The circles were back under his eyes as if they had never left. Adrian had slept horribly the night before and it showed. While on an afternoon walk with Reya, he only answered in short, terse sentences. It was all he had the energy to say. Reya wasn’t that much better, and the pair had lapsed in to an uncomfortable silence. He spotted the dark creases beneath her eyes and judged that she mustn’t have fared any better.
They walked on, their afternoon trail laid out for them clearly to their trained eyes. After finding a nice path that led partway up the mountain, their persistent wanderings had made a small trail they used to navigate. Their destination was a large rock within a clearing on the mountainside, giving them a stunning view of the lake and its surroundings.
It wasn’t long until Reya spotted it. With a tired smile, she climbed up and took her usual position. The rock had a depression facing the valley that served as her chair. The opening, however, was a little too cramped for two people. Scooting out of the way to make room, Reya let Adrian sit down. She shifted and draped herself over him, taking in the view.
The tension slowly bled out until it was nothing but a distant memory. Adrian took the time to apologize, breaking the silence that had stretched on for so long. “I’m sorry for not being the best company right now. I really didn’t sleep well last night.”
“That’s fine. I can’t imagine I’m much better,” Reya said in a bland tone. “I hardly slept last night, too.” She shut her eyes and let her exhaustion wash over her. Shoulder blades drooping, Reya felt her very bones screaming for her to rest. Her head lolled as she nestled into Adrian, falling silent again.
“Is it the nightmares?” Adrian said hesitantly.
“Reya yawned. “Yes,” she said after a moment’s debate. “I’ve been doing so well lately that I wasn’t expecting them to come back again last night. And in full force, too.”
“Do you want to talk about them?” Adrian broached. They knew about the other’s nightmares, but the contents were always kept secret. Unsure if he was overstepping, he figured Reya would put him in his place if he was and asked his question regardless. He hoped that discussing the difficult topic would help shed some light on what the problem might be. A beat passed while Reya contemplated the offer. She hadn’t told him off yet, so Adrian took that as a good sign.
“In my dreams,” Reya began, “I’m cuffed to a table, weak and frail. It’s not always the same, but I’m alone. I know what the shape of the room looks like but whenever I look over my shoulder, everything is black. And I hear sounds. Footsteps in the distance coming towards me, as well as shrieks and hisses that slowly grow louder. It’s maddening. Then, they’re there. Holding that gods damned translator.” Her voice trembled as she spoke. “They grab hold of me and they,” she hiccupped, “cut into me, slowly. They ask me why I don’t listen. They tell me to listen. All I need to do is listen.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “And then comes one holding an orange-filled syringe. I know what’s in there. Every cell in my body screams at me to get away, but I can’t. I’m too weak and stuck fast. The needle pierces my skin and I swear I can already feel it, but I always wake up right as it’s being injected.”
Adrian felt Reya shudder as he held her. “That’s terrible,” he said sadly. Reya’s eyes gazed into the distance, unblinking. He pulled her closer and held her until she snapped out of her trance. “It’s okay,” he reassured her. “Everything’s fine now.” She cried softly into his chest as she fought off the intrusive thoughts. Eventually, she calmed.
“Thank you,” she sniffed. Wiping her eye with her hand, she blinked away her remaining tears. “You’re always there when it comes to this kind of thing.” Reya thought for a moment, before asking “What do you see when you fall asleep?”
Adrian went very quiet as he debated on what to tell her. His dreams were varied, always a new flavour of twisted. There was always one, though, that returned consistently. He saw it almost every night at least once. Reya looked up at him expectantly, waiting for an answer.
“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” she said. She had opted to share what some of her dreams were like, and while she hoped Adrian would confide in her his, she wouldn’t ever try to force him.
“It’s fine,” Adrian said, distractedly. “It’s just that I have so many to choose from. I feel like everyday it’s something new. Some other horror they did to me that I’d forgotten. But there’s always one that comes back.” His arm curled around Reya, resting in her lap. He felt her take his hand and give it a gentle squeeze. “I’m on an operating table. It’s always an operating table. Above me is a bright, blinding light, but if I turn my head or squint properly, I can see what lies beyond. It’s all manner of surgical tools. If I look to the side, there’s another tray. On the other side is equipment I don’t recognize. Through the bright light, dark, alien silhouettes stand above me and grab one tool at a time from beyond the light. They bring it down to my body and I feel it at work. There’s no pain – yet. The pain comes later. I feel every single thing they do to me. During my surgery, I feel my heart stop. I feel my lungs fail me as they’re powered by a ventilator. I have no control over my body. Can’t so much as twitch.
“And then they stitch me back up. Put all the parts in the right places and dump me on the floor, alone. And as I lay there, the paralytic slowly wears off. But so does the pain killer part of whatever they drugged me with. I need to get close to the water before I’m debilitated by the pain, so I try moving, inching my way towards it, but I can’t. There’s a mounting feeling of dread as I know I’m losing my race against time. Sometimes I make it. Others I don’t. Each time I scream.” Reya stayed silent, waiting for more. “Honestly, that’s only one of my nightmares. The content of the surgery changes almost each time, but that’s the gist of the most common one. There is one surgery in particular that comes back, but I don’t want to talk about it,” Adrian said in a heavy voice, recalling the time they replaced his organs.
“Thank you for telling me,” Reya said softly. “Did you dream that one last night?”
“Yes. I always wake up confused from that one, like my mind isn’t certain where it is anymore. It can’t tell if I’m awake or asleep for a few seconds.”
“Was that the one you were having when I found you?” she asked, remembering when she first learned that Adrian was having nightmares like her. He’d woken up completely confused.
Adrian waited a long while before answering. “Yes,” he whispered, his eyes growing hot. “I hate that dream. It’s so vivid and all I can think about after I wake up is whether or not this,” he gestured, “is the real dream. Some days I wonder if I’m still lying back in my cell, completely out of it, trapped in my own mind and it terrifies me. I don’t know what I’d do if this turned out to be fake.” He held Reya tighter.
Reya collected Adrian into a hug, her arms wrapping around his chest. “This is real. I’m real. Don’t you ever think otherwise,” she said reassuringly. Adrian said nothing as she held him, her presence soothing.
Reya let go of him and settled back down, closing her eyes once more. The pair lapsed back into silence and eventually began to doze. There was no one to bother them in their secluded spot. Surrounded by nature with a beautiful view, the peacefulness of the moment lulled both of them into a light sleep, neither one able to stay awake any longer. The others would surely wonder where they were, but that was a problem for another time.
----------------------------------------
“Has anybody seen Reya?” Jyn asked as he walked up to Rann and Beor, who were sitting on the couch of the living room. The pair had been enjoying a small break together before getting back to work. Since the Elders had left, Jyn insisted that they maintain their patrols. Everybody else was of a different tune. A compromise had been struck, where patrols were maintained on a less intense schedule than before.
“No,” Rann shook her head. “Do you need her for something?” She had been looking for a good time to talk make Jyn and Beor speak together to reconcile, but it had proven to be difficult. Now that the others were nowhere to be seen, this presented the perfect opportunity.
“No, I was just wondering where she was. I haven’t seen her all day.”
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.
“You were wondering if she’s with Adrian, weren’t you?” Beor scoffed. “Is there really a need to monitor their movements?”
“I’m not monitoring them,” Jyn said stiffly. “I was simply curious, that’s all.”
“Right,” Beor said, rolling his eyes. “I bet it’s out of the goodness of your heart that you keep tabs on them.”
“I already said I’m not monitoring them,” Jyn said coldly. “Why is that so hard to believe?”
“Your track record has proven otherwise,” Beor replied. “Normally you want to control Adrian to keep him apart from Reya. Give it up, it doesn’t work. Even when you threw the guy into a cell, she still found a way to spend time with him.”
Rann watched the exchange silently, her chances of getting the men to reconcile dwindling by the second. This was not how she’d envisioned that moment. The undertones hidden in their words and voices shone clear as day to her, and she knew that if things didn’t change soon, they would get worse.
“I didn’t see you complaining when you had to guard him to prevent him from escaping.”
“That was mostly ceremonial. You know there’s no way he could have escaped. The cell is designed that way.”
“There’s always a chance,” Jyn warned. “You also didn’t protest when we were only feeding him one ration bar.”
“I didn’t know we were feeding him so little!” Beor exclaimed. “If I had, I would have done something about it. You were the one in charge of his food! What does any of this have to do with Reya?”
“Nothing. You’re the one that brought Adrian up to begin with, accusing me things that aren’t true.”
Beor shot Jyn a level look, which was returned by an icy stare. Rann seized the moment to interject before things grew further out of hand. “Guys, calm down, this is going nowhere. Jyn, Reya and Adrian went on a walk. Nobody’s seen them for a few hours.”
“Isn’t that a rather long walk? What could they possibly be doing?” Jyn asked, the couple in question blissfully unaware of the evolving situation as the slept without a care. “I’ve said this before, but we shouldn’t leave them unsupervised. Do you at least know where they are?”
Rann shrugged and stretched her arm out, pointing in front of her. “Somewhere in that direction.” Truthfully, Rann had no idea where Adrian and Reya went on their walks. She knew it was an important opportunity to escape from the house and allowed them their privacy. Thus far, they’d always returned safe and unharmed, so she didn’t feel the need to pry. Jyn felt otherwise.
“That’s all you know?” Jyn said, stunned. “You mean to tell me all this time they’ve gone on walks nobody knows where they are? That’s just plain dangerous for both of them. What if something happens? How are we supposed to find them?”
“We can give them a flare gun,” Rann suggested.
“I’m not letting Adrian near a weapon,” Jyn said flatly. “We should be able to track them so we know where they are and give them a means to communicate with us.”
“A flare gun is not a weapon,” Beor countered. “If it bothers you so much, give it to Reya. I’m sure she’ll handle it responsibly.”
“That’s besides the point.”
“Then what is the point, Jyn?” Beor asked, exasperated. “We have simple, easy solutions to our problems available to us, and you keep shooting them down. I get that you don’t trust Adrian but lighten up. It’s just a flare gun.”
“He could hurt somebody with it, that’s what!” Jyn snapped. “If he can use it to harm someone, then it’s a weapon.”
“Not everything has to be about Adrian. I get that you’re upset –”
“Upset at what, exactly?” Jyn interjected with a dangerous edge to his voice.
“Do I really need to spell it out for you? I thought I was clear yesterday when we spoke,” Beor responded harshly, unimpressed that he’d been cut off mid sentence.
“Say it. Go ahead, say it.”
“That’s enough!” Rann shouted, silencing the two men. “By the gods, you’re both acting like children! I get that you had an argument last night, but talk it out rather than continue it. You’re both adults. Start acting like it.”
“No, babe, this needs to be said out loud again so that it gets into his thick skull,” Beor said.
“Babe, no. Not now.”
“Why not? Now’s the perfect time. The others are gone. This is as private as it’s going to get.”
“What’s he talking about, Rann?” Jyn asked. “You have something to say to me as well? Go ahead then, since accusing me seems to be a common theme around here.”
“I don’t think this is the best time,” Rann reiterated. She’d been hoping to grab Jyn in private, away from Beor even. Having him here turned the situation into a powder keg ready to blow. All it would take was one spark and Beor was well on his way to lighting the match.
“Tell me now, Rann. I’ll make it an order if I have to,” Jyn said.
“For fuck’s sake,” Rann swore. “Fine! I’ll say it now then.” She turned to face Jyn. “Truthfully, I’ve been meaning to have a talk with you about the way you’ve been acting lately. At first, it was going to be mostly about Tassie and Reya, but after the stunt you pulled when the Elders were here, it’s clear that there’s more we need to address.”
“I’ve done nothing wrong,” Jyn maintained. “It’s clear to me now that all of you are on Adrian’s side, not mine.”
“Is it Adrian’s fault that you and Tassie can barely stand to stay in the same room for more than five minutes?” Rann asked. Jyn didn’t meet her eyes and remained silent. “You two need to work out whatever is going on between you. We’ve all noticed. Even Adrian’s noticed and he’s an outsider! I get it, you’re upset with her for disobeying, but this needs to end. Talk to each other and apologize.”
“I’m not the one that needs to apologize!” Jyn said. “She’s the one that needs to. She disobeyed me and it cost us Reya. We could have been there for her but now look at what happened. She’ll never be the same.”
“You mean damaged,” Beor accused. “That’s what you called her, isn’t it?”
“Even you can’t deny that that’s what she is now,” Jyn shot back.
“You think we don’t see that?” Rann threw back at him. She’d had enough. Going after Adrian was one thing, but attacking Reya was another. “We see perfectly well how what happened to her affects her. There’s probably more still to the story that she hasn’t told us. Of course it’s going to take its toll. The difference is that we’re trying to help her get better and you’re not.”
“I’ve done plenty to help her recover,” Jyn said defensively.
“Then why did you blow up at her that night?” Rann said. “Was that to help her recover?”
Jyn’s eyes widened. “She told you?” Beor had alluded that he knew about the argument, but Jyn hadn’t thought Rann knew as well. He thought he and Reya had been quiet enough when they’d fought, so he was surprised to find out that others knew.
“No, I actually heard it myself. You woke me up with your arguing that night.” Jyn was at a loss for words. “Get off your high horse and stop pretending you’ve actually done anything for her since we’ve rescued her,” Rann spat. “You’ve barely interacted with Reya and what few times you did always seem to end badly. Which brings me back to Tassie. You can’t blame her for saving our lives.”
“She disobeyed! We could have stayed, we could have fought, we could have –”
“We would have died, Jyn!” Rann yelled. “Your order would have gotten us all killed and you know it! I get it. You felt powerless at the time. We all did. But Tassie’s not the one you get to take it out on. You’ve been treating her unfairly ever since, and you need to apologize for it.”
“We’ll never know if my order was right since she never listened.”
“No, but we’ll forever know that Tassie’s call was right so stop harping on it.” Rann said. Jyn crossed his arms and grumbled, clearly not ready to let the matter drop, but she didn’t give him the chance. “The tension between the two of you is affecting the rest of the team. As Captain, it’s your job to ensure that morale remains high, not actively destroy it.”
“Now you care about my status as Captain? That’s a riot,” Jyn snorted. “You’ve all been disobeying me ever since Tassie first did. You don’t take our job here seriously. If you did, we wouldn’t be having this argument. You refuse to go on patrols. You refuse to watch over our charge. You refuse to treat him like the unknown element that he is. But I’m the hard-ass. I see how it is.”
“Maybe if you tried getting to know Adrian a bit, rather than antagonize him constantly, you’d trust him a little more by now.”
“We’re not supposed to trust him,” Jyn roared. “That’s literally our job. We have to secure him. We can’t do that if we’re dead.”
“By the gods, wake up. Our job is to protect them, not treat them like prisoners. We’ve done a fine job so far. The biggest threat to Adrian is you!”
“I’m keeping him in line! He has plenty of liberties as it is.”
“Because he fought for them! You’re borderline abusing the power you have over him, and it needs to stop. By the gods, you starved the man!”
“This again? I thought we were over this.”
“No, we’re not. Listen, you owe Tassie an apology for treating her like shit and blaming her for what happened to Reya. You owe Reya an apology for what you said to her. And you straight up owe Adrian an apology for how you’ve lorded over him since we found him. You’re one of the main causes of tension in the group. Now go do something about it.”
“So everything is my fault?” Jyn asked flatly. “You expect me to believe that all of the problems we’re having right now are my fault?”
“They’re not entirely your fault, but you’re the one who crosses lines. You need to apologize for that. The rest will be up to the others.”
“What am I supposed to say to them? It’s not like I can walk up to them and apologize.”
“Yes, Jyn, that’s exactly what you do!” Rann yelled, frustrated. “Gods, this is getting nowhere. If things get worse, I’ll sit everybody down and make them talk it out.” Rann stood up and went to go put on her boots.
“Where are you going?” Jyn asked.
“Away, back to my patrols. That’s what you want, right?” She opened the door and left in a huff, unable to stand trying to get through to Jyn any longer. Jyn and Beor remained, staring at the door Rann had left by in an awkward silence.
When he finally couldn’t take it any longer, Beor decided to be the first one to broach and apologize. “Listen,” he said, “I’m sorry for going off on you last night. It was uncalled for, and I crossed some lines I shouldn’t have.”
Jyn locked gazes with Beor. “Apology accepted,” he said stiffly. He said nothing more, his mind preoccupied with what Rann had told him. He assessed the situation critically as he pondered what to do next.
“So, are we good?” Beor asked after several seconds of silence.
“No,” Jyn said.