The first trial is catching death fish. Once again, my net will be super handy! Except it has to go through a lot of sand too. I thought having small gaps would be useful, but I guess everything has its downsides, huh? If the holes in the net were bigger, sand would fall out faster. Well, it’s not like sand’s a big deal. I can store it in my interspacial ring. Eh? What would I want sand for? I don’t know, but it might be useful in the future. Mhm. …I’m not a hoarder! Don’t judge me for being part squirrel!

“The first trial shall commence. At the end of the hour, only people with ten death fish in their possession may proceed to the next trial.”

Alright, what’s the plan? Treasure Finder’s not here…. She told me the contents of the first three trials, but I only remember the first one. That’s the only one that matters since that’s where I am. Let’s see…, death fish should be attracted to death. So … people have to die. Isn’t this place dangerous? “Hey, barkeep, what do you think?”

“…I think you should give me the Despair God’s armor. If I don’t have it to protect me, I might die.”

Hmm…. Treasure Finder’s friend said I could sell the Despair God’s armor for a lot if I sold it to the Despair Seeking Sect, but the Despair Seeking Sect, err, fell apart, I think? Their leader was beaten, and their morale was crushed. …Not my fault. They would’ve been beaten by the Slaughter Seeking Sect anyway! Eh? Didn’t the Slaughter Seeking Sect fall apart too? …That’s not my fault either. They would’ve been beaten by the Despair Seeking Sect! Anyways, that means the armor’s useless—mostly because it’s ugly. “Alright, here you go.” Even if it’s valuable, I can just take it back later, but I can’t bring the barkeep back to life if he dies.

After the barkeep finished putting on the armor, which made him look like an ugly turtle, he nodded at me. “Now, you do what you do best.”

Huh? “What I do best?”

The barkeep pointed at the group of death-seeking people, who were eyeing us with weapons and talismans drawn. “Go out there and kill everyone last one of them.”

Kill everyone? “How is that what I do best!? I’m a good person who avoids death and murder!”

Mrs. Feathers coughed. “Boss, do you really believe that?”

“Uh-huh.” Sure, sometimes I injure people, but getting injured is a part of life! …Selling penises is a part of life too. If people didn’t want to buy them, I wouldn’t be able to sell them! Mm, I suppose dying is a part of life too…. Right, is it so bad if people die anyway? Sure, they don’t want to, but sometimes you have to do things that you don’t want to do. And everyone dies anyway: some earlier than others. Ah. I got distracted. “I’m a good person!”

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

“Boss…, if you tell someone to kill another person, and that command results in a death, do you think you’re responsible for the death?”

“No! I’m not!” Right? I shouldn’t be. I’m not the one who killed them. Mhm. It’s settled.

Mrs. Feathers coughed again. Is she sick? Can phoenixes even catch colds? Aren’t they a bit too hot for that? If anything, they should catch heats! “And why do you think that, Boss? What’s the difference between cutting off someone’s head and using someone else’s hand to cut off someone’s head?”

“We don’t have time for this,” the barkeep said and pointed at the group of people in black robes, who seemed to have gotten closer. “Think about it logically. If death fish are attracted to death, then only one person has to die before all the fish gather around. And since we’re the only rogue cultivators who dare enter this tomb, it’s obvious that we’re going to be the target!”

“But … aren’t we quasi-immortals?”

The barkeep’s expression turned ugly. “Boss, you might be a quasi-immortal, but I’m just a lowly saint.”

“Ah? Your cultivation improved?” Was he a saint before this? “Mm, you went from the strength of an ant to the strength of an ant with five legs.”

“Ants have six legs….”

Even though I’m smart now thanks to the bone of intelligence, math is still hard, okay? “That doesn’t matter. As long as Mrs. Feathers and I are here, why would they attack us first? We’re quasi-immortals; they’d have to be stupid or suicidal to target us!”

“Their name is the Death Seeking Sect….” The barkeep sighed as if he had great troubles plaguing him. I wonder why. “Death is the last thing they’re afraid of.”

“All these people want to die…?” And that’s why they’re going to attack me and Mrs. Feathers? Isn’t there a better way for them to die without bothering others? “If they want to die, why did they bother cultivating in the first place? Isn’t the point of cultivation to become immortal?”

“To them, death is another form of immortality,” the barkeep said. “If they’re dead, they can’t die again. Many of them choose to become zombies, or they let others control their bodies after death.”

That … doesn’t sound right. “Softie once told me there were no right or wrong paths to immortality, but these death-seeking people are clearly wrong!” Didn’t Softie also say something else about zombies? Like, they’re hated or something? Mm, I don’t remember, but I think it was something like that. “Aren’t people who manipulate corpses supposed to be evil?”

“When you’re strong enough, people won’t attack you even if you are evil,” the barkeep said. “Isn’t that why everyone leaves you alone?”

…Oi. I thought I established the fact that I was a good person! Gah, whatever, some people just don’t understand. “Mrs. Feathers, go burn them and catch the fish for me.” But do I really want to eat something named death fish? I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.