With a little persuasion from my sword, the people in the tavern taught me a lot about the place we’re in. The information that the phoenix provided can’t even compare. It’s the difference between a local and an outsider, I suppose. Lucia’s Path of Slaughter guided her here; the best thing for her to do is stay. As long as I can keep her distracted, I’m sure she’ll forget about Softie until she’s achieved what she’s needed. Is that heartless of me? Maybe. But isn’t that to be expected of a weapon spirit without any emotions? Whether or not Softie lives isn’t as big of a priority as the opening of this Slaughter God’s Tomb. If Lucia went to save her, by the time we found this place again, the tomb would be closed, sealing off Lucia’s path to immortality for another century.

“Will, will you let us go now?”

“Let you go so you can report back to your sect?” Only a fool will bring endless trouble upon himself. “That sounds like a good idea.” But a genius will bring endless trouble upon a fool he’s trying to distract. “Don’t forget. She’s Sect Leader Fluffytail of the Shadow Devil Sect.” I pointed at Lucia, who was sleeping in the corner. “Capture an image of her with a photographic jade to distribute around.”

“She’s from the Shadow Devil Sect!? Impossible!” Mo Yan, the girl with her underwear lying beside her, glared at me. “My Mo family exterminated it thirty years ago. They slaughtered everyone down to the last chicken and dog!”

Maybe I should’ve fabricated another identity for Lucia. “It’s a different Shadow Devil Sect from a province far away from here.”

“I don’t believe it! You’re using false identities, trying to trick us and lead us onto the wrong path.”

…Are my words that unbelievable? Perhaps, as a weapon spirit, I’m just not suited for a verbal exchange. When I want to lie, Ilya and Lucia see right through me. When I tell the truth, other people think I’m lying. It’s much simpler to talk with my sword. There’s no lie when it comes to death. Either a person died under my blade, or they didn’t.

“Mo Yan! Shut your mouth!” The naked elder beside Mo Yan struggled with the rope binding his arms. If he were free, there’d be no doubt he’d hit the naked girl beside him. Why are the two naked? Well, everyone in the tavern is naked except for Lucia and I. Why is that? Because I took their clothes off, of course. As Lucia’s weapon spirit, any heart devil I plant should be partially attributed to her as well. And Lucia already reasonably demonstrated that stripping people plants heart devils within them.

“But Slaughter Elder, he—!”

“Shut up! The path to heaven is laid before you, yet you want to dig a road to hell!” The elder wobbled a bit before managing to get onto his knees. He knocked his forehead against the floor and brought it back up: up and down, up and down, until the floor in front of him had a small puddle of blood. “I swear to you, the Slaughter Seeking Sect won’t bring any trouble to you or your companion! With the opening of the Slaughter God’s Tomb, we’d have to be fools to provoke a quasi-immortal phoenix, its master, and a sky-realm-ranked item spirit. You won’t regret it if you let us go today! In fact, if you’re participating in the tomb’s opening, you can work together with out sect. O wise weapon spirit, there aren’t any conflicts that can’t be resolved with words. A truly strong cultivator can give up his enmity. Enemies of yesterday can be the allies of tomorrow. O wise—”

The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.

“Don’t you feel any shame?” The barkeep leaned over and spat into the Slaughter Elder’s lap. “Even a child wouldn’t be fooled by the crap coming out of your mouth. The Slaughter Seeking Sect exterminated a family because their daughter looked at your sect’s holy child’s ass when he was flying through the sky! After exploding a disciple’s arm and stripping an elder naked, how can you trick anyone into thinking there won’t be a retaliation from your sect?”

The elder glared at the barkeep. “Knowing this, you still spat on my lap? Perhaps your Long family has lived for too long!”

“I heard a bad pun!” Lucia’s torso shot off the counter, and her head swiveled back and forth. …That’s what woke her up? I didn’t realize she even knew what a pun was. That’s right, she’s probably still not clearheaded after drinking all that alcohol, but she woke up quickly due to her constitution. “Eh? What’s going on here? Barkeep! Where’s the barkeep? My barrel’s empty.”

“Boss, you shouldn’t drink that much! It’s not good for your health.”

“Eh? What does drinking have to do with my health?” Lucia tilted her head and picked the rainbow phoenix up. “Mm. Mrs. Feathers, I have a very important mission for you.”

“Yes, Boss?”

“I want you to find someone who can cook a phoenix, or at the very least, is able to serve a phoenix raw.”

How can she say that with such a straight face like it’s the most natural thing in the world to ask?

“That, that sounds like a scary request, Boss. I was wrong! Drinking is good for your health. Keep doing it! Barkeep!” The phoenix desperately squirmed while looking around in Lucia’s grasp. “Where’s that damned barkeep!?”

“Excuse me, Sir Sword Spirit?” the elder asked in a tiny voice. “Is, is your companion an immortal?”

Is she? No, at least, I don’t think she is. “What makes you think that?”

“Only an immortal would be as eccentric as her. Cultivators don’t drink for fear of ingesting impurities. But once someone becomes an immortal, impurities are no longer a factor. Not to mention, she’s using her bare hands to subdue a quasi-immortal phoenix. If not an immortal, she must be a quasi-immortal preparing for her tribulation, no?”

“My tribulation?” Lucia asked and dropped her phoenix. Her tail stiffened. “Where?” She disappeared, a hole appearing in the floorboards in front of her. A moment later, she crawled out of the hole with a limp tail. “How can you lie to me about something like that!? You scared the crap out of me! Durandal, off with his penis!”

…Is she still drunk? I honestly can’t tell if she’s acting differently from normal or not. Either way, I raised my sword.