It takes a couple of minutes to compose myself. I am bound to have these waves of emotions. I hope they don't flood me. They can. I realize it is only I who can keep it at bay. I will have to make sure I remain steadfast and logical in my thoughts and actions as much as possible and keep the emotions at a distance. I know I can keep them away if I am engaged in something. If I get a thread to follow or a lead into things, I will be occupied. I will have to remain worked, otherwise, they will get the better of me.

Speaking of remaining worked, I think I need to work out. I need to be fit and ready for anything. I will not have the comforts I had normally. I might have to make a run or fight some animals or creatures, I don't know. If I have to survive then I must be in good shape. I remember the scene from I am Legend in which Will Smith and his dog are running on the treadmill at the start of the day. He then goes on to do some workouts - pull-ups if my memory is correct - before he goes out. For me to achieve some sort of a fitness level of that pedigree, I must be strict with my workout regimen and see that is followed through consistently. I can start by jogging and upping it to running. I like to walk. I can use that to start small and scale up.

A few weights are lying in a corner of our room. I bought them during an online sale. When it was delivered I was really excited. Even she was excited. She wanted to exercise on a daily basis and progress to lifting small weights. I felt excited at the prospect of working out with her. I had to leave for my work in a couple of days. So we decided to start after I return. In the meantime, I told her to try something small on alternate days. She said she would start when I am back. I agreed to it. When I came back after a month, we forgot about it. I saw it lying in the corner but the interest that had built up previously had faded away. We did go out for walks. That was the only exercise we did.

She has an active work style in her department. She has to walk through the wards and visit her patients multiple times a day. The days she has to attend to the outpatients are the most hectic ones. She completed almost double the steps from a normal day. Compared to this I have a very sedentary lifestyle when I am at home. I am mostly lazying around throughout the day. I do climb the two floors twice if I go to drop her off. Otherwise even that doesn’t happen. For this reason, I am much more pro at taking a walk or going for a jog in the evening. I can understand her reluctance to come for a walk. She just wants to spend the rest of the day in peace after her work. That is exactly what I want when I am at my workplace.

Since I work in the field, I am active throughout the day. I will have to go here and there and climb structures as when needed. I got used to it. That along with a controlled diet helped me maintain my lanky physique. It isn’t muscular. It is more of a lean figure. I am happy with it although I would be happier if I can somehow remove the small belly I have. I don't want a six-pack. I just want to have a flat tummy.

Because of this active lifestyle, I never worked out. I would rather play some kind of sport if we had the time. If we returned early from our worksite we would play volleyball or badminton. If there was a trek coming up, I would wake up and go for a jog. I love to jog in the slightly chilly morning weather for a few kilometers before I began the day. The main problem is always getting out of bed. I used to delegate that duty to my colleague, who was into running and never missed it. Because of him, I was able to run for a few weeks in a stretch. My legs did feel the brunt of it a couple of days into it, but I kept on going. I was more fit four years back than I am now.

One of the major problems is my sweet tooth. I just love sweets. I would rather have the desserts in a buffet than the main course. Desserts mean heaven. I know sugar is the culprit when it comes to weight loss. I am not looking for any weight loss. I want to just reduce my belly. It requires proper workouts, which I was not into. Now the extra few kilos I have put in has everything to do with my sugar intake. My current workplace has a better menu to offer. I was enticed by the prospect of two desserts that were being served for lunch and dinner. Already I was eating less. I maintained that but my intake of desserts increased. Over time it contributed to the added weight that I carry around. I want to cut short my intake, but it is not easy. Once I tried to, but it lasted only a couple of days. I gave in to the temptation of hot gulab jamuns for lunch.

If the current scenario has to continue for a while I guess I don't have to worry much about my diet. I will only be eating what is available to me. I can't demand desserts or sweets. If there is no electricity all the ice creams would melt soon. They would all go bad in a few days. The same applies to all fresh fruits and vegetables, milk, curd, cheese, meat and meat products, and anything that is frozen. All will begin to thaw soon and perish.

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I will have to stock up on my supplies tomorrow if the situation remains. The food in my fridge will also go bad soon. There isn’t much in it, so that's good.

But all the shops are closed. None of them are open. I will have to hack into one of them and get my supplies. I think of the supermarket that we frequently visit. It has all the things that I need. I don't know if I will be able to get in. I will have to go and see to it. I also need to gather the tools I have at home. I will need things to break open a lock or the glass.

I get out of my chair and approach the space under the wash basin. The few tools we have are kept here. I take out the small cardboard box containing them. There is a hammer, a couple of long screwdrivers, a plier, and an adjustable spanner. The hammer is the kind used for driving nails into walls. But it is sturdy. It is useful. I decide to take all of them. I pick them up one by one and put them in another compartment of the backpack. It suddenly reminded me of the big strong knife that we use to break open the coconuts. I walk into the kitchen and take it out from one of the bottom shelves. This would be of great use. I walk back and put it into the bag. I lift it to see if it weighed too much. It doesn’t. There is a hardware shop along the road, near where I had found the first crashed car. I think I should visit it first. It will give me more tools.

Apart from the dry ration, the only things that have a long shelf life are canned foods. Dad used to buy canned tuna and some other canned fish in my childhood. No one uses canned food here because everything that we need to run a house is readily available in the market. It is accessible to everyone. Even the homes that lie deep into the high ranges cook with fresh ingredients. Also, there has never been a culture of using canned products. Locally the fish gets dried and salted, leading to a much better shelf life. Then we have jams and pickles. I can resort to them for a while.

I am thinking of how I can keep my fridge running. I cannot connect it to the inverter. It draws a large amount of power which the inverter is incapable of supplying. It will trip and not function. The only other way of powering my fridge is by using a small generator, the ones used for lighting purposes in a wedding or an outdoor function. I will have to read the specs to see if it will be suitable for my purpose. It can power my home also. I can get it to charge the inverter. If I get one, it is sure to be useful. I will have to find one that can be lifted and carried two floors into my home. I have seen ads for small ones that can be pushed and picked up without much effort by a single person. I will have to find a showroom that deals with such kind of equipment. I haven't come across one till now, or I might have missed it as it wasn’t of any significance to me. For the connections, I will have to visit an electrical store. There is one close to Pongumoodu junction. I will get all the necessary stuff from there.

I feel a bit sweaty. I decide to take a bath. I look at the electronic items I had kept for charging. The walkie-talkie is fully charged, its adapter lighting up green. I take it out. I fetch my phone and put it for charging. I walk into my room. I open our cupboard and take out a boxer and a tee. I turn on the light in the bathroom. I open the door and look at the hanger. The towel is already in it. I enter with the fresh boxer in my hand.

I am going to take a cold shower. In this heat and sweaty weather, I don't think I can bathe in hot water. It is quite the opposite for Anna. She always prefers to have a hot shower. She goes into a state of trance when the hot water hits her. She forgets everything else and enters a blissful state. She can stay in that forever. I too have felt the bliss at times. At my workplace, some days are just too cold to take a cold shower. I would turn on the hot water. It really does soothe and relax you. You feel as if all the pain is fading away the more you stay in the hot shower. I mostly want the water to be not cold. I am happiest with normal water. I can't handle the piping hot water as she does.

I look at the bottles of hair care products that are lined up on the low ventilator sill. Amongst them is this body wash my friend gifted me when he came back from Germany. It had an awesome mint lime fragrance to it. We love it. I wasn’t a fan of body wash. I always used a bar of soap. I feel the body wash is an uneconomical product. You are not sure how many washes it will give you for the price you are paying. At its price, you can get soaps that will last much longer. I have a small bottle in my travel pouch. It does come in handy when I am traveling. That is the only advantage I see to it. But this one changed my perception of it. I began to use it for the fragrance. It was really soothing. She too became a fan of it. The bottle is almost finished. We tried looking online for its availability. It wasn’t available in the Indian market. We looked for alternatives. None of them offered the kind we wanted. We felt a bit sad.

I pick it up and look at it. There are two or three washes left in it. I keep it back. I am saving it for her. I love to smell it on her more than on myself. I step back out of the range of the shower and turn it on. Cold water rushes out of it. I wet my feet first. It is cold. I wait for a while. It becomes less cold. I enter the stream of water and feel the cold engulf me. I don't shudder like I always do. I stay still in it. I wish it would wash away my pain.