The pens were perfectly aligned on the pale wooden desk. The little statuette of a bird sitting on a branch gifted to her by her mother sat in the corner. The comfy leather chair groaned as it leaned back. Orryn was glad to be back in her office. While the meeting room on the ship had served its purpose, it was a far cry from her usual standards. It had been too bare for her liking. She eyed the artwork decorating the room. Various landscapes encased in ornate frames hung on every wall. Her personal favourite was a painting of a sunset over an ocean. She found it calming to look at. The warm hues of the setting sun made her feel at peace. She turned her attention back to her work.
Hovering in front of her over the center of the desk was Irric’s latest report. Nessah had been kind enough to forward it to the Elders in a timely manner this time, rather than keep it from them. The contents were as fresh as they were concerning.
The gru’ul had knowingly developed and refined a substance that was designed to cause pain. Their actions went against Orryn’s core tenets. How they could bear to create such a thing – on purpose no less – repulsed her and filled her with a cold rage. Though she knew not the extent of the pain it caused, she’d seen the videos.
Adrian and Reya’s screams came to her unbidden. She chased away the intrusive thought, but it remained in her periphery, biding its time until she let her guard down. Getting up from her desk, she went into the heavily secured side room for a meeting. Now that everybody had had time to digest the new information, it was time to decide what to do about it.
The heavy metal door swung open inwards and Orryn stepped inside. A replica of the same room attached to Nessah’s office greeted her. Taking her seat at the long, curved desk, she waited for the meeting to start. Six figures winked into existence in their assigned spot, with Kaius in the center. So lifelike the holograms were, Orryn sometimes had to remind herself that the others weren’t actually in the room with her.
The discussion immediately turned to the latest report regarding the facility. Everybody in the room had a different opinion on how best to proceed. As far as Orryn was concerned, they shouldn’t even try to find out more information about it. The terminal it came from deserved to be smashed into pieces so that nobody else could get their hands on it.
Cirrus, on the other hand, wanted any and all information about the substance to be found so that they could control it. By having the knowledge, she argued, they would be able to safeguard it properly instead of letting somebody else have it.
“I’m not saying we should study it and use it on people,” Cirrus argued. “I’m saying that it’s best we be prepared to have to deal with it. We need to know what we’re up against. We can’t just bury our heads in the sand and pretend it doesn’t exist. Us having the information prevents others from having it and using it against us.”
“The temptation is too great,” Orryn countered. “We should leave it be. This is one instance where ignorance truly is bliss. All it takes is one person. One leak. Then it’s out there and it can’t be stopped.”
The debate raged on, Cirrus and Orryn the most vocal proponents. The other Elders weighed in and slowly they were swayed. Orryn couldn’t believe what she was hearing. They wanted to try and find the actual chemical compound for it. She was fighting a losing battle and she knew it. Cirrus was making a great case for her point, and Orryn had nothing left. If she couldn’t get what she wanted, she could at least prevent unfettered access to it.
“I want it sealed,” Orryn said. “Somebody’s eventually going to get curious enough to want to learn more about it or, gods forbid, actually put it to use. We need to put every measure in place to prevent that from happening.”
“That would be most prudent,” Kaius said, stroking his beard. “What level of security should we accord the information.”
“The highest. We’re talking about a chemical that’s a crime against nature. I say we require a unanimous vote in order to access it.”
“That’s a bit much,” Cirrus said. “There’s always going to be someone against viewing it.”
“That’s the point,” Orryn said staunchly. “This chemical should never be studied. It should never be used. It shouldn’t exist, if it’s as bad as the videos make it out to be. Yet it does. I can’t imagine a single scenario where we would be better off studying that substance. We had better have a very good reason to want to pull it out and do something with it. We need to treat it with the caution it deserves.”
Kaius called a vote. It was decided that while they would continue trying to uncover more information about the chemical, anything they did find would be placed under lock and key after its initial report. Neither Orryn nor Cirrus were fully satisfied with the result, but they had no choice but to accept.
Irric’s new orders to focus his effort on finding any and all information on the substance were drafted and prepared, classified to the highest level. Tassie, given her skillset and involvement with the topic already, was permitted to help Irric in his endeavour. A separate set of orders were drafted, directing Irric on what he was authorized to share with Tassie so that she could get her job done.
It was a rush job, Orryn found. They should have spent more time debating on how to handle the situation, but arguing about it was a moot point. A course of action determined, the meeting ended. The holograms next to her disappeared, and Orryn was once again alone in the room.
Back at her desk, she organized Irric’s new orders to be passed on to Nessah. As she sent the files off, she hoped dearly that they were making the right choice. An uneasy knot settled deep within her. The Tribunal had made their choice. For better or for worse, they would soon have the answers to their questions. Orryn dearly hoped Irric would fail his task, but knew that it was only a matter of time.
----------------------------------------
“I don’t understand,” Kell said. In front of him sat Reya, looking ragged. It had been a week since the sleeping pills stopped working properly and she’d cycled through several more since. Her nightmares weren’t getting any better and Kell was getting concerned. At times, the medication seemed to make them worse, resulting in an immediate switch to a new one. “By all accounts, the medication should be working, not making it worse! Reya, can you tell me when this started, if possible?”
Reya slowly blinked. “When the Elders left,” she said after a moment’s thought. “I think that’s when it started.” Pinpointing the exact moment was difficult but she did recall feeling very tired the day after they left. Since it hadn’t gotten better since, she assumed that was when it started.
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“And you did nothing that might cause a reaction with the medication? No smoking, drinking or drugs?”
“When would I have been able to do any of that here since the Elders arrived?”
“I’m just covering my bases, not accusing you. So you did nothing different that you can think of?”
“Not at the moment, no.”
“That’s odd,” Kell muttered to himself. He looked back up at Reya. “Have you spoken to Adrian about this lately?”
The question caught Reya off guard. “Yes, I have.”
“So you’re aware he’s been having issues sleeping as well?”
Reya tilted her head. “Yes,” she said, unsure what the issue was. It shouldn’t matter if she and Adrian had discussed the topic. “Why?”
“Adrian reported the same symptoms as you starting at around the same time. I was wondering if there might have been anything that happened between the two of you that might be causing your distress.”
“Not that I’m aware of,” Reya replied, giving the matter more thought. “I highly doubt talking about our feelings counts as a source of distress,” she shook her head. “I really don’t know what’s changed.”
“I see. I’ll try talking to Adrian later about it. Maybe we can discover the reason for the nightmares getting worse. It might take a little bit of time, but we should figure it out soon.”
Reya gave him a wan smile and stood up from her chair. She was seated in front of Kell’s desk in the med bay. Being back inside the ship felt strange, she decided. She hardly spent any time in there anymore compared to before. Really, most of the time she’d spent on the ship since arriving at the safe house was when she’d kept Adrian company while he was locked up. “If that’s everything, then I’ll head out.”
“Don’t you want to try a new medication tonight?”
“Do I even want to?” Reya replied tiredly. “I’ll try the one I’m on now again tonight since it was better than the last one. Hopefully last night was a one-off.”
“If you’re certain. Let me know the moment it gets worse. If does, we’ll need to switch your medication. I’m serious Reya.”
“Understood.” Reya turned around and left the ship. She descended onto the cool grass, her thick sweater keeping the chill at bay. Rann was waiting for her as she approached the house and took her outback to the fire where the two sat alone. The crackle of the flames ate their words, granting them some measure of privacy as they spoke.
“What did Kell have to say?” Rann asked as soon as she sat down behind the roaring flames. Reya took her place next to her and recounted her appointment. “Nothing? He has nothing?” Rann asked, stumped. She’d thought for sure that Kell would be able to help Reya with her problem since they’d gotten the proper medication for her.
“Basically, we have to wait and see,” Reya said. Her appointment with Kell had tired her out and she hardly had the energy to deal with Rann. Still, she tried her best to give her friend the attention she deserved.
“So you can’t think of anything different that could have caused this?”
“No,” Reya said, frustrated. “The only thing I can see doesn’t make any sense.”
“Which is?” Rann hedged.
“The day I stopped sleeping well is the day Adrian and I stopped sharing a room.”
If the answer took Rann by surprise, she didn’t show it. She frowned, contemplating Reya’s answer. “Maybe it’s because you’re no longer with him that your nightmares are back,” she commented. Reya’s head snapped towards her.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Reya said. “Why on Verilia would that be the reason?”
“Well,” Rann started, “for starters, it seems like you slept well since you started sharing a room with Adrian. And before that you weren’t. So really the only change here is Adrian. Maybe you not sleeping well has something to do with him?”
“That makes no sense!”
“Well, how do you feel now when you go to sleep?”
“On edge, tense. Alone, terrified, resigned.” Reya admitted. Falling asleep terrified her, because she knew the only thing waiting for her were her nightmares. They tormented her. Haunted her. They kept her awake for hours each night while she lay in bed dreading the sleep she desperately needed.
“How did you feel when you were with him?” Rann asked.
Reya thought for a moment before realizing the answer. Oh, she thought. “Comfortable. Safe,” she replied. It hadn’t dawned on her that she’d felt that way when together with Adrian. She wondered when it had started.
“See? There is a difference. So maybe the answer here is to go back and sleep with Adrian.”
“I can’t just do that!” Reya gasped. “There’s no reason for us to sleep together anymore. And there’s no proof that this is even why the nightmares are back!”
Rann grinned. “There was never a reason for you to sleep together to begin with. You could have chosen to sleep with Tassie.”
“I had my reasons for not picking Tassie,” Reya said defensively. “I didn’t want her to see how bad the nightmares could get.”
“But you didn’t care if Adrian did?” Rann asked, eyebrow raised.
Reya nodded. “He understands what they’re like. I know he’s not going to think any different of me for it.”
“And you don’t trust us not to look at you differently?” Rann asked sadly.
“That’s not it,” Reya said. “I have this irrational fear that anybody who knows is going to treat me differently. It’s one of the reasons why I tried to hide my scars. It’s why it took me so long to tell you what happened to me. It’s why I kept the sleeping pills a secret. I was terrified that anybody who found out would change. The only person I know that isn’t like that is Adrian, because I know that he understands. The good days and the bad. What it’s like to be at the mercy of another as they slowly try to kill you. The pain. Gods, the pain.
“I’m not afraid of him knowing because I know that he already knows and still chooses to treat me the way he does. But the fear is still there, you know? It’s not always easy to overcome it. I tried my best when I spoke about what happened to me, but not everything got out. And I couldn’t bring myself to risk anybody knowing the rest.” Reya’s voice dropped. “This is what I get for not listening,” she chastised.
Rann stared at her friend, surprised at the candor. That last sentence felt significant, but Rann couldn’t place why. She filed it away for later, to be revisited. “So it’s not that you don’t trust us, it’s that you’re afraid to trust us?” Rann asked.
“All I want is for things to be normal again, like they were before any of this ever happened. That’s all I want. Everybody knowing changes that, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle the change. I’ve been trying to overcome it so that the rest of you can know what happened. But there are some things I don’t want you to know about. Some things that are far harder to talk about.”
Rann felt like she understood what Reya was trying to say. “If ever there’s something you don’t want to talk about, you can tell us and we’ll respect that. We only want to know to help you, not force you into feeling trapped.”
“Thanks.” Reya sniffed. “I know sometimes it sounds like I gloss over things, but that’s because I’m not ready for you to find out about it fully. Maybe sometime I’ll tell you about them, but only when I’m ready to talk about it.”
“That’s alright,” Rann said gently. “We’ll be here for you when you do. I still think the answer is Adrian though,” she said with a cheeky grin.
“Rann!” Reya protested. “You’re still on this?”
“I’m just saying.” Rann put her arms up in mock surrender. “What have you got to lose? It might actually be worth a try. March up there and demand your side of the bed back.”
Reya flushed. “I’m not doing that!” she squeaked. She muttered something under he breath that Rann couldn’t quite make out.
Rann shrugged in response. “Your loss,” she teased.
Reya checked the time and realized that it was far later than she was expecting. She excused herself and went to bed. Sitting on the edge of her bed, Reya stared at the pill bottle in her hand and wondered if she should take a couple more, just to be sure. She decided against it, instead taking just the one, hoping that it would finally work.
Her eyes remained opened as she stared at the ceiling in the dark for a long while, wondering how many she’d need to take to not wake back up. Wondering if she’d finally find relief.