Chapter Twenty - Warpath

“There are few things more terrifying than a Samurai on a warpath.

These things include showing symptoms of whatever plague is currently in vogue, noticing a mushroom cloud in your vicinity, and seeing more than one Samurai on a warpath.

It’s real easy to die out there these days.

So remember. Wash your hands, don’t live in an impoverished neighbourhood, always shut the fuck up, and you’ll get to live a long, and... pleasant life.”

--Jeremy Rotter, lifecoach. 2044

***

Lucy and I navigated over to the kitchen as I explained things to her. “So, the mercs that got Katallina were real, uh, discreet right?”

“Yup,” Lucy agreed.

“So Lag and Dial-Up, who are real weirdos, but they’re alright sorts. Anyway, they tracked them down. Or at least figured out which group they’re from based on the software they used. I probably wouldn’t have been able to track them myself. Now I know who they are, more or less, and where to go knocking to find them.”

“So, you’re going to go knocking at the door of a really dangerous, very competent group of mercenaries, all on your own?”

“That’s the plan?” I tried.

Lucy smiled at me. It was a very dangerous smile. “You know, I do like you alive, right? You’re nice and soft. You make for a good bed warmer. I would be very disappointed if you ran off to fight some mercs and got dead because you lack common sense.”

I rolled my eyes. “Alright, yeah. I get it,” I said as I sat down. “Is there anything to eat?”

Lucy moved over to the fridge and popped it open. “There’re leftovers, if you want something fast. Or we could order something?”

“Leftovers are fine,” I said. “Probably better than anything from the orphanage.”

“Aww, you don’t miss the sugar and corn-syrup with the occasional bit of protein juice pressed into... some weird shapes?” Lucy asked. “Ohh, with that yellow cheese stuff!”

“Don’t diss the yellow cheese stuff,” I said.

“Well, this one has real cheese,” Lucy said as she pulled a plate out of the fridge. I only caught sight of something beige before she shoved it in the microwave and set it on. I flinched with every beep.

Why were microwaves so damned loud? New ears aside.

“So,” Lucy said as she leaned against the counter. “What are you going to do about the mercs?”

“I could call the police on them?” I tried.

We both giggled.

“No, but really, I’ll ping Deus Ex. Maybe she’ll get off her lazy little ass and will give me a hand. Maybe I can ask my nun friend too.”

“Marie?”

I blinked, then recalled the nun the kittens had escaped the museum from what felt like ages ago. “No, not her. Gomorrah.”

“Oh, the flame-thrower nun,” Lucy said.

“Yeah. She’s pretty cool. I bet lots of fire would work on some mercs.” I could imagine the scene already. And the smell.

“Doesn’t sound very nun-like.” Lucy said. The microwave beeped and she pushed off the counter, then hissed a moment later as she touched the too-hot plate. A moment later she placed it before me, the corners pinched between some paper towels. There were two forks on the plate, next to some sort of pasta things filled with cheese and some green stuff.

There was a slab of meat too, covered in spices and big grains of pinkish salt, and next to that a puddle of some sauce that had suffered a bit in the microwave.

“I can’t tell what half of this is,” I said.

“It’s all delicious is what it is,” Lucy said. “The meat’s actual meat. Like, from a cow or a pig or something.”

I shrugged and sliced a piece off the steak, dipped it in the sauce, and tucked in. “Holy shit,” I said while breathing hard to cool my mouth down.

Lucy took a nibble too. “I know right. I’m going to get so fat living here.”

“Nice and plump,” I said.

She bumped her shoulder against mine. “Try the cheese thing. It’s real cheese too, I think.”

“I could get used to this,” I said.

Lucy nodded. “We’ll be real fancy folk soon. Hey, do Samurai go to school?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Could ask Deus Ex, but something tells me she doesn’t do school all that well.” I scratched the side of my nose with my metallic hand. “Why’re you asking? Planning to get me enrolled in some sort of boarding school?”

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“Ohh, one of those fancy ones filled with repressed girls that you can awaken with your masculine charms?” Lucy asked.

I bumped my shoulder against hers. “Weirdo,” I said.

She shook her head. “I was actually thinking about the kittens. They’ll need to go to school or something one day, you know? I think there’s an education centre in the hotel. You know, for fancy folk to offload their brats for the afternoon.”

“Good luck selling them on the idea,” I said.

“You could help. Threaten them a bit to soften them up. Then I can come in and ask really nicely, and offer sweets or something,” she said.

I glared. “You’re too damned devious, you know that,” I said.It was very much like Lucy to pull that kind of thing on the kittens. Or on me. But she was always enjoyably apologetic when I caught her trying to pull a fast one.

“So, Gomorrah,” Lucy said. “Should I be worried? Flamethrower nuns sound pretty awesome.”

“She is kinda hot,” I admitted.

Lucy snorted. “That was awful.”

I nodded and poked my fork into some sort of teeny tiny potato. “Hey, Myalis? Can you call Gomorrah or is that off-limits too?”

Dumbass clicked over, then jumped onto the far end of the table. The little robot shifted before depositing itself down. “I can call her, if you wish. Do you want it to be out loud?”

I waved her on. “Sure.”

The robot spun around and soon the kitchen filled with the tri-tone beeping of a phone going off. Something clicked and a familiar voice came out from Dumbass. “Stray Cat?”

“Oh, they actually call you that?” Lucy whispered.

“You’re not Stray Cat,” Gomorrah said.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah, yeah, it’s me. Well, no, that was Lucy, but I’m here. Anyway, yeah, how’re you doing?”

“Smooth,” Lucy muttered.

“I’m well,” Gomorrah said. “Is this a courtesy call or something?”

“I don’t actually know what that is,” I said. “Nah, I’m calling you to know if you’d be willing to help me bust some mercs later? They kidnapped this Samurai kid. So I’m going to be paying them the fun sort of visit.” I gestured to dumbass the first. “Myalis, can you send her the stuff.”

“Sending the... stuff now,” Myalis said.

“Give me a minute,” Gomorrah said. I hummed something agreeable sounding and cut my meat up with the side of my fork. I was pretty sure that meat wasn’t meant to be that tender. I wondered what it tasted like when it was fresher. “Ah, that’s no good,” Gomorrah said.

“I know, right,” I said. I wiggled my fork through the air. “You want in? I’d go in alone, but my girlfriend would get all worried and annoying about me handling things on my own.”

“We’re pretty much done in the incursion zone,” Gomorrah said. “The only parts left are right around the centre of the hive, and that’s being cared for by some higher tier samurai. I suppose I have the time.... That I’ll make the time to save a sister.”

“That’s great,” I said. “Wanna meet up... uh, where are you, and Myalis, where’re the mercs?”

“If you’re looking for a place to meet Vanguard Gomorrah, then this hotel is more or less between her and your objective,” Myalis said.

“That works for me,” I said.

“Likewise. I’ll see you in about half an hour. I’ll send Myalis a ping when I get there,” Gomorrah said. “See you later Stray Cat. And good day Lucy.”

“Bye!” Lucy called out.

Dumbass shifted a little. “Call over. Shall I requisition a car?”

“Wait until Gomorrah arrives. She might have a car already.” And squeezing into a clown car on my own was fine, but it would be a bit embarrassing with someone else. I sighed. “I guess that means I need to keep moving,” I said.

Lucy patted my thigh. “It’s alright. Just be safe, okay?”

“Yeah, no worries,” I said. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

Lucy grinned. “I hope you won’t be so tired that you’ll just fall asleep this time?”

I flushed. “I’ll be sure not to,” I said.

***