Chapter Twenty-Four:
What I’ve Been Looking For is Suddenly in Reach
Dmitri
“Good afternoon, everyone...” Slane sighed as she walked into the room, closing the door behind her softly before moving to check my chart. She mumbled to herself, then checked an I.V bag and hit a few buttons on the heart monitor.
“Doctor…” Cerelia whispered sadly.
“Any signs yet?” Slane asked, pressing a stethoscope to my throat. It was the first touch I registered since the night I came home, and following that, I felt someone holding onto my good hand. I could feel the weight of a million bandages constricted around my body, and the annoying itch of oxygen tubes in my nose. I was rather uncomfortable, but not from pain; the morphine that dripped through my veins was helping subside that.
“None…” Andrew breathed.
“He’ll be awake soon; try not to worry.”
“Slane…?”
“As much as you don’t want to hear it, focus on the fact that he’s alive and we didn’t have to carve him open to keep him that way. He suffered an immense amount of trauma, and sleeping it off is the best way to heal faster. Just be patient.” She snapped before exiting the room. The door slammed shut behind her, and everyone inside fell quiet for a moment or two.
“Andrew...?” Adelaide began, “Why do you look so guilty?”
Andrew scoffed in disbelief, “Why do I look guilty? Take a guess.”
“Unfortunately, he’s a Cavalry. It is impossible for them to stay out of matters like this.” Cerelia tried to reassure herself and her husband.
Andrew spoke into the hands he had over his face, his head buried in his lap, “We should have never let them go. Cerelia, just look at him… He looks like a mangled chew toy. They were not ready for this mission by any means.”
“How the hell did he get out of there?” Ethan whispered morosely.
“This pity party needs to end,” Gerard walked in with a cup of coffee he was stirring, “When he does wake up he’s going to be a wreck, emotionally, physically, and mentally. We need to be as strong as we can for him if we want to salvage what sanity he may have left after this.”
“You’re right…” Adelaide admitted in defeat.
The machine I was hooked to stuttered, making everyone jump wildly. Cerelia, who was the one holding my hand, lurched forward, “Dmitri?! Honey, can you hear us?” She begged.
Everyone crowded around me, frantic breaths escaping them as Slane stormed into the room and darted to the machine. “Back up, guys; I know your excited, but you’re going to overwhelm him!”
“Is he awake?” Julia cried as the group reluctantly sat down.
“That’s what I'm trying to figure out…” When everyone turned back to me, they jumped at the sight of me staring wide eyed at the ceiling. “Correction; yes, he is.” Slane slowly peeked over me. “Hey, how do you feel trooper?” She tried softly. I didn’t move a muscle. She waved a hand in front of my eyes, and when I blinked, sighed in relief. “Well, he’s responding slightly, so that’s a good sign.”
“Honey, do you know where you are?” Cerelia hesitantly tried.
Slowly, I lifted my good arm, bringing my hand up shakily. It fell onto a thick cast, and made me shudder hard. “Yes, we fixed up that poor arm for you…” Slane cooed, slowly combing my hair back. I raised the hand up to my ribs, which had also been constricted by extremely thick bandages. She watched me do this, her eyes filling with remorse, “You were out for quite a while kiddo; two and a half days. I'm sure you feel a little loopy from everything, but that’s normal. Is there any way we can make you more comfortable?”
A slow, heart wrenching stutter of a sob escaped my lips, and tears streamed down my cheeks. I could hear everyone’s hearts shatter into a thousand little pieces, but I couldn’t hold in my emotions. I cried for so many reasons; to start, I was alive, and I was home. I was surrounded by people who cared for me, who did everything they could to keep me going. I had successfully retrieved my brother, and though I had my ass kicked, I could see him again. On the flip side, I probably lost my mother forever. I was ripped to shreds by the person who I vowed to never stand down to, and degraded as not only a Cavalry, but as a man. My body, especially my arm, could be permanently damaged, which meant I could lose my position… The list was endless.
“Dmitri, can you talk to me, even a little…?” Slane begged. When I didn’t answer, she sighed, standing slowly. “Joshua really broke him good.”
Andrew looked as if the nerve in his brain that was keeping him sane had snapped, and was never going to be repaired. For the first time in a long time he truly had no clue what to do, and that reality crippled him more than my injuries did me.
╬
A week passed, and after everyone had left for the evening, I was alone in my room. I was still hooked to I.V.’s, but the oxygen wasn’t necessary since I proved I could breathe on my own two days after I had woken up. The pain had mostly subsided as the healing process had begun, but the horror in my heart hadn’t. I hadn’t breathed a word in days, though I responded to Slane with slight nods every once in a while. She knew my throat was extremely inflamed from, well, all of the screaming, so even if I wanted to talk it would be pretty painful.
The door to my room slowly creaked open, and a tiny figure scurried in, hopping onto the chair beside me. It hesitantly looked me over, then nudged my arm with its nose. “Can I lay with you?” Ramah asked, wrapping his long orange tail around his fluffy paws with a tilted head.
I mustered every ounce of my energy, then softly whispered, “I suppose…” in my gnarled voice. He shuddered the slightest bit at the sound, then hopped onto the bed and curled up between my arm and side before laying his cheek onto my chest.
“I know you like cats, so I thought some kitty loving would help?” He cutely chirped. I delicately ran my hand over his head, rubbing his warm ears between my fingertips. He purred affectionately for a few moments, then opened his eyes. “Would you, maybe, like to talk?”
“About?” I breathed.
Ramah blinked before tilting his head, “Well, um, everything? I mean, you’ve been silent for days. We’re worried sick about you, Dmitri…?”
There was a deafening silence before I finally began to speak, “Oddly enough, I can handle the beatings, but I can’t handle what I did to Joshua...” I croaked like a zombie. Ramah sighed, scooching closer to lick my cheek once. His little tongue was rough and made me cough out a small giggle. His eyes illuminated with happiness, and he wiggled up further to nestle his head into my neck. The feeling of him against my skin was incredibly soothing and made me cuddle into him gratefully.
“Why is it bad that you gave the monster a taste of his own medicine?”
“I vowed to never let anger fuel my actions, and yet I almost killed him…”
“I wish you had,” Ramah joked, but his laugh slowly faded as I flashed him broken eyes.
“Ramah; what if I turn into him?” I whimpered in agony.
He shimmied up until his nose was pressed to mine, his big gold eyes shining in the pale hospital light above us, “You will never be that man, Dmitri. You are far from capable of becoming such a monster. He, tortured, you. It is nothing but normal for you to want to reciprocate those actions. No one sees you as the bad guy; if anything, their hoping you got the job done. They don’t understand the situation, though, not like you do. He may be the devil, but he also raised you…”
“Can I admit something?” I hesitantly asked. “It’s… pretty blasphemous to say the least…”
“Well, I'm not one to judge, so let’s hear it?”
I breathed a low sigh, then closed my eyes and clenched my fist, “The longer I fight in this war, the worse the emotional pain gets. Everyday feels like I'm in the middle of a hurricane, and I'm lost in the eye of the storm. I try to smile, to fight, to say everything is ok, but inside I am truly dying…” my words broke, and Ramah’s eyes shimmered to indicate he would be crying if he were in his human form, “No matter how far I push it down, my own emotions are destroying me. I don’t know how much longer I'm going to be able to keep this up…?”
“Why don’t you try and let someone in about this? It’s extremely unhealthy to bottle everything up the way you have been…?”
“Because I don’t want to lose everyone. This is the first time in my life I have met people I truly care about. I feel so safe here with all of you, even in the middle of a catastrophic war. With Andrew and Cerelia, Zachary, you and Slane, The Cavalries… I can’t stomach to think about what my life would be like without you…”
“Oh, Dmitri…” Ramah choked, pressing a paw to my tear-stricken cheek, “You have nothing, and I mean nothing to fear here. Andrew and Cerelia chose you as a Cavalry for a very important reason; they have faith in you. They believe in you, and know you are giving your all to help their kingdom, but they also know what you have been through, and want to help you heal as much as prosper…”
“I'm so scared to let them down…” I admitted morosely.
“If you don’t start opening yourself up and being honest about your feelings, then you will, because you will end up succumbing to your own madness. They want you to form relationships, and learn what it’s like to live a good life. Yes, unfortunately we are still at war, a war you have signed up to finish, and that isn’t going to change anytime soon. But in the meantime, you can at least enjoy your time on earth. Life is short, Dmitri, and if you don’t embrace it, it’ll blow by faster than you can blink.”
I smirked, squeezing him awkwardly into a hug and burying my face into his fur, “You’re a good kitty…” I whispered.
“And you are a very strong young man…” he replied, nuzzling my cheek warmly.
╬
The next morning, Slane came into the room with a tray for me, whistling a small tune as she kicked the door open. She set the food down and turned to greet me, but when she saw me sitting up on the bed with my legs hung over the side, she jumped out of her skin in surprise. “Jesus Christ, kid…! What are you doing out of bed?” she scolded.
I looked up to her with a small grin, which made her eyes widen in awe, “Can I go outside, please?” I croaked in my raspy voice.
“Uh, um…?” She stammered in shock for a moment before composing herself and turning to smile wide to me, “I suppose some fresh air would be nice, wouldn’t it? Let me go fetch Ramah, just so you have some help getting around.” She excitedly chirped before darting from the room. I chuckled at her enthusiasm, shifted my arm better, and waited patiently for her return. She came back with Ramah, who was in his human form. His long black hair was tied into its usual ponytail, and his gold eyes sparkled against his rich almond skin.
“I heard someone wants to go for a stroll?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.
“If you wouldn’t mind?” I offered warmly.
“Of course not! Alrighty, let’s give it a go. Let me know if you’re in too much pain, ok?” He and Slane set an arm each around me before slowly lifting me into a standing position. I grunted once from the stiffness in my back and legs, but after a moment of regaining my balance, I was able to stand straight. I nodded to them, which made them smile and set off down the hall.
The castle was bustling with busy staff members. From soldiers to housekeepers, everyone had something in their hands or was talking to another colleague about a meeting they had attended. Andrew and Cerelia were with The Cavalries and were sitting on the steps after breakfast discussing today’s practice. When everyone in the main foyer heard the hospital door open, they turned to see the commotion. Ramah reassured me not to be ashamed as he and Slane lead me around the corner, which made soft gasps of happiness echo through the room.
This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.
The Cavalries and royal couple stared wide eyed at me as the three of us crossed the foyer, where Slane balanced me against the wall and opened the doors to the garden. I clutched my aching chest for a moment, panted out a few breaths, then nodded to Ramah for us to continue. “It’s a bit windy, but no rain for now!” Slane chirped as Ramah lead me out into the cold air. It stung my exposed skin and face, but it was so refreshing to be outside once again.
I patted Ramah’s arm, and he hesitantly scolded, “Be careful…?”
“I'm fine, relax,” I assured. He slowly dropped his grasp and backed up to stand beside his wife, who held his arm with an anxious smile. It took me a moment to steady myself, but when I did, I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. The breeze swept through the beautiful courtyard and danced up through my hair, making it blow softly in the wind.
I took a slow, deep breath, and sponged up everything around me.
I could smell the fresh hay that Camilla was giving to the horses, and the sweet scent of apples that Rachel and Sharon had been plucking from the trees Cerelia was so proud of. Fallen leaves brushed against the legs of my cotton pants, and a few were swept so high from the breeze that they touched my arm as they passed. The sound of happy voices, sword fighting in the arena, and the town just beyond the gates echoed through my ears.
The door behind me slowly creaked open, and I heard a few people creep onto the stone walkway. “What’s going on?” Stefan breathed to the Slane’s.
Slane shrugged, giggling softly, “Dunno; he decided he wanted to go outside I guess?”
“Out of the blue? Is he healthy enough to be out here?” Cerelia asked.
“Who cares if he is or isn’t; he’s happy, and that’s what matters. He’ll tell us if he can’t handle it.” Ramah said lovingly.
Andrew slipped by The Cavalries and hesitantly walked up the path, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he approached me. Cerelia kept an arm out to hold the group back, and her anxiety was almost palpable. He came up to my right side and gave me a glance over, then turned to the grand garden before us. “Am I interrupting?” he asked.
“No…” I breathed softly.
He nodded, then bit his lip as he thought for a moment. “It’s good to see you up and about?” he offered. I nodded once, making him chuckle, “I am bothering you, aren’t I?”
“You never will bother me, Andrew,” I whispered to his surprise.
“I doubt that; I tend to get quite annoying sometimes...” he teased.
I slowly opened my eyes, which I knew based on his smile were sparkling with love and life, “I will gladly accept the fate of being annoyed by you for the rest of my life.”
He laughed loudly, shaking his head as I smiled for him. “I'm glad to see your personality is still intact,” he chimed before growing serious for a moment, “You look like you have a lot on your mind. Would you like to talk about it?”
“I would, but in time,” I patted his shoulder once, “It will take a lot of practice, but eventually I’ll open up to you all. For now, just bear with me a little longer.”
“Ok, you’re starting to worry me; how much morphine are you hopped up on?”
“Enough to take out a horse, but that’s beside the point,” we giggled at my comment, “I am grateful to you for worrying so much about me.”
He scoffed a chuckle, “Well it’s my job, isn’t it? Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Yes, I believe you can,” I turned to face him, which made his eyes fill at the smile I held, “For a while, I lost my way. It got a little harder to trudge forward, but you all seem to pick me up every time I fall. In all honesty, I need friends. I need all of you, and if you can be there for me, I think you’ll be able to lead me home again. It will definitely be a long and excruciating journey, with many ups and downs, but I want to you all to be there every step of the way. I want you to be the home I come back to, and I swear, I will keep fighting to return the enormous love you have shown me and continue to offer.”
Andrew was completely taken aback by my words, “Fighting for one’s happiness is the biggest war you will ever fight, and it’s one you will never have to fight alone again. We are here for you, Dmitri, through the thick and the thin…” he promised.
“Yes, it truly is, but it’s amazing what you begin to appreciate after a near death experience. Don’t expect this after Slane takes me off the good stuff,” I joked, making him chuckle softly as I looked back out over the kingdom. “Gwenevere?” I called.
“Um, y-yes?” she stammered, jumping slightly when I asked for her.
“A few months ago, you asked if I believed in destiny, and God, and many other things. I told you that I didn’t think I had any connection to those concepts,” I began.
“You, did say that…?”
“Well, I need to change my answer to your question,” I closed my eyes again, and let the breeze embrace me as I spoke, “I do believe we are all here for a reason. I believe someone, or something, is responsible for why I am standing here today. Whether it be destiny, or God, or any other mystical power. I also believe that whatever that being is does care about me. If he or she didn’t, then they wouldn’t have let me come home to you all.” I said confidently.
“I'm glad you feel that way,” she whispered gratefully.
I patted Andrew’s arm once more before coughing, and clutching my chest, “If you’ll excuse me, I should probably head back inside…” I groaned.
“Of course,” he chimed as Ramah came over to help me. My friends and family watched as I trudged back inside, and all of them held smiles as the hospital doors shut behind us.
╬
Two weeks later, the day before The Cavalries were leaving for Christmas break, Slane said it was time for me to try getting back to the real world. She had kept me practically trapped in that hospital room for the entire month it took for my arm to heal, and pushed me into intense therapy sessions with a colleague of hers. He also determined I seemed fit for duty, or at least, able to start getting back to normal while my ribs finished healing up. It helped that he only wanted to work on my week with Joshua, so I was able to process my anxieties a bit easier without having to dig too far into my past. My aunt and uncle were terrified for me, but they agreed it was a clever idea to see if I could make some progress, on the condition that it was only to a small Cavalry meeting and breakfast.
Over the month I had been hospitalized, the support I received from everyone in the castle was overwhelming. I was allowed as much time as possible to recover both mentally and physically from everything that transpired, and showered in sweet visits and gifts to pass the time. Cerelia would often set up a crochet station in the corner so she could spend hours talking to me about anything and everything, from books I had read to updates on the castle.
One particular visitor, one most did not know of, was also the most important; and that was Gwenevere. Every, single, night, she crept into my room after midnight to help lull me to sleep, to keep the nightmares away, and assure that I had a loving touch to wake up to. Slane and Martha were the only people to know of her visits, but kept them a secret so no one would try and ruin them. Gwen never once asked me about anything that happened, only gave me a private space to talk when I wanted it.
She spent many nights combing my hair back and watching marathons of dumb movies with me, humming to herself ever-so-patiently as she waited for me to fall asleep. These nights meant the absolute world to me, and much of my progress was due to our late night talks to keep me from relapsing into horrific panic attacks. I swore I would repay her in the most incredible way when this was over, but to achieve this, I would have to face the world again, and today was that day. “Looks good, kiddo!” Slane cried as she finally pulled the thick cast off my arm.
“Feels good to be free,” I scoffed, twisting the appendage hesitantly.
“Isn’t it amazing what a little magic can do?” Ramah joked, winking to me, “Too bad it didn’t heal it automatically, though. Maybe if someone wasn’t so anti-magic…?”
“I’d rather the bones had a little time to themselves, smartass. I mean, without your help he would have been casted up for another three weeks, so I’ll give you that. At least now you can start working on physical therapy. The ribs will be another week or two, but you can begin light exercise and see how it goes,” Slane explained.
“Ok, got it.”
“Ready to do this?”
“Better late than never,” I sighed, stiffly standing and walking to the doors of the clinic. In the reflection of the mirror beside the door, I clearly saw how my progress was coming along physical wise. My chest was still braced up, but the bruises on my body had turned a sick yellow, and the swelling in my eyes had gone down. I was beginning to look presentable again, but I knew everyone would still gawk. Slane nudged me forward before we headed out into the foyer, prying my eyes away from my image so I wouldn’t chicken out.
Atticus opened the dining hall doors, smiling to me with a soft nod. The soldiers who were present gasped a little when they saw me, mostly in happiness, but some still in shock. I couldn’t look any of them in the eye, so I sat down slowly, trembling violently in my seat. Cerelia nervously turned to Slane, who held her ground at the door frame. “Look who’s back!” Stefan cried, shaking my shoulders with a smile. I flopped lifelessly in his arms, which made him awkwardly cough and sit back down.
“How has the acrobatics course been treating you, Martha?” Zachary asked to break the silence, spooning the yolk of his eggs.
“Oh, good, good…” she tried.
“I see, and Gwen, how’s the new shooting arena? I heard we just got some new Mg’s in; did you have a go at them?” He received no answer, and shifted in his seat awkwardly. I continued trembling, the fork bouncing in my fingertips. I brought my hand up to brush my hair behind my ear, but that only revealed more embarrassing bruises.
What had he done to me. I was so confident just a few weeks ago, but now that I wasn’t on morphine I was a nervous wreck? He’s in my head, and I can’t get him out. How much of my dignity did he rip from me, better yet, how much sanity?
“Uh, Gwen?” Zachary laughed nervously.
A chair squealed loudly before a set of boots crossed the room.
Everyone snapped their heads up as a pair of arms smacked around me, making me jump violently. “It’s ok, Dmitri…” Gwen whispered softly to me, burying her face into my hair as I froze like a deer in headlights. “Don’t be afraid, no one is judging you. We’re not here to hurt you, love; you’re being extremely brave and doing so good, so don’t lose hope now, ok?” she mumbled for me. I slowly set my fork down, then raised my arm to grip her hands lovingly. She smiled at that, brushing a piece of my hair back, “Stefan, switch seats with me, would you?”
He got up without a word, stumbling in shock to the other side of the room with his head never turning away from us. She moved the chair up beside me, sat down, and laced her fingers with mine wordlessly, yet firmly. “Now, you were saying?” she asked Zachary, smiling cheerfully. I gripped her hand tightly, and brushed my thumb over her fingers as he stumbled to recollect himself.
“Uh, um, the, th-the guns…?”
“I did have a chance to try them out. The accuracy is great, but we need to find a lighter way to hold all the ammo. We’re on the verge of hitting forty pounds, and we all know the fifty-pound fatigue rule, so I’m working on lighter ammo solutions,” she replied, unfazed.
“O-Ok…” he ducked his head, blushing, as Andrew cleared his throat.
“I’m glad to hear your training is going so well. Since everyone is back home from the last mission and recovering so well, I thought it would be due time we discuss our first celebration together!”
“Celebration?” Michael asked, setting his coffee down.
“The Initiation Ceremony of course! It’s only the biggest royal ball of the decade!”
“A ball!” The Cavalries cried as Andrew dragged a huge notepad board into the room.
“Yes, a ball. You should get used to such events, being a part of the army, especially as a Cavalry. You’ll attend them frequently,” he said, winking to me.
“It is a pretty big requirement?” I admitted, which made everyone light up like fireworks.
“Preparations for the ball have begun, so we have a few things to plan out,” He flipped the page, smacking his glasses into place with his palm, “To start; everyone is going shopping! I want you all to dress formally, gowns for the girls and tuxedos for the men.”
“Yes, your majesty,” everyone replied. Ramah came in to stand beside Slane, blinking in shock at Gwen and I. They erupted in annoying snorting and hissed to one another in the back of the room, making Gwen roll her eyes to me. I giggled at the look on her face, which made her grip my hand a little tighter in relief.
“I would like you all to coordinate your outfits with your dates, if possible,” Andrew flipped the page, smacking his ruler to the first category. “I would also like you all to contribute something to either design, entertainment, or food,” he gestured to a big bowl, full of hundreds of scraps of paper, “Please take a slip; whatever is written will be your jobs.”
“I hope I get food!” Michael whined.
“Of course you would want food,” Martha teased, laughing as he stuck his tongue out.
Gwen and I waited for everyone to get their assignments before standing, each dipping our hand into the bowl. “Yay! I got decoration! Sub categories, hmm, mhm, um, what does this all mean?” Stefan asked innocently.
“You’re going to help create some paintings and photography for us to hang around the ball room; we want to commemorate memories of your time through training camp for our guests. You’ll also work on center pieces, flowers, etc.”
“I got decoration too!” Gwen exclaimed.
“Yes! I got the super awesome artist on my team!” Stefan cried excitedly.
I unraveled my paper, blinking, “Looks like I’m on team artsy fartsy too,” I joked, which made Gwen cackle darkly.
Stefan screamed in agony and threw his head onto the table dramatically, “Great! Now I have to watch you two smooch all day!” he bawled, making the entire room laugh.
“And when have you seen us smooch recently?” Gwen accused.
“I... ugh, screw you, Gwen.”
“All right everyone, hop to it. As for your schedules, Zachary will take care of training, but I am coordinating dance and etiquette into a little of your free time. We’ll wrap up the end of December with a few of those classes, then regroup on the second! Now, off you go!”
“Ok, team!” Stefan cried, prancing over to throw his arm over Gwen’s shoulders, “Where should we begin!?”
“Well, how good are you at painting?” Gwen asked, secretly lacing our hands together behind his back with a wink that made me flush pink.
“I am a painting connoisseur!”
“Right; you’re on centerpiece duty.”
“Hey!” he cried, laughing, as the three of us left the room, Gwen and I still hand in hand. Relief fell over the royal couples faces, and they turned to Slane, who looked completely enthralled. A silent nod was exchanged between the three before Andrew hugged Cerelia from behind, kissing her temple with a soft and happy sigh.