I can see the CTCRI building up ahead on my left. I reach the gate leading to the building. It sits higher from the road. The building is a long one. I think it was one of the preferred building designs back then as I have seen a lot of buildings with similar designs. What I like most about it is the position concerning its surroundings. It is amazing. Being at a higher plane than the road commands attention from all ends. That along with the various trees in its surroundings gives it a commanding presence that is in some ways imposing too. It is solely because of the land. If the same building was at the same height on the road, it would have seemed normal. If it was at a lower plane then a feeling of being below the ground or being looked down comes over.

A similar feeling exists with portrait photographs and their perspectives. A face-to-face level picture would look like a normal image, a normal person. Click the same photo from below the leg or the knee, the person looks larger and has a more commanding presence. He suddenly has an aura of being a leader and someone bigger than life. Now change the angle and click it from a height higher than at least the length of your arm. The top-down angle makes the person seem smaller and gives him the characteristic of being meek. It gives a feeling of being looked down.

These are simple psychologies that make use of how your eyes look at things. We have been programmed to behave in such a manner. Whenever we need to turn our eyes to the top and tilt our heads to get a look at something, it imposes the feeling of being large. With that comes in a lot of automatic thoughts and responses corresponding to the feeling of largeness. Similarly, when one has to drop his eyes and head to look at something smaller than him or below him, a feeling of lowness comes followed by the corresponding synapses, triggering appropriate responses. I have not studied any kind of psychology for this. These are stuff I have realized from my observations of things and my surroundings. I haven't had the opportunity to discuss this with someone and see if I am correct with my deductions.

Suddenly I am engulfed with this feeling of being with her. I really really wish she was the one riding this scooter. I would be the pillion. I would stretch myself and come closer to her ear to talk about something or the other. I want to relive all the scooter rides we have had together. I am also okay with a role reversal - me the rider and she the pillion. Anything that includes her would bring an unexplained joy in me now.

She is always there in my mind, in one corner of it. She will never cease to occupy it. I am occupied with a lot of thoughts in my head. In a way, I think they have overcrowded my brain, which has resulted in my mind bringing her to the center stage. I don't have a problem with it cause I know this is how it is going to be from now. I am mentally preparing myself for a world without her. I know it is not how I want it to be but I have to be practical. I don't want to be but this is my only choice.

As much as I want to get to the bottom of this phenomenon, I must be open to the fact that what has happened can be a one-off event. There is no reversal of this. Whatever has happened can't be undone. One can only live ahead from the time it has occurred in the new setting. Maybe there isn’t any explanation for this. Maybe this was something that was bound to happen or just happened out of the blue. We haven't decoded a major part of the mysteries that surround us. Maybe this was caused by one of them. Who knows.

By entertaining this, I am trying to be practical. I must take what is given to me and make the most of it. I must be rational and use logical reasoning to plan and execute all that I want to from now on. I must not let my emotions take over. They will surely make their presence felt from time to time. But when it comes to decision-making, I must ensure that I am rational. I must learn to be cold at heart and see things for what they are.

Maybe I will live like this for the rest of my life. Maybe I will be all alone, wandering through lands in search of someone alive. Maybe I might not come across anyone till my last breath. Maybe I will stumble upon someone at the far end of my life. By then I would have made my peace with this world. The only excitement I would have on finding out a fellow human being would be to maybe share a cup of tea or coffee and stories from our past. What else would I want then? Would it bring any solace to me if I get the answer to this phenomenon from him?

There are infinite ways in which things could go from this instance. Instead of taking the left from Sreekariyam junction, I can take the straight one. Maybe I might find someone there. Or maybe I might come across something that changes the whole thing. Every second I am making a choice, conscious or unconscious and the universe is being played accordingly. I am just reiterating what is being told in catastrophe theory. Every choice is a universe in making. I didn’t make this choice knowingly. I would never have. But then I don't get a say in it. Maybe choice itself is an illusion.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

I have crossed the premises of the institute. A normal street setting is what I see around me. The road is getting narrower and narrower as I approach Sreekariyam Junction. I come across a car that has rammed into an electricity pole. It is a bad crash. The car is destroyed from its front. It must have come at a very high speed. The pole has tilted a bit. It is a concrete pole. The concrete portion in which the car crashed remains broken off from the structure. This had led to its tilt. Otherwise, it looks fine. The airbags have been deployed. It is a compact SUV. I slow down as I approach it. Once again I strain myself to get a look inside the car. It has the same story to tell as that of all the other crashes I had seen yesterday.

I didn’t come across any crashed vehicles up to this stretch. A couple of scooters were parked in front of a shop before Loyola college. There was nothing off about them. There were a couple of bikes parked in front of the police station. The police jeep was parked in a garage at the end of the house. It was empty. Everything was empty. And normal. That is why I didn’t say anything about it. I don't think there is a need to describe the vehicles that I come across. There is nothing new in them. It is the same story every time. All of them have the same patterns. Yet I strain to find out if there is something new in every crash I come across.

This is me hoping to find a clue. As I said earlier, I must not hope for it. Maybe there is no clue. But what if there is? I mustn’t let it deter me from doing a small thing that hardly costs me anything.

I am about to approach Sreekariyam junction. The increase in the number of shops on either side of the road indicates this. I come across a bike that has skidded and lies strewn on the road. I navigate around it. As usual, I slow down and take a look at it. Nothing new.

The row of buildings has started. They stretch to the junction. As I drive slowly between them, I look at them and see if there is anything that catches my attention. The shops are all closed. A couple of buildings have houses on top of them. One of them has its window open. I stop my scooter right in front of it and look at it for a while. I honk my horn a couple of times to elicit any kind of response from anyone or anything. I don't get any for the next minute. There is no movement inside it. I decide to continue on the road.

I reach Sreekariyam junction. I drive to the middle of the road, to the center of the intersection, and stop to get a good look at my surroundings.

The road coming from Pongumoodu is almost empty except for a car that lies crashed on the turning of the road at the end of it. It jumped onto the pedestrian pavement and crashed into the shop. The shutter has taken the brunt of the impact. This is a declining stretch of road from the car's perspective and so it must have come at a good speed. I can't make out anything about the interiors of the car. It is a small hatchback. It now lies peacefully on the pavement.

Straight ahead, I see a car facing me lying idle in its lane. It looks intact. I don't see anything that must have hit it. This car must have slowed down or stopped at the instance when the phenomenon occurred.

I expect all these cars to have their batteries drained by now. It's been more than twenty-four hours. I don't think any battery would have lasted any longer than twelve hours. I remember once when I had left the interior light on for an entire night of my car, it wouldn’t start the following day. I knew it wouldn’t start the moment I saw the light inside the car. I had to call the service center. They arranged for their mobile service vehicle to come and jump-start it.

I have seen in most western countries, they carry their jumper cables with them wherever they go. Or is it the way it has been depicted in Hollywood movies? We don't do that here. We only have the stepney wheel and the accessories required to change a flat tire. I have seen a spare bulb tucked away in the dashboard. I think it is a spare headlamp. But I don't know how it changes it. So what use does it have?

The next-generation EV cars shouldn’t have this problem. They will have a huge battery bank to power them. It will power these lights. Leaving a light on wouldn’t have an impact on the battery.

The road on the left is the road to Kollam. It seems clear from here. This is one of the main roads connecting the city to the northern parts of the state. It is the one KSRTC buses take to travel to Kollam, Allapuzha, and beyond. The arrival of the bypass has made it easier for the people living in the western part of the city and its outskirts to head for the north.

I turn my scooter in its direction. Sreekariyam junction is totally deserted. There is nothing here save for the few stray dogs that have wandered in from the opposite road. I see a brown cat prowl away with a dash into one of the small shopping complexes. They all are closed. None of the shops are open. Not even the small flower shop that lies next to the big tree adjacent to the end of the road I came in. These shops tend to open early in the morning along with the tea stalls. I see no tea stall anywhere. There should have been at least one in this junction. This can be compared to Ulloor junction in terms of the traffic jams that occur during peak hours and the number of workers that pass by to go about their daily wage jobs. I have seen them in hordes when I have passed through the junction early in the morning while coming back from our hometown.

These are all new scenes for me. Scenes I would have never imagined seeing. Or anyone for that matter. No one wishes or dreams to be all alone in this world. No one. And here I am, all alone, trying to find meaning.