Chapter Forty-Seven - Feline Fringe

"I know it was very hard for you not to accept those bribes. That was very big of you, and I'm proud. Here, you can have this.

"Yes, it is a gold star! Good job!"

--Grasshopper, to the CEO of GeneriCorp, 2056

***

I trudged home about three hours after dark, stinking of shit and probably sweat, and far more exhausted than I should have been.

I was on vacation, for fuck's sake.

Groaning, I kicked off my boots by the entrance. I'd bully one of the kittens into rinsing them off later. Then another one to do it again, but right that time. My coat went onto a rack by the entrance (when had Lucy gotten that?) and then I slipped further into my place on socked feet. I only started to suspect that something was weird when I was nearing the living room.

It was quiet.

My place was many things, but quiet wasn't one of them. The kittens had sleep schedules scattered all around the clock at random, and none of them were discreet or quiet for a single day in their lives.

I tugged my Trenchmaker out from its holster. "Myalis, should I be worried?" I asked.

No. At least, not to the extent that you need to be armed.

I lowered the gun, then slid it away as I entered the living room.

Everyone was here, and sitting on the floor.

The couches had been pushed back so that the centre of the room was cleared out. Cushions were piled onto the floor. I had no idea where they'd come from, because they didn't look like anything we had.

The kittens were laid out across the room, with... paper notepads in hand or on their laps, and pencils. Old-school graphite pencils, with the yellow sides and little pink eraser on the top, like something out of a museum.

"Cat!" Lucy said. She waved from a spot on the far end of the room, then she patted the edge of the cushion she was on. "There's room for you here."

"Hello, Stray Catherine," said the only person who could have orchestrated this.

Grasshopper was at the front of the room, a proper blackboard behind her. She was dressed in a summer dress, deep blue, with crooked stars across it. She was waving with her two right hands while her left was on her hip, and her other left arm was writing on the board behind her. What jumped to me more than the extra arms were her glasses. A pair of thick things, like the bottoms of old glass bottles, but cut so that they had hundreds of tiny facets that were filled with reflections of her glowing eyes.

"Uh, hey Grasshopper," I said. "What's all this?"

"We're learning about statistics," Grasshopper said. She clapped her lower hands together. I squinted. I couldn't tell which pair were her original arms. "You should join us!"

"I think I'm good," I said.

"Statistics are exceptionally useful to know," she said. "They might be nothing but lies, but they're lies that approximate truth. For example, everyone, what's the statistical likelihood that Catherine has done her homework?"

Every hand raised, even Lucy's.

"Hey," I said.

"Miss, what's the statistical likelihood that Cat's the one that brought in that fart smell?" Junior asked.

"I was saving the city," I snapped.

Grasshopper clapped her hands. She smiled, but it was so serene and nice that I really couldn't tell if she was mocking me or not. "That's good. I'm very proud of you. Even during your time off, you're trying to help people, and I'm sure you're making a difference."

I felt my cheeks warming up and I glanced away. I couldn't meet her weird bug eyes, not when she was praising me like that.

I glanced over at Lucy, and she was looking at me like she had ideas, which really wasn't better. "Yeah well, whatever. I'm gonna go take a shower and get changed. You guys have fun."

"Miss Hopper, do you mind if I go help her?" Lucy asked.

"Of course, Lucy." Grasshopper said.

I slipped into our bedroom, with Lucy coming up behind me. "Did you want help picking out something to wear?" she asked. "You can jump in the shower, if you want, I'll find something."

"That'd be nice," I said. "It'd be nicer if you joined me yourself."

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

Lucy came closer? "Oh?" she asked before climbing onto the tip of her toes to give me a kiss. "Maybe later."

"Later?" I asked.

"Grasshopper's here," she said. "And you really do smell like fart. It's not exactly a turn on. Go on, hero, get yourself cleaned up, then you can complain to me about your day."

I grumbled, but she had a point. I really did smell like fart. I cast off my gear, peeled out of my skinsuit, then jumped in the shower. Just for good measure, I tossed my gear into the corner and used the telescoping showerhead to wash it down.

Lucy came in with some fresh clothes which she set to one side of the sink, then she jumped onto the other. I wondered if she just planned on watching and was thinking of putting on a show when I got a call on my augs.

From Lucy.

"Yes?" I answered.

"Hey," Lucy said. "Did you want to talk?"

"I... I can literally hear you out of the shower," I said.

"Yeah, but I can't. The water's too loud. You're the one with the good ears. Also, don't forget to wash the back of your knees."

I shook my head and continued my very unfun shower. "So, when did Grasshopper arrive?"

"Just before lunch. She brought food. Well, no, she brought ingredients, then made the food. It was weird, to be honest. Tasty though, that chick knows how to cook. Too bad she's into men."

"Really?" I asked.

"Mhm. Only took her like, half an hour, and she made this stir-fry with real chicken and everything," Lucy said.

I started to rub some shampoo into my hair, a handful, because I didn't need any stink lingering. I still hadn't recoloured my bang. I'd have to look into that soon, the colour was fading. "Sounds like I missed out," I said as I dug my nails into my scalp. "Today turned into a long day."

"Sewer stuff?" Lucy asked.

"Yeah. I didn't even get to the clinic stuff. That'll have to wait for tomorrow."

"Oh! I got ahead of you there. At least until Grasshopper arrived. I invited See-Three and some of her friends to check the floor below out. They were properly spooked when they learned they'd be squished between two samurai's homes."

"Did they come?" I asked.

Lucy shrugged. "They said they'd be here tomorrow. Also, I think once she thought about it, then got used to the idea. It's not a bad spot to be in."

"Do you think the clinic will need the whole floor?"

"Weren't they going to just use a little storefront?" Lucy asked. "If that was enough, then I don't see why they'd need that much more room. Maybe some more, but not a whole floor."

I agreed. And it would be so much easier and cheaper to only have to fix up one corner of the floor below for the prosthetics clinic. The rest of the space... meh. It could stay empty for now. We'd figure out something to do with it later. "Think we could fit more shops downstairs?"

"What, like a merch store?" Lucy asked.

"No, not that," I said as I rinsed off. I gestured after shutting the water, and Lucy grabbed a towel and tossed it into the shower so I could dry off while still warm.

"I think I could use some space for Kitten stuff," Lucy said.

It took me a split second to catch on to what she meant. Kittens as in the group we'd left in Burlington. Which... we'd kind of left in the hands of a sex android and some dozen volunteers. It had worked out well enough at the time. "You want to make something of that?"

"You know, I always dreamed of running my own gang," Lucy said. "This is basically the same idea, isn't it?"

"If you're going to make it a whole gang, you'll need a better name than Kittens," I said. I pinched a corner of the towel and used it to wipe out the inside of my cat ears. Water always got caught in there.

"The Killer Kittens?" Lucy tried.

I laughed. "Still too cute."

"Well, whatever. There aren't any rules against having a cute gang."

"I feel like there might be," I said. "Like, unspoken rules, but still rules."

"You try then," Lucy goaded.

"Hmm, the Cat-astrophes?"

Lucy threw my underwear at my face. "Veto!" she said. "Now get dressed, because Grasshopper has to dress you down for not doing your homework!"

***