Adrian moved the branches out of the way as he walked between the trees. It had grown dark during his trek to find Reya. Unsure as to whether or not she made it to rock formation overlooking the valley in time before night fell, he moved unusually slowly through the underbrush, looking for any signs of her.
A distant part of him worried that he was wrong. That Reya had gone off in a different direction or that she’d hurt herself in her haste were very real possibilities. He shook his doubts from his mind and focused on his task at hand. Armed with a flare gun and a comm, he was more than prepared in case anything happened.
His trek continued without any sign of Reya until at last, he arrived at his destination. As he approached, he spotted Reya’s figure curled against the rock in their usual spot. Breathing a sigh of relief, he made his way over. The faint sound of crying rang clear for him to hear.
Reya jolted at the sound of footsteps crunching against the forest floor and whipped her head around towards the source of the noise. She stiffened when she saw a figure cloaked in darkness approach until it arrived close enough that she could make out that it was Adrian. Letting out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, she scooted over and made room for him to join.
Letting him settle, she rested against him. Adrian collected her in his arms and held her without saying anything, waiting for her to speak first. Using his comm, he contacted Tassie and told her that he’d found Reya, to her immense relief.
Reya continued to cry softly in his sweater, clinging to him. Vivid memories of her time in captivity swirled around in her mind and she was swept away by them. Echoes of pain lingered as she desperately fought to forget. Whimpering, she felt Adrian’s arms tighten around her. He planted a soft kiss on her head, his silent support her final bastion.
Reya’s tears slowed until they came to a stop. “Why?” she whispered hoarsely. The question burned from deep within as she tried to understand. “They could have left it alone and never learned about it. Why did they do it?” No matter how much she thought about it, she could find no good reason to want to learn more about the compounds used on her.
“I don’t know,” Adrian said honestly. “They never went through what we did. All they see are the screams. I’m sure that if even a single one of them were subject it, they would be singing a very different tune.”
“It deserves to be destroyed,” Reya said spitefully. “I can’t. I can’t take it, knowing that it’s out there. A part of me is waiting for it to be used on me once more. I don’t know if I can handle going through that again.”
“It won’t be used on you again,” Adrian said softly. “I doubt they intend to use it on anyone. My guess is that they wanted the information in order to prevent others from finding it.”
“That doesn’t excuse actually learning about it! They could have left it well enough alone. Nobody would have been none the wiser. Anybody else who found the facility wouldn’t know where to look. The odds of somebody learning about it are so slim they might as well be non-existent.”
“I agree, but it wasn’t our choice to make. I can’t imagine it was an easy one either.”
“What will they do with it?” Reya asked fearfully. “They can’t use it on another person! They just can’t,” she trembled. Adrian rested his head against hers as she nestled closer. “What happens if they weaponize it?”
“I don’t know.”
“What happens when others are subject to the pain?”
“I don’t know.”
“What happens when the knowledge is leaked?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then what do you know?” Reya cried, frustrated.
“I know that here we’re safe. We’re away from their labs and testing grounds. We’re isolated away from any wars or fights that might break out. I know they wouldn’t dare use it on us, not after seeing the videos.”
“How can you be certain?”
Adrian shrugged. “I’m not. It’s what I believe, however. Nothing good will ever come out of what they uncover. I warned Tassie about it. I know that someday somebody’s going to find a way to study it. That kind of thing can’t remain hidden. I’m sure the Tribunal will try their best, but their best won’t be good enough.”
“Then what do we do?”
“Nothing,” Adrian said. “This isn’t our battle to fight. For once, we can hide ourselves away from the world and let them deal with the consequences. Because mark my words, there will be consequences. We’re only two people. We can’t go against your entire military. We have no choice but to sit back and watch them make a horrible mistake. The best we can do is give them our warnings. The videos should have been enough, but they weren’t. Now we have to live with the decision others made for us. There are some things that you’ll never be able to control. This is one of them.”
“How is that supposed to make me feel better? It’s out there, Adrian. Doesn’t that terrify you? Because it sure as all hell terrifies me.”
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“It does scare me. Immensely. Just yesterday I was reminded about what I went through, time and again. It was terrible. When it happened to me, I wasn’t even aware of my own screams. Hearing them was agonizing. It terrifies me that somebody else might have to go through that. It hurts me, knowing you went through that as well. It’s not something I would wish anyone, no matter how much I hate them.” Adrian paused. “Except the ones who did it to me. They deserve far worse,” he amended.
Reya weakly pounded a fist against Adrian’s chest. “It hurt so much,” she croaked. “Why couldn’t they leave it alone? All they had to do was listen and everything would’ve been fine. All they had to do was listen.”
Adrian remained silent for a moment. “What do you mean by that? I’ve heard you say that before. It seems important. What does it mean?”
It was a long while before Reya spoke again. “During my time in captivity, they questioned me,” she said. Adrian nodded. He was already aware but waited patiently for her to continue. “Every time I refused to answer their questions, they would cut me and douse my wounds in a neurotoxin. Every time they whispered in my ear that it could all stop. That there was no reason for me to suffer. If only I listened. If only I listened and answered their questions obediently. They repeated it every time they hurt me.” Reya curled in on herself, feeling very small. “Right before they injected me with that final substance, they asked me why I refused to listen. Told me there would be consequences if I didn’t. What happened next is my worst nightmare.” She shuddered violently as she relived the moment she received her injection.
Adrian remained silent while she spoke. When it became clear that she wasn’t going to continue, he spoke up. “That’s why you freeze whenever you hear those words, isn’t it?” Over time, he’d noticed that Reya would become very docile and strangely obedient at times. Thinking back on it, he saw a pattern. “Every time you hear them, there’s a part of you that wants to avoid having what you went through ever happening again.”
“That’s right,” Reya whispered hoarsely. “Whenever I hear those words, it’s like I’m there again, cuffed to that table, waiting for them to hurt me. I spent so much time waiting, knowing that whenever I would see them next I would only be in pain. There are times when I wonder what would have happened if I’d listened. If I’d told them everything I knew. There’s a part of me that believes that I could have avoided that final injection.” Reya sniffed. “If only I listened.”
“If you had listened, what would they have done to you?” Adrian said. “They would’ve either found a use for you or killed you. I’m not sure which is worse. If you had listened, you would have never had the chance to be rescued. You would have never seen Rann and Tassie again. We would have never met. What you did was beyond brave. You defied them, not knowing whether you’d live to see another day. You defied them to the very end.”
“I don’t feel brave. I feel broken.”
“You’re not broken, Reya,” Adrian said gently. “You’re an amazing person who’s beautiful inside and out. You have so much strength inside of you. You lived through all of that and survived. Not many people would’ve been able to say the same. Don’t ever think I see you as damaged or broken. I never will.”
“You call me strong but there are times where all I want is to take my pills and never wake back up.” Reya’s tears spilled over anew. “It’s too much, sometimes. Even the memory of it is too much. There are times where I wonder if death would finally stop my suffering.”
Adrian stilled. Reya noticed the unnatural silence and looked up. Adrian had a faraway gaze and when he spoke, it was mechanical and hollow. “I’ve wished for death so many times I’ve lost track. When I was in that cell, all I hoped for was that their experiments would finally kill me, so that I wouldn’t have to live through another one. I’m pretty sure I did die a few times.”
Reya raised her hand and cupped Adrian’s face. He turned his head towards her, and she stared into unseeing eyes. “I don’t think you died,” she said softly. “You’re still very much alive.”
Adrian shook his head. “No, I know in my bones that I died several times. My organs shut down and my heart stopped. Everything went black. I was fading and I knew it.”
“Then how come you’re here now?”
“Because I wasn’t allowed to die,” Adrian said bitterly. “They did everything they could to bring me back and they succeeded every time.” Tears spilled down his cheeks. “Every time,” he whispered. “They kept me alive only to kill me again. And again. And again.”
“I’m glad you lived,” Reya said, using her sleeve to dab his tears dry. “Because then we would have never met, and I can’t imagine that. Sometimes, you’re the only thing keeping me going. The last bit of good life is ever going to give me.”
“You’re a dream come true for me, Reya,” Adrian said. The pair stared at each other and shared a tender kiss. Breaking apart, they looked up and gazed at the stars. It was a clear night and in the mountainside the view was stunning. It was enough to make them forget their worries and fears, if only for a moment.
“Adrian?” Reya asked eventually. “How did you find me?”
“I saw what direction you went off in and knew you had to be coming here.”
“How did you make it here in the dark without a flashlight? I didn’t see you using one earlier. You always seem to know where you’re going. It’s uncanny at times.”
Adrian grew quiet. Reya worried she’d crossed a line with her questions. She sighed with relief when Adrian spoke up. “I can see in the dark,” he said.
“We can all see in the dark, that still doesn’t explain anything.”
“No, Reya,” Adrian said softly. “To me, there is no darkness. Right now it’s bright as day to me. I see everything. One of the experiments they did to me changed my eyes. They weren’t always silver.” He went on to explain the experiment that granted him his improved eyesight. Reya’s breath caught in her throat as she listened.
“So that’s why you’re never worried when we’re out past dark,” she said. “You can find your way back easily without getting lost.”
“That’s right.”
“Wait,” Reya said, her brow creasing. “Then why do you use the lamp in our room if it makes no difference to you?”
“I do it for your benefit. I wouldn’t use it otherwise,” he chuckled. “When the bandages were wrapped around my head, I couldn’t see anything. I jumped at every sound, real or imagined, waiting for something to happen. Without my eyesight, I was vulnerable, afraid. The darkness terrified me. I turn on the lamp so that you never have to be blind like I was.”
“I never knew,” Reya said softly.
“That’s alright,” Adrian said. “You’re learning now, the same way I’m learning about you. I never knew thoughts of death were your companion. You’ve never let it show. I’m glad I do know now. If ever you’re having a bad day where the thoughts are too much, I’ll be there for you. Don’t be afraid to tell me.”
“And I’ll be there for you when it’s too much for you to handle,” Reya said back. “You don’t need an excuse. You don’t need to ask. Just tell me and that’s all the reason I’ll ever need.” Adrian smiled.
“Thank you,” he said wholeheartedly. With a sigh, he looked back towards the house. “We should probably get going soon. The others are probably wondering where we are.” He’d been gone a while and knew that the way back would take longer.
“I think they can wait a little while,” Reya said as she kissed him.