I take the stairs back to my home. I take out the key to the house. I could have left it open but the force of habit made me close it. It also made me keep it in the pocket safe and secure so as not to allow it to jump out under any circumstances. I lost one of my mobile phones because of my carelessness. I had kept it in my pocket and was going to buy some groceries when it fell out of my pocket. I came to know about it after traveling for quite a distance. By the time I realized it and traced my path back to my home, the phone was nowhere to be found. It had become switched off too. It was my secondary phone, so I didn’t make a fuss about it. My bank accounts and everything else was safe with me, so I didn’t have to worry much.

After this incident, I am extra careful when it comes to keeping stuff in my pockets. I also check them out from time to time to see if they are there or not. She has also become careful when it comes to giving me anything to put in my pockets. She doesn't have to worry much as she stashes away her stuff into her purse or her sling bag. There is no chance of anything slipping away from it.

I open the door and switch on the light. I didn’t want to linger in the darkness any longer. The hall is as it was. Was I expecting some kind of magic to happen here? I don't know. Maybe I was. I wish for anything magical to happen at every turn of place, or event, cause honestly the day has got to my nerves and I want it to end somehow.

I close the door behind me and lock it with the key. I go to the bathroom in the nearest bedroom and take a small loo break. The pee is yellowish in color. I am not drinking enough water. As far as the day is concerned I haven't drank much water at all. I get done with my business here and walk back to the dining table. The water jug is full. I take a glass and fill it to the brim. I finish it in one go. I feel like drinking one more glass of water, but it would be like compensation. I take the jug and take a small swig from it. I will drink one more glass before I hit the bed.

The time is ten pm. It is almost time for me to crash. She was supposed to be here with me. She would have been studying or we would have been doing something. I can't dwell on those thoughts for now. I try telling myself she is not here because she is on her night duty, just like yesterday. It is hard to convince myself. I don't think there is any other way in which I can justify her absence. She has to be out on her duty. She has to. But she did take her duty yesterday. Consecutive duties are never done. I don't think of that. I will somehow have to sleep by myself tonight.

I grab the filled bottle of water and walk to our bedroom. I switch on the light. On the bed, her t-shirt lies in a corner. Her pajamas are right next to it. Sadness takes over me all of a sudden. The room feels empty and meaningless. I decide I won’t be sleeping here tonight. I will go to the other room, the guest room, and sleep there. I used to sleep in that room when she had a duty. It is my way of spending the night without her. Yesterday I slept in the room that has the TV.

This can get confusing. We usually sleep in one of the two bedrooms that we have taken up for ourselves. One is our master bedroom - the room I am in. It has a balcony attached to it. So it had to become the master bedroom. Our clothes and all our stuff are kept here.

Then there is the other room which has a TV fixed on one of its walls. We sleep here and chill here whenever we have something to watch. I have kept some of my clothes here and my other stuff. This room is the airiest of the lot. The outermost wall has two windows along its length. They provide much-needed sunlight and wind throughout the day. It does get hot on some scorching summer days. But it does become cool and cozy during the rains or after an impromptu rain. I love this room. Sometimes I love it more than our bedroom. I like a room that is airy and lets in light. Our bedroom has two windows. But one of them is right behind our bed. We don't open it often. The other is a small one. I keep it open and let the air circulate whenever I can. I also open our balcony door and let in some fresh morning wind and light. She doesn’t like me opening the door and leaving it as such. She insists that I either stay next to the door or close it when I leave it. It is due to her security concerns.

She is the one who stays here all by herself whenever I leave for work. Sometimes our parents do come and stay with her for a while. But that is only for a very brief period. Most of the time she is alone. So she is concerned about her security and privacy. If she feels insecure, the first thing she does is close the windows. It makes her feel safe. I have tried to explain to her there is no need to be afraid of anything. There is a caretaker and there are CCTVs installed on all the major points. Then there are people nearby, including the house owner. Help can always be found. She agrees to all of this but she can't get rid of her small fear. I can never understand it because I will never be in that situation in which she has been or will be. So I let her be. She has become much better though. She doesn’t close the windows when I am with her even though there is that teeny tiny bit of insecurity in her. Rather she hugs me tight and cuddles me. I take her in my arms and squeeze her. I make her feel safe and protected. She finds her safe haven in my chest and I experience an unexplainable warmth and comfort while she rests on it. I too feel safe and sound. I feel at peace.

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It is that kind of blissful state that melts away all your fears and brings in a kind of serenity that can never be put into words. For me, that is all I need. In those moments I have felt this is the kind of peace everyone is looking for in their lives. Have we confused it for happiness, I don't know. I feel peace of mind is more important than happiness. Happiness comes and goes. You will find it sooner or later. But the peace of mind, now that is something without which you can never enjoy any kind of happiness that comes your way.

I normally take a bath late at night. I do this because I can go to bed feeling a bit fresh. It never takes away the sleepiness I would be having. I just have to lie down in my bed for it takes hold of me and makes me fall asleep. It has to do with the hot and humid climate. The only other time when I feel like taking a bath is after returning from having played a sport. Even a good walking session is enough to bring out the sweat. Once I become sweaty, I need to take a bath. I really don't like the sticking feeling associated with it. Also, I stink when I sweat. I prefer to take a bath as soon as possible after returning from playing.

I take out my mobile from my pocket and check the battery. It is almost full. I walk out into the hall and pick up the walkie-talkie from its charging stand. I cycle through all the channels it offers. Everywhere I hear the initial static sound that comes on switching the channels. Apart from that there is silence. I keep it back where it belonged. Then I take it out. I will keep it beside my bed. I drink some water from the jug. I think I have drunk enough water for the night.

With the walkie talking in one hand and the bottle of water in the other, I walk into the guest room. The light from the hall is more than enough to throw in a faint light that guides me to the bed. I walk beside it to the bedtable and keep the stuff there. I take out the mobile and toss it into the bed. Then I walk out of the room, switching the light in the process. I walk all the way to the front door and ensure the door is locked. Then I switch off the tube light. Darkness instantly rushes into the room. But it is kept at bay from the light coming out from the bedroom. As I walk back to it, I open the cabinet door below the sink and check the inverter. It is discharging. There is no power. There is no indication of how much more power is left in the battery. It should last me the whole night and maybe the next day. I have been using electricity judiciously.

I walk to the bedroom with the TV in it and check if all the switches are off - mainly the ones for the bathroom. They are. Next, I check the kitchen. Only the switch of the fridge is on but to no avail. I hope the cooling remains for some more time. Things will start getting spoilt once the cooling goes away. I will have to discard such stuff before they start smelling foul.

Next, I take a look at our bedroom. All is good here. Having ensured all the switches are powered off, I take a final look at the house. There is an untold weariness hanging in the air. I can feel it. I think I power it. It is my weariness that is being projected back onto me. I acknowledge its presence and turn to go into the room. I need to sleep somehow. That is my primary aim now.

I close the bedroom door behind me and switch on the fan. It starts running at the highest speed. The regulator is on the adjacent wall near the bed panel although the bed is not aligned with it. I go and decrease the speed by two steps. The panel is near the window. I take a look at it.

It is through this window I watch her leave for her duty in the mornings. On days when she takes the scooter and leaves, I go and watch her drive out through this window. I follow her until she is out of sight. Then I go about my day. I have been doing this since the time I have come here. If I want to I can imagine her going out on the scooter right now. But I refrain from doing it. It will surely put me through mental anguish.

I pull out the curtain away from the open window to let in any breeze that makes its way in the night. I switch off the light from the bed panel and sit on the bed. I take a deep breath. There is a hint of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion in that breath. Before I lie down on the bed, I close my eyes, fold my hands and say a small prayer.

Dear Lord. I thank you for all the things you have given us. Please take care of my Anna wherever she is tonight. Tomorrow when I wake up I pray that things go back to normal and I am reunited with her. I miss her badly. Having her with me would have made this ordeal much easier for me. I pray to you to at least bring back my Anna if this situation has to continue. Thanking you once again for all that I have in my life.

Amen.