Reya floated on a cloud, warm and at peace. The dark skies below were of no concern to her. Flashes of painful memories and lightning that sounded like screams awaited her when she peered over the edge of her perfect little sanctuary. She drifted along in the sky, basking in the sun’s rays without a care in the world. All while ignoring the problems below.
The sound of faraway voices tickled her ears. She strained them, searching for the source but was unwilling to move to investigate. They grew louder and more distracting until Reya couldn’t ignore them any longer. She listened but couldn’t make out any words.
Lighting flashed across her serene sky as it darkened above, blotting out the sun. The wind around her picked up and cut off the voices, turning them into screams that echoed from all around her. Her arms bound themselves together, her wrists clasped in sleek metal cuffs. She looked around frantically as shards of memories surfaced from below the cloud, spilling onto it. Droplets of blood fell from the sky, painting her world red.
Something was wrong. Something was—
Reya jolted awake in her bed. Her eyes forced themselves open as she blinked away the remnants of her dream. A familiar ceiling greeted her. Where am I? she wondered. She tried turning her head but found the effort required to be monumental. She settled for groaning instead.
“Kell, she’s waking up! Come quick,” came an excited voice tinged with worry from beside her. It was Tassie, who had hardly left Reya’s side since she’d been back on the ship. “Reya, can you hear me?”
Her dream must have surely continued, Reya thought to herself. Like so many before it, where she had been rescued and was safe. A pleasant dream. She wished it were real but knew it wasn’t. It was a sweet lie whispered to her that only made waking up that much worse. She blinked back tears, startled by their warmth. That was new.
“I’m coming,” came a voice from the other side of the room. Kell put down his notes and walked over to check on Reya. “Reya, I’m going to prop you up so that you can see us properly.” He leaned over her, only getting a flick of her eyes acknowledging that he was there as a response. He grabbed the end of the bed and slowly raised it until Reya sucked in a breath from the pain in her ribs. The bed was lowered slightly to help ease her burden, where it remained fixed in its new position.
“There we go,” Kell said. “Is there anything you need? Are you in pain?” he asked.
Her mouth was bone dry and she struggled to reply. “Water,” she croaked hoarsely. She always asked for water in her dreams, but they never gave her any. The constant thirst never left, whether she be awake or asleep. She was unprepared when the glass touched her lips and actual water trickled into her mouth.
Reya choked, coughing violently to clear her throat. She raised her feeble hands and grabbed the glass, drinking from it with greed. Soon the cup was empty, drained of its contents. Reya’s throat hurt but she forced herself to ask, “Is this real?” She quashed the hope welling in her chest, for she knew that it wasn’t. Tassie squeezed her hand tightly.
“Yes,” Tassie said with wet eyes.
“No, it’s not,” Reya said, barely a whisper. “It’s never real.”
“It’s real, Reya. We’re here now,” Tassie cried, her tears rolling down her cheeks. “You’re not going back to that place anymore. We’re going home.”
Reya looked over at Kell and then slowly back towards Tassie. Her gaze took in her surroundings, comparing it to what she remembered. The med bay was a perfect match to the way she remembered it.
She locked a heavy gaze with Tassie, her eyes brimming with tears. “It’s real?” Reya said to herself. She looked once more between Tassie and Kell and cried freely. “It’s real,” she sobbed. “You’re really here.” Her cries grew louder and more desperate, joined by Tassie’s tears as she bent over and pulled her friend into a hug.
Reya wailed into her shoulder, letting out all the pain, misery and despair she held pent up inside her. Tassie rocked her gently as Reya weakly clutched her sweater. This went on for some time until eventually Reya quieted. She’d cried herself to sleep and rested limply in Tassie’s arms. Tassie gently lowered her back onto the bed.
“She’s not ok, is she?” she asked Kell, dabbing her eyes with the corner of her sleeve.
A complicated expression appeared on Kell’s face. “No, she’s not. Physical injuries aside, I’m worried about the state of her mental health. She woke up screaming nonsense several times over the past two weeks.”
Tassie’s face turned grave. “How bad is it?”
“I won’t truly know until she wakes back up and starts talking about it. Already, she was having trouble speaking. I can’t imagine she’ll be able to talk at length any time soon. The best we’ll be able to get out of her are short phrases. Maybe more if we get her to write it down.”
Tassie took out a tissue and blew her nose. Her friend’s sobs had been gut-wrenching to hear and pulled at her heartstrings. She’d never seen someone reduced to such a state. Never seen her friend more vulnerable. The tear marks on Reya’s face were beginning to dry while she slept, oblivious to Tassie’s gentle, protective stare.
Her sunken cheeks had begun to fill, Tassie noted. Not by much, but it was a noticeable difference compared to when she had first arrived on the ship. By the gods, Reya had been so weak. Was still so weak. “What now?” she asked.
“We give her time to adjust. If her scars are any indication, I’m sure what she went through was horrific. She won’t be ready to leave that bed anytime soon. The best we can do is keep her company, distract her when her thoughts turn back to whatever it is she experienced, and be there for her when that’s not enough.”
Tassie nodded resolutely. Fate had brought her friend back to her. She wasn’t going to let her slip away again. “I’ll go tell the others that she woke up briefly, and that she should be awake soon.” She earned a nod from Kell, who returned to his notes.
Leaving the med bay, she contacted Rann on her comms. It took her several seconds to reply back, which was unlike her.
“What’s up?” came Rann’s voice, sounding slightly out of breath. She murmured something in a low voice that Tassie couldn’t quite make out.
Tassie raised an eyebrow. “Am I interrupting anything?” she asked, amused.
“No!” came a hasty reply. “Just give me a moment.” There was more murmuring, followed by the rustle of clothes being thrown on. Tassie waited patiently for Rann to finish up.
“I was just in the med bay with Reya and thought you might want an update,” Tassie said once Rann was ready.
“Did something happen?” Rann asked urgently as Tassie was finishing up her sentence.
“Yes and no. She woke up.”
An audible sigh of relief came through. “That’s great news! How’s she doing?”
“That’s the part I wanted to talk to you about. She was confused. Very confused. She didn’t believe she was actually safe. Thought the whole thing wasn’t real.”
“But you convinced her, right?” Rann’s worry was palpable.
“I did. She broke down the moment she dared to believe me. It was awful, Rann. She cried so much she put herself to sleep from exhaustion. I never want to see anybody like that again. Not you, not Reya, not anyone. I held her while she cried. She refused to let go, almost as if she was afraid I would disappear.”
Tassie thought she heard Rann faintly crying. “By the gods, poor her,” she said, her voice heavy. “Did she talk about what happened?”
“No, she just cried the whole time. I talked to Kell. She’s woken up briefly screaming several times. This was the first time she was coherent. I’m worried, Rann. What’s going to happen when she’s fully awake?”
“I don’t know,” Rann said honestly. “But we’ll be there for her, I promise. We lost her once already. I’m not going to lose her a second time,” she said firmly.
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“You didn’t see her, but it was—” Tassie didn’t finish her sentence, the sound of Reya’s cries echoing in her ears. The feeling of her tears soaking through her shirt. Her warmth as she trembled.
“Tassie? Are you there? You stopped talking all of a sudden. Is everything alright?”
“No, Rann. Nothing’s alright,” Tassie said, suddenly feeling very tired. Her ordeal with Reya was more draining than she’d first thought. “Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that Reya woke up. She’s sleeping now, but she should be awake again soon.”
“I’m always here if you want to talk,” Rann said empathetically.
“Thanks for the offer, but I’m fine for now. Goodnight, Rann.”
“Goodnight. I think I’ll go check in on Reya before turning in.”
“Let me know if she wakes up again.”
“Will do.”
Tassie hung up and disconnected her comms from the main system, not wanting to be disturbed for the next little while. She retreated to her room, deep in thought over what she’d witnessed in the med bay. The temptation to go visit Reya again was pushed aside in favour of solitude. Irric came to mind, but she dismissed the thought as quickly as it appeared. She lay on her bed in the dark and stared at the ceiling absentmindedly, hoping for sleep to come. It never did.
***
Reya awoke to the soft sound of Tassie and Rann conversing. Far better than waking up to those alien shrieks and hisses, she decided. She lay there for a moment with her eyes shut, recalling what had happened the last time she woke up. How embarrassing, she thought.
Her escape from the compound was a bit of a blur. She tried recalling details, but her memory of the event was a fragmented mess. Reya opened her eyes slowly, blinking as they adjusted to the bright lighting of the room. She turned her head and saw Rann and Tassie seated next to one another beside her bed.
“I was afraid I was dreaming again,” Reya croaked weakly.
The two women immediately stopped their conversation and focused on Reya.
“There she is,” Rann said with a bright smile.
“Glad to see you’re awake now,” Tassie beamed back.
“Tassie, about before,” Reya trailed off. She didn’t know whether to apologize for her actions or thank her friend for being there for her.
“It’s ok,” Tassie reassured her. “I’m just happy you’re doing better.”
A small smile that didn’t reach her eyes ghosted across her lips. Reya found that she didn’t quite have it in her to fully smile like she would have before. Tassie and Rann exchanged worried glances. Their friend somehow still looked so exhausted in spite of her rest. Reya’s stomach grumbled loudly, interrupting everybody’s musings. Rann cracked a knowing grin and even Tassie looked amused.
“I’ll go get you something to eat,” Rann chuckled. “Don’t worry, I asked Kell what was safe for you before he left.” She put her hands on her knees and stood up. “I’ll be back soon.”
Reya nodded, watching her leave. She turned to Tassie, whose expression morphed into one of guilt and regret. Tassie looked like she had something to say, but swallowed her words when Jyn entered the room.
Jyn spotted Tassie sitting next to the bed, pausing ever so slightly before continuing towards Reya. He stood at the foot of the bed, ignoring Tassie. For a moment, nobody spoke. Tassie wore a chastised expression. Even in her tired state, Reya noticed the tension between the two. “Is everything alright?” she asked, her voice hoarse. Tassie tensed while Jyn narrowed his eyes.
“Everything’s fine,” Jyn said tersely, pointedly not looking at her. “Right, Tassie?”
“That’s right,” Tassie said with a complicated expression, which Reya did not miss. She decided to let the matter drop for now, too exhausted to pursue it further. She could always ask again later. Maybe Rann would tell her when she came back. She shifted her gaze towards Jyn and mustered enough energy to give him a brief greeting.
“I would’ve come to visit you sooner,” Jyn said, shooting an annoyed glance towards Tassie, “but you already had guests. I figured I’d come back when things quieted down. I didn’t expect anybody to still be here.”
“I was just leaving,” Tassie said quickly. “You can spend some time with her if you want. I’m sure she’s sick of me by now.” She turned towards Reya. “I’ll be back later to visit. If ever you want to see me sooner, you can contact me using our comms and I’ll come right away.”
Reya was taken aback by the sudden change in Tassie’s demeanor. She watched helplessly as her friend scurried from the room, as if trying to escape. She shot a puzzled look towards Jyn, whose closed expression gave away nothing.
He took a seat one of the chairs, studying Reya as he did so. It incensed him to see her this way, so weak and scarred. They’d had the chance to stay, but it had been robbed of him by Tassie. Reya was the one who’d paid the price for their actions. His emotions warred with one another, but he let none of it show on his face. “I’m sorry for not visiting earlier. You already had company and I didn’t want to intrude,” he said. “I’m sorry we left you behind. It wasn’t my choice.”
“It’s fine,” Reya said after a moment of silence.
They lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. Jyn fidgeted awkwardly with his hands before speaking up. “There’s no easy way for me to say this, but I need to ask. Can you tell me what happened to you?”
“Do I have to?” she said, her voice breaking.
“I’m sorry Reya, we need to know.”
Reya stared at him for a long while before finally responding. “Fine,” she said despondently. She wore a heavy look, the new weight behind her eyes startling Jyn when they looked at him. When she spoke, her sentences were broken and terse. “They caught me. Drugged me. Brought me back to that place. Questioned me. I didn’t talk. They questioned me more. Now I’m here.”
“Did you learn anything while you were there?” Jyn asked, hating that he had to do so after hearing the pain in her voice at the word “questioned.” He hated being the one who bore the burden of questioning her so soon after her capture. As captain, though, he had no choice. He knew High Command was going to be much more thorough when they arrived. She needed to be ready.
Reya thought for a moment. She forced herself to speak in full sentences. “It’s a research facility of some kind. They asked me how I found out about it. I think it was supposed to be a secret.”
Jyn was alarmed at the news. “So it might be military?” he pressed.
Reya shrugged. “Probably. Why else would they question me so much?”
“I don’t know, Reya. We don’t fully understand those creatures. They have completely alien ways of thinking that always seem to surprise us every time we learn something new about them. Xenopsychology is an important field of research where we still have so much to learn.”
“I’m leaning towards the military option. They asked why military personnel were at their doorstep. Repeatedly,” she said bitterly.
Jyn winced when he heard that last word. “That’s something the Commander will want to know. Thank you for talking, Reya. I know this was hard.”
Reya simply stared at him with a blank expression, lost in the memories of her torment. Jyn felt bad for making her relive her ordeal as she spoke to him but knew he didn’t have a choice. Seeing her expressionless face, though, stung. He studied her for a long moment. This was not the Reya he knew. The woman he remembered had a gleam full of life and mischief in her eyes. She was demure in stature, but her tongue was anything but.
This Reya was a shell of her former self, quiet and lost in thought. Her eyes alternated between a blank stare and a heavy gaze that had seen too much. She only spoke hollow words that she had to force out. A change was to be expected, but it felt strange seeing such a radical shift in personality when compared to the woman he once knew.
Feeling like he’d overstayed his welcome after his questions, Jyn wanted to get up and leave but also didn’t want to leave Reya alone. The two desires warred with one another inside him. A solution neatly presented itself in the form of Rann holding a tray from the mess hall. On it was a steaming bowl of brown broth, a glass of water, a spoon and some napkins.
“Here we go,” Rann announced as she entered, the scent of warm spices filling the room. “Some actual food you.” A small smile flitted across Reya’s face. A pang of jealousy flashed through Jyn at the fact that he hadn’t been able to do the same. Rann spotted Jyn and greeted him.
“Actually, I was just about to leave. I still have some work to do,” he said as he stood up. He excused himself and left the room. Rann carefully set the tray down on Reya’s lap.
“That was weird,” Rann remarked, looking over towards the door Jyn had left by. Reya simply nodded, too absorbed in the idea of actual food for the first time in over a month to really care. It smelled absolutely divine. And it was hers. She felt a twinge of excitement, a welcome change. Reya reached over and picked up the spoon. Rann watched with a critical eye, ready to help if needed.
Her arms trembled with effort, but Reya was determined to eat. Shaking, she brought the spoon to her lips, some of the soup spilling harmlessly back into the bowl. “Oh, gods, food that doesn’t hurt,” Reya said with a relieved smile after taking a bite. Rann looked at her sharply in alarm, Reya unaware of the concern her friend had over her offhand comment.
“Kell said they starved you,” Rann said, unwilling to let the matter drop. Reya went silent; she had a faraway look in her eyes.
“They fed me sometimes – I’d be dead otherwise, I think,” Reya said softly after several moments. “Whatever they had in the food made it feel like my insides were being ripped apart whenever I ate it.” She forced herself to speak despite the difficulty. “It was this weird, purple bread that tasted awful. It hurt so bad,” she said quietly, her throat hurting from saying so much. Tears formed in her eyes at the memory.
“Hey, hey, it’s ok,” Rann said gently, grabbing her hand and squeezing it slightly. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I’ll be here for you if you do, but I won’t force you.”
Reya sniffed. “Thanks, Rann. I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it yet.”
“That’s ok,” Rann said empathetically. She wouldn’t push her friend to relive her traumatic experience.
“Did something happen between Jyn and Tassie?” Reya asked, catching Rann off guard.
Her friend had always been perceptive, but sometimes Rann forgot just how much she gleaned from her surroundings. “I’m not sure if this is the best time to talk about it,” she said, hoping to deflect the topic for another day.
“So, something did happen,” Reya said, slowly nodding her head.
Rann looked torn about whether to speak about it. “Fine,” she said with a sigh, “I’ll tell you.” Rann went on to explain what happened during the mission and how Tassie made the call to leave, disobeying Jyn’s orders but saving them all in the process.
“Jyn’s still mad at Tassie,” Reya surmised, thinking back to when they had both been in the room together. Now that she knew, their reactions to one another earlier made more sense.
“I’m not sure,” Rann said hesitantly. “He probably doesn’t know how to act around her after his blow up. Or he might still be mad. It can be hard to tell sometimes with Jyn. He’s really good at hiding these things.”
“This all happened because I got captured,” Reya said sadly.
“Now, don’t go thinking that. None of this was your fault. The mission went sour on our end too and this is the result of that. They’ll figure it out,” Rann said encouragingly. “Now, how about you finish that food I slaved over?” she said with a cheeky grin. Reya didn’t respond, but she picked back up her spoon and feebly resumed eating her food, savouring every bite of the rich broth. Rann continued to speak while she ate, ignoring her own concerns about the growing rift between her teammates.