Chapter Fourteen:

I'm on Fire, Yet I Feel No Pain

Matthew

The flames of the battlefield licked up the sides of numerous houses, and engulfed years of treasured memories. The smell of burning bodies, buildings, and already exploded bombs filled the air. Sirens buzzed through our ears, along with the crying of the few living citizens we were trying to bring to safety. My team and I were hiding behind a fallen truck as a group of West soldiers rode by, searching for any signs of life to destroy. When they were satisfied, they took off back towards their base. Once the coast was clear, I waved the fifteen I had with me forward, where we raced into each of the burning buildings.

I duct through an opening in the fallen doorway of a house on the end of the street, where the sound of a child sniveling echoed. The windows had been blown out due to a bomb that hit town a few moments ago, and the body of the child’s mother lay decimated on the floor. A few boards and nails were strewn around her, all signs of a desperate attempt to protect the house until helped arrived. I said a quick prayer for her soul before continuing through the rubble.

There was a small door under the staircase that was covered by a dresser and couch which I began to unearth. The railing of the stairs crumbled when I smacked the couch into it, and made me cower a little as the debris hit my back. The sound made the child I was looking for yelp, and my heart break at the sound. “Hey there, it’s alright?! I'm from The North! I'm here to help!” I called. I wrenched the door open, and when I went to bend down, a gun hit my knees and made me freeze. A little girl, around six or so and covered with ash and bruises, held the weapon with shaking hands, and stared up at me with big blue eyes. I put my arms up automatically and stepped back. “Hey, it’s alright, love. I'm only here to take you to safety…?”

“Badge!?” She snapped.

“Badge?”

“Show me a badge!” I blinked, but held out my identification card. She took it with a weak and thin arm, and examined it thoroughly before handing it back and slowly slipping out from under the stairs. She went to stand but tripped, which made me instinctively catch her. She gripped my arms weakly, and coughed up a puff of soot.

“You poor thing… How long were you under here?”

“Two days…” she sniveled, trembling, “Mommy… She…?”

“Don’t think about that, ok? We’re going to get you out of here, safe and sound, but I need you to stick close by me. Is there anyone else here?”

“Just me… and, mommy…?”

I sighed, nodding, “My name is Matthew; what’s yours?” I cooed as I pulled her into my arms and wrapped her into my coat.

“Eden… My name is, Eden…” she whispered.

“What a beautiful name; how old are you?” I kept the questions rolling as I walked back towards the opening. Eden knew her mother’s body was in the kitchen, but allowed me to cover her face so she wouldn’t see it. She answered my questions well enough, though she was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open. We finally made it outside, which made her start coughing wildly at all the smoke. “Hang in there, love; we just need to make it back to the truck.”

“Mommy said to cover my nose with my hands; will that work?”

“Absolutely! Keep your head down, too, so nothing falls in your eyes. If you can’t breathe, hide in my coat, ok?”

“Yes sir…” She encased herself into my embrace as I ran as fast as I could through the devastated landscape.

Another truck from The North had arrived back at the edge of the town, and a woman with rich black hair hopped down and began directing her groups on where to go. When I broke through the fire and made it to the truck, she turned in shock to me. “Which team are you with?” She snapped suspiciously, though she immediately reached for a survivor pack.

“Six; we were deployed last week on rescue. I have five more out there retrieving before we head back to The North.” I explained as she handed me a mask for Eden.

“Six…? Andrew put me in charge of rescue teams, and I never deployed six…?”

“Andrew himself deployed us; I'm, admittedly, from The West.”

“The West!?” She barked defensively, but I held a hand up.

“My name is Matthew…?”

“Matthew…?” She cut me off, her eyes widening in shock, “Matthew Ackermann?”

“The one and only,” I teased.

“Oh…! My apologies…? Andrew didn’t tell me you were on the battlefield, let alone out here…?” She helped me get into the truck with Eden, put another soldier in charge, then pounded on the roof to tell the driver to head home as soon as my team had returned. Eden stayed curled into my neck, and the other refugees we had acquired sighed in pure relief when the truck started for The North. “My name is Gwenevere, Gwenevere Lee. I'm Cavalry Number Five; you can call me Gwen, though.” She explained cheerfully.

“Gwen; nice to meet you. I take it you’ve been coming and going on recuse missions?”

“Yes; all of The Cavalry are pretty split at the moment. Martha has been out in The South with most of our air force, Stefan has been back and forth between the military base and the castle sending out bombs, Michael is either bringing supplies to The South or manning the control room, and Dmitri is out on the battlefield…” her voice fell at Dmitri’s name.

“The battlefield? He’s fighting?” I breathed in horror.

“Yes; he and Riley are leading our army, actually. Riley was appointed captain just before they left, and he, Dmitri, and Zachary are our head of command…”

“Riley? Riley Mortimer? He’s the captain!?” I cried.

“Hard to believe, isn’t it? They’re doing it, though, those two pinheads. They’ve taken down six thousand men in just a few months, but Joshua keeps sending more their way. They just need one more big push to finish them off. So long as they keep it together, they are in the running to win, for now that is…” she blinked back a few tears, and brushed them from her bruised eyes, “I'm sorry, I just miss them both very much…”

“Trust me, I understand…” I breathed morosely.

My words made her frown slightly, and hesitantly twist her hands as she tried to think of what to say. “It’s a true honor to finally meet you, Mr. Ackermann, especially after what you did to save Dmitri and Morgan. Our kingdom is forever in your debt…?”

“No need to be so formal; Matt works just fine, and please, don’t worry about that. Dmitri and Riley are the closest family I have, and I am more than willing to give my life to protect them.”

“Well, as Dmitri’s partner, I am thanking you…” she said seriously.

“Partner? You picked that moron over any other guy in the world?” I teased, which made her burst into hysterical laughter.

“Why does everyone say that to me!?”

“Because he’s a moron?” I laughed back as she rolled her eyes, “Though, I am happy he’s met someone to love. He deserves it…”

We both fell quiet before she looked up to me, “May I ask a, difficult, question?”

“We have a bit of a ride, so go for it.” I sighed, tucking the sleeping child in my arms under my coat better.

“It’s, about your childhood…?”

“It’s fine, really. If I get uncomfortable, I’ll tell you.”

“Alright… You grew up with the boys, right?”

“Yes, I did. The four of us were quite close.”

“Your brother is, Maxwell…? The one leading The West right now?” She croaked.

“Unfortunately so. He used to be Dmitri’s best friend…” I fell quiet momentarily, “When Dmitri left, it broke Max. Something, changed. He disappeared for months, and when he came back, he had turned into a monster. He felt he had nothing left to live for, if Dmitri had abandoned him, and he caved into Joshua’s brain washing. He watched, and let, Joshua kill our father, and has done far worse than that. He is no brother of mine… not anymore…”

“I'm so sorry, Matt. That must be incredibly painful.”

“It is, but I have the Mortimer’s. I worry everyday about those two, more than anyone in the world. They have always been by my side, through thick and thin. We have spent many nights in one another’s arms, begging to see the next morning, and shared many moments that will never be spoken to anyone outside of us for the rest of forever. Had it not been for them, I would never have been a part of this war, but I promised Riley a very long time ago that I would stand by his side until the end…” my voice broke, and tears began to slip down my cheeks.

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Gwen sighed, then cupped her chin in her palm, “I get it now…” she joked.

“Get what?” I asked.

“What Riley meant, in the dining room. He truly isn’t single, is he?”

“I, um…?”

She giggled playfully, then stuck her tongue out, “Don’t play dumb with me; you two have been chasing one another’s tails, haven’t you?” Whatever look was on my face made her stop laughing automatically. She turned fire red, and kicked her legs cutely for a moment. “Um, I, didn’t mean to offend…?”

“Chasing tails is quite the understatement.” I said through unmoving lips. She slid down the bench further to sit directly across from me, her eyes serious as I whispered to her, and only her, “Riley would murder me if he knew I told you this, but quite frankly, I don’t care anymore. He and I have been together since we were fourteen. We practically raised Max and Dmitri, and took every single precaution necessary to hide our relationship from everyone, including our brothers. Every day, we were terrified Alexei would kill us if he found out…”

“What a horrible way to live… I'm so sorry...” she said with genuine sadness. Her eyes darkened slightly, “Why did you really go to America, if you don’t mind my asking?”

I took a terribly deep breath, made sure Eden was truly asleep, then leaned in a little, “If you ever, EVER, tell anyone about this…?”

“There are many things Dmitri has told me that no one else in the world knows. If I don’t betray him, then I surely will not betray you, either.” I could see her soul through her expression, see what had made Dmitri trust her so much, which made me sigh and nod slightly.

“Collin caught us…” I began, and that sentence alone made her shudder in horror, “As horrible as it is to say, Dmitri leaving meant Joshua no longer had a distraction. He began to watch Riley like a hawk, and took all of his aggression out on him. Riley became the new punching bag, and every second Joshua wasn’t harassing him, I kept him in my arms. We would sneak out of the castle at night and go to the river, deep in the woods. We had a small hand built cabin we would spend the night in, and we thought no one would ever find us out there.

But Collin did.

He dragged us two miles back to the castle by our hair, and told Walter everything. Walter didn’t say a word, didn’t even tell Alexei or Joshua, but told Collin to properly punish us, and that he did. He unmercifully beat the ever loving shit out of Riley and I, to the point we couldn’t move. When it was over…” my voice fell, but I was able to bring it back slightly, “He tied us to chairs, and instructed his and Walter’s wives to… have sex with us. It was his way of trying to ‘rehabilitate’ the sin out of us. Walter watched the entire time and did not do a single thing to stop him. Because we wouldn’t orgasm, Collin beat us more, until we were teetering on the verge of death. Walter only stopped him because he needed Riley to interpret a meeting Monday morning with the Italian government…”

“Holy fucking shit…” Gwen gasped in absolute disbelief.

“As soon as I could walk again, Collin packed me a bag and sent me to a college in America. He convinced Alexei that we needed a psychologist in the castle, and said if I received my degree and did as I was told he would let me come home, under the condition Riley and I were to never speak again. For five years, I had to hope and pray Riley was not dead. We sent letters to one another constantly, and I begged him to tell me anything and everything that happened while I was gone. Collin tried multiple times to make Riley marry, but Walter had just enough decency to tell him to lay off.

Riley stepped up as second in command, and did what he had to, to survive. In the meantime, he sent me copies of every document he came into contact with, which I stored in a briefcase under my dorm room bed. He became so unhappy that I truly thought he was going to kill himself, but I was able to keep him alive just long enough for Dmitri to reappear, and help Riley regain his hope. Alexei had me return home right after I received my masters, through an accelerated program, which was the week he decided to execute Riley. I saw Riley for a single moment, when Walter brought him down to the dungeons. After that, I spent weeks listening to them torture the love of my life…”

We both were weeping now, for many reasons. Some were similar, some not, but she felt my pain, and I was more than grateful for it. I thought telling our story would be the most difficult thing in the world, but the words poured out of me like a hole in a broken pipe.

“No matter what Alexei has done to me, or my family, I refuse to not be by Riley’s side. I will wait a thousand years if it means I can one day see him smile again. I may be insane, or incredibly desensitized to everything, but I could care less. People will forever tell me that I have a classic case of Stockholm, or that I’ve been beaten into submission. No one knows, though, the real truth. No one… not a single soul. They weren’t there, the nights Riley and I spent lying under the stars. They didn’t wrap the wounds from a belt he received to the face while jumping in to save his brother. They didn’t hold him to their chest as he trembled in his sleep, or talk him out of nervous breakdowns that tormented his psyche.

I will never forget what he said to me, on my sixteenth birthday.

That day, Dmitri had been deployed to The East, and Riley was returning from The South. He had begged Alexei to come home for the event, and begrudgingly, his brother allowed him to do so. Alexei had gone with Dmitri to make sure everything went as planned, and Joshua was so drunk he couldn’t function.

It was the first night Riley and I ever had sex in an actual bed. We must have spent hours together, and when the sun finally came up, he said, ‘I wish God would take me right here, right now, so I will never have to live past this moment. I would rather die than leave your arms, Matthew. If the day ever comes where I can have this moment again, please make sure your touch is the last thing I ever feel…’. I remember it word for word, and hear it every night in my dreams. It is the single thing that kept me from running away from it all. Any other person would take the opportunity I had in America and seek refuge, but here I am, in the middle of the battlefield once again. Yet I wouldn’t trade it for a second.

When this war is over, Gwen, I fully intend on taking Riley as far from this country as possible, and hoarding him for myself until we cease to exist. I will fight until seconds before my last breath, if I can share that last moment with him. As much as I love Dmitri, words surpass the feelings I have for Riley. I can try to describe to you why I am delusional enough to stay with him, but it would be pointless…”

“Yes, it would be, because I am in a very similar position,” she said, which made me look up in awe as she shifted to sit straight. What we didn’t realize at the time, was that she had set her hand down on the microphone to her headset, “Dmitri isn’t exactly a walk in the park. He comes with a hefty package, and he is surrounded by despair everywhere he goes. No matter how much he tries to overcome his obstacles, The West is always there, nipping at his heels. I have had many people tell me I am absolutely insane for being with him. Whether it be because of his traumas, the fact that he is Alexei’s brother, or that he’s never going to live a peaceful life, someone always has something to say about us.

But I don’t care.

I share a bed with the man who’s brother’s is king of The West, yet when I see Dmitri’s smile, all of my pain washes away. From the moment I met him, I have had an insatiable desire to protect him, and until I am invincible enough to do so, I will suffice by being the person to help him make it through life. I take the bad with the good; some days he’s going to need a little bit of extra care. That care, though, leads to more days of happiness in the end. If I get him through a nightmare tonight, he will go weeks without having another.

I love him for every single one of his imperfections. I do not see him as a headache; I see him as a man who has been brutally broken down, and wants to redeem himself. He has strong work ethic, a relentless drive to succeed, and a warm, caring heart that yearns to make a difference. There have been, and will be, many times when I will need the same support from him, and I can confidently say I will receive it.

The way he treats me is… indescribable.

Even something as simple as taking my hand is done with such delicacy that he convinces even me that I may break. He never has a harsh word to say, and even when he wants to put a bullet in his head, he finds a way to smile for me. I have seen many facades from that man, but the one that is most genuinely heartbreaking, is the one covered with a broken smile. It is almost painful for him to muster one sometimes, yet he does because he loves me, and wants to reassure me at all times that everything is ok. He is well aware of the ‘luggage’ he carries and feels guilty constantly that I have to deal with it. What he doesn’t realize, is that I enjoy it. I like to fix his problems, because I get satisfaction knowing I helped him.

I really don’t understand why he loves me, to be perfectly honest. I'm cold, reserved, and constantly nitpick everything. I barely tell him anything, and my dark humors always gets carried away. I'm plain, and if it weren’t for the army, I would just be another starving artist with a failing dream. He sees past that, though. He never goes a day without reminding me how important I am to him. How am I supposed to let go of someone like that, just because he got dealt a shitty hand of cards in life? How am I supposed to betray someone who just needs a little push to get through the day once in a while?

I have already made up my mind; I am going to die with this man. Unless he tells me he does not love me anymore, I am not going anywhere. I am going to better myself so that I can match his affection, and make every day of the rest of his life a happy one. In return, I expect nothing less from him. We are going to fix each other. Until then, he will be the strength I need, and I will be the same for him. I will kill Alexei myself if it means I can be with Dmitri, just as I know he would do the same for me…” her voice broke, and she blinked back passionate tears, “and when he comes home… I am going to tell him all of that, and much, much more, and I hope you do the same for Riley.” She lifted her hands to cover her face, which made my heart break.

A click sounded in our headsets, followed by a voice that broke through the line. “When I get home…” Dmitri began, which made us both gasp, “I am going to ask you to marry me, Gwenevere. Should you dare try and say no, I will remind you of this conversation every day until you accept my offer…”

“Dmitri…?” She hiccuped.

“To put this briefly; you’re words, were the single match I needed to reignite my soul, and I will forever be grateful that you always forget to turn your microphone off.”

Gwen giggled shyly, though tears stained her cheeks as she picked up the mic, “At least I don’t have to waste my breath repeating myself?”

“I take everything back; I hate you.” The three of us laughed hysterically, a sound that hadn’t been heard since the beginning of this war, before he sighed deeply, “May I ask who you so lovingly are devoting your emotions to?”

“I may have picked up a straggler on my way home; you’ll have to win the war and find out who it is yourself,” she cutely joked.

“Can you brats stop sex talking on the commander line? I'm trying to sleep!” Riley erupted, which made the young couple snort laughs.

“How unfortunate, Riley is still alive…” she teased.

“He’s asleep while I'm manning the medical bay; go figure.”

“I would be asleep if it weren’t for Shakespeare writing a love ballad back in The North.”

“You’re just jealous you old, miserable, virgin…!”

“I AM NOT A VIRGIN!?”

“I can confirm that,” I snorted, making Gwen bubble a giggle.

“Goodnight, Riley.” Dmitri laughed as Riley turned his mic off, leaving the two alone again, “Anyway, now that he’s gone…?” he sexily taunted.

“Actually, I have to go! Bringing refugees in!” She squeaked, blushing a ferocious red.

He rolled his lips in annoyance, then chuckled, “Alright, alright. Get some rest yourself, beautiful. Next time you have a chance, ring me?”

“I will, I promise. I love you, Dmitri.”

“I love you too, Gwen; to the stars and beyond…” he said before Gwen sighed softly.

“We’re going to bring Riley home for you, Matthew, I promise. You will never have to fear Alexei and Joshua again; not while I'm still alive. I’m honored that you told me what you have tonight, and I hope, in the near future, you and I can continue to not only be great comrades, but even greater friends. Welcome, to The North Kingdom; you deserve every moment you spend here with us…” she said seriously, though her smile was full of love.