far ahead, we won’t be in the same class anymore.” That’s how school works. If Ri graduates from body training class, I won’t see her again unless I graduate too. To graduate, we have to pick up a thousand-pound stone.

“Don’t worry!” Mommy grabbed my shoulders. “Do you want Mommy to help you catch up to Ri? I can, but it might be painful.”

I don’t like pain…, but if it’s for Ri…. “Okay!”