Chapter Forty-One - Operation Moon Boom

"So, from today onwards, the European Union will no longer be called the European Union. The word Union has been tainted by the leftists and those who would steal from the deserving and give to the worker. From now on, the EU will be the European Corporation, a corporation of national entities working to improve the lives of the deserving!"

--EC Political Speech, 2041

***

"Yeah," I said to fill the immediately awkward silence.

Susan--and it was kind of weird that there was a middle-aged dude called Susan--shifted slightly. I had the impression that he was sitting on his knees, which... alright. He was in a very fancy office, but the background also looked kind of ancient? Wooden walls and those rice-paper screens that Asian supercorps liked to decorate with.

Doctor Radikal, meanwhile, looked like he was stuffed in a lab that was about fifty square metres too small for all the junk he was trying to stuff into it. I couldn't name a tenth of the equipment behind him, but it all looked like the sort of shit you'd find in a lab.

"So, uh, before we waste each other's time," I began. "Has the Keiretsu and the... Nacht....watcher...networks...."

"Nachtwächternetzwerk," Radikal corrected quickly.

"Right, thanks," I said. "Have you guys been in contact with each other already? Because I'm worried that we're going to be double-teamed over here."

"We have only been in contact recently," Susan said. "As of yesterday, in fact, but this is one of our first official meetings to discuss how we all intend to move forwards."

I nodded slowly. "So there's no pre-existing agreement or something like that in place?"

"Only an agreement to discuss things here and now," Radikal said. "Which is why our discovery of your project was so fortuitous."

"How did you find out anyway?" I asked. "It's not like we were trying to be obvious about it. Actually, it's the opposite, we're trying to be discreet here."

Radikial shrugged his shoulders. "One of our netwerk's samurai is an information gathering specialist. She let us know about the project and we researched it further. Likewise for the Keiretsu, though they were not nearly so secretive."

"We have no intention to be subtle," Susan said. "The fatefaith of humanity and Earth is on the line. This is not a time for secrecy."

"Oh, I don't know, there's a certain value in discretion," Radikal said. "But in any case, yes, I'm glad we're all here to discuss things."

"Yeah, cool," I said. "So, we want to address the elephant?"

"The elephant?" Susan asked. His eyes glowed for a moment, then he nodded sagely. "Ah, yes, a western idiom, I see. Yes, we should address the elephant."

I shifted in my camp seat. It wasn't the most comfortable thing I'd sat on. "So, all three of us have ways to fuck up Phobos. I'm assuming some of these will interfere with the rest of us, and while I'm not point-hungry, I bet some people are and nabbing Phobos means a fuckload of points."

"That's a good point," Radikal said. "As things are, the project that would strike Phobos first is our own. It's also the most likely to cause interference. Then the Keiretsu's drones would be in strike range next, followed by your own project."

"If our goal is to save Earth, is there any reason we should change that?" I asked. It would suck if we spent all these thousands of points on the Big Gun only for it to go to waste, but at least we'd all be alive enough to earn more points later.

The doctor shifted slightly, then nodded. "Let's first go over our individual projects so that we might all be on the same page, yes?"

"That's fair," I said. "Wanna go first?"

"Certainly! The Nachtwächternetzwerk has created an in-orbit device we're calling the Weltraumgewittermeister Teslakollisionsgenerator."

"That's... the what?"

"Ah, yes, forgive me. The... Space Storm Master Tesla Collision Generator? I believe that translation is accurate," he said with a nod. "It's a large orbital device that we've installed and which is moving to Earth's second Lagrange point as we speak. It should be arriving there within the hour, in fact."

"And what's this thing do?" I asked.

"The device is capable of creating a charge in distant objects," he said.

"Like... an electrical charge?" I asked. Were they gonna taze the moon or something?

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

"Exactly! The idea is simple. Introduce strong magnetic force through the Phobos object, thereby forcing it to rip itself apart. We can then induce more charges in the remains, causing them to crash back into each other. It'll also allow us to keep or disperse the materials that make up Phobos."

Susan hummed. "Our solution is not so elegant, though it is quite simple," he said before reaching below the camera and pulling up... a small steaming cup of tea. "We have sent up several large factory ships into orbit with two Ronin of the Keiretsu. They are supplying the ships with more materials. As we speak, a small force of drones has been launched from Earth's orbit and are forming into a flight already on its way to Phobos."

"What kind of drone?" I asked.

"The first wave are kamikaze. Remotely operated explosive drones who will pepper the surface of the moon and clear it of alien life and clip Phobos' wings. The next waves are equipped with powerful chemical lasers to heat the moon's surface and cause the moon to deviate from its path."

"Clever," I said.

"And what of your Big Gun Project?" Doctor Radikal asked, if only to be polite. "What is your plan?"

"We're building a big gun, and we're gonna shoot it."

Susan gave me a look as if I ought to have been embarrassed from the lack of sophistication in our plan, but I didn't care for that.

"It's a little more complex. We have portal tech. We're shooting into a portal on Earth, and the bullet's coming out of a portal in space. So we're skipping the whole... get to space bit with our bullet."

"Oh, that's ingenious. I've noticed that your gun is quite large," Radikal said.

"About a kilometre of railgun," I said.

Susan actually seemed a little impressed now, nodding before he took another careful sip of his tea. "That is, in fact, a large gun," he admitted. "What is your intended payload?"

"We have a lot of choices there," I said. "Personally, I wanna see what monofilament bombs could do to Phobos. Grasshopper has also sold me on the idea of Casaba Howitzers? Honestly, the thought of those kinda makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

"Understandable," Doctor Radikal said, and for a moment I think we shared a bit of mutual enthusiasm for big things that went kaboom. "In light of what we do have... I suspect that our project here will be the one to cause the most interference. Perhaps less with the Big Gun project, as the Weltraum-Gewittermeister Tesla-Kollisionsgenerator will not interfere so much with a rapidly moving projectile, but our electromagnetic interference might very well destroy the Keiretsu drones."

"That won't matter if your project blows up Phobos before the drones get there, right?" I asked.

"Perhaps! We certainly intend to try. The difficulty lies in the enemy response."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Susan was the one to reply. "The adversary will not allow us to strike them with impunity. They will adapt. That is what they do."

"Can the antithesis adapt to resist being crushed by a giant space magnet?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I understood how the Weltra...whatevermeister worked, but I figured I had the gist of it.

"Would you have expected them to be able to move a moon across the solar system a week ago?" Susan asked.

"Fair point," I said. "So... what, we want to try a bunch of shit until something works?"

"Exactly!" Doctor Radikal said. "If we're to defeat the enemy, we either need a powerful alpha-strike, or to hit them with a large number of different attacks before they can adapt. The Keiretsu drone program allows for the construction of more drones with varied weapon emplacements, the Big Gun project allows for a variety of projectiles to be launched at the Antithesis. Combined with our own powerful attack, we will definitely succeed in destroying Phobos and saving Earth!"

I grinned. The doc's enthusiasm was infectious. "Alright, I'm down for that. I don't think anyone here will be too upset if Phobos blows up before we get a chance to smack it. Is it the same on your end, Susan?"

Susan nodded solemnly. "It is our sacred duty to protect. This allows all of us to contribute based on our merits and capabilities. I will address the other members of the Keiretsu, I suspect that we will all be glad to participate."

"Cool," I said. "So... keep in touch?"

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