Chapter Twenty:

I Want Your Future, I Don’t Need Your Past

Gwenevere

The sky seemed to creep further behind the clouds by the second, flushing the sun out in a single foul swoop around noon. Jeremy was dissatisfied with the sun’s betrayal, and decided to wrap up our morning out on the water, where we had been collecting scraps from the battle just a few days back. Our ship creaked from the weight of the numerous piles of wood, red flags, and discarded debris that we had spent hours fishing out of the ocean, but I was glad to see it gone. I was still feeling the effects of the large scale battle myself, but unlike my comrades, two days in bed was starting to make my head spin, which is why I had volunteered to join Jeremy.

He guided our ship through the canal casually, something he had mastered at this point, and whistled the anthem for The North kingdom against the sounds of the rising winds as he did. I smirked slightly at his cheerful tune, but kept my eyes set on the coastline, as if I were anticipating another attack at any moment. “You know, you didn’t have to drag yourself out here, Gwen. This is tedious work that a Calvary should not have to do…?” he blurted.

I raised an eyebrow, “I’m a soldier, not a royal. I don’t mind getting my hands dirty. Why are you so reluctant about me coming with you?”

“Oh, I’m not, I just worry you’re too tired is all. What I meant is, as a Calvary, you have other things to worry about over trash clean up…?”

“Well, you’re our naval commander, so why are you the one doing it, too?”

“Touché,” he chuckled, nodding to the port with a side smile, “You’ve done enough today, so why don’t you grab lunch and take a break? I’m going to draw up some plans to present to Alfred about better defense walls that we can go over together on Monday.”

I shrugged lightly, “I guess, if it’ll make you happy.” I hopped over the side of the ship instead of waiting for him to drop the ramp, and sauntered off with a slight scowl. Jeremy was always kind to me, and respected that I was a Calvary, but had an obsession with treating me like a fragile flower. Whether it be my gender or not, he always took caution to not, ‘push me’ too hard, and it was beginning to agitate me. This treatment was nothing new; I had been treated like a dainty, breakable figurine my whole life, and thought that would change in the army, but here I was back at square one.

I moped down the pier with my hands in my pockets, kicking rocks and other debris off the wood with a scowl. Jeremy’s casual disregard had stirred me up good, and I knew going back to the castle was only going to agitate me more, so I ducked into the command room that Kayden and Lance were currently eating sandwiches in. Their football game was drowning out casual chatter on the walkies, but when they heard the door open behind them, they scrambled to turn it down and shove their crisp bags into the desk cubby. “Oh, Gwen, it’s you. Yeesh, you’re gonna give us a heart attack…” Lance scoffed, feeling his heartbeat with a frown.

I leaned against the doorway with a sly smirk, “Maybe if you two were listening for call outs instead of betting you wouldn’t be so scared of getting caught?”

“Har, har, young lady. What can we do for you?” Kayden asked, turning to crack open another beer and down it within seconds.

I nodded to the line of ships just outside the window, “Mind if I take one of the galleys out? I want to make sure I have enough clearance to fit through the sector four channel.”

“I mean, sure, if you really want to. We’ve already gone that route like ten times, though…?”

“I know, I know… I just, need to clear my mind.” I signed my name on the clipboard beside Lance, “I’ll be back within two hours.” I didn’t give them a chance to answer, and duct out of the door while they shrugged to one another.

The sea smelled sharply of salt, though the lingering scent from Stefan’s bombs still wafted off the waves. Watching Camilla and Samuel drag bodies up the wet sand was more than unsettling, so I made myself busy setting up La Gloria Mattutina, or The Morning Glory, to set sail. It was always much more complicated to get one of the massive, and ancient, ships we were allowed to us under The God’s Sent in motion, and since I was alone today, I decided no one would mind if I let a little magic help out.

My fingers danced along the main mast, and as they did, the innerworkings of the ancient ship began to roar to life. The gunports flexed, the numerous oars used to keep the boat in motion began to move in perfect unison, and the sails unraveled to catch the vibrant winds ensnaring us today. I smiled at the feeling of letting some of my pent up magic escape, and breathed a little lighter now that the dense, itchy feeling at the back of my neck had subsided.

Just as I went to move onto the water, a familiar voice I certainly had not expected today filled the air. “Gwen, hey! Can I come along?!” Ramah called, waving from the edge of the pier with a wide smile. He was dressed in fitted khakis, a casual sweater and knee high boots, something quite odd for our resident kitty cat, but he still holding his eccentric charm. His board straight hair was clipped back, though tendrils still brushed his cheeks as the wind whipped wildly.

I laughed lightly and nodded, racing back to the opposite end of the ship so I could hold my hand out, “Of course you can, monsieur pussy cat. Watch your step…?”

I pulled him up the side fluidly, and once he was set firmly onboard, he shook his hair out rapidly as he pulled the clip loose. “My, what a lovely day to feel the ocean breeze. Sorry if I’m bothering you, I just thought it would be nice to spend some time together!”

“You’re not bothering me, I promise. This is your ship, after all. You don’t mind if I took it for a spin, do you?” I asked with a slight blush.

Ramah plopped down on one of the rowing benches and procured a tome from a fabric bag under his arm, “Of course I don’t, my ship is your ship. This ole girl needs to get out on the water once in a while. I get so tied up in my office that I forget to give her attention. I don’t really know how to work this bloody thing to be honest. I thought these ships only existed in history books, until the war, that is. Now, I have a backyard full of them!” He teased, watching in awe as I drew a symbol into the air. The symbol illuminated gold before the oars began to move in unison again, and the ship set off down the long canal towards open water. “My, that is truly fascinating. I don’t think I’ve seen you use magic since you came to us…?”

“Well, I try and not make a spectacle of it, though it’s hard to sail a rowing ship without a crew…” he and I shared a light laugh; I moved my hands with the direction I wanted the ship to move, and once we were through the narrow canal and in neutral territory, I sat beside Ramah and sighed deeply. “I didn’t think I’d see you down here today?”

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“I like to come to the ship yard from time to time, especially when Slane is busy on our one day off,” he sneered with a playful pout before continuing, “The ocean’s always been very calming to me, and after all it’s been through this last week, I wanted to pay my respects…” he leaned over the side of the boat to watch the waves split under the wooden oars, “Is it hard to go from modern ships to these ancient hunks of junk?”

I rolled my eyes at his playful joke, “Admittedly, I like the older models. They are, of course, harder to use, but they have more advancements than you think. Stefan is working on getting our carrack’s equipped with that sonar system. We’ll phase out the galleys eventually, since rowing boats are a bit obnoxious, but… this one is special to me.” I laid my hand on the mast before my cheek pressed into it, “If you recall, this was my father’s favorite boat…”

Ramah turned to me with wide eyes full of empathy, “Yes, I do recall. He certainly loved to tinker on the water. We spent years performing spells and such on this very ship. It was fascinating to watch him in action…”

I grinned lightly, “Being on board this ship I feel like he and I are together again, like I can feel him in the floorboards. My magic is always stronger on board, and I like to think it’s residue from his own spells.” I gazed out over the vast sea, where the sun was reflecting off the dazzling waves methodically, “I am very proud to share this boat with him, to be qualified enough to board this ship and command it the way he did.”

“Well, you’ve certainly earned the right. You are his spitting image, Gwenevere, and I mean that as the highest compliment. Watching you day to day… it’s just like having James back in the castle. I miss your father very dearly…” he combed some stray tears from his cheeks, “But having you here, that hole in my heart closes more and more by the way. We have watched you grow from the little doll who sat on his lab table reading spell books to a confident, commanding young woman, and it has been an incredible journey.”

I turned to him in awe, slightly taken aback by the clarity in his voice and sincerity in his expression. “I… I truly appreciate that.”

Ramah snapped his fingers and stood, crossing to a hatch that allowed access to the lower deck. “Have I ever showed you what James and I used this old boat for, anyway?”

“I don’t believe so…?”

He winked and drew a symbol onto the door which, when finished, opened to an incredible lab. Ramah dropped down into it, and when his boots hit the floor, he hacked wildly on some dust that plumed from his fall. “It’s a bit dusty, but it still has potential!” He croaked, swishing the dust away. “I took Dmitri down here last week, funny enough. We were looking into teleportation spells, and I figured this would be another magically charged and easy spot for him to move to. Good thing we practiced what we had!”

“To say the least. I take it he’s enjoying the trade after all?” I called down the hole, making sure that the ship had slowed to a stop before I joined him below.

“Oh, something like that. He has some natural talent, but he is a Mortimer, so that isn’t surprising. Lots of sorcerers in that family…”

“I’ve heard…” I twirled in circles in awe, my eyes wide with disbelief at the numerous treasures Ramah had stored beneath the deck.

Ramah moved to the desk and sat down, swinging his legs so the chair would face the large tome on its surface. He flicked his odd gold eyes across the pages at a rapid pace, “Huh, can you take a look at this transcription and try deciphering it for me? I don’t recall what we were up to last, admittedly.”

“I didn’t come out here to work, monsieur pussy cat,” I chuckled, but I did round the desk and peer over his shoulder. I pursed my lips as I gathered a better grip on the vowels, “Ocsavian es tunamru? Seems like it’s roots for a sleep replacement spell?”

Ramah eyed the words closer before slapping the book rapidly, “You are absolutely right! God, I am blind as a bat!” He scrawled the translation in his notebook before sighing and setting the smoking pen down, “I forgot all about our little store down here.”

“Do you mind if I… explore a little bit?” I sheepishly peeped.

“Of course I don’t…” he watched me ghost to one of the many walls of books, and procure a collection of field herbs before frowning slightly, “I can tell something is bothering you. Would you like to talk about it?”

I didn’t take my eyes from the book as I spoke, ““I’m fine, really. Just, concentrating is all…” I lied, knowing that if I did look up I’d gave myself away.

Ramah moved to started organizing vials of potions he had been tinkering with, “Your father would be very proud of you, too, Gwenevere… don’t ever forget that.”

My hand paused midway through turning one of the pages. I stared at the elegant Latin scrawled across the parchment, unable to look to Ramah, who was waiting for my response. “I’m starting to think, maybe he wouldn’t be.”

“And why do you think that?” He scoffed, setting his hands on his hips. I set the book down on one of the lab tables and pulled a stool out, but when I went to place the apron on it in the desk drawer, I noticed that Dmitri’s name was written in black marker on the inside tag. I attempted to smile when I saw it, but that smile fell just as fast as it rose. Ramah watched the interaction, and after I had set Dmitri’s equipment into the drawer, he casually pulled his own chair up to settle in better. “If your concerns are with the little boyfriend that chases after you, I think it’s a bit ridiculous for you to worry like that.”

“Oh, would you stop…” I giggled, though I flushed pink. I let his words linger for a moment, then set my hands flat on the table top. “I often wonder what exactly my father does think, about my and Dmitri’s… companionship. My mother seems to like him very much, which helps me gain some confidence, but… my father is dead because of Alexei. I’d like to think Dad is willing to give him a chance, too… though I can’t help but feel slightly guilty.”

Ramah let a long sigh fill the room before leaning against the desk. His dark hair hung down his back carelessly, as if it, too, was enjoying a break from the chaos above deck. “I knew your father for a very long time, Gwenevere. If anyone should reassure you, it’s me. James always saw potential in everyone he met, and that rubbed off on everyone he mentored… even me. I’m following his mannerisms as I navigate this war, navigate living with Dmitri myself, and in doing so I have found he is truly a delightful young man. It would be a waste to limit yourself over what-if’s, don’t you think?”

I shrugged to his surprise, “I’m not saying I don’t trust him, or enjoy his company immensely, I just… I hope that my father understands how wonderful he is, how opposite he is of Alexei. I believe he is as far from Alexei as he can be, truly I do, Ramah, and I just want everyone else to feel that way too.”

“I know, Gwen, I do. That little idiot is doing his best to prove himself, and soon, I think he will fit in like a glove. Us being patient helps others become patient, remember that.”

I nodded solemnly, and glanced to the vast bookshelves along the inner wall of the room, “I do feel a bit hypocritical, though. I want to be part of his world, and yet, I don’t want anyone to be part of mine. I keep pushing him to open up to me, yet I keep an entire side of myself behind closed doors, locked up from everyone and anyone.”

Ramah shrugged, “I understand why, though. You’re still very new in this budding relationship, Gwen, so try not to be so hard on yourself. Things will smooth themselves out, and as you get to know one another better, you’ll gain confidence.”

I let my fingers trail over Dmitri’s apron again, a small smile finally reaching my face, “I think I love him, Ramah.”

Ramah choked up on a swig of water he had been sipping, “You? Love a boy? What world am I living in that Gwenevere Lee loves a boy!”

“Oh, shut up!” I laughed, punching his arm as he rolled his eyes.

He set his bottle down and took my hand gingerly, tugging me in a circle so he could speak to me face on, “If you love him, Gwen, then love him with all your heart. Follow whatever path speaks to you, and trust that your father would not let you tangle yourself in unnecessary directions. He is always watching over you, as am I, as is everyone in that castle. This war is bitter enough; find happiness within it wherever you can.”