The mobiles in my pocket have become a paperweight. I really want to throw mine on the ground and break it. One of my networks is out. The other is still up but to no avail. The chances of the networks getting re-established are long gone. If it had to, it would have come a long time back. The one that is showing the network will also go down. Till then it gives me a slight false hope.

There is a church on my left side. I have been here with my parents when we were staying here. It is a beautiful small church surrounded by trees and greenery. For its Sunday mass, the church overflows with people. Seats have to be arranged on the outside of the entrance for people to sit and attend. It is one of the oldest churches in the city. Around the vicinity, there are a couple of churches belonging to the other congregations of Christianity existing in the state.

I wanted to take her to this Sunday mass once. Owing to the restrictions put in place following the pandemic, we avoid it. Whenever we feel like going to a church, we drive to the one near the beach. It would be open and empty, providing us with the perfect atmosphere to pray in peace and silence. We then head over to the beach and spend some time walking along the shoreline and dipping our feet in the water before leaving.

I have never been a church person. Instead, I am a praying person. I have faith, faith in a superpower. I am more of a theist - a believer in a superpower, an all-presiding entity. This does not imply that I don't partake in the activities of my church. I do. I have no problem with it. I don't mind them. But there isn’t any consistency in them. My praying has consistency. I pray before I go to bed every night. It has been a habit inculcated in me from my childhood. It became even more relevant when my Grandmother told me the best prayer is the one you did all by yourself. In it, you were talking to your God one on one. You are free to say whatever you want to and you don't need anyone for that. She said that is how it should be. Even the scriptures say so. This struck me and stays with me to date.

Throughout the day I have been praying to God under my breath to bring her back and restore everything to the state it was. Just a small prayer, the smallest one - Dear Lord, please bring back my Anna and make it normal all again. Sometimes I would express my gratitude for all that I have in my life. This is a new addition to my prayers. She is responsible for it.

“We should be grateful for all that we have. When compared to the millions out there, we are very much happy and well off. We have food on our table, clothes to shield us from the forces of nature, and a home to feel safe and comfortable. Let us not forget that. No matter how much grace we say, it won't be enough” she says. Now when we sit to pray, we express our gratitude for all that we have.

If you ask me whether I am feeling particularly grateful right now, I am not. I feel like shit. There is nothing great in the situation I am in. It feels like a big joke to me, to be all alone in this city or this planet, trying to figure out what has happened to the rest of humanity. Gratitude had ceased to exist the moment I woke up today morning. It has been tossed out.

This is a world that has been stripped of everything it had. What is in writing is all that is left. Everything else has vanished into thin air. Ideas, thoughts, movements, and actions, are all gone. Maybe they all existed because of the community. There is no need for all these for a single individual. I mean what am I going to do knowing how to run a state or a country without having the people that make it up? What is the need to know the latest development in the tech industry if all that works now is the radio? I will need to know how to take care of myself, how to preserve my health, and how to survive. Nothing more than that.

I remove my helmet, take off the mask and throw it away. There is no need to fear corona. It is also gone. I take a deep breath. Ahhhhhh! It feels wonderful. I latch the helmet onto the side carriage support. I don't need it. It feels so good without it. I take out the water bottle from the bag and quench my thirst. I wish it quenched my feelings of depression and helplessness. But they are here to stay.

I get back to driving. I take the turn leading to the intersection. Right opposite to it is the fine arts college. Besides, it is the state library. It is also called the British Library. I took a membership when I was staying here. It lasted for a few months. Mom got transferred to Kottayam. I still have the membership card and the small booklet kind of thingy they use to keep a tab on the books you lend. Back then, I was eager to read. I had bought some books online but I wanted to explore more.

It was the time when I was into George Orwell. He captivated me with his simple yet powerful book Animal Farm. It is a masterpiece in its own right. Next, I got my hands on 1984. It blew my mind. I consider it to be one of the best dystopian novel ever. Once again you see his writing prowess charm you into the book. Soon you can’t let it go. I liked the switch in the genre and how effortlessly he had managed to pull it off. He has written some more books. I tried to find them online or in the local roadside bookstalls. They were not available. They weren’t his popular ones. People usually know him through these two books.

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

After getting the membership, the first time I went into the library I rushed to find his books. The books were sorted in alphabetical order of their authors' names. I was looking for G or O, I don't quite remember. I found him. Here too his known books had multiple copies. I dug deep to find the book Keep the Aspidistra Flying. It must have been old or damaged because the library had hardbound it. There was no cover to it. I came across it because I took it and flipped the pages. Else I would have missed it. Books with well-off covers always attract more attention. I have seen this in libraries and book fairs.

The book is a hard read. It is hard because it hits you. The reality of the protagonist is something you might relate to on a daily basis. I was new to this kind of writing. It had a good impact on me. My head was hurting. I can’t take heavy books back to back. They need to be consumed in moderation. After reading it, I was deep in thought for days. The premise of the story hung in my head. I have forgotten the exact ending but I know it wasn’t your cliched one. I haven’t read any of his books after that. I don't know if this book is the reason for it.

People make use of the resources provided by the library for preparing for competitive exams. There are plenty of newspapers and magazines available. The silence adds to it. I want to say to these people the whole city is silent. There is no dearth of serenity or silence now. It is in abundance. I wish I could trade places with them. You have no idea what I can do for it.

Just as I take the long right turn, I see a car on the pavement, crashed onto the wall. Nothing major though. It was a slow crash. The front bumper has come out. There is a small garden-like enclosure on the opposite side of the road which acts like a divider for vehicles taking the free left to the road I came in. A bike has run into it. It lies stuck in the bushes with a tendency to fall any minute.

Chandrasekhar Nair stadium lies on the opposite side of the road. There are two stadiums in quick succession here in Trivandrum. While the other one remains enclosed with stands, there is only a sweeping large stand on one side of this stadium. from here. They change colors from time to time. I haven’t been inside it. They say it is a good stadium for track-related sports.

I reach Palayam junction. I have to decide which road to take. Initially, I was thinking of taking the straight route, passing through the secretariat and statue junction. But now I am thinking of taking the left turn and following it all the way to the railway station.

The secretariat has the cantonment police station. I can check that out. I hope I find something helpful there.

If I take the left turn, I can take the bakery junction flyover. I can get a sweeping view from the flyover. I don't know what I will find. But it is a good option. It will give me a slightly larger and wider perspective of the nature and impact of this phenomenon on the city.

Diagonally opposite to where I stand is the Palayam Masjid. It is another landmark of the city. Thousands flock here during the Ramadan season to offer prayers. It is a time of bustling activity in its vicinity. Shops would have sprung up selling all kinds of dates and fruits in the lane that lies along its periphery.

This lane leads to one of the iconic restaurants of Trivandrum. Iconic in the sense, it introduced Arabic food to the city in its nascent stages. It caters to the needs of all age groups. Over time, it found a loyal following amongst the young crowd. The restaurant is always crowded. It is full post six in the evening. One has to be in a queue for a while before getting a table. They have Arabic, Chinese, continental, and Indian, ice creams, desserts, fresh juices, and milkshakes. They maintain the quality and consistency of all their dishes. In the four years that I did my bachelor's, the grilled chicken that we mostly ordered was as it was the first day I had it. The variety of ice creams for dessert was an added plus point. You didn’t have to go anywhere else for it. In fact, there wasn’t any other place to go at nine in the night.

Today they have grown their brand throughout the city. They have an outlet in Kazhakootam to cater to the needs of the techies. I think I wrote about the experience I had when I visited it with my family. It is the same in all their outlets.

Over time they have diversified their menu. Their desserts remain the same. I can vouch for the ones which include their own ice creams in the mix. It is as yummy as it was ten years ago.

Nowadays owing to the added rush and traffic in the vicinity, you can order your food sitting in your car. They have people to attend to the needs of those who are in a hurry and want a quick bite. Mostly it is because of the lack of parking and the long wait.

I finally make up my mind to go forward. I will take the other route when I return.

It feels really weird to be alone. Suddenly the city feels huge. I look all around me. The silence and the emptiness paints a surreal picture. It plays with my mind. From where I stand, the metropolitan church seems like a titan. The stadium, an arena. Like the Colosseum. The trees seem mysterious and devious. The road is a highway to hell.

I really want you to understand what it is like being me right here right now. I don't know if I am doing a good job at it. I am trying. Maybe you will come across this anecdote long after I am gone. Maybe you won’t. I will take the chance. I will take an effort to put into writing all that I am witnessing and how I respond to it, on how it is affecting me, I will not be able to express it as clearly as I want. It surely has had a profound effect on me, for it has turned my life upside down. From normal to abnormal. Yes, that is the word. Abnormal. I am a sort of anomaly in this abnormal world. As I strive to make heads or tails of it, I hope to stumble upon another anomaly.