I am in a better state of mind. I want it to continue. I don’t know what gets into me but I find myself getting up from the study table and walking away from it with purpose. I reach the charging point and check my phone. It is full. I take it out. I take her phone and charger and plug them in. I take out the torch and switch it on. It is charged and bright. I go to our bedroom, pick up the tee lying on the bed and wear it. I approach the sofa and pick up the trousers that I had worn the entire day. It is not dirty or sweaty. I give it a quick smell check. No malodor. I get into them. I take my phone and the torch from the table and walk towards the door. I take the scooter key from the coffee table and shove it into the pocket along with my phone. I am going for a small night excursion—just a night walk. I take the scooter key in case I need to use it.
I get out of the house and lock the door behind me. There is no need for locking it but still. Another force of habit. An essential one that I don't want to change. It is pitch black. My eyes take time to adjust to it. I can figure out shapes in the darkness soon enough. I have kept the tube light on in the hall. I don't want my house to look all dark and gloomy when I return from my walk. I won't be gone for long. Maybe an hour. I want to go through my surroundings in the darkness, and see if I can find out anything of interest from it although the possibility of it is very less. I press the calling bell of the opposite house. It doesn’t ring. The calling bell isn’t connected to the inverter.
I switch on the torch. Its beam penetrates the darkness sharply. I can see the stairs and the surroundings. I switch it off. I know the stairs. I have been using them for quite some time. I use the handrail as a guide and descend at a steady pace. I don't want to overdo it. I can switch on the torch and go, but I don't want to. I realize I need to get used to the darkness if things are to remain the same.
I exit the stairs and it's final landing onto solid ground. In total darkness, everything feels a bit weird. The owner has secured the premises with several CCTV cameras. One of them sits right in front of the entrance. It usually has a ring of red led lights with a faint glow which aids in capturing video in darkness. I don't see it. It seems they don't have any backup power. I guess it isn’t as effective as it seems.
I switch on my torch towards the gate. The light reflects off two round things, with a slight color change from the top of the wall. A cat sits on top of it. It jumps off towards the other side of the wall when the light gets switched off. It lands with a soft thud following which silence prevails.
I walk towards the gate. Up in the sky, the stars are in plenty. They are one of the things that I have come to appreciate in the darkness. Their faint glow and numbers are truly a spectacle to behold. In my workplace, I go out into a secluded dark corner during my night shifts and stare out into the sky. Orion is the easiest constellation seen in the night sky. The three stars forming the belt of the hunter are brighter than anything in the vicinity. During sunsets I see Venus or Mars - I can't say for sure which is which. I see it lit up brightly on the western horizon as the sun sets.
The eerie silence has taken a different form after sunset. There is the constant chirping of crickets at regular intervals. Then there is a slight ruffling of the grass nearby. It must be the cat. All the nocturnal beings have come alive. They are surely gonna revel in this long-lost darkness. They might take time to get used to it which shouldn’t be much, as they were made to live in such circumstances.
I exit the gate. Before I turn left and leave towards the main road of our street, I turn to my right and switch on my torch. It lights up the huge mango tree and a couple of coconut trees on the property after the downhill portion of the road. I shine the light on the nearby houses. I get no response from any one of them. They remain dark and empty.
I start walking towards the road. I still have my torch lit. I shine it on the road ahead just to get a view of it. I know it by heart but still. Something moves in the small grass cover right next to the road. I shine my light on it. The grass lits up with a bluish hue. The movement has stopped. It must have been a rat. I shine the light along the length of the road, throwing light on the grass cover that has grown on its fringes. It seems to have grown up. I have never paid any attention to it. I feel as if it has grown more than it had previously. It can also be that my mind is playing a trick on me. It is dark and I am alone which is the perfect condition for fear to set in. I shrug it off and switch off the light. I continue my walk.
There is a small intersection along this section of our by-lane. Another lane starts off perpendicular to this one. There are few houses along that lane. I have never taken it. I take the right turn to it. I switch on my light now. This lane is not familiar and so I need some assistance. I can see that the lane doesn’t extend too much. The lane disappears into a turn. I wonder how far it goes. I shine the light on the houses on either side of the lane. They are all well-built. Judging by their sizes and construction they belong to upper-middle-class families. At the start of the lane, the house numbers are written on the wall of the first house along it. I have seen it as I drive past it. I think there are less than ten homes. I am not sure. I turn back and shine the light on the end of the wall. I see the range written on it. There are eight homes.
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I hear dogs howling in the distance as I walk through this new lane. It is completely dark, silent, and still, a state that isn’t conducive to exploring a new area. As I approach the turning, the house in front of the bend has a small light blinking on its entrance. I move closer to the gate and shine my light on it to get a better view of it. In shades of orange and red, the small light burns in front of a framed painting of Jesus praying on top of the garden of Gethsemane. In the darkness, the flickering light creates an atmosphere of reverence and hope. I join my hands and pray for his guidance and deliverance from this test.
It reminds me of how my mother used to always pray for me before I left for writing an exam or sit for an interview. She would hold me close, face the picture of Jesus hanging on the wall and pray for the best outcome. Initially, when I was small I interpreted the prayer as getting a positive result in whatever I was attending. Later on, I realized that it wasn’t praying for a positive result, but rather a result that would be best for me. This meant even if I got an unfavorable result, it was the best that had to happen. Mother believed if one didn’t happen, another would. What we think we want in life may not be what we actually need in life. And there is a big difference between them. I have realized this and appreciate it. In a way, you are coming to terms with your fate and accepting it for what it is all the while believing all that happens, happens for a reason. You are obviously washing away your hands from taking responsibility for your life. I guess this is allowed from time to time. The balance lies in knowing the cards dealt to you aren’t in your hands but to make the most of it is surely yours.
I continue through the turn. The road ends in a few meters. A house sits at the end of it. It has a good amount of frontage which has been widely used to make a garden. I shine my torch on it. From what I see, it has been maintained meticulously. A lot of effort has gone into it. A costly car sits in the parking bay. I switch off my torch. Darkness reigns over me instantly. There is no trace of movement in it or anywhere in this lane. I turn around and go back the way I came. Enough exploration for a night. I am going to stick on the road I know.
I exit our by-lane and enter the street. The streetlights are all out. I can make out the broad road in front of me without much difficulty. My eyes have adjusted to the darkness. There are a couple of vehicles that are parked on the right side of the road close to the wall. One of them is a small goods carrier. I don't know if it belongs to the people who stay at the property having the wall. It is no ordinary wall. It is huge and high. I have seen the house from the gate. It is huge. The gate is motorized. I had seen it open once. Some millionaire for sure. Their outhouse lies close to the wall, bordering on the edge that ends in our lane.
Adjacent to them is another huge house. I think it has two or three floors. Once when I was walking with Anna on a fine evening, I happened to look at the house. My gaze had fallen on the topmost level of it. It has an open roof. Through it, I could see the night sky. It felt eerie because of the absence of any kind of lighting. I pointed it to her. She too felt the same eeriness. Today the effect seems to have compounded. It looks like a haunted mansion.
I see some movement up ahead. I light my torch. A couple of dogs look back at me. I see their eyes sparkle in the light. One of them starts with a low bark. The other follows it. I stop in my tracks. I stay still and switch off my light. The barking ends in a small growl. I wait for a few more seconds. In the darkness I see their silhouette cross the road and enter another lane. I flash my torch in that direction. They have gone in. I switch it off and walk ahead.
When I am away at work, if she has a night shift or feels like she will be late to come back home, she would take the car. One of the reasons is these dogs. Once when I was coming back with her in our scooter following some shopping that got delayed, these dogs barked at her and gave a small chase halfway along this street. I don't know if the dogs would have chased us all the way. It was well past nine. From then on it was decided to avoid scooters after dark. In regards to safety, I don't think there is much of an issue. But our house is nearly one and a half kilometers inside from the main road. Although it is an old and reputed colony and populated by the well-off strata of the society, one can’t say for sure.
I want to believe the people living here are good. There will be security for everyone alike. But the times aren’t as such. One has to be ever vigilant and be completely responsible for their safety and security. I wish society hadn’t come to such a situation. Without trust in it, how can it function properly? The last two decades have seen us be more social in a virtual space. In the physical realm, we hardly know even our neighbors. Therefore there is no surprise for the lack of trust. It is something that is earned through physical interactions. People have to meet and greet for it to grow and flourish. They have to come together to help one another in times of need. For that, we have to open up and open our doors to our neighbors. If the phenomenon can be reversed with some change in it, I want something of this sort to happen. I want the world to be done with all the hatred, jealousy, and selfishness and to be more cooperative, respectful, and mindful of our fellow humans. We need to come together as a unit to reach our true potential.