Vol.2 Chap.34 Looking for closure

After the clinic staff left, May-Ling turned to Doctor Wu and asked if she could see the body. She really needed to see Haw-Ting’s body for proper closure.

“Yes, I know you would want to see the body. So, we packed his body with ice at the hospital.”

“Thank you, Doctor Wu. Can we go there now?”

“Of course. Let me hail a taxi.”

She said little during the taxi ride, though deep within, she was fighting depression, disappointment, and despair. Her feelings had left her for quite some time already. She had no more feelings. Dutifully, she was just going around taking care of what had to be done.

The first thing was to see Haw-Ting’s body for proper closure and then to take care of the funeral arrangements. Then she must make the difficult decision regarding the clinic and her own future.

The world around her that she knew so well had again collapsed on her.

Along the way, they rarely spoke to one another. At the hospital, Doctor Wu led the way inside. She followed silently with her head down, keenly aware that the hospital staff all knew about the incident, but they thought it best to leave her alone for the time being. She was thankful for their sensitivity in this matter. They walked down a long corridor and descended several stairs to the basement.

As they turned to go to the morgue, she saw the word ‘Morgue,’ with an arrow. That word cut deep into her heart. She felt light-headed for a minute and involuntarily hung on to Doctor Wu.

He turned to her.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes.”

“Would you like to sit down for a minute?”

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“No, thank you. I am fine now.”

He turned to open the door, then held her arm and let her through. The attendant saw them coming in and immediately stood up from his post.

“Doctor Wu, Doctor Chen.”

He nodded.

“We come to see Doctor Tsai’s body.”

“Yes, doctors, right this way, please.”

The attendant led them to another room where there was a makeshift box in the middle. After opening the door for them, he quietly followed them in and reverently closed the door behind him. They walked to the box and the attendant gently lifted the cover of the box. There, packed in bags of ice, was Haw-Ting’s lifeless body.

When she looked in the box, her knees wobbled, and she felt dizzy. Doctor Wu quickly moved next to her and held on to her as she steadied herself with her hand on the box. There in the box was her beloved friend, companion, and husband, one that had befriended her, one that had protected her, one that had taken care of her for so many years. Yet now, in a split second, he was taken away from her.

She reached out to touch that face that she had adored and loved and kissed. Now, it was cold. The warmth had disappeared. Instinctively, she withdrew her hand. She knew that, though had not expected that.

“May I have a few minutes alone with Haw-Ting?”

“Of course, we will wait outside.”

Doctor Wu and the attendant left the room quietly and discreetly.

With both hands on the box, she steadied herself on the box and gazed for a long time at Haw-Ting’s face, one that she had cherished and loved, one that had spoken encouragement and comfort to her, one that had suffered without complaint with her, one that had kissed her, and one that had been such a source of inspiration to her. She ran her hands down his face and remembered the face well, that face that she adored, admired, and loved.

She grasped his hands, the hands that held hers, the hands that helped her, and the hands that supported her for so many years. For a long time, she stood there. She wanted to say something, but she did not know what to say. Words had failed her.

Finally, she spoke.

“Haw-Ting, I thank you for all these years that you have given me. I am so sorry that I have left you all alone to go to the United States, even though I have made some new friends there. You know that the whole time, my heart is back at the clinic and thinking about you and our future family. Haw-Ting, you were right all alone. We should have started our family a long time ago. I was wrong to delay you and deprive you of your children and your parents of grandchildren. You have been such a wonderful companion these past years. I will never forget you. …I will never forget you, Haw-Ting…Never…never… never…”

Her face was covered with tears.

“…I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know what to do with the clinic. I don’t know what to do next. Please guide me so that I can make the right decision. But I know things would never, never be the same without you. I miss you, Haw-Ting...I miss you…”

Again, tears came streaming down.

“…I missed you…”

These last few words were barely audible.