Adrian entered the house, dragging in sand onto the floor. He didn’t care; he could clean it up later. Reya was more important. He followed the trail of wet sand to her room, where the door was closed. The faint sound of crying came from the other side. He paused, wondering if he should be the one to check on her. Perhaps Tassie would be a better solution. She knew Reya better than he did.
He recalled the time when Reya had come to check on him when he’d been self-conscious about his own scars. He shook his head, knowing that the others wouldn’t understand. No, it had to be him. He took a deep breath, and he knocked softly on the door.
The crying stopped and Adrian seized the opportunity to speak up. “Reya? It’s Adrian. Are you alright?” He was met with radio silence, waiting for several seconds before the door opened just a crack.
“Is Rann there?” Reya sniffed. Only the faintest sliver of her form could be seen. Adrian couldn’t make out her expression with so little detail.
“No, it’s just me. Can I come in?” The door opened a smidge wider, and he saw Reya take a step back. Taking that as a sign, he opened it further, revealing Reya. She stood several feet away, her eyes slightly puffy. Streak marks ran down her cheeks. They were still wet. She brushed away her remaining tears as Adrian shut the door behind him. He set the towels down on the nearby dresser.
“My turn, huh?” Reya said sadly. Adrian gave her a faint smile. “Why’d they have to bring it back up? Why is this so important to them?”
“I don’t know,” Adrian said earnestly. “They were avoiding the subject until now whenever we were around. I don’t know if they talked to each other about it when we weren’t there. Maybe them seeing my scars the other day is what triggered it.”
“This isn’t your fault, Adrian.”
“It’s hard not to think that when I see you like this,” he said with downturned eyes. He took a step towards Reya. She stayed where she stood, making no effort to get away from him.
“I hate this,” she whispered. “I hate this so much. Why me? Why us?” she began to cry again. Adrian closed the remaining distance and collected her into a hug, holding her close. She wrapped her arms around and cried harder. Reya sobbed into his chest as the pair rocked gently back and forth.
Adrian knew that the longer they went without revealing themselves, the worse it was going to get. He looked down at her and saw a person who understood some of what he was going through and who suffered silently for it, just as he did. Adrian stilled as Reya stopped crying. He knew that he wasn’t going to escape the inevitable. If that was the case, then he wanted the first person to see to be the one he related to the most. He came to a decision.
“Do you want to see?” he asked softly.
“What?” Reya asked, looking up. “Wait, do you mean . . .” Adrian nodded, and Reya stared. She extricated herself from the hug. “Why?”
“Because I want the first person to see be somebody who understands what it means.” Adrian swallowed.
“Aren’t you scared?” Reya asked, concerned that he was forcing himself to do this for her because of what just happened. She didn’t want to make him feel like he had to do reveal himself.
“I’m terrified.” Adrian held up his trembling hands to show her. She saw the fear plainly in his eyes and understood the sentiment. “If not you, then who else? Who else would understand?”
“I—” Reya cut herself off. She understood the measure of trust that was being offered to her and gave him a searching look, coming to her own decision. “Yes, I want to see. But only if you’re sure.”
Adrian smiled nervously. “I am,” he said as he backed up, leaving some space between them.
He reached over to his sweatpants and slowly pulled them down, revealing his bathing suit and the multitude of wicked scars on his legs. Reya’s eyes widened. He rolled up his bathing suit on both legs and revealed more, showing the full extent.
He kicked away his pants and grabbed the hem of his shirt. He stopped and gave Reya a sad, knowing look. This was the hard part. Reya saw his hands ball up as he clutched the fabric tightly and admired his courage. She found him staring her in the eyes, a silent question in his gaze. Reya gave a slight nod, giving Adrian his answer.
He carefully raised his shirt, revealing the horrors that painted his body. Reya gasped and tears welled in her eyes as she beheld his form. His torso was full of long, thick, ugly scars. One ran from the centre of his chest down to his lower abdomen. Another was above his heart. Others, along his sides and stomach. Smaller scars littered the rest of his skin. No spot was left untouched. She could only guess at what had happened to him for there to be so many.
Across his chest and on his shoulders were slash marks that matched the ones on his arms. They ran deep. His arms had long lines running down their length alongside a litany of other, smaller scars. Round circles were neatly arranged on one of them but not the other. His shoulders each had a scar that formed a ring around the sockets. She looked down and saw the same on his knees. A shudder ran through her.
Adrian turned around.
Tears freely fell from Reya’s eyes when she saw his back. There were deep gouges in it that ran through other long scars. A plethora of them adorned his back, some less eye-catching than the others but heartbreaking in their totality. The backs of his arms and legs weren’t spared either. Adrian turned to face her once more.
He stood before her, exposed. His alien heart hammered in his chest as he relived each and every scar that she looked at.
“This is what they did to me,” he said, his voice trembling. His eyes were hot and thick with tears, his vision blurring. His lips quivered. Adrian tried his best to hold it in. It was hard. Had been hard.
And now somebody had seen.
How they’d violated him.
How he’d been broken.
Reya’s eyes continued to roam his body, discovering new scars with each sweep as she walked towards him. Wordlessly, she collected Adrian in her arms. He broke down completely, unable to stay strong any longer.
They cried together. Adrian shook as he sobbed into Reya’s shoulder. Reya cried for him, finally understanding what being a test subject meant. His body told a story of pain and misery, of suffering and torment. Her heart broke as her fingers traced the scars on his back.
Once Adrian finally calmed down he released Reya, embarrassed. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“Don’t ever be sorry. Not for that,” Reya replied as she looked Adrian in the eyes. Adrian nodded as a new feeling welled up in his chest. Silence filled the room, neither one of them needing words. “Would you like to see mine?” Reya asked after some time had passed. Adrian could hear the tension in her voice.
His gaze flicked to the scar on her face and he repeated the same words she’d told him. “Only if you’re sure.”
“I think I’m ready. You were right, people are going to see eventually. Somebody needs to be the first.” Adrian was honoured that he was the one she chose to place that trust in. He waited in silence as Reya grappled with her fear of exposing herself.
She brought her hands to her waist and, like Adrian, started with her pants. He hardly noticed the white bikini underneath, his eyes fixated on the rest of her body.
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Adrian took in the thick, measured, silver-pink lines that ran horizontally and up the entire length of her legs. There were so many. Each one carved into her with the sole purpose of inducing pain. A knot formed in his chest.
He met her eyes and saw that she was ready to continue. Filled with trepidation, she took off her shirt. Matching scars decorated her arms. More adorned her sides and front from when the gru’ul had taken her suit off. She watched Adrian for his reaction. She saw the sadness and pain in his gaze but most importantly, she saw the acceptance. There was no hint of the rejection or fear she’d dreaded seeing. Only empathy and understanding.
She turned around and revealed the larger, deeper scars on her lower back. She moved her long hair out of the way so that Adrian could see. They hadn’t healed as well as the others, her captors having decided to try a new tactic to torment her. They’d just had to be careful so that she didn’t bleed out. The smaller scars near her shoulders caught his eye as well.
She looked back at Adrian, waiting for his response.
“It was hard, wasn’t it?” he asked.
Reya nodded mutely. Her face contorted. Relief flooded her. Her worst fears hadn’t come true. She hadn’t been rejected for her scars. “I think I’m all cried out,” Reya said as her eyes began to water. Adrian saw this and was the one to pull her into a hug this time as she began to cry softly. It wasn’t long before she was fully sobbing like he had. “Or not,” she choked between sobs.
He held her as she let out all the pain she’d been holding back. Her fear, sadness, loneliness and resignation wove together into a single cry. He stood there for her, a stalwart companion during her moment of vulnerability. Tears dripped down his cheeks as he beheld the cruelty inflicted upon her. Like him, her scars were many. Like him, they ran deep into her soul. His fingers traced the ones on her lower back, as she had done to him.
Reya eventually stopped crying and timidly stepped back, self-conscious. She’d spent so long trying to hide that being exposed left her filled with doubt.
Adrian saw her look down at her arms and took in the sadness and expression of distaste that overcame her as she stared at her body. He looked her over one last time. “You’re beautiful,” he said honestly.
Reya looked at him. “You’re just saying that.” There was no way anybody could find her beautiful. She knew it to be a lie.
“I truly mean it,” he said with a quiet intensity that conveyed his belief. It took Reya a moment to realize that he was being entirely truthful, and she grew self-conscious yet again.
“You really mean it?” she asked shyly, already knowing the answer.
“Yes,” Adrian replied again, unwavering.
Reya didn’t know what to say. She looked at Adrian, her eyes roaming his toned body and taking in his scars once again. She cleared her throat and looked back up. “What now? We’ve been gone for quite some time. The others must be getting worried about us.”
“Are you ready to face them?” Adrian asked.
Reya hesitated. “I think I am.”
“Then we go back outside.”
The two put their clothes back on and used the towels to clean the water that had dripped from their clothes onto the floor. Adrian worked his way into his still wet pants while Reya found a fresh set to wear. They both covered their scars back up and left the house together. Reya was nervous about approaching the others after her earlier outburst. She looked at Adrian, who flashed her a smile of encouragement and nudged her towards her friends. They were gathered around the chairs, talking and having a drink.
Reya timidly greeted them upon arriving. The others paused their conversation and looked over towards her and Adrian. An awkward silence descended on the group. If they noticed Reya’s change of outfit, they didn’t comment on it.
Tassie returned the greeting, speaking up when nobody else did. She looked over towards Rann and jerked her head towards Reya. Rann got the message and stood up, walking closer to Reya.
“About earlier,” Rann started. “I’m sorry about going off on you like that. You didn’t deserve that. It was uncalled for on my part.” There were so many things she wanted to say but this was neither the time nor the place to get into something that personal. The regret at not having been the one to chase after Reya when she ran off tore at her.
“In a way, I get it. You want to see what I’ve been hiding from you.” Reya swallowed nervously and looked back at Adrian for support. “I’ll show you,” she said bravely, “but are you sure you’re ready?”
“Isn’t that my line? You don’t have to show us. I don’t want you to feel pressured into doing something you’re not comfortable with.”
“It’s not that. It’s just that once you know, there’s no going back.”
Jyn rolled his eyes at the conversation. Tassie kicked him in the shin. “I think we can handle it,” he said, speaking for Rann, who nodded in confirmation.
“Only if you’re ready,” Rann said.
“I think I am. Besides, you’re going to see one day anyway. Today’s just a little bit sooner than I was expecting.” Reya looked back at Adrian one last time and saw the acceptance in his eyes. Bolstered by his earlier reaction, Reya went ahead with her decision, fearing for the worst while hoping for the best. She knew she had at least one person on her side.
She slid off the clothes covering her bathing suit. Rann let out a strangled noise as she took in the totality of what had been done to her friend. “By the gods,” she said, her eyes wet. Reya turned around for her and displayed the ones on her back. She heard the faint sound of crying from behind her and looked back. Rann had both hands on her mouth and was visibly trying not to cry. Jyn looked away, unable to bring himself to keep looking.
“This is what happened. If you wanted to know.”
“What did they do to you?” Rann whispered. Tassie’s face was a pallid colour and she looked like she was going to be sick. The rest gathered around to see, staring in stunned silence at the price of their mistake.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Reya’s face morphed into a sad smile. “They wanted answers I refused to give. It wasn’t as bad as it looks,” she said. “It was worse. Much worse. They doused each cut in a neurotoxin.” Rann couldn’t take it anymore and began crying in earnest. She collected Reya into a hug and held onto her. Reya’s eyes watered as well as she returned the hug.
Tassie was about to join them but looked at Reya’s scar-covered arms wrapped around Rann’s back and took a step back. Guilt filled her as she beheld the aftermath of her decision to leave her friend behind. She didn’t deserve to be a part of that moment. Not after what she did.
“I told you we should have stayed,” Jyn said to her.
Tassie looked away.
Rann finally let go of Reya and looked around. “Tassie? Are you ok? You don’t look too good.”
“I’m fine,” she said quickly. She swallowed her guilt and forced herself to approach, meeting Reya’s heavy stare. “I’m so sorry,” she stammered. “It’s my fault that we left you behind. I’m the one who made the call.”
“What happened to me isn’t your fault, Tassie,” Reya said. “It’s the fault of the bastards that did this to me. I don’t blame you.” Her gaze softened and she pulled Tassie into a hug.
One by one, the others talked to Reya, some pulling her into a hug as well, others asking if they could see the scars closer. Even Jyn came closer and asked if she was ok, although he looked visibly uncomfortable.
Adrian watched the moment with a soft smile. He was glad that everything turned out alright for Reya. Her friends hadn’t abandoned or rejected her for her scars. She was lucky, to have people in her life that cared so much about her. He looked around and saw that he had none. The only person to care had been Reya. His people were long gone.
Reya looked his way and smiled. It felt freeing for the others to finally know. While she wasn’t ready to tell the whole story yet, this was a start. She flashed him a thumbs up that he returned. Jyn noticed the interaction. He looked over at Adrian, who was still dressed in his clothes and said loudly, “So, what about you?”
The conversation immediately died down as everyone turned towards Adrian. Reya looked at Jyn, aghast. Adrian met everybody’s expectant gazes and began to panic. Reya immediately went by his side as the other slowly crowded around him. Adrian’s heart beat wildly in his chest as he was seized with fear.
Reaching him, Reya put a hand on his arm. “You don’t have to show us if you don’t want to. It’s ok not to be ready yet,” she said gently, concerned at Adrian’s rapidly paling face. Adrian looked over. The two maintained eye contact for several seconds, a silent conversation transpiring.
Jyn watched the exchange drag on, jealousy mounting in his chest. “I think it’s fair that we get to see. He can’t keep covering himself forever.”
“Jyn,” Rann hissed. “Shut up.” If his scars were even half as bad as Reya’s, then Rann understood where his fear was coming from. She looked back at the pair, wondering what was going on between them. Reya was now holding his hand. She saw Adrian give Reya a slight nod and Reya’s eyes widen in response.
Adrian turned back to the crowd. “Are you sure you want to see? And I mean, are you really sure?”
Jyn scoffed. “Get over yourself.”
Adrian looked around at the others’ gazes. All but Rann avoided his stare, the look of interest plain as day on their faces. “Fine. But I warned you.” He met Rann’s eyes and saw her look between him and Reya.
“Get on with it already,” Jyn said, annoyed at the melodramatics.
Adrian pulled down his pants and rolled up his bathing suit. Not a single person spoke as they got their first taste of what was to come. Then he took his top off. A collective intake of breath came from the group as they stared at him. He looked at their expressions again. Interest, curiosity, revulsion and discomfort were written plain as day for him to see. He held his arms out and turned around, showing them his back. After a solid fifteen seconds, he turned back to face them.
“Holy shit,” Beor said, voicing the thought everybody running through everybody’s minds. The others stared slack-jawed.
“Now you know,” Adrian said. “There’s a reason I don’t talk about what happened to me.”
Shock and dismay ran through everybody present as they tried to decipher the patchwork of scars canvased throughout Adrian’s body. Even Jyn remained silent as he took in the horror show in front of him.
Reya took a hold of Adrian’s hand as they faced the group.
Together.