Having got my hands on a medium of communication, I feel a bit elated. The elation dies away quickly. Common folk will not be having a walkie-talkie with them. They might have a radio at home, or on their phones. I don't think the frequency in which the signal is being transmitted by these walkie-talkies is available to the public. It must be specifically allowed to the police force so that they can go about communicating with themselves without having to worry about it being accessible by any third party.

Similarly, she wouldn’t be having a walkie-talkie. Without a means of communication, I really don't know what she is going through right now. I firmly believe that she is somewhere. She has not disappeared just like that. She is somewhere alive, maybe bound to something or unable to make a move. But she is alive. And I need to find her.

My mind is a playground of thoughts. A lot of them are vying for attention. Most of them put forward the fact that she is gone as she is nowhere to be found. There are many versions to it. I see a version with alien abduction. There is this version in which magic has brought a change in the space-time continuum, like the one Dr. Strange does in the latest Spiderman movie. I try to dismiss all of these.

There are some versions that portray her being alive and well. One of them says she has survived whatever has happened here and has gone looking out for me. If that is the case then why would she not take her mobile? Even if there isn’t any network, you will never ditch your primary mode of communication any day. You will take it just like I did in the hope that the network comes back and you are able to communicate. Another one says she is trapped somewhere when all of this happened and is not able to find a way out. This would take into account her not taking the phone. But it seems silly. I can't think of a place in the hospital where she can be trapped. It is a place that has become familiar to her from the time she has been working here. With the kind of assignment she has, there is no need for her to go into some kind of dingy space. The only place which could be a bit unsafe would be the room that houses the radiation machine, which is regulated by the people who operate and maintain it. Also, it becomes functional only after their crew comes, after eight in the morning.

If she is alive, and that is what I firmly believe in, she would be worried sick. She would also be trying her best to find a way to get to me. I am sure of this. She is strong and independent enough to find her way through whatever is thrown at her.

Looking at the situation and my premises and taking into account the basic facts that I have come across from the time I have left home, it is evident that she has disappeared. The absence of a single human being till now makes it hard to comprehend what has happened. A place that is supposed to be active throughout the day, swarming with people, is empty and motionless. Apart from the dogs and cats, the birds and crows, I have not seen another living thing. It seems as if all human life has vanished from the face of the earth. I can’t be sure of it. I can only attest to the areas I have been to. I don't know if this is a localized phenomenon. It can be that some odd thing happened here in which I somehow became the sole survivor. Maybe if I drive to one of the corners of the city, I might find someone. Or if I exit the city and go out, I can find someone there.

I want to call my parents and see if they are okay. But the lack of network stops me from doing it. I don't know what I will say to them when I get in touch. How will I tell them that Anna has disappeared into thin air? How will I tell them what has happened here? Will it even make sense to them? It might be a normal morning for them. Maybe their networks might be working. Maybe all is good elsewhere. I don't know what to think. I feel a headache creeping in.

I cycle through the various channels in the receiver on the jeep. With every turn of the knob, the crackle of the static rings through. It is the only sound I hear. I revert back to the station it was set in and wait for a few more minutes. With this, I think I can only communicate with the police force. Or anyone who has somehow got their hands on a similar walkie-talkie. I know this isn’t a great piece of a communication device. But it is better than nothing.

I take the bottle of water lying on the gearbox and drink it. I am clearly stressed out. I try taking deep breaths. It helps me to calm down a bit. But the moment I finish it, I am back to where I was.

I get out of the police jeep. The sun is shining hard. A breeze floats in. Birds go about with their usual business. A cat jumps up onto the wall. It stares at me for a while before settling on it. For a split second, I forget that I am on the premises of a police station. It is one place that we all would like to avoid. If we ever had to go in, we would pray that it would end with nothing out of the ordinary. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought of doing all the things I just did here. The world has surely changed from the time I woke up. I am having a difficult time making heads or tails out of it. I walk towards my scooter, open her bag, and put the walkie-talkie and charger into it. I close it and sit. I check the phones once again. There is no improvement.

It feels very much like a hartal day. An extreme version of it. During hartals, there will still be some movement of people and vehicles, especially here in the medical college area. Ambulances will ply. So will cars coming in with emergency cases.

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It is well past nine. I start the scooter and ride back to her department. I want to check it out once again.

I reach the parking lot. The gate is still closed. The parking lot is as it was. There are no changes of any sort. I park the scooter, open the bag and take out the walkie-talkie. It was kept on, in full volume. I send across another message:

‘Hello, helllooooo. If anybody can hear me, then know this. I will be waiting at Ulloor junction at ten am. If you can respond then please respond. I can come to wherever you are. I have a scooter with me. Please don't panic.’

I really don't know why I added the last sentence. What was I trying to convey through it? I am in a panicked state myself. I don't know what to do. And here I am, trying to calm someone else down. I think I am going through cyclical periods of fear, panic, and calmness with very little time for the last one.

I never admit it when I become stressed. It somehow shows in my face and actions. She picks them very well. Whenever I am stressed, she calms me down. She talks to me and manages to take the sting out of the situation creating the stress.

I have to take a decision about going in and checking out her department once again or not. There is ample time left to reach Ulloor junction. I decide to go in. I run through the sidewalk, enter the casualty, take the stairs, and jog across the corridor. I open the door and enter the department. There is no sign of her. I walk and push open the door to the inner room. She is not here. It is just the way it was. There are no changes whatsoever.

I come out and walk back. The enthusiasm I had while coming in has gone. I just cannot accept the fact that she is gone. Just like all the other people in the hospital or on the road. The only thing that remains of her here is her mobile and backpack. Her purse and identity card should be inside it.

I look at the empty ward on my right. It should have affected me. It doesn't. I stare at the emptiness and walk on. An empty ward in a hospital signifies a lack of patients, which is a good sign. But that is seldom the case. If ever a situation like this has to happen then there is something very wrong going on. As humans, we are meant to suffer in every possible way. Our health will deteriorate over time. We will run shelter skelter to get our health back. We will visit doctors and get admitted to hospitals if the need arises. We will do anything to be in the best of our health. Till the day death comes for us.

I am afraid of death. It scares me. I have mentioned this earlier also, I know. I am not afraid of dying of old age, and I think I am okay with that. It is the idea of dying without a moment's notice that scares me. I feel I have a lot of things to do before I can die. I don't know what they are but there are things to be done before I can welcome death with both hands. After getting married, I have given it more thought. It has made me fear it more. We talk about our mortality from time to time. Something or the other leads one of us to question the other as to what will happen if the other person dies. I believe there is a lot of time for it. Death will come to us in our late seventies after we have lived our lives to the fullest and have made them meaningful. Then when death comes I would like it to take us both together. I know it sounds very cheesy. Like the story, we read in our school curriculum - Philemon and Baucis. I loved the story at that young age. She says she is happy to live till her sixties. I ask her why not take it to the seventies. She says thinking of living till the sixties gives her a headache in itself and so she doesn’t want to think beyond that. She wants to see our grandchildren and pass away. I taunt her by asking what if our children don't get married by then, or if they get married and decide to not have kids. She dismisses these scenarios and gives me the look. I don't say a word thereafter.

What if death comes to one of us early? Honestly, I don't want to think of it. I can’t think of a world without her. As I have said, my world happily revolves around her. My actions and long-term goals are primed for us and our life together. I really don't want to find myself in a situation that is contradictory to this, in a scenario devoid of her.

I dismiss this by saying nothing will happen to us. She persists. I say if something happens to one of us, then the other will mourn. They will cry out loud and express their utmost displeasure to God or whoever it is that took away the only person that mattered to them. This will last for a long time after which things will cool down. Then they will get on with their lives and go on living with the loss in their hearts. She shrugs this aside and says that if she were to die I will have to move on. I can’t do it. She agrees that it will be hard but I will be able to do it. I should move on, find someone and get on with life. I express the fact that I won’t find anyone like her ever and that I don't want anyone else. She says it's all a feeling, there is nothing time can heal and all that generic shit. I say I will agree to this if the same thing applies to her too. She hesitates to reply. That says it all. I laugh out loud. She asks me what is there to laugh. I shake my head and look at her. She avoids my eye contact and throws the topic away. We get back to doing whatever it was before we stepped on this topic. There are tears in her eyes. My eyes are moist too. Telltale signs of our love for each other.

But I am an overthinker. She doesn't know this but I have given it a lot of thought. I have created scenarios in my head and played them out. In all of them, I find myself not able to digest the fact that she has passed away. I find myself unable to move on even if I try to. She stays within me forever. I see her in the wake of my life in the smallest of all moments. Her presence lingers. I realize that I don't want to escape it. I am happy to be imprisoned by it forever. It gave me a perspective of how widows carry on with their lives with the memory of their beloved ones. I don't know if that is true love. I just know that the bond they shared was so deep, that even death can’t sever it.

She is not dead. My Anna is not dead. She has just disappeared, like everyone else. I just need to find out how that has happened and reverse it. That’s it. Find it and reverse it. Everything will be back to normal. Maybe when I reverse it is the moment I come out of this wicked dream, back to the real world and back to my wife. It is time to focus and work.