Chapter Seven:

Exorcise the Demons from Your Past

Dmitri

The ride home was almost completely silent.

Riley sat between Andrew and I and allowed us to console him, which didn’t take much time. He bubbled out a few more silent tears before falling into my arms and pressing his face to my chest for the remainder of the drive. I lovingly rubbed his back, whispering to him that everything was going to be fine. I told him repeatedly that his long fight was finally over, that I would always be there to protect him, and how thankful I was that he was there for me. My words penetrated his soul, and with each one I uttered he hugged me tighter.

Mom and Levi sat opposite us with their hands in their laps. Mom knew Riley would appreciate my condolences more than hers, and kept to herself until told otherwise. Levi was still as stone, and didn’t dare move a muscle. He was processing everything said in the meeting, and I knew my words had cut him deeply, but that didn’t mean I cared. Andrew wore a mask of pure content, mixed with empathy for Riley and I. He knew how hard this event had been, and that it was far from over with Levi still here, but he was happy we finally said what needed to be said. I could tell he also was beyond happy we had come home to him with no hesitation.

We finally pulled into The North Kingdom’s driveway, and as soon as Atticus parked and opened the doors, the stones in the back seat began to reanimate. Andrew pulled Riley and I out first, then nodded to Levi and Mom. I walked Riley towards the main doors, where through the windows, I could see the foyer was absolutely empty. I knew The Cavalries and our other friends in Andrew’s court were hiding somewhere out of sight but within hearing distance, waiting as patiently as an impatient person could for the signal to join us.

The foyer was freezing cold without the staff dancing around it, and the absence of their beautiful souls made my heart twitch in pain. Riley took a slow breath and finally peeled himself off of me as Andrew shut the doors behind the four of us, preparing himself for the next battle we were about to face. “I think I need to lie down for a bit…?” Riley said brokenly.

“That’s a good idea; I’ll come with you.” I tried as I tugged him towards the steps.

“Boys…?” Levi said abruptly, reaching out to pull on my arm.

I froze in horror at his touch, which made him slowly let go. Riley turned to him with an empty expression, “I have no energy left to waste my breath on you. Take care of your business with Andrew, then get the hell out of this country.” He said with such acidity in his tone that venom would have burned the skin less.

Levi swallowed Riley’s words for a moment, then cleared his throat nervously, “I really, really… would like to speak to you… even if it’s for a minute…?”

I let go of Riley’s arm and turned to face Levi with my blood boiling in my veins, “I'm on quite the roll with telling people to fuck off today, and I believe it’s your turn as well.”

“Dmitri…?” He tried dejectedly.

“Don’t, Dmitri, me. As a matter of fact, don’t even say my name, because you don’t have the right to breathe it. I think I speak for Riley as well when I say this; I have nothing to say to you. There is not an apology in this world that will make up for what you have done. Save yourself the pain and go home, so we can all get on with our lives.”

“You can chose to ignore me all you want, but I will not leave this castle until you know my side of the story…!”

“Who gives a fuck about your side?” Riley scoffed.

Levi turned pink with anger, and said something he would soon regret, “Whether you two like it or not, I have not stopped thinking about you since the day I le-...!”

I whipped around and punched him as hard as I could in the gut, which made him lurch back with a pain-filled wheeze. He smacked into the banister and held his stomach, panting painfully underneath his hair. Riley turned and grabbed my waist as I went to bash Levi’s brains in, crying out at the struggle he was having to contain me. Mom and Andrew simply stepped aside, and did not dare interfere with the altercation. “HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!?” I screamed bloody murder, “HOW DARE YOU COME HERE AND SAY SUCH THINGS!?”

“It’s true…?!” Levi weakly coughed.

“You disgusting excuse for a man… I have every right to rip your cold heart right out of your chest! How many nights did I spend praying you would come home and save us!? How many times did I run to you, crying and begging for you to stop Joshua from hurting me!? You NEVER fucking believed me…!” My voice broke, and uncontrollable sobs clawed from my chest, “All of those years we spent searching for you… All of the pain you caused … You have no right to dare say you care about either of us. I would rather spend the rest of my life with Alexei then ever hear you say you love me…!”

Riley was crying with me, and I knew all he wanted to do was run upstairs and hide from everyone. He wasn’t like me; he wanted to be an ostrich and stick his head in the sand, as he always had done. He wanted desperately for me to turn around and go with him, and run to his room to try and piece together what little sanity we had left between the two of us. He wanted me to make Levi disappear, to make the world disappear. His tugs at my waist changed from fear to pure desperation, and I could even hear him faintly saying, “Let’s go… Dmitri, let’s go…!” But his attempts fell on deaf ears.

“I KNOW WHAT I’VE DONE TO YOU…!” Levi yelled back as he began to cry himself, “DO YOU NOT THINK THE GUILT EATS MY SOUL!?”

“I HOPE IT SWALLOWS YOU WHOLE!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

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“Dmitri, please, PLEASE, let’s go…!” Riley hysterically sobbed.

“What was I supposed to do Dmitri!? By the time I found out what had happened here, it had already been three years! How was I supposed to come back and face you all in the middle of a catastrophic war?! I was the top name on the hit list in The West, and if I tried to go after you it would have been a wasted effort…!”

“It would have been the most effort you’ve made your entire life! You have done nothing but run away like it’s your job! If you think coming here and trying to reconcile with us after this many years is going to make up for everything, you are sadly mistaken! At least Morgan tried! She was locked in a cell, yet she still begged Alexei to see us what little times she could! She was the one who went after me when Alexei held my captive in The West, and dragged herself into this war just to help me end it! THAT is what a parent does! What you are is a pathetic excuse for human existence!”

“You have every right to be mad at me, but God damnit, I just want to help!” He plead.

I tugged at Riley as hard as I could, literally snarling because all I wanted was to continue punching Levi. “If I wanted your help, I would come find you myself!”

“Why does Morgan get a second chance, but I don’t…!” He yelled.

Riley stopped pulling on my waist. His arms dropped, and swung lifelessly at his sides like pendulums until coming to a standstill. His eyes widened in absolute disbelief, and a puff of dead air crawled from his lungs. “You have no clue… what our life has been like…” he croaked.

“Riley…?” He breathed seriously.

“You truly, do not understand at all. None of you do… None of you. If the walls of that castle could talk, the tales they would tell would make you put a bullet through your head. I am truly done having this conversation. I'm tired of explaining to people why Dmitri and I are fighting to kill Alexei. You don’t deserve the explanation, because it would mean nothing to you. If you were truly guilty you would have come back for us, or taken us with you to begin with, as Dmitri stated earlier. You would have realized what Alexei was bound to become and would have taken us as far away from that horrible place as soon as you could.

We have never asked anything of you, Levi, not a single thing.

We stayed out of your way as much as we could as children, and as adults we do not ever bother you with this war. You should be the one battling Alexei, not Dmitri. It is your kingdom, and yet you abandoned it just as you’ve abandoned us. We are NOT Alexei. We have never hurt people the way he has, unless it was to benefit the cause. We have never wished to bring harm to our country, or any other kingdom.

We just wanted to have a family.

We wanted to wake up on Christmas morning and see our parents smiles, and open presents that we would spend hours playing together with. We wanted to blow out candles on our birthday, and have everyone sing to us. We wanted to make our mother breakfast in bed, and go horseback riding with our father. We wanted you to take away all of our bad dreams, and replace them with good ones. We wanted our parents to protect us, and tell us no matter what happened that they loved us and we would always be together.

We wanted acceptance, even the slightest bit. We wanted someone to hear our voices, even if they were just whispers…?” His words made my eyes fill, and a sharp breath leave my lips. He held my trembling arm while remaining emotionless, his voice continuing in the same monotone drawl it had been in since he began speaking. "We just wanted our family. We have never asked for anything but peace, no matter how bad things have been.

The day Dmitri left The West was the worst moment in my entire life. He has been the only light in my darkness, and I thought for five years that I would never see him again. He is my brother, but I love him far beyond that, especially after spending my entire life protecting him. He is my friend, my brother, my son. Being reunited with him is a blessing I could never imagine would come true, and I would trade a million of you for just one of him. If it means I kill one brother to have the unconditional love from the other, then so be it; it is a sacrifice I am more than willing to make.

Regarding Morgan, Dmitri is absolutely right. As much as we thought otherwise, she really had no control in the situation she was in. As kids, all we thought was mommy left us just like daddy did. But as adults, we can clearly see how much suffering she has been put through. She got a second chance because she honestly cared, and tried to hold us together as long as she could. She tried to fix Alexei even after he had taken everything from her, and it broke her heart that she couldn’t make all three of us happy.

What have you done to deserve your chance?

We never received a birthday card, a phone call, a visit? For all we knew you were lying dead in a ditch somewhere, or you had a new family that you had replaced us with. I truly have no room left in my heart to hold grudges, but you have surpassed a common grudge. My hatred for you burns so deep that it may surpass Alexei. I just want to be happy with Dmitri and Morgan, the way it was supposed to be. Our family was a spool of thread that has spiraled into a huge mess, but Andrew is slowly trying to help us sew ourselves back together, and it is an opportunity we cannot waste.

So, please… Just go home.

Leave us alone and stop trying to guilt trip us. If you care at all, you’ll see we are happiest being left alone. We have a vast amount of work to do, whether it’s self-care or for the kingdom, and this entire day has been nothing but an unnecessary disruption. All you have accomplished is upsetting everyone more than Alexei has, and we are tired of dealing with it. We just want peace… We just want some peace…” Riley’s voice trailed off as he buried his face into his hands. Andrew sighed deeply, as if he could feel the pain with Riley and I. Mom’s eyes filled with tears, but she held her lips together and gave us our moment to let everything out.

Levi looked as if he were about to die. I could almost hear his heart shattering into thousands of irreplaceable pieces. The expression on his face was one that would forever be burned into my memories. It was indescribable, but it at the very least radiated with absolute pain and regret. I took a step forward, and before I knew it, my arms were around my father.

He jumped wildly as I clutched him close, trembling uncontrollably. Mom covered her mouth in astonishment, and Riley and Andrew stared at me just the same. “I'm sorry…” I whispered as violent tears ran down my cheeks, “I'm sorry, that I could never be enough for you. I'm sorry that I wasn’t perfect, and that I couldn’t be strong enough on my own. I'm sorry your life has been so miserable, but I cannot keep forgiving people who don’t deserve it.”

My arms slowly dropped before I stepped back, my head hung low. Levi’s lips trembled as he tried to find something to say, but I didn’t give him a chance. I slid a hand over my face, stuttered a heart-breaking cry, then darted up the steps. Riley called my name, baffled by my exit. I ran into his room and slammed the door shut, fell to my knees, and let every single emotion I had bottled up for eleven years pour out of me.

The only sound in the castle was my inconsolable, hysterical crying. It radiated through the second floor and consumed the first, and anyone who heard it could feel the crushing weight it carried with it. The next sound was Riley racing rapidly up the steps.

He wrenched the bedroom door open and threw his arms around me, then tried to pull my face off my knees so he could talk to me. My body felt like pure lead and would not budge no matter how hard he pulled. His tugging slowly grew weak before he finally broke himself and buried his face in my back. We probably could have cried for the rest of eternity, and at that moment, that was all we wanted to do.